[INFJ] Evil Infjs

[Reverie]

I admit that I can see certain degrees of these things - especially the ones I quoted above - in myself as well, or I have seen them in myself in the past. INFJs are imperfect human beings, just like every other type. But I think we do have the redeeming quality that we are very introspective, so we do examine ourselves closely, and if we can learn to be honest with ourselves (not the easiest thing to do), then we can be aware of our flaws and try to change them.

For example, I used to have a very bad temper. Part of that came, I think, from my INTJ father, who had a very bad temper when we were growing up. (He was never violent, though, and has very much mellowed out as he's gotten older.) But one day, I just realized that getting really angry didn't help anything - it didn't change the situation, it wasn't productive, and it only ended up making me miserable. Once I realized that, my temper instantly evaporated. Sometimes I still have to try to have patience with certain people and/or situations, but I don't burn with anger the way I used to.

I have definitely said "I'm sorry" before, but I admit it's not a terribly frequent occurrence. Of course, this is because most of the time I am right . But when I'm wrong, I sometimes have a hard time admitting, or even realizing it. That's something I've become a lot more aware of since I've been with my husband. One of his major criticisms of me is that I don't admit when I'm wrong. And since he brought that up to me, I've really tried to get better about that, but still, I'm not perfect, and that is one of my flaws.

I don't think I'm terribly bossy most of the time, but in certain situations, like if I see a more efficient way to do something that someone else is doing inefficiently, then I can become impatient and bossy. But I'm aware of that too, and working on it.

After re-reading the above, I realized I kind of make it sound like I'm aware of all of my flaws and working on them, thereby making me closer to perfect. I don't mean to sound that way. I'm sure there are many flaws I'm not aware of, or things about me that I don't consider flaws but that nonetheless annoy people.

I have all the above mentioned INFJ flaws...and some.
Human beings in general are all partly petty, conceited, judgmental, blind to their own faults and act like...well ...turds. Only a few people do so most of the time, very few very enlightened individuals almost never, but the absolute vast majority of us pretty frequently. I's ok. though. It's just how we are. Some are just more confused than most and really taxing to everyone to be around, and/or dangerous. When they are woven into the fabric of your life through blood or work etc. it gets difficult. I personally have been the biggest turd when I've had a temporary lack of faith in my own values and beliefs. It's derailed me every time and I've gone a bit reckless. Maybe these are INFJs in Ni denial???

 

[OrangeAppled]

Criticism is what makes INFJs evil.. Before that happens .. The worst they are is most likely, just a bit oblivious to things and how their behaviors might affect those around them. Maybe a bit controlling.

The problem is bringing it up.. How do you criticize someone who dies every time they are criticized??

I have tried to love 2 INFJs .. so please don't give me the usual "it's how you deliver it" .. I am very creative and accommodating.. I have tried everything. I have stuck with what was recommended to a T.. Still doesn't work..
Some INFJs just refuse to be wrong,admit they made a mistake, are inappropriate bad or flawed (Human?). Tell them you hurt.. They don't care, you've insulted them.. Tell them you love them, and that the only reason you brought it up is because it hurt you and all you want is to prevent further hurt in the future. It doesn't matter.. Your hurt doesn't matter.. You have hurt them by being critical.. and That's IT!!! you are now in evil INFJ territory.. The only way out is total submission or to walk away..

So How do you deal with a butt hurt INFJ who can't see 2 inches beyond themselves?

I don't know either.

This is so spot on.....sadly, I must say.

 

[iamthekittykatoo]

I'm an INFJ and I feel that being misunderstood much of the time can turn on the "evil" side or when others around us are hypocrites. Since we have the ability to pick out tiny details and once irritated to the breaking point, use those details against the "enemy ". I think by virtue of patience and actively listening in addition to keeping an open mind helps the situation. However, superficial talk will not win us over.

 

[Virgo1987]

As an INFJ, I have to at least defend my type a little bit. I think we are usually sweet. I always try to never insult anyone or hurt their feelings, and I am often told that I am an encourager.

I do admit to the accusation of thinking I am right in a disagreement, but don't most people think they are right?

Probably, but usually people eventually see the other person's point. Sometimes people find more right in the other person than they do in themselves and that is the only thing that matters after everything.

If it's okay for an INFJ to think they are right in every single disagreement then they're controlling af. That doesn't make it easy for the other person in any relationship setting nor is it entirely deserved either.

Basically saying if someone doesn't see even a glimpse of wrong in their need to feel they are right, they're not exactly in connection with the feelings of other people. I'm not saying infj's do this on purpose either, I'm just saying what might come naturally for them only tends to push people away.

