[sx] Why are sx-doms so common in typology communities?

[Lady Lazarus]

I don't want to be an sx dom anymore, I quit.

I feel like the joke aspect of this overshadowed the seriousness in that whenever I percieve myself to be identifying with a type the way 18 year old me did, I immediately feel the urge to get far far away from it. That is, being defined makes me so uncomfortable. Fighting for my basic bitch typing was my way of resisting the mode of my younger not awake self. It was never that I clung to it for identity, not at all. There isnt even an actual heuristic to identify with on that one. That was very different. But continuing the pattern of defiance in the direction I seem to be doing so is pointless. I think I have "grown past typology" and that it has allowed me to address these niches I couldn't otherwise and therefore grow in these ways I couldn't otherwise. And that is enough. I do not need it to tell me who I am at this point. Need isnt something I feel toward this anymore. Which is to say, I know how to grow now in this niche way and what I have to do in order to do so even more or more completely. Thus, I quit. I think I simply wanted to make sure it wasn't over something corrupt like it being because I am the most common of human beings (ISFJ 9) in these systems. But being destabilized in my types by others doesnt hurt at all and so I know that I can trust myself when I say it is not because of that at all.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I feel like the joke aspect of this overshadowed the seriousness in that whenever I percieve myself to be identifying with a type the way 18 year old me did, I immediately feel the urge to get far far away from it. That is, being defined makes me so uncomfortable. Fighting for my basic bitch typing was my way of resisting the mode of my younger not awake self. It was never that I clung to it for identity, not at all. There isnt even an actual heuristic to identify with on that one. That was very different. But continuing the pattern of defiance in the direction I seem to be doing so is pointless. I think I have grown past typology and that it has allowed me to address these niches I couldn't otherwise and therefore grow in these ways I couldn't otherwise. And that is enough. I do not need it to tell me who I am at this point. Need isnt something I feel toward this anymore. Which is to say, I know how to grow now in this niche way and what I have to do in order to do so even more or more completely. Thus, I quit. I think I simply wanted to make sure it wasn't over something corrupt like it being because I am the most common of human beings in these systems. But being destabilized in my types by others doesnt hurt at all and so I know that I can trust myself when I say it is not because of that at all.

the rub is we're never really fully awake. We approach seemingly more lucid, self aware states, only to later lament how blind and asleep we really were. We can continue to wake up but we never really reach full state of awakeness.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

the rub is we're never really fully awake. We approach seemingly more lucid, self aware states, only to later lament how blind and asleep we really were. We can continue to wake up but we never really reach full state of awakeness.

I suppose then I'll call it my "more so not awake self" for accuracy. I'm fine with continuing to awake more with the impossibility of full awakening persisting as long I can at least wake more and more each time. I accept the lamentation as part of my journey in that sense. I mean, what is the alternative.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I suppose then I'll call it my "more so not awake self" for accuracy. I'm fine with continuing to awake more with the impossibility of full awakening persisting as long I can at least wake more and more each time. I accept the lamentation as part of my journey in that sense. I mean, what is the alternative.

Just maintain a healthy sense of humor and willingness to laugh at yourself and you should be fine. Not that I'm saying you should be laughed at. Just that it helps when you look back and cringe at your past self.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Just maintain a healthy sense of humor and willingness to laugh at yourself and you should be fine. Not that I'm saying you should be laughed at. Just that it helps when you look back and cringe at your past self.

 

[Starry]

It's not even longing for me or that soft it's desperately trying to become an extremely specific way and it's like I'm never shifting my mind from the why. I am not so much hungry as I am discontented and impossible due to inability to compromise. Like I said, love is an imprecise word that perverts something that I cannot even describe. The desperation to destroy and to create myself and the impetus are both pointing into eachother, cyclical. There is also something so much more unconscious than that to the bolded for me. I am not a hungry ghost, I am Sisyphus. I am lassie or something. Futile, waiting, directed specifically by these things and incapable of resisting the impulse to reference how to exist, what makes it all meaningless since molding to worth doesn't actually make YOU worth anything. Not to mention the stupidity of it all. The stone rolls back down and I have to push it back up because that is all I gleaned from forced, aborted, bloody separation.

