INFP with an aversion to being "emotional" due to upbringing. You have a hard time understanding your own emotions. You set them aside for logic because it is how you have survived. It which creates a looping of not knowing your purpose, or what makes you happy due to lack of direction. Like you are going in two directions at once, but refuse to give up the other. So it is a bit of tug-o-war of self. You have highly evolved values and beliefs, but there is conflict between your true self and Si. You know what you have been through, and it contradicts what you feel. Leaving you confused or self-flagellating. You focus on expression and escape, the trapped Ne and Te. Constantly trying, ruminating, and struggling to manifest to be who you think you need to be, rather than who you want to be/are deep down.
And [MENTION=36353]Hexcoder[/MENTION] (Hexcoder) (cheap joke: Your type is, obviously, the coder type. Coders like to code and decode the world!)
Despite you being inebriated when writing this, I find it at least poetic. Very poetic. It seems some INTP/ENTP (specially the latter) people can throw something poetic randomly lol. I believe some parts of it and Im going to crazily advocate for it.
The aversion of being emotional is a starter for apathy. Its about being apathetic - shut down the emotions and make efforts to detach and not care. Its a defense mechanism I did to myself, and I did have a copy of a function test and it did bring me some good T on dichotomy but I still score good on Fi. Its good to suppress many bad emotions, but it will take happy moments with it (well, when you dont happen to have much happy moments, then thats not a bad price to pay). There are some "cold" aspects of Fi as Jung may step them into himself, and these likely can run with still apathy. And this: "you have hard time understanding your emotion", is correct, but better rephrased as "there's no emotion at all".
The two directions and tug-of-war, are you switching preferences over the time to adapt (yeah, Im slowly starting learning and understanding adaptation and how it can screw MBTI). Like in "I don't know. Both?" kind of answers. The adaptation is the conflict between your true self and your situation (lets say that Si is from Situation
). What you have been through contradicts what you feel, because everything that you have been through seems wrong, wrong and wrong. And this combined with adaptation explains the last phrase: Constantly trying, ruminating, and struggling to manifest to be who you think you need to be, rather than who you want to be/are deep down. Thats the stress in the process of adapting through harsh circumstances.
Please say "its all BS" so far if you think it is, so I dont need to extend the conversation. I did a crazy risky jump here, because if Im wrong, Ill likely be ridiculously wrong.
Know, getting a little bit far, it is really difficult to type somebody that rebels against the questions. I mean, if these questions are all stupid ("is this the best extraversion question you got?"), then why are you answering them? If this stuff is all stupid, why are you looking into all of them? Why are you....? I actually know the answer and you partially know the answer you asked the questionnaire all the time lol. But that rebellion clouds everything. Your story touch my hearts and you have your rights to act like that, but, rebelling against the questions is not a good idea, except that sometimes we only have these questions to rebel and no one else because, you know, our mouth needs food and water.
So, yeah, due to 'strong' backstory, typing gets really difficult here. I type using two mental windows, the dichotomy one arrived at almost nothing (you do a good effort to escape answering it on the cliche ways meaning that the reliable and cliche tools to type are out of hand). The cognitive function ones, well, there is nothing I can say about N/S, slightly about E/I, but there is one thing I can say: You are not a EXXJ; You have repulse for Extraverted Judgment stuff (I partially do as well, partially!). "Hell, I don't even care if I belong to a group.", "Why would I give a shit if others belong to a group?", nice cars and fancy houses, extraverted judgment are into the regular "success" idea, in one way or another, because Te and Fe are the measures of success and they are into Te and Fe into a very heavy way (different than IXXJ that have this factor very moderated and can have more diverse use of these cognitive functions). Te and Fe are about how you look onto society, and, even if you are defeated, I already "testemonied" (ok, I forgot how to write that word properly) that "defeated" people does use these functions in a significant way will do comparisons all the time using the society standards as a criteria of judgment, will find a way to present themselves in a more up way, rather than question it (Fe and Te have society standards judgment as a very important aspect that a dom of these functions cant escape, only people with it as auxiliary or in the middle of the stack can). Even if they have to use religion for that. And that, is in no way, you. Or me, for instance. Yep, I took heavy on EXXJ in a dark way, but thats real and in-line to Jung Fe and partially Te, what I described is part of something that somebody would put in a "weakness" list on EXXJ type on a more soft way.
So, not EXXJ already takes 4 types out of the list. I can say I help in something. But I am not done here yet.
From all these questions, I saw not much in cognitive functions, not really. But I see that you alternate between cognitive functions easily. Well, in a out-of-box thinking, instead of believing on these tertiary functions that I actually dont, I sometimes like to work with the idea that people have multiple tertiary function that Id rather call support functions, like 2-4 of them, with them arranged into a way that is more or less independent of type. As far as I could measure, SJ types (removing ISFJ and replacing with ENTJ) generally have a low value in middle-four functions, so I can say that you are not ISTJ, ESTJ or ESFJ, and I also know that there are lots of these types out there (ISTJ specially) in a way its unlikely for them to have much reasons to decentralize the cognitive functions use.
But I spotted something on the question 4, and checked that some other answers carry traces about it well, and that made me agree even more with [MENTION=37565]Maou[/MENTION] drunk post. I want to explain what "idealism" means in a INFP sense (or, rather, Fi sense), and its quite difficult to do that, its kind of like explaining an abstract image with words. Most idealism, or ideal words, carry some idea of an utopian fantasy where everything is perfect, like that? An unrealistic fantasy, like that? Something like that. Well, in this context, superficially, INFP idealistic is like that. However, deeply, all these INFP ideals from INFPs connects to each other (their "idealistic fantasys" are deeply connected and share some stuff in common). One of the connections in these INFP ideals is trust. Well, you dont expect anyone lying, cheating, manipulating, or doing that stuff in any idealistic fantasy, not really. And that is one of the core their idealism is. So, here is a first part of the time where you are idealistic, either in yourself or in others: "Friends see me as honest, authentic, open, trustworthy, intelligent, strong.
They would never say I'm weak, manipulative, or have ulterior motives in things."
"16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?
Manipulation, power dynamics, mind games/subtle indirect shit like that, victim mentality, victim mentality, VICTIM MENTALITY, toxic levels of negativity, expecting everyone to coddle hypersensitive feelings like SJWs do, very high reactivity with very low self-control (yelling and screaming at people all the time, etc.), emotional invalidation, "who has the worst issues" competitions, insincerity, being fake, and other toxic shit."
Now comes the second idealistic point on INFPs idealistic fantasys. They dont have people suffering, and, in INFPs sense, the inequality of that society is at least not high, and it is low or near zero. Most INFPs idealistic world wont have much "income disparity" (or "wealth" disparity), which implys quite a block for some Fe and Te facets (the ones linked with social prestige), but, also, mainly, carries on them some idea of "equality", although it is not, exactly and at all, about being equal, but perhaps being respected as equal? Something like that, the proper word is in lack here. And the whole answer to question 4 screams that.
So, there is "idealism" on you, not on the superficial and cliche sense, but on a deep sense. Now, I dont really have much means to know if that idealism comes from your story or from your personality, but buying for later so I can have an answer, I think you are IXFP type adapting and "apathing". Thats it, hope my text helps something, and, know that I stopped to think, you had made me do some controversial points lol.
And being rebellious and wanting autonomy is associated with INTP type (partially true to their cousins, specially ISTP), not sure if this helps in something here lol.
