[MBTI General] Jeff's Spiritual Journal

[Jeffster]

My mom got me the book Prayer and Temperament for Christmas. It's about the different ways that the four temperaments approach spirituality and prayer, and they give the name of a saint to represent each group, Ignatius for SJ, Augustine for NF, Thomas Aquinas for NT, and Francis of Assisi for SP.

I've caught a contradiction in the book, as in the general chapter on the Franciscan (SP) temperament, it says the following:

"Paper and pencil work is apt to be deadly and counter-productive for the SP, so a spiritual journal is not to be recommended."

But later on, in the specific section on "The Prayer of the ISFP type", it says this:

"ISFPs must keep their mind and heart open to any new inspirations of the Holy Spirit. Using a daily spiritual journal to communicate with God is an excellent method to maintain this intimate contact with God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus."

So, do the authors actually want ISFPs to kill ourselves? Since we've been instructed to do what they say is deadly to SPs?

Or are they pointing out that ISFPs are in ourselves a contradiction of some of the SP traits? We are the moral watchdogs of the hedonistic SP army?

Could it just be a mistake?

OR, maybe, is it that they are testing my literal sensorifficness? The first quote refers to "paper and pencil work" but it doesn't say anything about typewriters or computers. Or audio recordings. Maybe it's a challenge to compose a journal in a different way than paper and pencil.

So, I've decided to take up that challenge. I've kept meaning to start, but like most things I've procrastinated. I think keeping Morgan home from school sick for two days may have been the granting of the opportunity to finally start it.

"The Sensing-Perceiving person dislikes formal prayer and prefers a free-flowing, informal communing with God."

Yeah. Expect lots of that if you read on. And I'm not going to correct my frequent spelling mistakes like I usually do either, so it might be hard to read sometimes. But I decided to do it here and not just offline on my computer, in case anyone might get something out of it. Maybe my conversations with God might inspire someone else to open or re-open a dialogue with Him. It's worth a try, I think. I'll begin with the next post.

 

[Jeffster]

Friday, January 23, 2009

Yo, God. What's up? Yeah, I'm sitting here after a day where I did pretty much nothing, and feeling a little sluggish. Morgan had a 99.5 temp this morning, not that bad but still a fever, so I kept him home again. Should be homefree, feelin good because i'm skippin work again, but stupid me once again feels tied down. Like I cxan't go anywhere because my amazing son is the ball and chain making me stay home. What would I be doiung if i didn't have a son? what a useless wquestion. I thkink this is why the hypotheticals piss me off so much, HERE IS REALITY. there is no "what if" because that's not real. When I talk to you, it's usually simple, and kinda pathetic. Lord, watch over Morgan and my mom, and my brothers, and all the people, and help me make better choices,m wiser choices, stay strong. But isnt that kinda bullshit when you think about it? I mean, you already know the needs of everyonbe. Why do I need to remind you? What is my actuasl purpose in writing to you? Is it just the contact? maintaining a dialogue? I wrote a few years ago that I finally understood what "pray without ceasing" means. And the prayer and tempermanet book helped remind me of that, when it talked abotu "works" beign prayer for SPs. We act in love ands communicate with God by our actions. But, I still need to talk to you because there is no one else that is completely open. Not evern me, as much as i may claim it, there is still doors i can keep shut. I am capable of meeting all the challenges tou have set before me. If i complain or whine about it being hard, I am denying the reality that you have created.

I have been more content with myuself than ever before the last 7 months or so. Discovering all this about personality types and tempearments has opened up my mind quite a bit, but also made my glaring patterns of error all the more noticeable to me. I find myself asking you why you created us this way. Again. I've asked that many times before but not in the context of groups, but just people in general. You know growing up that letting go was never easy for me. I felt held back by something, forcing me to think twice before acting, and that it was a fight with myself. But wjen I had those moments of really, relly just letting go and enjoying the moment it was always the most glorious of all, and as I matured I found a lot more of those moments, and it was both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes both even in the same actions. Letting myuself go completely with Dawn resulted in bad relationship choiuces, but it also produced Morgan, who is the most amazing person you've ever created. And I know he is going to do great things. If he makes up his mind and heart to serve you, he will accomplish your will a thousand times over from what i've done. He doesn't seem to feel held back the same way I have.

