I don't think he'd initiate a romance without you pretty much asking for it. We don't like to assume things, so even if you gave him subtle hints that's what you wanted, he probably still wouldn't do it. Now if -he- wanted something from you, he probably would search for data from you. Ask you weird questions, try to spend more time with you, etc., etc.
Basically, I don't -think- he's trying to be more than just friends. Believe it or not, I'm very loving and affectionate with friends I value, especially if I know they're struggling. I freely use "I love you" with my guy friends (I try with my girl friends.. but it's weird.) Physical affection from us does not equal romantic. However, I will only use physical affection with my CLOSEST, most VALUED friends.
He obviously holds your friendship highly. He just wants you to feel loved by him. I know it can be confusing, but if you want to know, just come out and ask... just e-mail him or something. He won't bullshit around.
Then again.... maybe a guy ISTP has a totally different view on this.
This was essentially my thinking after reading Coeur's initial post. I'm not surprised I'm agreeing with you yet again Steph
So you've known this guy for two years now. Personally, that's a reasonable amount of time required for me to get close to someone, especially someone I consider only as a friend.
I don't have any close friendships with women, but I can say that I would likely be physically affectionate towards them if I perceived them as the type who would appreciate it, without perceiving it to be something it wasn't. My guy friends don't want any physical affection because that's just not manly.
As I'm maturing, I'm becoming more open to my friends and family, not necessarily saying since it's difficult to find the words, but doing things to let them know I care and value them. They know I'm very reserved and private, but I don't want them to perceive me as cold and disconnected because that's not me at all, so I'm slowly finding my ways to give love.
Your friend told you he loved you, and expressed how special and rare that was for him to say it. I would completely agree this is the same for me, especially with close platonic friendships. It would be much easier for me to tell a close friend I loved them, than it would be to tell a woman, whom I was
in love with , that I loved her because I feel much more vulnerable in that situation.
There are many possibilities in this situation. Since I am not part of it and don't have all the details, I will not say with certainty that any is correct.
It's entirely possible that he has romantic interest in you, and has taken his sweet time expressing it, but has finally found some guts. I think this is unlikely if he's anything like me though. Even if I have feelings for someone, I need LOTS of cues from them that they feel the same way before I make myself vulnerable expressing those. So I will likely not be the one to make the first move like you may perceive him to be doing here. He also has a girlfriend, and I while I can't speak for him, I just don't play like that.
What I think is more likely is that his new girlfriend has softened him up a lot. Expressing love to her has maybe opened him up to realizing all the other people in his life who he values. If he's comfortable in his relationship, personally I wouldn't see any reason why he wouldn't be comfortable being physically affectionate to his friends that he knows would respond well to it.
I would say just enjoy it for what it is. If you aren't sure what it is and what it means, and you really must know, there are a few ways to go about it. Ask him about his relationship in a friendly way. If he talks openly about it, especially about how happy he is with her, chances are good that he's not after a romantic relationship with you. If he's vague and avoids the conversation, it could be the other way. If you absolutely have to know, and perceive these things to be mixed signals, ask him directly. He will understand and probably appreciate you clearing up the confusion.
Yeah. Because I love the affection. I got nothing for 2 years, and so the difference is wonderful.
My bet is that he can tell you're a sweetheart and appreciates those little things, and that he's secure with his relationship so he's comfortable doing those things for you.
But really only you two know for certain and only time will tell.