[Traditional Enneagram] Reactivity in the Reactive Triad

[Earl Grey]

And I guess I should try to clarify that I don't think reactive has to mean angry, although that is very often the case.

You are very much correct. Being 'reactive' in the mundane sense is =/= Enneagram 'Reactivity', though both often correlate and come hand in hand. In Enneagram, being Reactive triad simply means looking for validation (in a sense) that a problem is real- either to validate their own experiences, meaning, and feelings (E4), their own safety, stability, security, and network with others (E6), or to be tough, 'real', have a grip on reality so you can deal with it (E8).

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When I am upset about something, and it's upsetting enough for me to vent about it, if the person I'm communicating with either defends the other party/situation/whatever or outright ignores me, it makes me feel far worse than if they communicate that they understand I feel the way I do.

It really does help in reinforcing that I am not broken or a horrible person (because at root in many of the examples I can think of there is some feeling that I did something to cause the situation, I'm bad for feeling the way I do, I'm somehow being unreasonable, etc, etc.), and allows me to feel heard and to be able to move onward in emotion, and action if necessary.

As example of this, a great many times when someone in my life has upset me by being what I consider hurtful in some way, I go to a 5 or 9 I am close to in order to vent. Oftentimes, his reaction will be a weak response, sometimes agreeing, sometimes neutral, but weak enough to where I feel the need to increase the vocalization of the intensity of my emotions in order to really relate how upsetting it is. If he then ignores, I just end up feeling worse and worse and like there's something wrong with me.

Learning about this and seeing it acted out in my life is one of the best things I've learned from the enneagram. Does anyone else relate to this?

Reading Lumi's post and her style of Reactivity seems characteristic of E4 (and to a degree- E6)- and E4's form of Reactivity (and the why) is probably what aligns most with the most mundane, daily sense of being reactive: intensifying their emotions in order to get a grip that 'this is real', 'this is true', 'this is valid', 'I am valid' that I thought to add in E6 and E8 as well in this way to clear any misconceptions about the 'reactivity' of the 'Reactive' triad. I'd like to add a differentiation between each Reactive style of each type in the triad.

E4 being also a Withdrawn and Heart triad whose defense mechanism is introjection , it intensifies their emotions- because that is their bias. Seeking meaning, through emotions. So if they don't get it, they try get it in the way they have been doing it to make it 'more real' to themselves- intensifying their emotional experiences, not letting it go.

In contrast, E6 is a bit of a pingpong, it bounces back and forth- its concerns are not the same as the E4- their concerns as to do with more practical matters of stability and security (and E4 in contrast may seem too 'in-their-head'). Their concerns have to do with the feeling of fear and uncertainty itself- both in online accounts and irl friends, I have observed that the more uncertain they are (of the future, of whatever they are afraid about), the more they 'act out' (aggressively- CP 6, or passive-aggressively- Phobic 6) in some attempt to get things done. 'Things are going wrong, I seem to be the only one to care!' Kind of like the person who throws a fit while doing things because they are just SO FRUSTRATED! It can be confused with the E4 in a way because of the focus on fear and validation and feelings due to them being an Attachment triad (their sense of self is to a degree molded by what they do, and their surroundings), but it is not concerned with identity or personal meaning the way E4 is. In fact, it may be too ignoring of it in order to keep the status quo (think of its fellow Attachment Triad cousin, the E9. But instead of peace, it's more of a Compliant Triad & stability concern). In contrast, E4 might be biased towards listening to itself too much (Withdrawn Triad tendencies) and not much of others or their obligations.

E8 is a different kind, too. Being also in the Aggressive Triad with Denial (personal vulnerabilities included) as a defense mechanism, their bias is deflecting the errors of the situation onto others while waiving personal accountability or personal misdeeds. E4s who are Withdrawn and introject attack the Self, E6 being Head triad and Compliant deflect themselves and others to external standards, E8 being Aggressive and having Denial dispose of it all and reacts with pressure to others. E6 and E8 is more of a 'WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS, WAKE UP FOLKS, WHY ISN'T ANYONE SEEING THIS PROBLEM?!' as well as to gauge the 'opposition' or the 'teammates' stance- 'is the situation O.K? Is it under control? Can I trust these people?' kind of reactive.

