[MBTI General] This ENFP guy is driving me crazy!

[Lady_X]

Yay!! we helped! haha

 

[Amargith]

So sit back and enjoy the ride
There's nothing quite like the rush you are experiencing right now. You'd be mad not to enjoy it fully

 

[PinkIceTD]

As an ENFP guy, its really hard to tone down the intensity in relationships, or prospects for relationships, especially in early phases. I don't know how fast I should be moving emotionally. I can read how they react to what I say and do, but its hard to judge how much I should press my personality onto them.

From what you've said, he opens up to you just as much as he gets you to open up to him, which is a good thing. As long as I'm single, I do small flirting, little sexual references here and there to the girls I have any attraction or interest in at all, but when I'm actually interested in a girl I try to get to know her inner workings and craft a real bonding connection. The problem with this is that I'm so openly willing to make the attachment that I can only imagine it to be hard for someone less open to keep up.
And I can switch from intimate conversation mode to "hey lets go eat and socialize" jovial conversation mode on a whim, which must be confusing.

Yep this sounds like me.

You know, I love MBTI and all, but sometimes it's a little scary how IDENTICAL I am when it comes to almost every aspect of my life. I thought I was unique...

 

[Brendan]

Me = INFJ.

Him = ENFP.

I've spent some time with him. There've been romantic happenings, so there's no denial in attraction. And I'm on my toes with this guy. I can't get comfortable enough to feel confident (and I usually am) because I can tell he sees straight through me. It's like he knows me better than myself and I feel completely exposed, and I'm not sure if how it makes me feel is wrong or good. I'm extremely attracted to him and his intensity and confidence and it's a big change from guys in my past (usually I attract the guys that are as feminine as me or just as emotional). But I just can't get comfortable in my own skin around him. And I just can't tell how genuinely interested he is in me rather than a chase and capture or if it's even a power thing for him. He's very charming, very comedic, very confident and passionate in everything he does and I could so very easily be smitten. But something in my gut just can't get comfortable. Is this just because I've never met someone able to see past all my defenses? Or should I dig further and be careful?

When you find the answer, let me know... I'm in the same situation.

 

[The Chase]

Some insight from an ENFP male:

When I am strongly attracted to a woman... she will generally become the focus of my attention. There is a pretty predictable pattern that I go into.

First, I will find a way to spend a lot of time with you. I'll take you to as many different places as possible. I'll ask you as many different questions as I can think of. And I'll find a wide variety of activities to get you engaged. And while it may seem like I am doing everything randomly... almost everything is deliberate and planned (albeit planned on the fly). I'm constantly monitoring and developing new theories, putting together new patterns, and testing new ideas.

Now while this is all can seem rather intense... what I am really doing is getting to know you and figuring out what makes you tick. I want to see what makes you laugh, what makes you hopeful, what scares you, what your favorite things in life are, etc.

There is a secret though... if you reach that level of intimacy with me, you have already passed the prescreening process. I quickly sized you up and discovered something special about you that I want to understand and/or admire. And I care enough to take the time to learn all of your little quirks.

The other secret is when I am in this mode, I don't judge. I am so consumed by wanting to understand what makes you tick that very little phases me. If you told me that you spent 10 years with a heroin habit that you finally kicked, my immediate thought would be "that's amazing to know! I wonder how that effected her and shaped her into who she is now."

So do I see through you? Pretty close. Am I aware of what I am doing to you? Usually. Do I have super powers? Probably. But as an Idealist, I feel obligated to use my powers for good.

Let me know if there is anything else you are curious about.

 

[Hexis]

Yep this sounds like me.

You know, I love MBTI and all, but sometimes it's a little scary how IDENTICAL I am when it comes to almost every aspect of my life. I thought I was unique...

The dilemma of being an ENFP...

 

[Lady_X]

haha loved the response from the chase

 

[Amargith]

Reading Chases' response, I can understand poor Penelope's predicament. Who wouldn't be swept of their feet

 

[penelope]

Some insight from an ENFP male:

When I am strongly attracted to a woman... she will generally become the focus of my attention. There is a pretty predictable pattern that I go into.

