SD45T-2
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This is a thread I started awhile back: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/relationships/71148-bad-friendship.html
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What is the hardest thing about being a man?
- Thread starter Peter Deadpan
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Peter Deadpan
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Here is a great article by a "wise old man." For me, it highlights the similarities between men and women. We essentially want the same thing, it's just that we each get there a bit differently. I wasn't expecting anything ground shaking from this read, but I was pleasantly surprised by his insight into the female perspective on male vulnerability and it's relationship to anger/aggression. In fact, I hadn't consciously made the connection myself, but when I look back, it's completely true and is a pattern that I recognize.
I'm starting to think that authentic and healthy love can't even start until your 30s. Before that, we are all still trying to figure shit out and very egocentric whether we realize it or not. It's hard to prevent conflict in relationships until you have fucked up a few times yourself and learned from your mistakes and experiences.
Anyway, here is the article and I highly recommend The Good Men Project as a whole. One day you'll see my words on their site
The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex -
I'm starting to think that authentic and healthy love can't even start until your 30s. Before that, we are all still trying to figure shit out and very egocentric whether we realize it or not. It's hard to prevent conflict in relationships until you have fucked up a few times yourself and learned from your mistakes and experiences.
Anyway, here is the article and I highly recommend The Good Men Project as a whole. One day you'll see my words on their site
The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex -
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having questions like these being asked
Mole
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I can't tell you the hardest thing about being a man, but I can tell you the nicest thing. The nicest thing is taking it for granted, for it leaves me free to explore my anima, my unconscious female side. I can explore my anima by introspection or by falling in love with women.
Peter Deadpan
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I was saving these for my blog, but what the hey-diddly-heck:
^^^Ignore the "cuz men need feminism" part. I don't like the way that sounds and I doubt you do either.
^^^I mostly just like the faces. So good.
ChocolateMoose123
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Here is a great article by a "wise old man." For me, it highlights the similarities between men and women. We essentially want the same thing, it's just that we each get there a bit differently. I wasn't expecting anything ground shaking from this read, but I was pleasantly surprised by his insight into the female perspective on male vulnerability and it's relationship to anger/aggression. In fact, I hadn't consciously made the connection myself, but when I look back, it's completely true and is a pattern that I recognize.
I'm starting to think that authentic and healthy love can't even start until your 30s. Before that, we are all still trying to figure shit out and very egocentric whether we realize it or not. It's hard to prevent conflict in relationships until you have fucked up a few times yourself and learned from your mistakes and experiences.
Anyway, here is the article and I highly recommend The Good Men Project as a whole. One day you'll see my words on their site
The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex -
Mm. In a hetero-sense: Problem arises when men make women all encompassing "safe harbor" and women make men all encompassing "protectors". That just brings bad juju onto one person being responsible for all of it. Leads to manipulations. That's not fair.
You shouldnt set up idols, whether they're a single human being or something more complicated than that.
Peter Deadpan
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Yes, I know all too well the dynamic that occurs when you put someone up on a pedestal. It's you that falls when they mess up... very unfair for the other person. Fortunately, I truly think I am past doing that to my potential lovers, but I still worry they may do it to me.
kelric
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Grr. I just wrote a huge post that got eaten by hitting the stupid windows key instead of shift...
Basically I was agreeing with Highlander. I've watched several of Karen Straughan's videos, and while I don't agree with absolutely everything she says, she's pretty on point. The interesting thing is that people only tend to listen to such things when they're said *by women*. A man saying similar things would often be derided as weak, pathetic, oblivious to his own privilege, or whiny. Despite the truths therein.
That's a lot of the problem with being a man. The social expectations of being a man are in direct conflict with admitting that you may need help, or that you aren't 100% in control of your own situation (and none of us, men or women, are). Modern western society tends to be very positive towards people who address issues that tend to affect women deleteriously. That's a great thing. The problem is that it's equally *not* positive towards issues that tend to affect men more frequently. The overarching attitude is that women who need help deserve help to get on their feet, and that men who need help deserve derision for failing to "be a man".
The thing is, it's incredibly difficult for anyone to see their own social privileges, and incredibly *easy* to see those of others that you don't share. That's not to say that everyone is equally privileged -- but being prohibited from being open about what bothers you while being expected to proactively address issues that bother others can be a frustrating position to be in, and I think a lot of men struggle with that. Women who call out society on these issues are often supported (as they should be). Men are told to "stop mansplaining and check your privilege".
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Mole
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In the Age of Identity Politics we define our identity by being victims, and men are no exception. So we define our political identity by whining about how hard it is to be a man.
Imagine if Satan had whined about being number two in heaven, rather than declaiming, he would rather rule in hell then serve in heaven.
Imagine if Satan had whined about being number two in heaven, rather than declaiming, he would rather rule in hell then serve in heaven.
Blackout
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I feel about complaining about a topic like this as well all on an individual level struggle with things like this non to mention I suppose on a group level too in terms of commonalities and things like that we share with others and I suppose on a biological, physical level there are "pro's" and "cons" but in some instances it seems kind of strange to me to complain about this because it's just life/nature and there's not all that much you can do about it. I guess I'm just sick of complaining about nature all of the time, and trying to fit things into a box of social sciences that, who can they if they are really mold-able or not. "Social norms" "gender norms" all that stuff, why bother worrying about it?
I don't know anymore. I think I'm happier being a man overall but I get tired of social expectation and the like at times.