So now i'm crying and my nose is running, and i don't know what else to say for now so i'm gonna werap this up. But I'm going to really try to keep up with this. To stop making the excuse that I don't have time to talk to you when I obviously do. I've had time to talk for hours to people online, so how crappy that i have days where I make you an afterthought. Those little prayers of thanks I say, I mean them, and when I'm pissed at you, you know I dont hold back that either. I feel like we talk more openly than some people do maybe. But I dunno. Thanks for listening as always. Your pal and your servant. And your fly in the ointment. Amen.

Jeff.

 

[Jeffster]

Oh by the way, to anyone reading this, if you ever want to reply, feel free. Don't feel like you;re interrupting me. When I'm typing the actual prayer entries, I am completely in the moment flowing, but the thread itself doesn't have to be an uninterrupted stream of my babbling. In fact, it might start to get depressing if it was. So if you have anything to say about any of my entries, don't hesitate to speak up. Even if it's just to say that you're reading.

 

[Totenkindly]

I'm reading.

Thank you for letting us into your heart.
I've known you for a long while here on the forums but I don't really "know" you... and seeing your heart here helps me know you better.

I remember feeling amazed too when exploring my feelings about my children. They were never a chore to me, even when they were. I mean, they are inconvenient sometimes, and they definitely force us to change to accommodate their needs... but often that makes us better people in the process than we would have been otherwise, and it's eye-opening to be on the parent side of things. I realize how selfish I was before I had children, and how I continue to be selfish now sometimes... but my children challenge me and draw me out of myself.

It also gave me a much better perspective on how much God must love us... and about how he doesn't look at us in shame even when we screw things up. That helps me know how to look at myself and look at others, even when I've been disappointed or disagree with something that was done.

I hope you keep writing. even if it's bad for your spiritual health (rofl)

 

[Jeffster]

I'm reading.

Thank you for letting us into your heart.
I've known you for a long while here on the forums but I don't really "know" you... and seeing your heart here helps me know you better.


I hope you keep writing. even if it's bad for your spiritual health (rofl)

Thanks. And I like your Christine Dente sig quote too. I love Out of the Grey.

 

[iwakar]

Brave soul. Your openness awes and humbles me.

That we have different views on life is completely and perfectly irrelevant.

:HUG:

 

[Jeffster]

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I'm being unoriginal tonight and using someone else's words, since I'm so tired. But I think you're cool with us praying with someone else's word paintings, right Lord?

Here I am again
In this raging sea
On my knees again
Deep calls to deep
I feel I'm drowning
My arms are
Just too tired to swim
I feel like I'm sinking
On my knees again
In the roar of Your waterfall
In the storm of You
May You find me holding on
May You find me true

And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord

Here I am again
In need of you
Broken, Beaten
Needing You
In the roar of Your waterfall
In the wonderful storm of You
May You find me holding on
May You find me true

And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord

Wash me clean
Set me free
Hold me close
And cover me

And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord

And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord

And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord

And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord

Here I am
Here I am...

-- David Crowder

 

[Wild horses]

Jeff... why did I not see this blog before I think it's fabulous and as other have commented I think it's extremely brave! GO you!! and I will try and have enough of a concentration span to keep reading !

 

[Jeffster]

Jeff... why did I not see this blog before I think it's fabulous and as other have commented I think it's extremely brave! GO you!! and I will try and have enough of a concentration span to keep reading !

Thanks.

 

[Jeffster]

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Lord,

thank you for the amazing weekend. The time spent with Morgan, witnessing his uncontainable joy as we went out and had fun, and also shared time together at home. He is the most incredible gift I've ever been given, and I thank you so much again for placing him in my life. The challenges we have faced together have helped me grow as well as him. Please grant him the patience and the strength to face his choices with responsibility and consideration. I know tomorrow will bring its own challenges. Thank you for today.

And please help me wake up on time tomorrow, we need a good start tho this week, and both of us have to catch uyp on where we're behinb.

Amen.

Jeff

 

[Anja]

Hey, Jeffster! Just saw you here. Gratitude is the attitude!

 

[Jeffster]

Monday, February 2, 2009

Dear God,

Blah.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Thank you for Morgan and his goofiness at just the right moments.

Thank you for music,

Thank you for the times when I'm included.

Thank you for the thank yous.

Thank you for the moments when I'm confronted with my own selfishness.

