[INFJ] You know you're an INFJ when...

[Dwigie]

So I was talking to a friend of mine (Metamorphosis) and we were talking about the motivations of INFJs.

Earlier I pointed out that I notice (at least in myself) selfish motives for helping people and the like. It seemed I was the odd one out.

lol, now I think part of that maybe some of us don't like to delve that far into ourselves to find something that could be perceived as negative, but I've never thought of it as necessarily negative, and after I talked to my friend I was even more sure of it.

From what we could gather, INFJs are motivated by values moreso than actually caring about the individual.

So hypothetically, when helping someone we have no emotional connection to, its not because we really care about their welfare as much as it is we want to make sure that we are upholding the values of helping someone. The person we're helping gets helped, and we get the personal satisfaction of knowing we upheld our own values.

So this is what I was saying about selfish motivations. I didn't mean it as a bad thing, and I don't think its wrong to feel good about yourself for upholding your values.

Can anyone identify with this?

+ 5
!!! I mean most of us don't think we're angels, it's probably for that reason too . I do like to help people, it makes me sad to see them sad, so in a way relieving them if possible relieves me too emotion-wise.
If I wasn't affected by them I don't think I'd lift a finger. You're completely right, concerning my case that is.

I remember having that dilemma last year and wondering :
Do my gestures of kindness come from "the heart" or are they simply "principles" I try to follow?
If they did I should feel good about helping all the people I have so far in my life but I don't." Of course it's not like we never have any emotional connection, sometimes it does "move" us and not just our "principles".
I concluded I was actually pretty "self-interested" in that way underneath it all...it kind of disappointed me at first but I got over it, Psht I'm not Jesus , I'm a human being. (But maybe that's just you being mature and honest with yourself?..wait how old are you?(Sometimes it feels wrong talking this way to someone over 30 )
That's why some descriptions making us seem like goodhearted angels are a bunch of bs., in my opinion.

 

[MrRandom]

- You have a natural connection with animals. You might occasionally feel that you more readily like animals than humans.

Or maybe it's just me...

 

[Dwigie]

- You have a natural connection with animals. You might occasionally feel that you more readily like animals than humans.

Or maybe it's just me...

...I think like an animal (But I attribute that to the enneagram 6 "selfpreserving" mentality) I love them, they hate me.

 

[ByMySword]

Of course it's not like we never have any emotional connection, sometimes it does "move" us and not just our "principles".

Of course we do sometimes. Especially with the people we care about, i.e. friends, family.

I concluded I was actually pretty "self-interested" in that way underneath it all...it kind of disappointed me at first but I got over it, Psht I'm not Jesus , I'm a human being. (But maybe that's just you being mature and honest with yourself?..wait how old are you?(Sometimes it feels wrong talking this way to someone over 30 )

I'm 21. And I agree, we're not perfect. But we have to be mature enough to admit what could come across as a negative trait, but really isn't in light of things.

My principles are what define me. If I don't back them up with action, then who am I?

Sure, I helped someone and thats fine and grand, but if I had to weigh what its really about, its about self preservation.

And because of it, there is a mutual benefit, so who cares if it was from the "heart" or not? Your principles and values come from the "heart", so that should be good enough.

 

[Apollanaut]

I get this deal where I'll get really stressed way too easy, and things go downhill from there. I'm a wonderful picture of the ideal INFJ....in a stress-free environment where I have all the time in the world and a dream to move towards.
Otherwise, I can be overly shy in new situations; I can be very irritable to people I know well, which is really kind of bad because they notice I'm courteous to people I don't know well. I just feel more comfortable around my friends so they have to hear my wrath.
Not to mention I can be selfish, unmotivated, spacey, unable to sort my priorities, etc. etc. And I'm not afraid to admit it: I can be a real bitch if you catch me at the wrong time.
And then I can also be very self-absorbed because I want to understand myself better (or understand myself period)...and I get lost in that sometimes.

Oh that so goes for me too! On a bad day, I can give off a sort of festering irritability that keeps others unsure how to deal with me.

 

[Thunderlight]

Maybe that's why people think we're angels.

Yeah, whats up with that?

I think its because we hold them up to higher standards? I do anways, I always want people to act like me (hahaha that didnt sound narcissistic )

I do hate giving up, because I know I'll get it next time!

Haha u sound like a gambler!

 

[ThePenIsMightier]

So I was talking to a friend of mine (Metamorphosis) and we were talking about the motivations of INFJs.