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I guess I'm really asking if others find the kind of dynamic I described in the opening post happening in their lives, whether they are the one in the reactive triad or not - a dynamic where one person needs that emotional validation and can end up feeling, at some level, that there is something wrong with them (in the eyes of whoever is not giving the validation) when they don't receive it.

Generally speaking, in the more mundane sense of reactivity- I am very unreactive (nowadays a least), and if I said I was people would probably give me a straight 'Hell no'. I am also not a reactive core type- and I found reactive core-types to be generally more reactive (in various ways) than I am, at least externally.

But in a more enneagram sense of it- yes. I have Reactive Triad influence (E8, to be specific).

So I relate and understand more the pitfalls of E8 than the ones of E4 and E6, though all three are Reactive triad. I'm not 4 or 6, and having Denial as a defense mechanism- I do exactly that (by god, it was painful to read)- denying personal vulnerability and denying emotional needs- including the need for validation for myself or others. I was not 'soft' at all, and validating others was difficult. If someone began going on about needing validation or feeling like something is wrong with them my reaction is usually stone-cold or I'd walk away. I could not understand that kind of need for reassurance, and came across as callous, or like a hard stone wall to others who need / ask for it. Doing that, the coping mechanism turns instead of a deflection to the external when I do need some forms of validation- often in the form of being controlling, or angry outbursts (anger is something I freely felt- anything, anything but powerlessness). Using Enneagram terms, Rejection Triad influence comes in as well- 8s presume rejection in order to avoid rejection, and in doing so, are able to exert their personal will on others more easily (Rejection + Aggressive Triad)).

It's funny though. I can be highly Reactive (in the Enneagram sense of it)- but only internally. I type as 538, sx last- Competency comes first. I may seem calm and cool to others, but seething with unvoiced needs of validation and denial of the personal, softer humanity and emotional needs inside, angrily and forcefully biting into those E8 Rejection Triad fixations. Ah, E8. Being a 538 is a real personal asskick in this aspect of my own personality, because it took a while for me to realize that it was 'false toughness' and that really, being reactive (in the mundane or Enneagram sense of it) really is a sign of more deep-seated personal failings and not at all the strength I sought. I still am Enneagram-Reactive. It is a core part of my personality though it doesn't not burst out externally. Now, with the help of introspection and then Enneagram, that I have a better understanding of how reactivity works in my personality and psyche. I can more detachedly assess if it is appropriate or needed at all to begin with (more often than not, the answer is no). I validate myself. I need no one else- I know what is wrong, I know that it needs to be fixed. It ends there. That kind of self-temperance sometimes comes across as E1 from me to others- how to tell the difference? Simple- Reactives need their own kinds of validation like the ones Lumi posted and what I wrote above. Know the distinction between the mundane sense of reactivity and what it means to be a Reactive Triad (or to have Reactive influence) in Enneagram.

 

[Luminous]

You are very much correct. Being 'reactive' in the mundane sense is =/= Enneagram 'Reactivity', though both often correlate and come hand in hand. In Enneagram, being Reactive triad simply means looking for validation (in a sense) that a problem is real- either to validate their own experiences, meaning, and feelings (E4), their own safety, stability, security, and network with others (E6), or to be tough, 'real', have a grip on reality so you can deal with it (E8).

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Reading Lumi's post and her style of Reactivity seems characteristic of E4 (and to a degree- E6)- and E4's form of Reactivity (and the why) is probably what aligns most with the most mundane, daily sense of being reactive: intensifying their emotions in order to get a grip that 'this is real', 'this is true', 'this is valid', 'I am valid' that I thought to add in E6 and E8 as well in this way to clear any misconceptions about the 'reactivity' of the 'Reactive' triad. I'd like to add a differentiation between each Reactive style of each type in the triad.