First, I will find a way to spend a lot of time with you. I'll take you to as many different places as possible. I'll ask you as many different questions as I can think of. And I'll find a wide variety of activities to get you engaged. And while it may seem like I am doing everything randomly... almost everything is deliberate and planned (albeit planned on the fly). I'm constantly monitoring and developing new theories, putting together new patterns, and testing new ideas.

Now while this is all can seem rather intense... what I am really doing is getting to know you and figuring out what makes you tick. I want to see what makes you laugh, what makes you hopeful, what scares you, what your favorite things in life are, etc.

There is a secret though... if you reach that level of intimacy with me, you have already passed the prescreening process. I quickly sized you up and discovered something special about you that I want to understand and/or admire. And I care enough to take the time to learn all of your little quirks.

The other secret is when I am in this mode, I don't judge. I am so consumed by wanting to understand what makes you tick that very little phases me. If you told me that you spent 10 years with a heroin habit that you finally kicked, my immediate thought would be "that's amazing to know! I wonder how that effected her and shaped her into who she is now."

So do I see through you? Pretty close. Am I aware of what I am doing to you? Usually. Do I have super powers? Probably. But as an Idealist, I feel obligated to use my powers for good.

Let me know if there is anything else you are curious about.

Oh wow, thank you so much for that insight. It sounds pretty accurate to what I've experienced (and my suspicions to his "method"). Question, though, what causes and ENFP to become disinterested?

 

[Amargith]

Finding out that the person's personal vallues don't match yours (and I don't mean a little, but like significantly so), feeling that the other person isn't as into you as you're into them, pretending. Generally, as long as you can make us feel als fuzzy inside, we tend to stick around coz we like that feeling

 

[nomadic]

Some insight from an ENFP male:

When I am strongly attracted to a woman... she will generally become the focus of my attention. There is a pretty predictable pattern that I go into.

First, I will find a way to spend a lot of time with you. I'll take you to as many different places as possible. I'll ask you as many different questions as I can think of. And I'll find a wide variety of activities to get you engaged. And while it may seem like I am doing everything randomly... almost everything is deliberate and planned (albeit planned on the fly). I'm constantly monitoring and developing new theories, putting together new patterns, and testing new ideas.

Now while this is all can seem rather intense... what I am really doing is getting to know you and figuring out what makes you tick. I want to see what makes you laugh, what makes you hopeful, what scares you, what your favorite things in life are, etc.

There is a secret though... if you reach that level of intimacy with me, you have already passed the prescreening process. I quickly sized you up and discovered something special about you that I want to understand and/or admire. And I care enough to take the time to learn all of your little quirks.

The other secret is when I am in this mode, I don't judge. I am so consumed by wanting to understand what makes you tick that very little phases me. If you told me that you spent 10 years with a heroin habit that you finally kicked, my immediate thought would be "that's amazing to know! I wonder how that effected her and shaped her into who she is now."

So do I see through you? Pretty close. Am I aware of what I am doing to you? Usually. Do I have super powers? Probably. But as an Idealist, I feel obligated to use my powers for good.

Let me know if there is anything else you are curious about.

oh yeah man. great job of putting it into words. esp. the bolded part!

 

[BlueScreen]

Oh wow, thank you so much for that insight. It sounds pretty accurate to what I've experienced (and my suspicions to his "method"). Question, though, what causes and ENFP to become disinterested?

Seeming disinterested normally comes when it has gone on a while and seemed to go nowhere. Probably doesn't mean he is really disinterested, just dismissing the possibility because he has learnt certain signals between you tend to lead to nothing. One nice thing is that this can change pretty quickly; It will pretty much change in a second when he sees something that redefines it. So it isn't really something to fix or worry about.

