[NT] Female NTs and Men: What do you need in a relationship?

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

We want what every other girl wants. We just dont act like it.

 

[Thursday]

We want what every other girl wants. We just dont act like it.

But in a different way. I think it is the way blue had said about women in europe vs usa

"women in europe talk like men, but act like ladies"

 

[tinkerbell]

If you want a child, have a baby...not a bf.

RESPECT!

 

[ceecee]

The same things most women want. Intelligence, self-confidence (even slight arrogance in some areas), sexually adventurous, dependable, understanding, flexible, ambitious, loving, respectful and a sense of humor.

 

[miss fortune]

Someone I can chase forever and who won't bore me in a week!

Good conversation is a must

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

 

[Ulaes]

everyone keeps saying they want some as equally or more intelligent than they so i have come to the conclusion that i have issues. i like an intellectual conversation in which i learn but i cannot be the dumb one in the relationship. yeah, yeah, inferiority complex thanks to my _ntj father, the bastard. i pushed away a potential intp suiter because he was smarter than me.

oh but to answer the question, i like secure guys, i can smell weasle from a mile away. also its imperative that theyre not emotionally manipulative so that rules out SFJs (no matter how mature they are)

 

[Salomé]

^ Doesn't mean you have issues and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Somebody's gotta love the nice-but-dims of the world.

I'll take integrity over intelligence everytime.

 

[Vildechaya]

He MUST be
Able and willing to support me financially. I don't like to work.

Doesn't expect me to cook, clean, or anything really.

Does not have a posse of friends that I am supposed to impress.

Is rather submissive to my whims. And my lazyness.

He must not act resentful for feeling used- I am honest about what I want from a relationship and he must be strong enough to deal with it.

I would like a reasonably intelligent open-minded guy with a sweet personality.

Likes me or Loves me alot.

Washes his hands.

Is either Jewish, agnostic, or athiest. No preachers!

 

[entropie]

Someone I can chase forever and who won't bore me in a week!

Good conversation is a must

If conversation is substitutable by sex, you can gimme a call

 

[Erudur]

He MUST be
Able and willing to support me financially. I don't like to work.

Doesn't expect me to cook, clean, or anything really.

Does not have a posse of friends that I am supposed to impress.

Is rather submissive to my whims. And my lazyness.

He must not act resentful for feeling used- I am honest about what I want from a relationship and he must be strong enough to deal with it.

I would like a reasonably intelligent open-minded guy with a sweet personality.

Likes me or Loves me alot.

Washes his hands.

Is either Jewish, agnostic, or athiest. No preachers!

The highlighted characteristic is pretty much mutually exclusive to all the rest.

These are the descriptions of a death trap.

 

[Erudur]

Thanks for the warm welcome... I know it's a sort of awkward topic for a guy to just jump into. I'm sorry to argue, but I'm glad to be able to at least argue with someone who knows what I'm talking about! Usually I have to explain all the Socionics stuff and that distracts from the argument itself.

I kind of understand what you're saying... but really until I've seen the whole picture and conclusively decided against it, there's no way in heck that I'm going to take such a defeatist attitude towards the theory. It seems more likely to me that you are an ISTP than an INTP if you get along better with ENFJ than ESFJ. (Sorry if this sounds arrogant.)

My observation is that most people with strong Ne or Ni will find it hard to make a soulmate connection with one who has very little. This particular contention of socionics seems extremely flawed to me.

 

[Vildechaya]

The highlighted characteristic is pretty much mutually exclusive to all the rest.

These are the descriptions of a death trap.

A death trap? are you sure you aren't an INFJ?
My BF of almost 5 years is an INTJ- and we are fairly compatable. He needs a lot of space just like I do, when we see each other he likes to please me. When we annoy each other one of us goes home.
I was honest with him about my selfishness up front.
The last girlfriend he had was very giving, hard working, and adoring. This turned him off.He wouldn't touch her. She got very depressed and gained a lot of weight and eventually left him after 10 years because he does not want to marry anyone. EVER. HE TOLD HER THAT FROM DAY ONE. He was single for 3 years untill he met me because he could not trust that another woman wouldn't try to ruin his life again. Many women and men have ulterior motives and are not honest about their intentions.
I would hand someone a list of my demands before the first date, if I ever met someone else! I would not waste either of our time on some "mating dance of mystery" Life is too short to play games like that.
And on the lighter side..you must not have read my list very well. Because how is the line that you highlighted mutually exclusive to "must wash his hands" or "Jewish,agnostic,or athiest "no preachers"! ?
My list may seem scary to you. But to some guys it is refreshing to know that a sneaky woman isn't going to try to change them.
In any case it is fun to communicate and exchange ideas so thank you for responding to my post!