E4 being also a Withdrawn and Heart triad whose defense mechanism is introjection , it intensifies their emotions- because that is their bias. Seeking meaning, through emotions. So if they don't get it, they try get it in the way they have been doing it to make it 'more real' to themselves- intensifying their emotional experiences, not letting it go.

In contrast, E6 is a bit of a pingpong, it bounces back and forth- its concerns are not the same as the E4- their concerns as to do with more practical matters of stability and security (and E4 in contrast may seem too 'in-their-head'). Their concerns have to do with the feeling of fear and uncertainty itself- both in online accounts and irl friends, I have observed that the more uncertain they are (of the future, of whatever they are afraid about), the more they 'act out' (aggressively- CP 6, or passive-aggressively- Phobic 6) in some attempt to get things done. 'Things are going wrong, I seem to be the only one to care!' Kind of like the person who throws a fit while doing things because they are just SO FRUSTRATED! It can be confused with the E4 in a way because of the focus on fear and validation and feelings due to them being an Attachment triad (their sense of self is to a degree molded by what they do, and their surroundings), but it is not concerned with identity or personal meaning the way E4 is. In fact, it may be too ignoring of it in order to keep the status quo (think of its fellow Attachment Triad cousin, the E9. But instead of peace, it's more of a Compliant Triad & stability concern). In contrast, E4 might be biased towards listening to itself too much (Withdrawn Triad tendencies) and not much of others or their obligations.

E8 is a different kind, too. Being also in the Aggressive Triad with Denial (personal vulnerabilities included) as a defense mechanism, their bias is deflecting the errors of the situation onto others while waiving personal accountability or personal misdeeds. E4s who are Withdrawn and introject attack the Self, E6 being Head triad and Compliant deflect themselves and others to external standards, E8 being Aggressive and having Denial dispose of it all and reacts with pressure to others. E6 and E8 is more of a 'WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS, WAKE UP FOLKS, WHY ISN'T ANYONE SEEING THIS PROBLEM?!' as well as to gauge the 'opposition' or the 'teammates' stance- 'is the situation O.K? Is it under control? Can I trust these people?' kind of reactive.

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Generally speaking, in the more mundane sense of reactivity- I am very unreactive (nowadays a least), and if I said I was people would probably give me a straight 'Hell no'. I am also not a reactive core type- and I found reactive core-types to be generally more reactive (in various ways) than I am, at least externally.

But in a more enneagram sense of it- yes. I have Reactive Triad influence (E8, to be specific).

So I relate and understand more the pitfalls of E8 than the ones of E4 and E6, though all three are Reactive triad. I'm not 4 or 6, and having Denial as a defense mechanism- I do exactly that (by god, it was painful to read)- denying personal vulnerability and denying emotional needs- including the need for validation for myself or others. I was not 'soft' at all, and validating others was difficult. If someone began going on about needing validation or feeling like something is wrong with them my reaction is usually stone-cold or I'd walk away. I could not understand that kind of need for reassurance, and came across as callous, or like a hard stone wall to others who need / ask for it. Doing that, the coping mechanism turns instead of a deflection to the external when I do need some forms of validation- often in the form of being controlling, or angry outbursts (anger is something I freely felt- anything, anything but powerlessness). Using Enneagram terms, Rejection Triad influence comes in as well- 8s presume rejection in order to avoid rejection, and in doing so, are able to exert their personal will on others more easily (Rejection + Aggressive Triad)).