And go for love and closeness . Like don't consider playing him and going for distance to make him want you more. To us playing him=playing him, and distance=distance. So send whatever signal you want him to receive. That doesn't mean don't flirt .

p.s. great post also chase!

 

[Jack Flak]

Question, though, what causes and ENFP to become disinterested?

More oft than not, the answer is "Time." Meaning that you may still be interesting to the ENFP, but eventually they become familiar enough with you that something else is more interesting than you are.

 

[BlueScreen]

More oft than not, the answer is "Time." Meaning that you may still be interesting to the ENFP, but eventually they become familiar enough with you that something else is more interesting than you are.

This is quite true. Things being too static and information underload (ie. no stimulus), can cause disinterest. If it looks like a dead end, he will be running, or at least wanting to on some level. We value connection and find interest in a pretty wide range of things though, so it doesn't mean he will leave you as soon as he knows you well enough.

Though I can say I was surprised there are long term members on this board who are ENFPs. Maybe the supply of information makes it endless entertainment which we don't get tired of.

 

[The Chase]

More oft than not, the answer is "Time." Meaning that you may still be interesting to the ENFP, but eventually they become familiar enough with you that something else is more interesting than you are.

I'm leaning towards half true here. There will be a certain point where I feel like I have a pretty good understanding about a person and one of two things will happen:

Usually I will be grateful for the experience (having felt that it added to my understanding of humanity/myself/the world... and then find some new job/hobby/person to explore. (Though I will usually check in once in a while just to see how things have progressed, so yes you are still interesting).

But when I'm lucky, I find someone who I deeply want in my life and will work hard to make it work. So when I go off exploring, they are the person I'm coming back home to report all of my experiences and new theories and some how encorporate those into our relationship. That is what's preferred.

My need to learn/explore/understand is only matched by my desire to synthesize/explain/show. You can keep an ENFP around for years just by asking what they saw and what they think it means and what should be done. Notice that I said *should be done*... Never ask us what we are actually going to do about it. We've already explored it, analyzed it and then talked about it. Doing something about it is for the Judgers.

 

[Lady_X]

^^^haha...yes! that's true

 

[Jack Flak]

I'm leaning towards half true here.

Well of course it's only half true when you ignore the exception granting statement "More oft than not." Oh, you ENFPs, and your fractions.

 

[Wild horses]

I agree with the fractional argument, LOLOL! I do think though that to stay interetsed in someone I have to decide to do so if you know what I mean? I also have to be given enough freedom to make that choice...

 

[The Chase]

Oh wow, thank you so much for that insight. It sounds pretty accurate to what I've experienced (and my suspicions to his "method"). Question, though, what causes and ENFP to become disinterested?

Expecting me to fix your problems or being too needy and clingy. Ironic, because ENFP's love to fix problems and save the day while also getting as close to someone as is emotionally/psychologically possible. Then the neediness sets in, I get emotionally exhausted and subconciously start looking for ANY excuse to be away. A mad lot of Dr. Frankenstein's we are.

Perhhaps that's why I my longest lasting relationships have been with ISTJ women. Never dated an INFJ (there are so few of them out there).

What happens when the irresistable force (ENFP) meets the immovable object (ISTJ)? Shagging and lots of it. Until we start arguing about whether it should be spontaneous or scheduled in advanced assuming all chores are complete. Oh, but that's a problem for another day.

 

[Cimarron]

What happens when the irresistable force (ENFP) meets the immovable object (ISTJ)? Shagging and lots of it. Until we start arguing about whether it should be spontaneous or scheduled in advanced assuming all chores are complete. Oh, but that's a problem for another day.

Hehe, that was classic, good line.

But just to rain on this parade, I went out with an ENFP once, and it didn't last that long. ("Once" doesn't sound like much, but I've only had a few girlfriends total, so she's a main part of them.) It was also frustrating at times, as you've kind of mentioned. Now, I also have an ENFP friend, and he's lots of fun to hang out with. We get along fine. It was probably just circumstances.

It's not supposed to be off-topic, just a kind of disclaimer to Chase's post.