What I meant is what I'm striving for is becoming the very specific way that such a thing communicated is what I had to be not to be ripped away and thrown away. I am waiting for that person to come back and see that I have pushed the stone on top of the mountain. That lassie has obediently remained here for 14 years. And none of it is anything so beautiful for me. It is more than that and it is so much myself that I can't gather it up and think about if it is romance and if it is so because it has ruined all my relationships. None of that so much as it is inevitable, wherever I go there it is and it can't be escaped I cannot settle. Of my existence I cannot think of any other way than on the confusing terms I just described. It was too early and I have almost never known any other way to exist. Even if I did not have the language of IV to categorize this (and therefore to dilute and really do it little to no justice), it would remain my struggle and in all futility. That is, if my experience of this in particular is something that the language I think describes it so I use to attempt to describe it does not in fact accommodate then I will forego the language for this is an undeniable thing in the way the language is not. I doubt how to exist so to say something is undeniable, especially undeniably formative is distinct for me when I think of myself and so it is easy to throw away the language in light of that. Of who I am and what created me (aka this cycle) for better and for worse. All of this comes before everything that isn't value without condition/when I percieved myself as unconditionally worthy of love, it is what emerged from division.

None of this has been tl:dr I want you to know that.

I sometimes convince myself that you were a novelist from the romantic/romantic-gothic period in your previous life (although things are slightly convoluted here because I believe most novelists actually are ISFJ 9s...and not INF 4s like it is generally thought). I'm having wsbisgwibs : rblitd (written so beautifully I'm second guessing what is being stated : read but likely in the dark) <-Do you have a condensed sentence long version for the intellectually challenged among us?

I don't have a longing feeling either. Or a hunger. I am so hard-pressed to explain this but it's like I don't quite get that I'm single. Like when I go to make a decision I'm automatically expecting to consult with my other half that doesn't exist. And it is when I find myself in these moments that I get simultaneously paralyzed and angry. I think people need to understand that this isn't about wanting to mate or whatever...love and be loved in return...most people have that. I don't have a longing...I feel like something is missing...like I'm not operating at full capacity. I'm not designed for the life I have...I'm not wired for it. Okay I really don't think that made the sense I wanted it to make. But whatever.

What is the difference between 9 merging and sx dominance in your opinion?

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I don't have a longing feeling either. Or a hunger.

This is completely foreign to me.

I just watched a movie and the entire time, my chest was twisting because the main character reminded me exactly of what once was. It was almost physically painful and I would dare say the peak of any such longing sensation for me in my lifetime thus far, which is impressive to say the least. I'm even sitting here with a coronary hangover of sorts.

I think I'm gonna go for a drive...

 

[rav3n]

I don't want to be an sx dom anymore, I quit.

Wat? This made me giggle a bit.

Wanna know what it feels like to be an 8w7 sx/sp? Even though there are sexual overtones, it's only a component of the raw intensity.

YouTube

 

[Starry]

This is completely foreign to me.

I just watched a movie and the entire time, my chest was twisting because the main character reminded me exactly of what once was. It was almost physically painful and I would dare say the peak of any such longing sensation for me in my lifetime thus far, which is impressive to say the least. I'm even sitting here with a coronary hangover of sorts.

I think I'm gonna go for a drive...

I think you are saying that you often experience longing? Is that right?



As a 7 I don't think I defer gratification long enough to experience longing.

 

[Galena]

As far as longing goes, I want to say that I don't have that and just have goals and envies. But I do, and just dwelled on them a lot more in the form of longings when I was younger and the space between myself and what I wanted was there more involuntarily. Not that involuntary blocks can't happen just as much to adults - my situation is just lucky in that they've been cleared rather linearly with time.

The form I guess it takes now is that I don't allow longing to remain longing for long (lol), and sometimes (often) the period where it exists as such gets cut so brief that I don't notice it. I either convert it into a goal and go get it (healthy) or repress the feeling if I don't have confidence that I'm ready for what I long for (not so healthy). I also repress it if I am working toward a goal and it's taking some time or challenging work - just try to become a machine and feel the love again later (very unhealthy, including physically!). Seems like I have shame attached to the feeling of longing and that's why I avoid it - I have that with whole spectrum of sadness in general, rarely being conscious of those emotions.

 

[Galena]

As a 7 I don't think I defer gratification long enough to experience longing.

Oh, and despite my lack of e7 bones in my body, I relate so much (too much) to this.

Also it's very unlike how other people perceive me, but damn it I know better, okay??