It's funny though. I can be highly Reactive (in the Enneagram sense of it)- but only internally. I type as 538, sx last- Competency comes first. I may seem calm and cool to others, but seething with unvoiced needs of validation and denial of the personal, softer humanity and emotional needs inside, angrily and forcefully biting into those E8 Rejection Triad fixations. Ah, E8. Being a 538 is a real personal asskick in this aspect of my own personality, because it took a while for me to realize that it was 'false toughness' and that really, being reactive (in the mundane or Enneagram sense of it) really is a sign of more deep-seated personal failings and not at all the strength I sought. I still am Enneagram-Reactive. It is a core part of my personality though it doesn't not burst out externally. Now, with the help of introspection and then Enneagram, that I have a better understanding of how reactivity works in my personality and psyche. I can more detachedly assess if it is appropriate or needed at all to begin with (more often than not, the answer is no). I validate myself. I need no one else- I know what is wrong, I know that it needs to be fixed. It ends there. That kind of self-temperance sometimes comes across as E1 from me to others- how to tell the difference? Simple- Reactives need their own kinds of validation like the ones Lumi posted and what I wrote above. Know the distinction between the mundane sense of reactivity and what it means to be a Reactive Triad (or to have Reactive influence) in Enneagram.

Completely brilliant post, Ix. Thank you for posting it.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I am curious since English isn't my first language: is there a precise definition of reactivity ? Does it have to be a reaction in a moment or it is more like ability to act on the issue ?

 

[Yuurei]

I am curious since English isn't my first language: is there a precise definition of reactivity ? Does it have to be a reaction in a moment or it is more like ability to act on the issue ?

"Reactvity" describes something's ( a person, or chemical) ability or tendency to react to something.

...does that help at all?

 

[Virtual ghost]

"Reactvity" describes something's ( a person, or chemical) ability or tendency to react to something.

...does that help at all?

The question was more about the speed, does it have to be fast or taking 5 seconds to process and then acting also counts ? The enneagram reactivity seems to be more about instant impulses but I never saw concrete definition of reactivity and therefore what can potentially pass as reactive.

 

[cascadeco]

The question was more about the speed, does it have to be fast or taking 5 seconds to process and then acting also counts ? The enneagram reactivity seems to be more about instant impulses but I never saw concrete definition of reactivity and therefore what can potentially pass as reactive.

It's a good question; the vast majority of my 'reactions' remain inward, to be honest; however since I notice myself having them I lump myself as relating to the reactive trio; I rarely instantly/impulsively do anything; most things are thought through first and I definitely don't fly off the handle and am known for being calm on the outside. Anything extroverted will almost always be filtered, unless I guess there's a prior established relationship and I might be triggered more quickly and willing to 'react' more in the moment; that's not really a good sign or place I'm at though if I'm actually doing that. But yeah, it's a reason I don't behaviorally relate to 'reactivity' -- not much of it is seen, unless you count my facial expressions and dead silence meaning I'm displeased or irritated or 'processing'. Which tbh is fair. haha.

 

[Luminous]

I am curious since English isn't my first language: is there a precise definition of reactivity ? Does it have to be a reaction in a moment or it is more like ability to act on the issue ?

In relation to the enneagram specifically:

From The Wisdom of the Enneagram:

These types react emotionally to conflicts and problems and have difficulties knowing how much to trust other people: "I need you to know how I feel about this." When problems arise, these types look for an emotional response from others that mirrors their concern. In conflicts, the reactive types want the other person to match their emotional state. ... The types in this group have strong likes and dislikes. If there is a problem, others are going to hear about it. In conflicts, they need to deal with their feelings first, and usually once they are able to do so, things can blow over fairly quickly and permanently. If they are not able to vent their feelings, however, these types can become increasingly resentful and vindictive.

The Reactive Group types also have difficulty balancing their need for independence and self-determination with their need to be nurtured and supported by others. They simultaneously trust and distrust others: to accept the support and affection of others is a deep desire for these types, but to do so feels like losing control of them selves and of their circumstances. They fear being betrayed and need feedback from people in order to know where others stand toward them. They are either looking for advice and direction ("parenting") or defying it (rebelling).

