[NT] NT males - what are you attracted to?

[BlownAway]

I'm just fascinated by NT:s..and very attracted to your mental strength and ability to debate without freaking out .

So, just curious, what are you attracted to when it comes to the opposite sex? And what leaves you cold?

 

[Night]

I think you'll find much of what compels an NT is fairly universal, in terms of attractiveness:

Attractive:

Intelligence
Sense of humor/wit (self-deprecation a must)
Self-respect
Respect for others; sense of social dignity and/or personal accountability
Open-mindedness
Fidelity
Patience
Warmth / Enthusiasm for life

Unattractive

Cruelty
Humorlessness/bureaucratic involvement with others
Unreliability
Intractable ignorance / arrogance
Excessive emotionality
Lack of emotional expression
Deceitfulness

 

[BlownAway]

Thanks for a good answer! See I have to work on my patience and emotional control .

 

[Night]

Pobody's Nerfect.

Truly though - cultivating an honest sense of who you are is probably the most attractive thing a person can endeavor towards.

It takes cobbles to find comfort in one's skin.

 

[Jack Flak]

I care more about personality than looks by a factor of ten, but I believe you can judge the book by the cover to a degree. Peoples' psyches have a habit of obviousness. I can find several angles attractive, but I do usually prefer the engaging presence of extroverts. With regard to long-term interaction, I've found there is an innate conflict, if only mild, with xSTP, xSxJ, INFP. INTP-INTP is usually amicable, but provides for little excitement. Historically speaking, I've fallen hardest for ESFP, ENFP, ENFJ.

 

[zago]

I'm just fascinated by NT:s..and very attracted to your mental strength and ability to debate without freaking out .

So, just curious, what are you attracted to when it comes to the opposite sex? And what leaves you cold?

Turn on
Confident
Easy to talk to (balance of agreement and disagreement, joking and serious)
Easy to let my guard down and be my goofy self
Coy
Deep thinking
Balance between hard-to-get and attainable
Someone likely to say "fuck it" (blunt, laid back)
Seems to be burning on the inside, as in "questioning life"
Bitchy, but not...


Turn off
Judgmental
Proud of "helping people"
Signs of unthoughtful following of social norms
Excessive talking just to talk (filler conversation about how the day was, things that happened, etc. This is necessary, but only as a springboard to more interesting topics)
Concerned about not appearing socially awkward
Prudeness (high sensitivity to foul and explicit language--some is ok. One time a girl kicked me in the balls cause I said "cunt." I found this to be a turn on.)

 

[ajblaise]

-Confidence, but she doesn't have to ooze confidence, as long as her face doesn't look like she could break out in tears any second.
-Bluntness.
-Not getting offended by what I say and my sense of humor.
-Height doesn't matter, but I'm just simply not physically attracted to a women who weighs a lot in proportion to her height. Curves and voluptuousness are hot though.
-I really don't need a women to be girly and needy and mentally submissive.
-Pretty face.
-I can handle a judgmental women, it's not really a turn off, as long as she can separate her emotions from her judgments and is able to talk about her opinions.
-I like opinionated women.
-If she has borderline or histrionic personality disorder, it won't work out, unless she's actually recovering from it.
-Enjoys sex.
-She can't be hell bent of changing or "improving" me.
-Humorlessness, bleh.
-Terminal pessimists, I'll pass, I do like cynical people though.
-I love wit, especially if the women is smart and witty and knows it.

 

[BlownAway]

Wow..like your answers! Especially these parts (they probably matches most ENFP:s ):

Coy
Deep thinking
Someone likely to say "fuck it" (blunt, laid back)
Seems to be burning on the inside, as in "questioning life"
Bluntness.
Enjoys sex.
Respect for others; sense of social dignity and/or personal accountability
Open-mindedness

So if I want to date an NT..where and how do I find you?? Are there any specific clues to look for?

 

[Jack Flak]

So if I want to date an NT..where and how do I find you??

