It took me quite a while to figure out that when I felt unsure of myself or frightened I'd put on a mask of hyper-independence and self-confidence. That looked like arrogance to others.
And underneath it was uncertainty!
It was a real problem for me at the time because I couldn't get my social needs filled to the extent that I desired looking like I really didn't care to belong.
I remember in my high school days, I was thought to be arrogant. Some guys would try to take it out on me in Phys Ed.
In some ways I was truly "snubbing" them, although not especially arrogant, in my definition of the word. I felt that, "if the price for being accepted in your group is having to laugh at the jokes of the alpha male, or focus mostly on sports ( or motorcycles etc. ) then I don't want to pay it." I didn't mean to say that I thought motorcycles or sports were stupid things to be interested in, in general, but just that I didn't rate most of it all that compelling for
me, personally. Perhaps they felt excluded from my "group of one" that looked cool/fun to be in.
I remember one guy ( the alpha male of his little group ) saying to the others at his table, "Look at Kuranes over there, trying to be so nonchalant", and saying it loudly enough that I might be likely to hear it. I really had been blithely walking along towards a book I was searching for, not thinking of them at all, until I heard that. After hearing it, I guess I
was "putting on an act." Prophecy that caused it's own projection to happen. I should have walked over right then and got into it with them all, but I didn't feel like it, and got my book and left. ( This group was unusual to the extent that they were all "college prep" focused, and actually knew the meaning of a word like "nonchalant", which was unheard of for most bullying cliques in my school histories. I might have even become friends with some of these guys if they had lived at all near me. )
In business, I've been told that the people who are hardest to initially reach, are often the easiest to close, because they know they are persuadable. I have no great stories to tell about facades that were illusory, though, in biz. Many of the people who seem gruff and stubborn on initial impression seem to be also that way when I look deeper, too. * shrug *