 

[MacGuffin]

He MUST be
Able and willing to support me financially. I don't like to work.

Doesn't expect me to cook, clean, or anything really.

Does not have a posse of friends that I am supposed to impress.

Is rather submissive to my whims. And my lazyness.

He must not act resentful for feeling used- I am honest about what I want from a relationship and he must be strong enough to deal with it.

I would like a reasonably intelligent open-minded guy with a sweet personality.

Likes me or Loves me alot.

Washes his hands.

Is either Jewish, agnostic, or athiest. No preachers!

I demand you change your last letter!

 

[Vildechaya]

I demand you change your last letter!

Why? are you a preacher?

 

[MacGuffin]

Why? are you a preacher?

Yes. The Way of the Pness.

 

[Kasper]

Female NTs and Men: What do you need in a relationship? Space, intellect, wit, space, emotional maturity, space, respect, depth of character, a desire to really know me and ability to reveal themselves and space.

 

[Salomé]

He MUST be
Able and willing to support me financially. I don't like to work.

Doesn't expect me to cook, clean, or anything really.

Does not have a posse of friends that I am supposed to impress.

Is rather submissive to my whims. And my lazyness.

He must not act resentful for feeling used- I am honest about what I want from a relationship and he must be strong enough to deal with it.

I would like a reasonably intelligent open-minded guy with a sweet personality.

Likes me or Loves me alot.

Washes his hands.

Is either Jewish, agnostic, or athiest. No preachers!

Do you want fries with that?

Female NTs and Men: What do you need in a relationship? Space, intellect, wit, space, emotional maturity, space, respect, depth of character, a desire to really know me and ability to reveal themselves and space.

Have you considered dating an astronaut?


I need space too. Lucky for me, most men are more than willing to give me all the space I need.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Thanks to everyone who responded!

I have compiled the information given here, as well as the info that Jennifer linked about INTP women, and from the thread called "INTJ Female Role Call" started by Usehername. Here are 5 requirements that seem consistent for all NT females, which I think are different from the requirements of females of other temperaments:

(1) Intelligence: Under no circumstances will a female NT be happy in a long term relationship with someone who is less intelligent than she is. Female NT need someone who can teach them new things, discuss interesting topics, and learn new things with them.
(2) Independence: A female NT needs a partner who is emotionally independent. A female NT can not be with a partner who is needy, frequently depressed, or otherwise not in control of his emotions. He also must be confident and not feel threatened by the female NT’s intelligence.
(3) Responsibility: This is true of other types of women as well, but female NTs are turned off by someone who can not take care of himself, pay his bills on time, be on time for work, etc. For a female NT this relates back to being independent.
(4) Understanding: Many men do not understand female NTs and will attempt to woo them with traditional gifts and gestures like flowers, candy, a romantic date, or a love letter. Many female NTs get slightly nauseated at the thought of these cliché gifts, and want their partner to understand this preference without judgment. (NT females are more likely to respond to something personal or educational, like a book, tickets to an interesting event, or a trip.)
(5) Similar Interests: Female NTs are looking for a partner in crime, not an emotional support system or (necessarily) a stable family structure. Therefore they look for a mate who is interested in doing the things they want to do, like participate in sports or other hobbies, go on trips, learn about a certain topic, etc.

I agree with this. I would add that 1, 2 and 3 are all very similar and at the core of it for me in that without those things I cannot respect someone, and respect is high, high, high on the list. I have never fallen for someone that I didn't utterly respect and admire first... and it took a long time to get to that point of respect and admiration in the first place.

The rough part is when you start to LOSE respect for the person. I was head over heels for someone a while back and dated him off and on for years... it seemed we were compatible, we had a weird intensity between us that I haven't had with anyone in a while... (Damn ENFJ's!) but he'd done and said things over the years that slowly eroded my respect and faith in what kind of person he was until it came down to a near contempt. I tried and tried to learn to respect him more after some of these things, but I couldn't ever do it, which sucked. I actually wanted it to work out.

 

[MacGuffin]

(3) Responsibility: This is true of other types of women as well, but female NTJs are turned off by someone who can not take care of himself, pay his bills on time, be on time for work, etc. For a female NT this relates back to being independent.

Fixed.