Thank you for speaking to me in my head through an imaginary Mexican immigrant calling a radio talk show.

Thank you for hope, and the overwhelming unanswerable question which keeps me believing that it's worth it to try.

Amen.

Jeff.

 

[Totenkindly]

Thanks. And I like your Christine Dente sig quote too. I love Out of the Grey.

Yeah, she and Scott just rocked with their first album. I think I saw them in concert (with no band, just the guitar and Christine sing lead) in the mid/late 90's along with SCC.

I miss them not doing a lot of new stuff in recent years, unless I missed something.

Thank you for speaking to me in my head through an imaginary Mexican immigrant calling a radio talk show.

Love ya -- I can't imagine ANYONE else on this site ever posting any line like this in a prayer, ever. Refreshing.

The rest goes without saying.

 

[Jeffster]

Brave soul. Your openness awes and humbles me.

That we have different views on life is completely and perfectly irrelevant.

:HUG:

Jeff... why did I not see this blog before I think it's fabulous and as other have commented I think it's extremely brave! GO you!! and I will try and have enough of a concentration span to keep reading !

Thanks to both of you.

Yeah, she and Scott just rocked with their first album. I think I saw them in concert (with no band, just the guitar and Christine sing lead) in the mid/late 90's along with SCC.

I miss them not doing a lot of new stuff in recent years, unless I missed something.

Yeah, they made a lot of great music in the 90's. My favorite album would have to be (see inside), I have so many fond memories of listening to that one in the tape deck of my first car, driving all over the place on highways. It seemed to just go so well with the trips.

Love ya -- I can't imagine ANYONE else on this site ever posting any line like this in a prayer, ever. Refreshing.

I daydreamed about a dude from Mexico calling the Sean Hannity show to talk about how legal immigrants are the people most disgusted with illegal immigrants, and how he worked hard to learn English and get a job and not rely on handouts. I've heard calls like that before, so it wasn't like that idea came from out of the blue, but I realized that the message was for me, because I was doing too much complaining about being too overwhelmed with undone work and the situation being too hard. I needed to be reminded that sometimes it's supposed to be hard, and working through the hard times is much more rewarding than always being handed the easy way out.

The rest goes without saying.

It does? That's too bad because I dunno what the rest is!

 

[Jeffster]

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Lord, thank you for the blessings of this day. And for the opportunity to talk to and experience people that force me to consider stuff I might not have by myself. There's a contenetment with beign myself, but it also is so freeing to learn about other people too. And I appreciate the opportinities ypoui have presietnted to me,. now please help me wake up earlier tomorrow, we really gotta getr goifng sooner!\\

Amen.

Jeff

 

[Jeffster]

Sunday February 15, 2009

Thank you, Lord for helping me home safe.

Thank you for new discoveries and new opportunities.

And thank you for fellowship, entertainment, and laughter.

And winking at me through song.

Amen.

Jeff

 

[pure_sterling]

I just have to say that I have great admiration for you doing a thread like this! I keep a written prayer journal and would probably resort to physical violence to keep anyone from ever reading it, not because there's anything realy embarassing in it but because having someone stare into my soul like that would be so intimidating. I would love to get my hands on a copy of that book though.

 

[Jeffster]

Dear God,

Please turn off the noise.

thanks,

Jeffrey.

 

[Jeffster]

God -

Yo. What's up.

It's kinda hot in here. Thank you for the breeze.

Please be with your child, known here as INTJMom, as she goes through this huge transition in her life. Grant her the strength, the wisdom, the patience, and the support to continue to be the mother that she needs to be and to remember to take time for herself to feel through the stuff she needs to. She has been a supportive and encouraging ear for others, please make sure she has the same returned to her.

Please soften the hearts of those who would attack, mock, and belittle the people who put their faith and trust in You. Let them realize that Your way is not a hateful or destructive one, and those that do wicked deeds in Your name do not speak for You and will be told "I knew you not" when push comes to shove.

Help me to have the clarity of mind to make the right judgements, and the patience to withhold judgements where I need to. And thank you for putting people in my life who love and support me, as well as those that challenge me and push me to action or to considering new ways of thinking.

Amen and such and such,

Jeff.

 

[Jeffster]

Savior, please
Take my hand
I work so hard,
I live so fast.
This life begins,
and then it ends.
And I do the best that I can,
but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please
Help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

-- Josh Wilson