I think I could say what it is that bothers me the most but ironically enough I think it's considered to socially taboo and off-limits to speak about. But as a man, the whole provider thing is really irksome sometimes, and often times having to be the imitator and being held to at times what feels like a "straight jacket" of masculinity and it's not so much that I am not "strong" enough, it's just that I've always seen life in more of a complex way then this and it often feels like the pressure to continually impress and keep women interested feels too steep at times and overwhelming. Also, it at times feels merciless the expectations to "succeed" seemingly with out question an to always compete and if you do not adequately enough then your worth as a person is usually considered quiet low. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that your self worth is often more or less measured by "what you do" and not who you are as a person and that at times who you are, your personality is kind of secondary at best. You're kind of just regulated to being some kind of a cog in a machine.
Also, if you have ever had health problems, or just emotional issues and the like as I have had, it sort of puts you at odds with most of the world and you'll be left out and largely not respected by most people. Of course having any health problem does this, even if it's not that serious but it's probably at time worse if you're a male. Honestly I guess I just hate all of the expectations that seem to come with being a male at times. I guess it's not always the cause but it's annoying at times.
I don't know anymore. I think I'm happier being a man overall but I get tired of social expectation and the like at times.
I think I could say what it is that bothers me the most but ironically enough I think it's considered to socially taboo and off-limits to speak about. But as a man, the whole provider thing is really irksome sometimes, and often times having to be the imitator and being held to at times what feels like a "straight jacket" of masculinity and it's not so much that I am not "strong" enough, it's just that I've always seen life in more of a complex way then this and it often feels like the pressure to continually impress and keep women interested feels too steep at times and overwhelming. Also, it at times feels merciless the expectations to "succeed" seemingly with out question an to always compete and if you do not adequately enough then your worth as a person is usually considered quiet low. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that your self worth is often more or less measured by "what you do" and not who you are as a person and that at times who you are, your personality is kind of secondary at best. You're kind of just regulated to being some kind of a cog in a machine.
Also, if you have ever had health problems, or just emotional issues and the like as I have had, it sort of puts you at odds with most of the world and you'll be left out and largely not respected by most people. Of course having any health problem does this, even if it's not that serious but it's probably at time worse if you're a male. Honestly I guess I just hate all of the expectations that seem to come with being a male at times. I guess it's not always the cause but it's annoying at times.
Blackout
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I really depends a lot though I guess, it's not always the case. When I lived in big "liberal" (for better or worse) metropolitan city, women seemed to have less high standards or something. I was quite surprised by this. So I don't know, overall I did not really jive with the mentality in that place very well though. I've always struggled with fitting into social norms though, if I was more normal or trie to follow a conventional path maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
i was really surprised at how open women were to me there as it was not like that in most other places. Most other places are more stuck in the past.
Like, uh.........I received far more female attention in Vancouver then compared to another place I like, Montreal; but for many other reasons I had a horrible time in Vancouver and did not do well there at all. So I don't really know why this was to be honest. I wish there was a place in between that was like a mixture between Vancouver and Montreal.
Besides some attention from women, I could not really fit into Vancouver at all and whilst there were parts of it that were very modern and open minded which felt nice, it was also really "progressive" in ways that I felt were really bad, but either way it seemed like people would go along and accept them either way. I don't know why people conform so much. Montreal nice but I am not French and it's annoying at times. It is "liberal" there, but in some ways very old fashioned. I mean women were so nice to me there, this one woman wanted to make out with me during broad daylight on a weekday and I was only talking to her. There were strange things like that, where as like in Montreal I knew this one woman and I think she sort of liked me but she was kind of mean to me and was always giving me a hard time but we obviously had a lot of chemistry but she seemed kind of staunch and like people are a little close-minded in ways like that.
Does anyone know of a middle ground anywhere in Canada or the States like that? I almost wanted to stay there because of the women, but in every other way it was horrible. It was really cold, scarcely so, overpriced, lack of opportunities, you'd have to be a workaholic to manage there and you are sort of left having to rent with a bunch of people regardless of your salary because of the housing prices and I cannot live with most people because they don't like or get me. And also people there are really cliquey and it's freaky/weird an I hated it otherwise. It's also kind of shallow and fake.
i was really surprised at how open women were to me there as it was not like that in most other places. Most other places are more stuck in the past.
Like, uh.........I received far more female attention in Vancouver then compared to another place I like, Montreal; but for many other reasons I had a horrible time in Vancouver and did not do well there at all. So I don't really know why this was to be honest. I wish there was a place in between that was like a mixture between Vancouver and Montreal.
Besides some attention from women, I could not really fit into Vancouver at all and whilst there were parts of it that were very modern and open minded which felt nice, it was also really "progressive" in ways that I felt were really bad, but either way it seemed like people would go along and accept them either way. I don't know why people conform so much. Montreal nice but I am not French and it's annoying at times. It is "liberal" there, but in some ways very old fashioned. I mean women were so nice to me there, this one woman wanted to make out with me during broad daylight on a weekday and I was only talking to her. There were strange things like that, where as like in Montreal I knew this one woman and I think she sort of liked me but she was kind of mean to me and was always giving me a hard time but we obviously had a lot of chemistry but she seemed kind of staunch and like people are a little close-minded in ways like that.
Does anyone know of a middle ground anywhere in Canada or the States like that? I almost wanted to stay there because of the women, but in every other way it was horrible. It was really cold, scarcely so, overpriced, lack of opportunities, you'd have to be a workaholic to manage there and you are sort of left having to rent with a bunch of people regardless of your salary because of the housing prices and I cannot live with most people because they don't like or get me. And also people there are really cliquey and it's freaky/weird an I hated it otherwise. It's also kind of shallow and fake.
