How do you deal with feeling anger?

[Maou]

I heard that different types deal with anger differently. So how do you cope with the feeling of anger?

I do not get angry very often, but I also hate being angry. I ignore the emotion, but some things trigger that response in me if you know where to push. I try to remain composed, and disengage and ignore the source of my anger. But sometimes I sit there and mull over that person's flaws in my head, and sometimes I verbally lash out. I am almost never pushed to a state of physical anger (at least in like 15 years). I have a good control over my emotions.

 

[The Cat]

I'm always angry. For a long time I tried to fight it, suppress it. Deny it. It is a burning fire that both fuels and sustains me. I've learned to channel it creatively to a fair extent. But I've found that since I am shackled to a beast, I can commune with it, I don't have to let it hurt others. I don't have to suppress or deny it. I can use it to push me when I need it to, but I do need a constructive creative outlet for it.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Everything irritates me. I'm the person who will get expressively angry at an object for not doing what I want it to do. Drivers make me mad. Things not meeting my expectations can make me mad.

I do try to control my anger in certain situations to avoid consequence, but I'm not necessarily very good at it. It can take a substantial amount of effort to hold everything in, and people I get really comfortable with/am around regularly will unfortunately be exposed to outbursts of irritation and anger from me. Sometimes I feel embarrassed/sheepish afterward because of my lack of self-control and I just get quiet or broody.

 

[1487610420]

gasoline

 

[Frosty]

Repress it, repress it, repress it, fight against externalizing it, maybe externalize it maybe not, feel bad for having to fight against externalizing it or feel worse for actually externalizibg it, internalize it, internalize it, internalize it

 

[highlander]

I have always thought of anger as my friend. It is a motivating emotion for me. I will get pissed about something and take action. There are some negative sides to it. It results in my confronting things and being extremely direct. The tone in my voice can be upsetting to some people that avoid conflict -i.e., harsh to the point of abrasiveness. I can be irritated by small things as well like when my computer just crashed 30 minutes ago and I swore at it. I think the situations where I get irritated are less these days - like when I'm driving, I don't get mad at other drivers as much as I used to when they drive poorly, cut me off, etc. One thing is for sure. I don't believe in bottling it up. Better to express it and get over it. I guess I can think of a good example. There is a person at work that was yelling at my team, criticizing them, sending emails with all capital letters - when my team had been busting their ass on a project for a year and half at her client doing great work. She was upset about something which is fair but the way she was expressing it was extremely unprofessional and she kept on with this obnoxious behavior for several weeks. I tried to make excuses for her, call her and talk things through, try and tone the situation down, etc. I finally hit a point where my patience wore thin and I told her though everyone agreed with most of what she was saying, her constant overreactions were demoralizing to the entire team. Then I said I personally was fed up with it and walked away from supporting her. If she apologizes after the break, I'd work with her again, but she needed to know that her behavior was unacceptable and that I wasn't going to put up with it any longer (for me or my team).

 

[Yuurei]

Eh, I just repress it. What’s the wirst that could happen?

 

[Maou]

Eh, I just repress it. What’s the wirst that could happen?

Homicide?

 

[ceecee]

I direct it at the person I'm angry with or address the situation I'm angry with or vent at something but I don't repress it ever. I use to, I learned in therapy how bad of an idea that is but it's also not as socially expectable to show anger as a woman. Feel free to disagree with that but unless you're a woman, you have no idea.

I also feel anger is a prime motivator - I've always said I keep it in my pocket like spare change so it's there to motivate when I need it. The plus side is as I've gotten older, the easier it is to know which hills are worth dying on and which are not. So little things are less likely to get any reaction from me, angry or otherwise.

 

[Earl Grey]

I heard that different types deal with anger differently. So how do you cope with the feeling of anger?

I do not get angry very often, but I also hate being angry. I ignore the emotion, but some things trigger that response in me if you know where to push. I try to remain composed, and disengage and ignore the source of my anger. But sometimes I sit there and mull over that person's flaws in my head, and sometimes I verbally lash out. I am almost never pushed to a state of physical anger (at least in like 15 years). I have a good control over my emotions.

Question, by 'get angry' do you mean feel angry, or express anger?
Because in the rest of your post you mention dealing with the existing feeling of anger, just that you do not show it.

(Also, is verbally lashing out not a physical show of anger?)

 

[rav3n]

Ignore it when it's inconvenient where convenience is subjectively defined by me and process it when it's convenient. Narrow it to increase intensity, when it's convenient and/or useful for me, directed at the individual. Redirect the energy towards something more productive. Disperse it through parsing.

It's an emotion just like every other emotion so I accept it as such and process it accordingly.

 

[Maou]

Question, by 'get angry' do you mean feel angry, or express anger?
Because in the rest of your post you mention dealing with the existing feeling of anger, just that you do not show it.

(Also, is verbally lashing out not a physical show of anger?)

Both, any aspects of the emotion.

 

[anticlimatic]

I have always thought of anger as my friend.

Anger typically a product of stress, which is quite literally your mortal enemy:

Ways to Shorten Your Life Span
Stress and Heart Disease: Get Facts on the Warning Signs

There are plenty of other motivating forces for action. I recommend joie de vivre, the pleasure of making order out of chaos, and curiosity (of your abilities, actions, and possible outcomes). Conflict is unavoidable, but getting angry about it and during it is a choice. I consider myself something of a self taught zen master, and believe people would do well by themselves in taking some of my advice on this subject. Here's a list of things you can do to improve your life by reducing your overall anger:

1) If you have no control over it, don't get angry about it. This is another area where anger is a choice. If you're in traffic and not going as fast as you would like, just relax, brush it off, give the car in front of you some room and think about other things. If you're sitting at home getting all worked up about global warming or your country's foreign policy, chill out. Think about something else. If there's nothing you can do about something, it isn't worth letting that thing poison your life.