 

[Virgo1987]

Criticism is what makes INFJs evil.. Before that happens .. The worst they are is most likely, just a bit oblivious to things and how their behaviors might affect those around them. Maybe a bit controlling.

The problem is bringing it up.. How do you criticize someone who dies every time they are criticized??

I have tried to love 2 INFJs .. so please don't give me the usual "it's how you deliver it" .. I am very creative and accommodating.. I have tried everything. I have stuck with what was recommended to a T.. Still doesn't work..
Some INFJs just refuse to be wrong,admit they made a mistake, are inappropriate bad or flawed (Human?). Tell them you hurt.. They don't care, you've insulted them.. Tell them you love them, and that the only reason you brought it up is because it hurt you and all you want is to prevent further hurt in the future. It doesn't matter.. Your hurt doesn't matter.. You have hurt them by being critical.. and That's IT!!! you are now in evil INFJ territory.. The only way out is total submission or to walk away..

So How do you deal with a butt hurt INFJ who can't see 2 inches beyond themselves?

I don't know either.

Exactly. There's no way out or that is how it seems or is painted in the overall picture.

I stepped so easily around an infj to try and get a point across because I felt like if I just came right out and said something, it wouldn't blow over well. I did this before I even knew about personalities and so forth.

Then after I did I get it thrown in my face that I waant real enough or direct.

Then I grew confused and even more confused.

I am a direct person. I try my best to be real, but I also consider the feelings of people in my life. I understand eventually what sets them off and so I do my best not to upset them. That's all I was doing... trying to fix something without coming out and bring critical.

Of course when it did come out I was critical (overly critical* in the eyes of the infj) and that's when the INFJ grew defensive beyond words and the reaction from the INFJ was that of an argument even though I just wanted to have a conversation. Of course I fought back but my defenses were calculated and very held back because I had this feeling that I was in better control of my emotions than the infj. No need to massacre right then and there (or eved).

There is no way which makes me wonder how the hell they say infj's make great writers. If they are unable to take criticism over something they put their heart and soul into... how are they ever discovered? Unless that's just a stereotype for infjs?

 

[Dolce vita]

Stay away.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[skippythecat]

Exactly. There's no way out or that is how it seems or is painted in the overall picture.

I stepped so easily around an infj to try and get a point across because I felt like if I just came right out and said something, it wouldn't blow over well. I did this before I even knew about personalities and so forth.

Then after I did I get it thrown in my face that I waant real enough or direct.

Then I grew confused and even more confused.

I am a direct person. I try my best to be real, but I also consider the feelings of people in my life. I understand eventually what sets them off and so I do my best not to upset them. That's all I was doing... trying to fix something without coming out and bring critical.

Of course when it did come out I was critical (overly critical* in the eyes of the infj) and that's when the INFJ grew defensive beyond words and the reaction from the INFJ was that of an argument even though I just wanted to have a conversation. Of course I fought back but my defenses were calculated and very held back because I had this feeling that I was in better control of my emotions than the infj. No need to massacre right then and there (or eved).

There is no way which makes me wonder how the hell they say infj's make great writers. If they are unable to take criticism over something they put their heart and soul into... how are they ever discovered? Unless that's just a stereotype for infjs?

It's hard to say what's a typical INFJ behavior and what is a human behavior, but I think any mature person would appreciate insights. My Fe was horrible back in my college years because I wasn't the healthiest. Now it's not a problem for me to take critiques because I want to improve. Sometimes I ask to be critique. We have this idea of how this person is or this thing should go so to receive critique has always been a challenge, but if you explain to me why I can appreciate and will stretch myself (even when I feel stubborn deep down inside).

For me, being misunderstood (misreading my intention and accusing me of dishonesty) will turn me evil. If you don't let me explain myself I will get defensive and get very direct with you.

 

[Virgo1987]

It's hard to say what's a typical INFJ behavior and what is a human behavior, but I think any mature person would appreciate insights. My Fe was horrible back in my college years because I wasn't the healthiest. Now it's not a problem for me to take critiques because I want to improve. Sometimes I ask to be critique. We have this idea of how this person is or this thing should go so to receive critique has always been a challenge, but if you explain to me why I can appreciate and will stretch myself (even when I feel stubborn deep down inside).

For me, being misunderstood (misreading my intention and accusing me of dishonesty) will turn me evil. If you don't let me explain myself I will get defensive and get very direct with you.

Looks like the friend I had hasn't reached her maturity level yet. There was no reaching when I created "conflict" by asking her about a project we worked on for several years. She went into complete defensive mode and asked me why I wasn't being direct. Well, because, honestly...all these years of you telling me that you cry at the drop of a hat and you don't like conflict, and how sensitive you are... I kind of had to force myself NOT to be direct.

Of course that was a waste of my time and energy -- I'll be smarter for the future.