Desperado said:
Its strange, I can walk into a room and the most vulnerable person in the room will somehow find me. This is especially true of women......and I tend to be VERY attracted to them....
Its unhealthy.....
With you being an extrovert, I can see how vulnerable/hurting women would be drawn to you.
Can't say with myself that I draw those types towards me - rather, in the past, I tended to be attracted to them...so it kinda all fell on me.
I agree it's an unhealthy pattern - in the sense that you cannot forge an actual loving, mutually fulfilling relationship when one of the parties is, well, unavailable. But I'll tell you why I was attracted to them: it's because when people are hurting like that, it's like you can connect deeply almost instantaneously. You're that much closer to the window of their soul, such as it is. More raw, more 'Real', in a sense. That's why I was attracted. However, it was somewhat deceptive, in that like czecze was saying, all of it was based on a more a platonic level -- because they weren't in a position to really give of themselves, you know? So it was more just a connection as human beings -- not relationship material, when it was all said and done. Easy in those beginning stages though to deceive yourself that the human/emotional connection is love, though. And perhaps on some level it was. But not in the longterm relationship sense.
The irony is once this dynamic is set up, it can (and usually?) totally backfires for you. The romantic partnership and connection can't really grow because you set up a pattern of basically supporting/making them feel good and this is your function. You're not so much an actual romantic partner. Basically the whole 'ego repair' thing Casc. mentions.
So you're giving and giving, thinking this person is really into you and wants to be with you, but really they just need something you offer and something that other people could offer. You just happen to be good timing or do it better.
Does that make sense?
Yep, totally. This has been my experience. And it's not like I wasn't into the relationship, or I should say, *potential* relationship, at the start. Because I was.
But I'd realize eventually that they weren't really into ME at all -- they liked how I made them feel. Could have been anyone else out there as well, who could have fulfilled the same role - so the fact that it was me in particular didn't matter a whole lot. They just needed someone like me, at that time. So, once I would realize that, I'd end the 'relationship'.
What further complicates it is that even when you don't love someone or aren't in love with them or even attracted to them, you can truly care about them or develop attachment or a sense of intimacy.
Yep.