Subconsciously, Fours want to be parented, whereas Eights want to play the role of parent and provider. Sixes want it
both ways, sometimes being the parent, sometimes being parented by someone else.

Or as Ix so excellently summed up above: "In Enneagram, being Reactive triad simply means looking for validation (in a sense) that a problem is real- either to validate their own experiences, meaning, and feelings (E4), their own safety, stability, security, and network with others (E6), or to be tough, 'real', have a grip on reality so you can deal with it (E8)."

 

[Yuurei]

In relation to the enneagram specifically:

From The Wisdom of the Enneagram:


Or as Ix so excellently summed up above: "In Enneagram, being Reactive triad simply means looking for validation (in a sense) that a problem is real- either to validate their own experiences, meaning, and feelings (E4), their own safety, stability, security, and network with others (E6), or to be tough, 'real', have a grip on reality so you can deal with it (E8)."

Hm. I wonder if this is related; my husband is kind of a know-it-all. Whenever I have a problem with something ( usually mechanical) he tells me it’s because I’m doing something wrong when I know I am not.

He always tries to assure me “ I’m not saying you’re stupid.” But this makes me even more angry and I correc5 him.
“ No, you are saying that I have NO CONCEPT of reality!” And then I just don’t want to talk to him for a week

 

[Earl Grey]

Hm. I wonder if this is related; my husband is kind of a know-it-all. Whenever I have a problem with something ( usually mechanical) he tells me it’s because I’m doing something wrong when I know I am not.

He always tries to assure me “ I’m not saying you’re stupid.” But this makes me even more angry and I correc5 him.
“ No, you are saying that I have NO CONCEPT of reality!” And then I just don’t want to talk to him for a week

Oh ding ding, there it is. Yes, that counts. A Competency or Positive outlook type would react differently.
I'd outline them but this site got the basics: Enneagram Harmonics

The TLDR; of Reactives is that they need to react to validate to themselves that there does indeed, exist a problem. Positive Outlooks avoid and/or reframe, and Competency just goes about it in a more methodical, detached fashion (to the point of trying to detach even themselves from the situation- and not always in a great way when unhealthy).

 

[Yuurei]

Oh ding ding, there it is. Yes, that counts. A Competency or Positive outlook type would react differently.
I'd outline them but this site got the basics: Enneagram Harmonics

The TLDR; of Reactives is that they need to react to validate to themselves that there does indeed, exist a problem. Positive Outlooks avoid and/or reframe, and Competency just goes about it in a more methodical, detached fashion (to the point of trying to detach even themselves from the situation- and not always in a great way when unhealthy).

Hm. My husband is quite unhealthy from this manner. He goes from “ deteatched” to someone must be to blame, in an absurd way. Like when our very old dishwasher broke down. It could not have been “ because it is old a d broken down” No, it was because “ You kept using the pots and pans setting when there weren’t any pots and pans ( because the dishwasher knows th3 difference, obv) this surely just sounds like ranting, but I am genuinly curioys- what the hell? What the is that?!

 

[Virtual ghost]

Any ideas on how exactly did you end up with reactive numbers in tritype ?

 

[cascadeco]

Hm. I wonder if this is related; my husband is kind of a know-it-all. Whenever I have a problem with something ( usually mechanical) he tells me it’s because I’m doing something wrong when I know I am not.

He always tries to assure me “ I’m not saying you’re stupid.” But this makes me even more angry and I correc5 him.
“ No, you are saying that I have NO CONCEPT of reality!” And then I just don’t want to talk to him for a week

That's a great tangible example. It also drives it home to me that I am not a primary 'reactive' (hence typed correctly!) -- I'm far more liable to initially try to reframe / blame myself, or something... and then it might be months later that I think 'Jeez, what the hell is wrong with me, NOW I'm irritated!!' (ie though I am exaggerating in the timeframe, the point being, it's a much more 'delayed' process for me to emotionally get to the 'reactive' point... it's like, delayed/retroactive anger, resentment, whatever).