Earlier I pointed out that I notice (at least in myself) selfish motives for helping people and the like. It seemed I was the odd one out.

lol, now I think part of that maybe some of us don't like to delve that far into ourselves to find something that could be perceived as negative, but I've never thought of it as necessarily negative, and after I talked to my friend I was even more sure of it.

From what we could gather, INFJs are motivated by values moreso than actually caring about the individual.

So hypothetically, when helping someone we have no emotional connection to, its not because we really care about their welfare as much as it is we want to make sure that we are upholding the values of helping someone. The person we're helping gets helped, and we get the personal satisfaction of knowing we upheld our own values.

So this is what I was saying about selfish motivations. I didn't mean it as a bad thing, and I don't think its wrong to feel good about yourself for upholding your values.

Can anyone identify with this?

I'm with you 110% here. I've had to think about this a bit recently for various reasons. I came to the conclusion that my value of helping people may give me some personal satisfaction but it's also my motivation for helping people. So it serves a good purpose I think.

 

[Dwigie]

Of course we do sometimes. Especially with the people we care about, i.e. friends, family.



I'm 21. And I agree, we're not perfect. But we have to be mature enough to admit what could come across as a negative trait, but really isn't in light of things.

My principles are what define me. If I don't back them up with action, then who am I?

Sure, I helped someone and thats fine and grand, but if I had to weigh what its really about, its about self preservation.

And because of it, there is a mutual benefit, so who cares if it was from the "heart" or not? Your principles and values come from the "heart", so that should be good enough.

Yeah but it's just that I used to try and be selfless before, because I admired that "trait" then I realized it was impossible to be completely selfless.
I'm pretty much all or nothing in my view of things usually. Rarely any in betweens.
I was mixing up generosity and selflessness which is unhealthy in the long run because I kept little for myself and felt guilty for doing so then resented people when it didn't go the other way around = dumb kid, thank god I grew out of that. I've always had trouble defining boundaries as a kid, and sometimes even now.) Basically I started having more realistic expectations for myself and I became happier.

 

[batumi]

Your life is ruled by strange coincidences (I'll shut up for a while now - I don't want to hog this thread!)

Yes. Thank you!!!

 

[ByMySword]

I'm pretty much all or nothing in my view of things usually. Rarely any in betweens.

I too am like this. It can be an issue sometimes as I feel everything in moderation is the best philosophy. I try my best to avoid the extremes, but its hard for me sometimes.

 

[batumi]

You start a conversation with someone w/ no context because its a continuation of your internal dialogue.

I do that quite often, daily even.

 

[Lotr246]

you pick up traits and mannerisms of people you have been around too long

you talk about the epiphanies you've had

 

[Kyrielle]

- You have a natural connection with animals. You might occasionally feel that you more readily like animals than humans.

Or maybe it's just me...

Not just you. When I was little the neighbourhood called me Dr. Doolittle. It's easy to talk to animals; you just copy what they do right back, gauge their reaction, and eventually build a basic vocabulary of their body language. Actually, it's just like interfacing with humans except simpler.

Haha u sound like a gambler!

If I weren't so tight with my money, I might well be.

you pick up traits and mannerisms of people you have been around too long

you talk about the epiphanies you've had

Yes. (I made a long post about that in the chameleon thread.) And yes.

 

[dan.yo33]

Does anyone else have this thing with how comfortable they feel with touching people? I get pretty uncomfortable with people I'm not familiar with, but the people I truly care for I sometimes practically smother...
If I am holding hands, leaning on, or hugging someone often, that's almost a sure sign that they're really close to my heart....

Now that I think about it that is very true. The other day a friend noted that I'm really touchy-feely with everyone, which I really disagreed with and isn't actually true... it just so happens we were around only close friends!

 

[gloomy-optimist]

you pick up traits and mannerisms of people you have been around too long

you talk about the epiphanies you've had

I've realized this more and more recently. I can bring out all my inner energies only around people that externalize their own; I can bring out my philosophical side only around people that are contemplative; etc. etc. It's really kind of annoying

- You have a natural connection with animals. You might occasionally feel that you more readily like animals than humans.

Or maybe it's just me...

I've had a few rather aggressive dogs like me straight out; animals tend to feel comfortable around me. Don't really know why.

I'm 21. And I agree, we're not perfect. But we have to be mature enough to admit what could come across as a negative trait, but really isn't in light of things.

My principles are what define me. If I don't back them up with action, then who am I?