 

[substitute]

Independence - emotional more than financial or practical (though the latter two aren't a turn off)
Friendliness
Openness to new places, people, things, experience
Passion
Willing to 'have a go' (before asking for help - people who just straight away say "I can't! Help me!" without even trying are a serious turn off)
Can carry their half of a conversation (making me work like hell to drag words out of you is a turn off)
You can't really be too chatty for me, unless you're very chatty AND unable to not be offended when someone asks if you could kindly STFU for a minute.
Reasonableness
Can and is willing to play with ideas (work with me here!)
Sense of propriety but also knows the rules well enough to break them and get away with it (any rules you can think of in any aspect of life)
Integrity

Biggest turnoffs
Saying stuff like "the law is there for a reason!"
Shrieking/yelling
Gossiping
Getting kicks from going over others' flaws behind their backs whilst being unwilling to consider own flaws openly
Thinking "I can't see any point in it" is the end of the conversation. You must be willing to entertain that there might BE a point, but you simply can't see it, and be willing to figure it out rather than thinking that if you don't see it, it therefore can't be there.
People with too many anxieties and neuroses (who say "ewww!" a lot)
edit - also, materialism is a serious turn off.

 

[Terian]

Pros:
Self-sufficiency
Confidence
N-types
Capable of holding one's own in a conversation, and to make me think (come on, when we're debating religion, don't use the Bible. I can use it too and I'll win)
Capable of admitting fault
Sociable
Coy
Patience (I know I can be tiring)
Overwhelming curiosity

Cons:
Selfishness
Closed-mindedness
Emotional dependence
Dislike debates
Manipulation
S-types (particularly SJs, sorry Guardians)
Stand-offish
Debilitating introversion
Conviction that one is always right and I'm wrong
Shallowness

Of course, there are more in both lists, but there you have it. Sorted in no particular order of importance.

 

[gomi]

Cons –

• Prone to drama -
I used to love to argue for the sake of arguing. Mostly because I always won…Cause… you know… INTP and all If a point wasn’t logical enough to be supported by my arguing it, it wasn’t right anyway. That said, if I did argue for something, and was presented with evidence that I was incorrect, I would say, “Ok, that makes sense/you’re right”, or whatever conceding comment was appropriate. And I was done with it. I didn’t go away ‘butt-hurt’ because I wasn’t emotionally invested in (most) ‘arguments’. One thing I can’t stand is a woman that will argue based on… I don’t know… her inner need for drama? To draw all attention to herself…not listening to reason, but trying to talk over you, as though volume made ‘right’. And I’m not being biased against women in this, I’m pretty biased any gender/race/religion…test-tube sheep…whatever… that works this way. Don’t argue and cause a scene simply because you’ve flustered yourself into said position, and don’t know how to gracefully back out/down without feeling embarrassed. I used know when an argument was over when the flustered drama-ist would resort to the old stand-bys of ‘shut up’, or ‘fuck you’. The arguments of the truly enlightened…

As with most INTPs (generalizations are bad, kids), now I find it easy to ‘step-outside’ a situation (argument) and see why it is happening. I often find myself continually asking people to stop and further explain where the non-sequitor (in their point of view) is occurring in my head… and after that ‘clicks’, it’s like… the argument is over. Drama dismissed. To me, at least… The trick then, is to explain to them why the argument is over… which often takes a while.

God, am I really this conceited? Apparently. Let’s move on

• Not considering the feelings of others… even strangers -
I absolutely hate when someone I’m with at a restaurant (where ever), is loud and obnoxious to the point that it interferes with the meals/experience of others around us. Say you’re with a friend whom you suspect has an undiagnosed case of Tourette’s Syndrome, at a local family restaurant. And because of his oral diarrhea, the parents of the family of four seated in the next booth is becoming visibly agitated… That makes me terribly uncomfortable. Not because I don’t swear. I can swear like a mother-fucker… But imposing his drivel on another’s good time… That irks me to no end. And don’t get me wrong, if I’m in a bar/otherwise appropriate gathering of like-minded people, I’ll be the first one to stand on a table and drop my pants to show the group the latest genital shadow-puppet contortion I picked up…but only if it isn’t going to interfere with another’s night/good time. Bottom line, in a gf especially, consideration of others is important to me. Others that I choose to be around, are a reflection of me…