 

[Luminous]

I'd really love it if anyone who relates to the 4 type reactivity would post.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Well I believe you've read another post of mine where I address this. I can add a couple of things, but for the most part I've analyzed this to DEATH in my brain and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep talking about it.

I wouldn't say "reactivity" is about having some big angry reaction. By that measure, I've seen disappointed 1s, 3s, and 7s being far more "reactive" than me...stressed 9s who have reached their tipping point...histrionic 2s...etc...I have seen them all have total paroxysms of rage and irrationality, full-fledged meltdowns about things I would hardly find significant. I think that THEY are the people who need to chill out...very very often. Likewise, I know a 6 who is just very serious, rational, and cerebral. Last person I'd think would do that.

During a recent law suit, everyone was wondering how I could handle it so calmly. And believe me, I was feeling the stress inwardly, but I was apparently very composed outwardly. So, again, "reactivity" in the enneagram sense is not about just being upset about things. It's seeing the disturbing things that others do not.

(Not saying reactive types aren't "reactive" in some sense, just putting that out there because someone always seems to come along talking about how much they want to bitch-slap reactive types for being so over-the-top ridiculous.)

I guess I'm really asking if others find the kind of dynamic I described in the opening post happening in their lives, whether they are the one in the reactive triad or not - a dynamic where one person needs that emotional validation and can end up feeling, at some level, that there is something wrong with them (in the eyes of whoever is not giving the validation) when they don't receive it.

It's not so much that I need others to "validate" me in that sense. I won't feel like there's something wrong with me, I'll feel like there's something wrong with the other person (depending on what I'm upset about)--that they're being willfully oblivious, uncaring, self-centered, disloyal, or just plain stupid. I feel like they're somehow "not on my side", so a stubborn unwillingness to face the dark undercurrents tends to rift relationships after a while.

As always, I can use my parents as an example. My stepfather would often make remarks to me, which in my opinion, were just designed to belittle me. For example, one time as a kid I was climbing a tree in a parking lot and a nest of ants started attacking me. I went over to my parents trying to get help and I was yelping, "They're biting me! THEY'RE BITING ME!" My stepfather doesn't make the slightest move to actually help a little girl being bitten painfully by insects, and starts treating me like a freak show..."She escaped her cell, ladies and gentlemen. Don't worry about it! She has mental health problems." Just leaving me smarting there while he mocks me to random passers-by.

I'd inevitably discuss instances like this with my mom later..."Why do you just go along with what he says and does? Those remarks were abusive!" and she'd say something ridiculous like, "I don't think he meant that unkindly, dear." Like, WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON??? I mean, I just feel contempt for that. SO MUCH CONTEMPT. If that were my child that was being spoken to that way, you'd see how mean a mamma bear can actually be. I wouldn't spare the man. It's just really...disloyal? when people don't even TRY to understand my feelings. It feels like a small betrayal. It feels like they're taking sides against me. It feels like I'm being stepped on. It feels like they're stepping on the truth. It just...ugh it sets me off. Folks deserve a big fat walloping.

No, nothing is wrong with me. Something is wrong with them. Something is wrong with the world. Horribly, horribly wrong. And I'll complain loud and long about it. Until people come to their senses.

I don't overly relate to OA's example that you cited, fwiw. I mean, technology frustrates me and I regularly scream at my computer. But when people act like there's something wrong with me for this (it just happened the other day), it mainly just makes me feel like they're looking down on me, and I resent them for it.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

Any ideas on how exactly did you end up with reactive numbers in tritype ?