Sure, I helped someone and thats fine and grand, but if I had to weigh what its really about, its about self preservation.

And because of it, there is a mutual benefit, so who cares if it was from the "heart" or not? Your principles and values come from the "heart", so that should be good enough.

I don't think a lot of my friends understand this about me; sometimes it's not so much that I want to do something, but rather simply the fact that I said I'd do it. And I will stick with it until it is quite obvious that I have to change. My sister doesn't understand a lot of time why I'm so anal about being somewhere on time; if I said I'm going to be there for someone, then damn straight I'll be there exactly when I said I would be.
Unfortunately, I've been in a few jams where I promised someone something, but I could go through with it because the situation was so complicated....that's a really horrible feeling...

 

[gloomy-optimist]

You know you're INFJ when you get sudden bursts of extreme affection for someone or something, rather than a semi-constant stream

....and it usually occurs when they're not there, and you spam them with loving messages/emails/etc and they're like "what the hell...?"

 

[Evi]

Cripe, this thread moves along...

Yeah, whats up with that?

I agree, what is that? The first impression people seem to have of me is one that is very sweet and innocent. I'm not. If they knew what was going on in my head they wouldn't think that. Friends also think they're corrupting me when I do or say something less than innocent.

"Originally Posted by Lotr246
you pick up traits and mannerisms of people you have been around too long
you talk about the epiphanies you've had"

I do this a lot with films and books, talking after watching the six hour BBC Pride and Prejudice can be interesting. It's also the reason I refuse to read books like Lord of the Flies and why it took me four months to read Crime and Punishment. I can't stand being in disturbed people's heads. I start to think like them a little. It's scary.

 

[Thunderlight]

"Originally Posted by Lotr246
you pick up traits and mannerisms of people you have been around too long
you talk about the epiphanies you've had"

I do this a lot with films and books, talking after watching the six hour BBC Pride and Prejudice can be interesting. It's also the reason I refuse to read books like Lord of the Flies and why it took me four months to read Crime and Punishment. I can't stand being in disturbed people's heads. I start to think like them a little. It's scary.

O my god... so true. I hate movies where the character goes insane and starts to question reality. I really start to freak out. The big "What If" factor plays into this

 

[LindseyLadybug]

you pick up traits and mannerisms of people you have been around too long

you talk about the epiphanies you've had

Yes, and it wasn't a big deal if I immitated my parents growing up b/c they thought it was cute, but now....now I have to be careful. Is anyone else really great at impersonations (voice & mannerisms)? I pick it up so easily and sometimes subconsciously. Heck, I can already do an impersonation of my choir director and I've only had her for like 2 months! My friend who's been in her class for 1 yr is like, "Oh my gosh, how do you do that?!" Hahaha! I don't know what the director would do if she saw me.

You start a conversation with someone w/ no context because its a continuation of your internal dialogue.

You think you have explained yourself well in a paper but the teacher marks in red "elaborate", "more", or "expand".

Haha! Yep, my friends and I will be talking about something and that'll remind me of something else which will remind me of something else...and all of a sudden I'm like, "Dude, do you remember that one time when_______?" and they say, "Where the heck did that come from?"

Ugh! Yes, I hate that!

Does anyone else have this thing with how comfortable they feel with touching people? I get pretty uncomfortable with people I'm not familiar with, but the people I truly care for I sometimes practically smother...
If I am holding hands, leaning on, or hugging someone often, that's almost a sure sign that they're really close to my heart....

Yep! Some of my friends will think I'm stand offish and don't want people touching me and then randomnly I'll hug them or something and they just kind of flinch because it's unexpected and then stare at me with their head tilted to the side. Hehe! But yes, I consider it a threat when someone I barely know or do not like tries to touch me. I'm thinking, "Um...you piss me off. What makes you think I want to hug you?!"

You know you're INFJ when you get sudden bursts of extreme affection for someone or something, rather than a semi-constant stream

....and it usually occurs when they're not there, and you spam them with loving messages/emails/etc and they're like "what the hell...?"

Oh, what a relief! It freaks me out so I try to be discreet about it. I thought there was something wrong with me! I'm actually experiencing it right now...and I don't even know why. Well, I know it's because I admire this person but yeah...

 

[Kaizer]

Haha! Yep, my friends and I will be talking about something and that'll remind me of something else which will remind me of something else...and all of a sudden I'm like, "Dude, do you remember that one time when_______?" and they say, "Where the heck did that come from?"

an INTP thing too I think.