• Talking to much –
Women (people in general, really) that talk too much. People that aren’t comfortable enough in their own skin, that they can let even the most fleeting of moments pass without hearing something to fill the void. It can drive me to the brink of insanity… a sudden urge to either get up, and bolt from the room, or reach across the table and choke them… just a bit… just so they will stop using all the oxygen. The worst is when you do neither, and opt say something like, ‘wow… have you ever considered being a sports commentator, or an auction-caller?’…
And then they don’t get the subtext… and proceed to blather on about the whole new tangent concerning career choice that you inadvertently provided them… Bottom line: be comfortable enough to not feel that periods of silence are necessarily of the ‘uncomfortable’ variety…

• Stupidity –
Nothing elicits stronger feelings of pity (and disgust) than staring across the table at a skull you are sure that if you could whisper in one of the ears, the resulting echo would bounce around inside for days… I have placed intelligence and stupidity under both pros and cons, respectively. This may seem like a cop-out at first… until you realize that to an INTP, or at least for me… (I haven’t been given leave to speak for the whole ‘tribe’…yet) that as much as we are excited at the prospects of interesting conversation, we are repulsed by the threat of hearing about nothing but Britney’s and Paris’ latest exploits. Just because MTV and reality tv deems it important… doth not it important make. Realize your ramblings about endless and inconsequential nonsense will push us away… this is a test, and you are being graded Now, don’t everyone get all up in a tizzy that I’m saying everyone that watches reality tv, or reads People magazine is ‘stupid’… I’m just saying… it’s all about impressions… And I can talk about who got kicked of Rock of Love, and why she wasn’t good for Bret with the best of them… I’m just saying as a general rule, when worried about making a good first impression, stick with something that will make an INTP think, rather than… the latest bit of gossip from TRL…

Pros –

• Intelligence
I was undecided as to whether or not put this solely as “stupidity”, under “con’s”, but then decided it’s definitely needed under both pros and cons. Intelligence attracts, as much as stupidity repels. I’m not talking about… lower education levels, or lack of ‘life-experience’. I love to feel challenged (or complimented) by the person I’m speaking with. Someone that can put forth an intelligent statement, and support its merits verbally. Or just talk of something I don’t know about, and thereby learn something through listening to them. It’s incredibly attractive. I feel very at ease saying that I value intelligence and humor over ‘looks’ any day of the week. If you can make me laugh, and make me think… I’m yours.

• Humor
I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been told, “You’re one of those guys that doesn’t say much, but when you do, you slay.” Of course, this has only been told to me in those situations where I’ve been thrust in with a group I didn’t know/wasn’t yet comfortable with. And of course, said comments were almost certainly the scoring and caustic reaction to some idiocy going on around us, or within said group into which I had been placed. Bottom line… I’m attracted to same. If there was a woman that threw out random sardonic comments, I’d be instantly drawn to her as a kindred soul…if I believed in souls

• Random streaks of zany behavior
I believe it’s a form of peacocking on their part…or it would be if they were doing it purposely. I’m drawn to new and different. If someone could show me something unusual, either through demonstration or random spectacle… my interest would be peaked… as long as it didn’t interfere with anyone else’s good time (as per my ‘considerations of others’ con). Women who don’t fit the mold of traditional social norms… Not one that burps and farts on command, but rather, one that may do a weird little dance in the middle of the mall for no apparent reason…
Some people would pine over cheerleaders in school. I’d be much more interested in that girl walking in the background through the cafeteria dragging a car muffler behind her while wearing a scuba mask and snorkel like it was the most natural thing in the world…

• Sexual and sensual.
I don’t want to (always) have to take the lead in the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with being shy and inexperienced, but don’t ride that ticket into the never-so-popular, ‘do with me as you will in the bedroom’ (because I’m not confident/comfortable enough to do anything of my own volition) . Cause… OMG boring. And we all know that when an INTP is bored with something, they are done with it. Initiate…try new things… suggest new things, even if you don’t think they’ll be carried out… show the effort/thought.

• Not an open book.
Something more than meets the eye (any TF fans out there?) beneath the surface. I’m not dismissing honesty… I’m just saying… an air of something yet to be uncovered/explored about her. Open books are quickly read, and returned to the shelf.