2) If something surprising angers you that you do have some control over, act on it as soon as possible. Don't act impulsively, but put everything- including and ESPECIALLY speaking- on hold until you have thought it through to an action/solution that satisfies you. Then present it to the world, stat (if someone is hitting you or someone you care about, the amount of time it takes you to think to defend yourself/them physically should be less than three seconds).

3) If something unsurprising threatens to anger you, nip it the bud immediately. If someone asks you to do something you don't want to do for them, say no- or at least not without whatever will make it worth it to you (sure, I'll help you move- for 30 bucks). Don't let yourself do things that you will be angry at yourself for doing. If you are addicted to those things, break that addiction first. Anyone can break an addiction, it's always possible. Stick up for yourself, but don't swing sticks at other people.

 

[LucieCat]

I don't get angry a whole lot as I typically don't see things that happen as worth anger.

But when I am angry, I find the best thing to do is distance myself from the situation and come back later.

 

[TetrisMatrix]

I get angry very fast and it goes away that way as well. I get angry when I anticipate something but reality verifies it differently. For instance, me and my friends were at the pub 2 weeks ago. Some drunk guys asked for joining. Of course I told them ok, you can have a sit. They were boring, but not harmful. Howeve, after a while, one of them became more and more drunk and he started to touch my friend (she is very very intrverted and I know that she would not do anything because she is so closed). I just said very vey not in my style that he should f ck off form her etc, I hate when that kind of things happens. He was like ''oh comon I just need a closure'', her eyes were " omg I am so not ok with it" and I just told him twice to get out of here or I will hurt him.

I hate it when people abuse power that they have. The power of trust or kindness of other person. I hope you know what I mean.

I prefer quick decisions to solve the problem or gym

 

[RadicalDoubt]

It really depends on the context of the anger. In real anger situations, I'm prone to internalizing my anger to some degree because most of my anger is typically directed at myself and I value having control over myself. Brooding over my anger and analyzing things to death is one common reaction, another is trying to use that anger as a fuel for ambition and my goals. If that doesn't work to dissipate the anger itself, I can become somewhat outwardly aggressive and brash. But this is of course when I am actually angry, and that's relatively rare because my fuse is unnaturally long.

Frankly, I have a stronger reaction and much lower tolerance for mild frustration than I do to real anger.

Edit: It's worth noting that, while this is my personal perception of my anger, literally no one really notices it till I reach my breaking point and scream at people. So when I say outwardly aggressive it's probably closer to abruptly telling people to back off or that I'm struggling to handle them and being condescending then anything else. Believe it or not, directly telling people about your anger doesn't make it more obvious in my case.

 

[Mind Maverick]

I'm pretty much exactly as Eryn / Jack said. It's fuel / energy to me, I channel it. It becomes determination.

 

[cascadeco]

I have become more prone to anger as I have gotten older. I think this is the result of my no longer immediately trying to repress it/rationalize it/reframe things, or immediately trying to see things from the other persons pov/blaming myself. When younger I hardly recognized anger/probably would have responded that I rarely experience it. (Which was true, due to reframing/repression, etc)

I still find it difficult in most cases to actually 'do' anything about it (Example: I can't push back at customers; and believe me, the few times I do/have nothing good comes of it/ it's a lose lose situation for all involved); most of the time there's no effective outlet for it, and most of the time all I can really do is vent. As such, experiencing it ends up causing me stress vs it actually being an emotion that sparks anything positive. A lot of times I might be angry because there in fact is NOT anything that can be done. Sometimes it points to something that can be done / I should do, though, or it is a wakeup call.

I think most of the time I experience the milder form of anger - irritation. I can get irritated fairly easily, but a lot of that could be due to my constantly being at the mercy of people every day on the job and so it can wear on me, thus my threshold of tolerance becomes compromised.

 

[MyINFJness]

Anger is like the gasoline to my getting shit done mode. I work out more, complete unfinished things and tunnel vision in on my determination. Unless I'm hurt and beyond furious, and then I'm completely giving up on the source of the anger. Shut the door, and done.

 

[Morpeko]

I'm always angry about one thing or another. I tend to have two different kinds of anger.

First type is pretty much just irritation of daily occurrences. Especially driving, goddamn driving. Just little "wrongs" that happen to me which make my blood boil for some time but they go away fast. Honestly, listening to metal works pretty well. Or working out. It pumps my pissed off adrenaline out and then I can go back to stewing the other negative activity going on in my mind.

Second type is me being a perpetually angry person about humanity. Fueled by observing shit that happens to the people I care about or shit that I have personally experienced. It never really goes away with time. I've been mad about certain things for years. I hope it doesn't turn into decades.
I used to deal with this really poorly and constantly imagined the perpetrators of my anger being murdered by me. Dreamed about it a lot. Even wrote stories about revenge as "catharsis." I thought the stories would work but it didn't really. I still deal with it poorly but over the past few years my anger has become more internalized and eats me up inside. Then I blame it on myself or blame it on other things rather than getting rid of it. I guess I don't really deal with it.

I don't think anything I said makes sense since I'm in a rambly mood right now.