[sx] sx/sp types, let me save you a lot of trouble in the search for a mate

[Kasper]

Other than being "too intense", how would you describe your interactions with sx-doms? I'm curious how we come off to people who are not sx-doms themselves. Crazy wierdos who have the ability to peer into your soul?

Enneagram/MBTI has an impact here, for some sx's I find their style invasive and hard to take (I am a NT Sp so it's really not that hard ), with others not so much.

Generally

With some there's the ability to be brutally harsh to others with very high sensitivity to criticism themselves, anger is often present and emotion tends to be more reactive and explosive than other types. Jealousy and insecurity in relationships also seems more common [refer to my thread on Jealousy to understand why I have an issue with that ].

Their passion is something I love, the intensity makes me cautious though. I'm fine with impulsiveness but unpredictability in emotions that may be formal one moment then explode as anger or volatility without warning doesn't gel with me, I can't trust that in people, it activates my defences. As we're talking in the context of a romantic relationship, that's clearly a bad thing.

There are 3 Enneagram types in particular that I find dom sx's easier to connect with though:

5s have a strong need for independence more than most others so they don't bring out a claustrophobic feeling in me, they also push and pull with their boundaries which can give me some breathing space (although it can also leave me unsure of where I stand). 5 sx's don't appear as passionate or intense to me until you hit on a topic that they care deeply about. Anger can still present but I find 5s more disconnected and even than other sx's. Their intense emotions often come out as more depressive than volatile. Basically they seem more consistent.

7 sx's don't tend to cause any concern, maybe it's because of the shared enneagram, maybe because their moods tend to display more as excitement, happiness and other positive expressions which I love and am magnetised towards. Maybe both.

9s are also generally not too intense for me, if we were to use Tritype 9w8 would be my second type, I can relate to their style quite well and I tend to find them inoffensive and happy-go-lucky most of the time. As with 5s their ability to withdraw makes it easier for me to get the space I need.


This is of course all generalised to give you a global view of my take, there are always exceptions.

 

[angell_m]

WHO WOULDN'T want a partner who's sexually dominant or dominantly sexual, goes both ways.

 

[Tallulah]

Agree with Trinity on this topic. I'm sp/so/sx, and I have a deep desire to connect intensely with my SO, but not with the general population. I can do it with close friends who've been around a while, but only in spurts. I don't like to be probed and poked (that's what she said!). But with an SO, I WANT to feel deeply, connect deeply. But I also want to know that it's not going to burn brightly then fade away after a few months. I want to know the desire for connection will stay there, and if that means we're not on 11 the whole time and we need to tend to our own independence needs, I can deal with that. It's also a turn-on when someone has put in the time to show me that he wants to know me, and will wait for me to be comfortable. I think it ties in with the wing 5 stuff that Condon was talking about. I need to know it's a decision I'm willingly making, rather than feeling pressured to open up.

 

[the state i am in]

i think the objection to sx types is that they seem so impulsive and focused on what they want. i associate sx with if not blatant selfishness a kind of self-absorption. want what i want when i want it kind of thing.

the good is that when you both are completely into each other the connection is so direct, focused, intense. we both want to relate with nothing held back and no remainders. and a person's individual truths come out so much faster and with so much more energy and richly saturated expressiveness. for moments you glimpse the whole of them more completely, although that gets fatiguing and hazy after a while and it needs time to regenerate a sense of individual identity that speaks to more than just your privately shared world.

 

[KutthroatKawaii]

"with a soc/sx - these types by far put up with my BS more than any other types. very accepting and easy to get along with. good conversationalists and non judgemental. they help bring me out of my shell and socialize. they dont mind me being soc-last (soc/sp do seem to mind). you can have a good sx connection with them, while still giving each other space. dont hold grudges as much as others. meanwhile having sx-second still gives a good connection. it isnt as intense as with a sx-first, but its still there and if you're both genuinely interested in the other, it can work out. i think these types would be the easiest to live with and have a "normal" relationship with. they usually make better friends than lovers ime. i dont know if i would ever be truly 100% satisfied with a soc/sx like i would with a sx-first. i've never pursued or WANTED a soc/sx type. usually they really like me for some reason though. i just keep them as the backup plan and settle for them if i dont have anything better going on



with a sp/sx - they are more serious, but they keep me grounded more. I think it's similar to how SJ Guardians stabilize SP Hedonists. sp/sx get shit done and remember the important things i might be reckless about. as soc-last, theyre just as non-caring about socializing as i am. they're homebodies like me too, and not always on the go. that's very comfortable to me. and unlike the other types above, you dont really have to play relationship games with them. they're extremely trustworthy and it feels like you can hold onto them and really let your guard down. their sp first might seem to get in the way at times, but you learn to appreciate it. they have enough sx to still be sexy and make a deep connection. takes a while for them to open up, but when they do you know its worth it. more marriage material than casual dating material. i could definitely see myself settling down with one. they got a hidden freak inside them too"

I agree with all the other assessments but these two I don't know about. I've had different experiences. I went out with an Sp/Sx and found they were too controlling and selfish. I was bored out of my mind because they had such low energy and they betrayed me, cheating on me with their ex the entire time -- only ever out for their own personal interest and disregarding my needs while hypocritically demanding total loyalty and devotion to them and THEIR needs. But that was an introverted Sp/Sx. Perhaps that dynamic would be different with an extroverted Sp/Sx?

So far I adore the So/Sx's that I meet. Like you said, they don't mind your So-blindspot and open up your world in a way that's personalized and not overwhelming. I just haven't met one that i'm physically attracted to yet. Most likely though unless I learn something new to change my mind here once I find that i'd date that.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Although I have little faith that most people properly type themselves (or others) instinctually, here you go:

You're welcome.

 

[Snow as White]

Although I have little faith that most people properly type themselves (or others) instinctually, here you go:

You're welcome.

Such colors, many thanks.

I definitely get along the best with sx/sp and sp/sx types with a few smatterings of the so/sx sprinkled in. So/Sx plus Fe-dom = every get-together is a party of at least five.

 

[Neokortex]

soc/sp - dont even waste your time here. it just wont work. i dont mind them as co workers and neighbors, but never as a girlfriend. your priorities are so different. i think you can get along great with them in private, but as soon as you're in public together, you will see where the problems arise.

I'm not sure you / [MENTION=9856]themarlins[/MENTION] is still around but I'd like to ask for some clarification on the last sentence. Where do the problems arise, then? Could you relate some examples? I also have some fresh cases regarding that.

 

[1487610420]

Although I have little faith that most people properly type themselves (or others) instinctually, here you go:

You're welcome.

Omg, this is so fascinating because actually

...

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Omg, this is so fascinating because actually

...

No, I'm not. The chart may be, but I am not.
Sp/Sx is "The Sunny 4" and looks like 7.
Yet another person who doesn't understand countertypes.
Better luck next time though.

 

[1487610420]

Potato, potahto

 

[bluejay]

I know it when I feel it.. no personality correlation. I would be bored out of my damn mind if I had a certain "type" and they always pushed the same buttons. Chemistry should hit you over the head.. I enjoy feeling sudden surprise.

I never jive well with so/sx but don't see why I couldn't... each energy is individual.

I know I like a more dominant energy... but I also like 4w5s... it can flip.

 

[INTP1W2]

Nope, Jixmixfix....I'm an SP/SX/SO as well. Still learning about these. Definitely intrigued with the SX part and compatibility with other types.