So how did you Jennifer, and disregard, build an identity of yourself? How did you gain a sense of "me"?
ha ha... let me find myself and I will get back to you.
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Chris_in_orbit hinted at it later, and I can't tell you which process is "more right." Probably both.
But we both must discover ourselves and we also must create ourselves.
There are things we instinctively feel and think but that we ignore or repress and sometimes even then eventually "forget" about ourselves. And yet meanwhile we are also trying things on and seeing how they fit. And sometimes even doing things that seem totally beyond our self-expectations and those choices change us irrevocably.
Trying to keep this tied to the "chameleon" part of the OP, eventually I think people reach a point where, if they have repressed parts of themselves enough, they become utterly miserable. Then they need to find a way to cope with the pain.
1. They kill their desire permanently, crush the inner self, because they are too scared to stop meeting expectations and it hurts too bad to wish for other things. People die inside when this happens, but their external world is stable... as much as it can be if your world is based on the choices of others. Ricky's mother in American Beauty seems like an EXTREME example of this type, but we know a lot of people who are functional who still have made the same choice to murder themselves inside.
2. They rebel outwardly and shove back against external expectations. This is typical of midlife crisis and violent upheavals in people's lives. The inner self takes total precedence, and the external is attacked if it tries to impose any more.
3. There is a more middle road, where people try to weed through things and keep the good and abandon the dross and try to figure out what resonates with them too.
I think ultimately it comes down to courage and how much one is willing to risk in order to find oneself. I do not think we are ever trapped, the cage is always open and we can walk out when we want. It's just that we have to leave a lot of what's in the cage behind, and it's scary being in the open world with no strictures that tell you what to do, no one to "chameleon" anymore, having to somehow "be yourself" and letting others respond to it.
If you want to be free of the "chameleon" thing, you have to be willing to let OTHER people be in control of their reactions. (Essentially the mirroring strategy is a means of controlling others to receive you positively, even while partly you still do probably enjoy making others feel at ease and comfortable.)
Sorry, that is ambiguous, the discussion can keep going but that is all I can say right now, my brain's getting a little fuzzy... (caffeine time.
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