I'm not sure there's necessarily a reason people end up with reactive types in their tritype, but people have done a lot of speculation about why certain types appear anyways: Childhood Scenarios For Enneatypes. When you look at the core vices, fears, and problems associated with these types, ie. 6 fears loss of security, guidance and lack of certainty, 8 fears manipulation, being controlled, and having it's vulnerabilities revealed, 4 fears that it is defective and struggles with a fluid identity/high ideals of what they should be like, you can begin to hypothesize why.

6 is probably the easiest, probably most likely to come come out of an environment which generates a good amount of fear. It could be one of instability, one where it was instilled within them that the world couldn't be trusted/you must always be skeptical, or even something simple such as a closely knit childhood environment that generated the fear of loosing others.

8 is probably likely to come from a more aggressive environment where maintaining control and dominance was stressed and vulnerability was scorned. Or perhaps even an environment where showing vulnerability lead to themselves or someone dear being manipulated.

I won't try to play with 4 because I know I'll butcher it.

And of course the reasons don't even have to be this dramatic either, these were just some of the more "obvious" possibilities.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I'm not sure there's necessarily a reason people end up with reactive types in their tritype, but people have done a lot of speculation about why certain types appear anyways: Childhood Scenarios For Enneatypes. When you look at the core vices, fears, and problems associated with these types, ie. 6 fears loss of security, guidance and lack of certainty, 8 fears manipulation, being controlled, and having it's vulnerabilities revealed, 4 fears that it is defective and struggles with a fluid identity/high ideals of what they should be like, you can begin to hypothesize why.

6 is probably the easiest, probably most likely to come come out of an environment which generates a good amount of fear. It could be one of instability, one where it was instilled within them that the world couldn't be trusted/you must always be skeptical, or even something simple such as a closely knit childhood environment that generated the fear of loosing others.

8 is probably likely to come from a more aggressive environment where maintaining control and dominance was stressed and vulnerability was scorned. Or perhaps even an environment where showing vulnerability lead to themselves or someone dear being manipulated.

I won't try to play with 4 because I know I'll butcher it.

And of course the reasons don't even have to be this dramatic either, these were just some of the more "obvious" possibilities.

I know, however I was looking for more detailed personal opinions. Theory is one thing while practice and concrete/specific data is another.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

I guess I'm really asking if others find the kind of dynamic I described in the opening post happening in their lives, whether they are the one in the reactive triad or not - a dynamic where one person needs that emotional validation and can end up feeling, at some level, that there is something wrong with them (in the eyes of whoever is not giving the validation) when they don't receive it.

I can sort of relate to this at a very superficial level, although especially bolded seems very characteristic of the reactivity of 4.

Personally, since my reactivity is often fear based or (unfortunately) projection like, typically if I don't receive the emotional/general validation (I think what I look for is more certainty or security really if I'm going to be honest and, often, I'm looking for tangible action or explanation as validation), I'm more prone to feeling insecure. Since the hypothetical problem strikes me as "dangerous" or "concerning" enough to get reactive about and in need of being addressed, when others ignore the problem, brush it off, or tell me not to worry about, at times I default to a fear response which involves usually a) becoming irritated and fixing the problem myself before it bites others in the butt or once in a blue moon b) flying off the handle at others because the problem isn't being a addressed.

Another common enough reaction (similarly to what you stated) is feeling insecure within myself in the sense that I can no longer tell whether the problem I am addressing is actually the problem or if my response is just over the top (although the latter has to do with me being double competency/high 3 fixed I believe).

My mother has a very similar response (she's 6w7 sp/so), and tends to become reactive when she feels as though she's lost control or doesn't have understanding of the situation, seeking explanation from others so that she can, once again, address the problem and mitigate the fear that is involved. She has a 4 fix as well, so when a problem does arise and it's not addressed in the way she needs it to be, tends to feel defective or (as 6s are prone to doing), deflecting the problem onto others and feeling as if there is something wrong with the person not validating her. I can kind of relate to that as well, especially when I have lost my cool.

