Poll: Passive-Aggressive Peacemaking or Abrasive Honesty?

[Wonkavision]

I don't think you should stop, because then you're just letting passive-aggressive people get to you.

You can look at it this way: the point of your poll was to learn who to avoid because they prefer to be passive aggressive.

Yeah, I'll create threads if I really feel like it, but for now, I'm just tired.

It's giving me a headache.

 

[Wonkavision]

But no one attacked you initially. People asked for clarification of your OP and it seems to me like you were the first person to take it there.

It seems to me that you misinterpreted iwakar's and lostinnerspace's posts and then you got offended. This is what I'm saying when you seem unreasonably sensitive and then extend claws when there was no basic understanding.

OK --well that's just not true.

The posts are in chronological order, and they speak for themselves.

So, I really have nothing more to say to you about this.

 

[Lexicon]

I voted on the wrong one, by mistake.

So, which annoys me most?
Passive-agressive peacemaking.
Try to clearly state what you think, feel, want or expect from a situation, and what brought you to each of those conclusions. Open yourself up to questions and suggestion. Ask questions before reacting. And don't take things so personally; odds are high that's an incredibly shortsighted perspective in terms of actual resolution.

Problem-solving becomes so beautifully simple.. I fucking promise, kids.

 

[laintpe]

i appreciate the asses of society

 

[iwakar]

Please vote on the above poll, and feel free to comment as well.

Poll options provided by OP:

Passive-Aggressive Peacemaking
Abrasive Honesty
I'm a fucking nitwit, so this poll is too vague for me/ I don't like either one

No, that wouldn't make you a nitwit---just a sensotard.

Nitwits refuse to answer simple questions because they think everything is one big analytical jerk-off session.

Well, at least you admit it.

The other bastards claim they are just trying to understand.

What a crock of shit that is most of the time.

Uh-oh.....

You're approaching dangerous levels of nitwititude. LOL.

But, fair enough---it sounds like a reasonable answer.

You set an inflammatory tone and I believe (ironically) a passive aggressive tone with these initial posts. I assumed you wouldn't lob labels you weren't able to catch.

For what it's worth, I apologize if you felt attacked by my commentary. It was not my intention. I think the tone of the poll and consequent posts is the only issue at hand. I doubt anyone found anything truly objectionable about the question itself if you're still hoping for legitimate feedback.

The posts are in chronological order, and they speak for themselves.

So, I really have nothing more to say to you about this.

On this, we agree. But I hope you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Productive discussion can still take place if that's really what you want. I sincerely hope you reconsider your efforts after a cool-off. If it helps, I'll similarly edit my post with your Jeffster quote to clear the table and start fresh.

If you took the trouble to return and read this, thank you.

 

[Jae Rae]

I will say that when people get abrasive, or really direct, that it is important they don't confuse their own opinions with the "Truth".

Important point.

Thanks for the book recommendation. Another good one is Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man - in spite of the title, it's useful for dealing with anyone, not just men or those with whom you live: bosses, relatives, etc.

 

[Kasper]

Passive aggressiveness generally bothers me the most, with the exception of unwarranted, unneeded hostility, at least the former is easy to ignore.

Attacking people, not the argument, with snark or defensive aggression and very little humour is pretty effen annoying and immature.

 

[Lexicon]

Passive aggressiveness generally bothers me the most, with the exception of unwarranted, unneeded hostility, at least the former is easy to ignore.

Attacking people, not the argument, with snark or defensive aggression and very little humour is pretty effen annoying and immature.

I'd definitely agree with this, though I can also find explosive hostility more tolerable/easier to manage/quicker to resolve than the passive-agressive behavior..

I'd rather disarm one huge bomb than tiptoe through an endless minefield.

 

[Kasper]

I can also find explosive hostility more tolerable/easier to manage/quicker to resolve than the passive-agressive behavior..

I agree it's quicker to resolve, there's no questions over misunderstanding nor is there often much sympathy from others for their behaviour, plus of course direct bluntness can be met with more direct bluntness when confronting.

Confront someone who is being passive aggressive and they'll respond with emotion in an attempt to manipulate and some people respond to that by interfering and trying to rescue them in order to resolve the 'misunderstandings' which drags things out.

The former is also more likely to agree that they are being argumentative, the later is generally convinced it's everyone else who's causing problems and they are the one being righteous.

 

[Nonsensical]

I see Passive Aggressiveness as being incredibly selfish, self centered, unproductive, and annoying.

 

[Morpeko]

I'm a nitwit, but I definitely hate the passive-aggressive peacemaking. If it's passive-aggressive in any way or form, then it's definitely not peacemaking. Of course, abrasive honesty can be annoying too, but it seems like a more effective way to solve problems instead of pushing them aside with some underlying bitterness.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I misunderstood the question. Yeah, I hate passive-agressive peacemaking more. What is the use of "pretending" to get along?

 

[Red Memories]

I hate any form of passive aggression. Either tell me off or shut the fuck up. Yeah I might cry for a minute but I'm gonna get way worse with you if you sit around dancing around the issue and trying to bring it into things it has nothing to do with.

 

[Lexicon]

I'd rather disarm one huge bomb than tiptoe through an endless minefield.

24 year-old Me, I still agree with you.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I'm a fucking nitwit.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I like bluntness and directness but I don't think of those as being the same as "abrasive honesty".

 

[Lexicon]

I like bluntness and directness but I don't think of those as being the same as "abrasive honesty".

Yeah, basically this. Communication is a skill. I try to go for diplomatic directness in my communications, but if I have to choose one or the other with how other people approach me, I’ll take blunt honesty over anything else. If you can communicate directly and respectfully— that’s obviously a plus.

 

[FemMecha]

I answered this years ago and still feel similarly. I care a lot about authenticity, but both direct and indirect forms of communication can be distorted and dishonest. I get why the passive aggressive peacemaking is unappealing, and earlier I mentioned how it is a way for people to express hostility but not take responsibility for doing that. I also get tired of people declaring their subjective truth as THE TRUTH. Direct aggression isn't necessarily honest and I've seen plenty of "abrasive honesty" that is complete bullshit. The media and politics is full of it. It can be every bit as manipulative and twisted as passive aggression. I only care about motives and not communication style, so have changed a little in that part of my perspective over the years.

 

[Mole]

Instead of passive aggressive peacemaking and abrasive honesty we have assertiveness, click Jordan Peterson - Assertiveness Training | How To Be Assertive (Great Advice) - YouTube.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]