(although things are slightly convoluted here because I believe most novelists actually are ISFJ 9s...and not INF 4s like it is generally thought)

I totally thought the post this came from was Peter's, but no, here I am giving you way too many pings instead. Just want to say that I totally see it. The unhealthy relationships 4s can develop with the personal creations that mean the most to them, their works, and dreams are known in the literature to be not so conducive to finalizing those works. I don't know about any other 4s, but the grossest thing is realizing that something close to my heart is on the verge of devolving into just an ego/image prop, where if the issue isn't rooted out and resolved, then even abandoning it for good would be healthier than what it would become if I just kept following the bliss without thinking critically - and there is a deep part in me that doesn't ever want to have to think critically. Which I think is one of the darkest and most dangerous things about me.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

None of this has been tl:dr I want you to know that.

I sometimes convince myself that you were a novelist from the romantic/romantic-gothic period in your previous life (although things are slightly convoluted here because I believe most novelists actually are ISFJ 9s...and not INF 4s like it is generally thought). I'm having wsbisgwibs : rblitd (written so beautifully I'm second guessing what is being stated : read but likely in the dark) <-Do you have a condensed sentence long version for the intellectually challenged among us?

I don't have a longing feeling either. Or a hunger. I am so hard-pressed to explain this but it's like I don't quite get that I'm single. Like when I go to make a decision I'm automatically expecting to consult with my other half that doesn't exist. And it is when I find myself in these moments that I get simultaneously paralyzed and angry. I think people need to understand that this isn't about wanting to mate or whatever...love and be loved in return...most people have that. I don't have a longing...I feel like something is missing...like I'm not operating at full capacity. I'm not designed for the life I have...I'm not wired for it. Okay I really don't think that made the sense I wanted it to make. But whatever.

What is the difference between 9 merging and sx dominance in your opinion?

Thank you for saying that, I wrote that at 4 AM. So clearly, I was sure to be at my most concise and intelligible.

What I was saying was that instead of longing and hunger I just have discontent and restlessness. Then I explained that I don't know what I want because, unknowingly, very early into my life I put the rejection of myself by a specific person at center stage then proceeded to enter this horrible cycle of trying to be exactly as they would have desired. I don't know how to want things purely for myself/how to be, I want things in light of that rejection and in order to be that certain way for them or whatever. It's all very futile.

Then I was trying to say I wasn't interested in speaking about this in terms of trying to confine it as sx things, because this experience I was trying to share is something too important to me to cheapen it that way and that instead I was using the language typology gives us to try to talk about these things. To try to understand. Embarrassingly, I even got cagey about others trying to identify with it because I do not want to make this broad when it is personal. But also because I felt like no one understood what I was talking about. I think I did not judge correctly when sharing this.

That wasn't a sentence...but I don't have a sentence version.

Anyway, In terms of human relations I think merging is kind of like an illusion in that it's not actual bonding as you are simply taking on the personality of the other person or character or object (to each their own I guess) so you just become the other in the way a mirror would. It can be idyllic because for the 9 merging is obviously not about making waves. Sx dominance is actually when the respective pieces come together, it's an interaction of two mutlifaceted components into one whole in the way merging isn't. And of course that complexity (9 merging is always so lacking in complexity as it is about embodying something) invites conflict, change, pain, etc. in the way just disappearing doesn't. Independent of human relations, merging is ultimately about creating stability and sx dominance isn't. Merging is empathetic, it is about understanding but only in one direction as to find an abode to weather the unstable identity issues of type 9.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I think you are saying that you often experience longing? Is that right?



As a 7 I don't think I defer gratification long enough to experience longing.

Yes, multiple times daily. Especially lately.

 

[Luminous]

Yes, multiple times daily. Especially lately.

I can't imagine what it's like to be an sx dom without longing.

 

[cascadeco]

I think many of my younger years (I feel like I write that phrase a lot these days, but it's the only appropriate one) were filled with sadness and longing; I often dwelled on wanting to be in a relationship and having some great 'connection' and never having it. I was and always have been very 'alone' in a pretty real sense. But as I've gotten older... through my 20's, and through my 30's... I've tried to disconnect myself from that because at the end of the day it was 'pointless' in many ways. Also, though I do have a few of those sorts of deeper bonds, they are so rare and I do not think they are things that can be sought after; they happen, or they don't. They materialize, or not.