My father as a final example (because my family just seems to be a reactive triad meme) my father, who has both a 4 and 8 fix I believe, sort of falls into the same category as what you've described as your experience with 4, fearing that something is wrong with him as well. However, since this is paired with 8 (and also 7, which pushes this reaction due to it being positive outlook), tends to become more reactive in order to deny/deflect this possibility, as characteristic of 8, and to deny that there is a problem that exists and must be addressed.

In summary, I think it's worth pointing out that 4s without proper validation or reaction feel there is something wrong with them because 4s are inclined towards feeling they are defective. 6s without proper validation or reaction feel there is something wrong with others/an outside force because the core fear strategy of 6 is projection (due to internal instability). 8s without proper validation or reaction feel there is something wrong with having the problem/the environment and tend to just plow through because 8s tend to deny their vulnerabilities and, as is characteristic of the gut types, dislike being affected by the outside world.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

I know, however I was looking for more detailed personal opinions. Theory is one thing while practice and concrete/specific data is another.

Ah I see, I agree with that.

Anecdotally speaking then, I've found that reactive environments warrant reactive individuals. Using a more personal example, I am reactive core and my entire family has at least one reactive type in a high position (particularly type 6, but 8 and 4 also are fairly prominent). When surrounded by a behavior type growing up, the response is typically to integrate that behavior or completely reject it, so it would make most sense for reactive types to either come from "reactive environments" or very relaxed environments where their problems/perceived problems and their consequences were never taken into consideration.

The reactive triad as a whole also struggles a lot with trust, so oftentimes it makes sense for reactive types to come from environments where self-trust, personal decisiveness, and introspection was necessary or (specifically in the case of 6 I guess, but this can probably also apply to 4 and 8 to a degree) was suddenly required after, say, a figure of support was suddenly found to be manipulative or overly controlling or was taken away or rejected the reactive triad individual.

This is half speculation half anecdote, so take it as you may :/

 

[Luminous]

In summary, I think it's worth pointing out that 4s without proper validation or reaction feel there is something wrong with them because 4s are inclined towards feeling they are defective. 6s without proper validation or reaction feel there is something wrong with others/an outside force because the core fear strategy of 6 is projection (due to internal instability). 8s without proper validation or reaction feel there is something wrong with having the problem/the environment and tend to just plow through because 8s tend to deny their vulnerabilities and, as is characteristic of the gut types, dislike being affected by the outside world.

Brilliantly summarized.
4s - introjection - blame self
6s - projection - blame others
8s - denial - bulldoze

 

[Earl Grey]

I'm not sure there's necessarily a reason people end up with reactive types in their tritype, but people have done a lot of speculation about why certain types appear anyways: Childhood Scenarios For Enneatypes. When you look at the core vices, fears, and problems associated with these types, ie. 6 fears loss of security, guidance and lack of certainty, 8 fears manipulation, being controlled, and having it's vulnerabilities revealed, 4 fears that it is defective and struggles with a fluid identity/high ideals of what they should be like, you can begin to hypothesize why.

This is just my personal two cents, I think enneagram is (or at least can be) more innate than learned. For example, between my brother and I, he went 'I must please the environment to get what I want' whereas I went 'I must not bend to get what I want', my brother becoming overly accommodating, self-erasing, pleasing, and passive while I instead became temperamental and aggressive and almost hypersensitive to being 'controlled', even in less overt ways. This is despite being in the very same environment.

We completely disagree with how things should be dealt with, my brother overly valued peace and sooner chose pacifist methods at the expense of losing his voice and I overly valued autonomy and sooner became more confrontational than ever thinking of mediating first at the expense of being able to actually mediate in situations where mediation is possible. What gets to me is that it seemingly came naturally and we each just thought that our methods were the 'right answer' but could not explain why.


Tying back to the thread topic, above is one of the things that tipped me off that I may have a reactive triad in my tritype. Aside from the behaviour, the mental fixation (what you hope to avoid) and defense mechanisms (how you deal with it) also fit.