The younger me was always initially attracted to the free-spirit of an ESFP type… always on the go, always looking to have fun. And this was enough back in the day (which was a Wednesday, btw…). I dated a couple if these type women, and it never worked out very well. I never knew why… Well, now days I recognize why, but we won’t go there. Nevertheless, as a sub-poll, I wonder if there are any other INTPs out there that would stand by my assessment that ESFPs are not our bread and butter?
As I mentioned up there… I don’t really have a (body) type… (intelligence/sense of humor are much more important). That said, I’ve progressed through alterna-chicks, Goth girls… red-heads, and Asian phases where I was really only attracted to/dated those types. Now days, I still find all those groups attractive, but I’ve realized the chewy-nougaty center is infinitely more important than a shiny candy shell… even if it would only melt in my mouth. (Personality is much more important than looks, for the slow kids : )

And on a weird side note… I’ve noticed I’ve never really been attracted to blondes… I don’t know why… Not a conscious choice…just something I’ve noticed.

There are a lot more pros and cons, but this has gone on way to long, already. If you want to hear more… you have merely but to ask…cause boredom is my middle name…

 

[SillySapienne]

Pfft, lies, what terrible lies.

Wanna know what NT males are attracted to??

They are attracted to nice, pleasant, physically attractive ladies. Ones who are preferably quiet, who cook, clean and LOVE to listen.

 

[Poser]

Pfft, lies, what terrible lies.

Wanna know what NT males are attracted to??

They are attracted to nice, pleasant, physically attractive ladies. Ones who are preferably quiet, who cook, clean and LOVE to listen.

No. That is who we look to marry. Not what we are attracted to.

 

[Jack Flak]

CC: Fail. There's nothing magical about clean dishes.

 

[SillySapienne]

No. That is who we look to marry. Not what we are attracted to.

Lol, so true!!!

My bad.

 

[BlownAway]

Pfft, lies, what terrible lies.

Wanna know what NT males are attracted to??

They are attracted to nice, pleasant, physically attractive ladies. Ones who are preferably quiet, who cook, clean and LOVE to listen.

No, this is what ALL males are attracted to, despite type.

But since I'm a romantic ENFP I would still like to cling to the fantasy that there are men out there who would agree with the lists here... Who really wants an intelligent, opinionated woman..

Anyway, if you guys just want to be attracted and not get married, welcome to Sweden!

 

[Orsenfelt]

Hmm, The best way to describe it would be 'Strong of head, Little Quirky, Creative maybe a little shy'.

I'm attracted to opinionated, intelligent women. They have to know their head, Someone you can have a good debate with.
I'm not very creative or 'artsy' so I am always fascinated by anyone who can play music, draw etc
A little quirky, Not too far, but have your own style, be independent.
If they can be a little shy then somehow it's a bonus, I guess it's the protective factor of it all?

For example, I am fiercely attracted to Tina Fey.. Intelligent, Funny, A bit different, Strong-willed.. and of course she isn't half bad looking. Strangely, A lot of my friends disagree..

I don't like ditsy, stereotypical, leggy blonde types.. It just doesn't appeal. I mean yes, Physically they are attractive.. but really, What are you gonna talk about? I dated a cheerleader for a while, Thin, Blonde, Very attractive.. It was fun but it just didn't.. work. She wasn't stupid either, Just wasn't my kind of intelligence if that makes any sence?

 

[kyuuei]

Pfft, lies, what terrible lies.

Wanna know what NT males are attracted to??

They are attracted to nice, pleasant, physically attractive ladies. Ones who are preferably quiet, who cook, clean and LOVE to listen.

XD That sounds suspiciously like stereotypical men in general!!

In which case, that leaves me out >.> .. I am many things.. but I am no lady.

 

[Owl]

Pfft, lies, what terrible lies.

Wanna know what NT males are attracted to??

They are attracted to nice, pleasant, physically attractive ladies. Ones who are preferably quiet, who cook, clean and LOVE to listen.

No, this is what ALL males are attracted to, despite type.

But since I'm a romantic ENFP I would still like to cling to the fantasy that there are men out there who would agree with the lists here... Who really wants an intelligent, opinionated woman..

Anyway, if you guys just want to be attracted and not get married, welcome to Sweden!

Wait... should I be attracted to mean, obnoxious, ugly ladies who are loud, lousy cooks, slobs, and don't love to listen to me?

Why can't a woman have the qualities CC listed and be intelligent?

Are all the lists hear incompatible with CC's list?