So now I try to live in the moment more, appreciate what I have, and finally in the past year have focused on socializing with some coworkers and being open to more 'casual' friendships that historically I stayed away from. I find being by myself gets old and so I'm working on moving beyond prior notions of friendships and wanting to be more open to other sorts; even though I still kinda judge them because they're not my 'ideal', I'm working on that. Since I only get to talk to or hang out with my closest friends once a month at the most, and with a few, only chat via email or phone maybe once or twice a year, I need more than that. I'm still by myself most of the time but I'm very much aware of how unhealthy and unhappy I can become when I am too isolated, so I am working with what I have and instead of hyper-focusing on trying to find a 1:1 romantic relationship like I did all throughout my 20's and into my early 30's and thought about in my teens, now I'm just... not caring about that anymore. I guess you could say I've given up on that but I think it goes beyond that to the point of... genuine ambivalence and just not wanting to bother with it anymore. Letting all of that go. That said, I'm aware enough to know that the whole subject is still a big trigger for me and I'm still sensitive to the lack of it.. so obviously some of the feelings are still present in me... but I'm no longer fixated on it like I often was when younger.

 

[Hive]

I think typology attracts a lot of people with flimsy grasps on their identities and typology gives them tools to mold themselves in the image they'd like. Sx is obviously the most appealing instinct to identify with. Even the flaws are romanticized. It's much sexier to be an addictive personality than it is to be a miser or someone desperate for peer approval.

Perhaps this doesn't illuminate the whole picture but the same phenomenon can also be seen in the overrepresentation of certain MBTI and enneagram types in typology communities.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I can't imagine what it's like to be an sx dom without longing.

To be fair, I'm not an sx dom so perhaps my answer in the other post is best not counted among the others.

But I would actually attribute constant longing to secondary sx over primary sx since the need is being expressed creatively. I think primary sx is almost less concious than that, the impetus is more integrated into the person.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

To be fair, I'm not an sx dom so perhaps my answer in the other post is best not counted among the others.

But I would actually attribute constant longing to secondary sx over primary sx since the need is being expressed creatively. I think primary sx is almost less concious than that, the impetus is more integrated into the person.

Wait, what?

 

[Starry]

So many amazing responses [MENTION=17945]Stell[/MENTION] but I’m going to start here as it is where I left off in my mind.

Thank you for saying that, I wrote that at 4 AM. So clearly, I was sure to be at my most concise and intelligible.

What I was saying was that instead of longing and hunger I just have discontent and restlessness. Then I explained that I don't know what I want because, unknowingly, very early into my life I put the rejection of myself by a specific person at center stage then proceeded to enter this horrible cycle of trying to be exactly as they would have desired. I don't know how to want things purely for myself/how to be, I want things in light of that rejection and in order to be that certain way for them or whatever. It's all very futile.

Then I was trying to say I wasn't interested in speaking about this in terms of trying to confine it as sx things, because this experience I was trying to share is something too important to me to cheapen it that way and that instead I was using the language typology gives us to try to talk about these things. To try to understand. Embarrassingly, I even got cagey about others trying to identify with it because I do not want to make this broad when it is personal. But also because I felt like no one understood what I was talking about. I think I did not judge correctly when sharing this.

That wasn't a sentence...but I don't have a sentence version.

Thank you so much for clarifying. But oh no...it is as I thought! I relate to this so well I must now decide if I should proceed and cause you possible cageness? I say yes! (This is how we identify our intimates is it not? Lead with our worst...our most selfish... our most socially unacceptable behavior...and then see who didn’t go and grab a torch or pitchfork ). Pretty much everything you just said dude... *cage sounds*


...with just a few minor type-related twists. I don’t see much difference between filling in the void with someone that was and not fully accepting that the void is not filled as I have done until I am reminded of it. Until I’m reminded of it and am left to run wild. <-I don’t regret all of the impulsive things I’ve done in the least...I’ve been everywhere and done everything. My life has been so rich. But I must be honest about the fuel...

It has never been strength or intrepid spirit... but a desire to tempt fate. If I am to be abandoned, foresaken... created for this purpose but left without what it appears to take to fulfill it... I will not jump through your artificial hoops! Not a single one of them. I will fly off to Timbuktu tomorrow...without makeup or fancy clothes... I’m going to ignore the dude on the plane that seems interested in me. I’m going to ride elephants... smoke cigars... spit. I will not bend...(actually this is more like one of my favorite Persian quotes...”you can not break the broken”)...until you (god) bring me what was promised.

It’s difficult knowing what I want when the sense that it must be agreed upon is always present in you.

 

[Luminous]

To be fair, I'm not an sx dom so perhaps my answer in the other post is best not counted among the others.

But I would actually attribute constant longing to secondary sx over primary sx since the need is being expressed creatively. I think primary sx is almost less concious than that, the impetus is more integrated into the person.

I don't see how feeling the lack of something is creative.