Mistyped TypeCentral Members

[violet_crown]

I think sometimes it's possible to not feel a type resonates with oneself. But, here's the thing: it doesn't mean that the person being questioned doesn't like or wish they COULD be that particular type.

What matters is who you are, and how willing are you to actually get to know that person. Are you willing to figure out what's up with them, and address those needs meaningfully? Politicking about letters won't help you answer that question.

Maybe there's a reason that some identity resonates with you, even if it's not the one that belongs to you. That's something that's worth exploring. If you stop simply at "liking" or "disliking" something, it will only create a barrier to really getting at how it relates to you. Why does it resonate? Why do you reject it? How does it fit? How is it different?

My underlying frustration with this conversation is that type is a tool and not a destination. None of this would matter if that distinction was understood. No one is going to get upset if someone else tells them that they're using their screwdriver as a hammer.

I gossip ALL the time. Always have, always will. It's just so... interesting. There isn't anything inherently wrong with it either. You just need to be mindful of who, when, how, and where you do it. I don't think I have ever gotten in trouble or caused problems through gossiping.

Talking about people that you know shouldn't be such a bad thing. My rule has always been to not say something behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face.

haha!
This actually got me thinking about hiring a group of ESFJs to make-over my life.

I found a nice Fe user to help me run my life, and have zero complaints.

That said...he can be super mean sometimes, though. So just know what you're getting into :<<<

 

[Jaguar]

I gossip ALL the time.

 

[Starry]

It totally does! It. Just. Does. It's very funny tho.

omg what is it? And you know it took me a while to get this about myself being someone that is "slightly" over-optimistic about my abilities so I'd start off with "I've got this" and end with "That did not go the way I thought it would go in my mind..."

Interesting. Now, you just showed a distinction to me. Outwardly, it looks the same. You cannot tell whether the ExFP is doing it out of boredom or defense, or smoothing of feathers. I also see this in my ENFP. For instance, if he knows how I feel or think about something and it is strong, if that subject gets brought up in discussion, even if it isn't heated or anything with someone else, I see him tense up a bit. Like, "be alert/must protect" here....

I think that is defending me, or watching out for me. Still, I sort of see how intense his discomfort or boredom must be because of how ill-timed the joke will come in. The more bored/wary the more "forced" the diffusion! I also see this in my ESFP friend too, btw.

Yah, totally, being "on alert". Some of this might just be being a dude. But what it feels like internally is being taken off Ne-only cruise control because something tripped Fi. So now he is waiting to either defend you...or break up the energy when he has had enough and is ready to go back to Ne-only autopilot ("break up the energy" is probably more accurate than saying "diffuse" if diffuse is thought to be done with a more channeled action and awareness of outcome). I mean, even if he knows nothing is going to get out of hand...he will be feeling on your behalf.

Now if it was you and I in a friend situation I would be secretly wanting things to get heated haha! Then I'd be like "aww yah" grab my popcorn. Breaking up energy...while I have done this in situations for others it is very rare and done when I don't know the person well. It is difficult to explain but there is something that feels like a betrayal or manipulative about doing this to an intimate. It would be like saying "I don't trust you to know what's best for situations you are involved in." I need to have your back (I need to support not end what you are doing.)

This is a big difference in just Fe and Fi in general and when discussing ENFP/ESFJ, I think it's a pretty good distinction to make! It's often what I see as the difference in typed people I know IRL. ESFJ's, I know really enjoy this. Learning, bouncing off. ENFP's do this....but it's totally not in the same way. With ESFJ's it seems seamless. There is less of a building of trust necessary that I think ENFP's generally enjoy.

I've had it where I've tried to go on a shit-talk rant with an ESFJ and they keep trying to get me to see the good in the person and I'm like "Please stop, I'm just trying to vent."

 

[Cloudpatrol]

What matters is who you are, and how willing are you to actually get to know that person. Are you willing to figure out what's up with them, and address those needs meaningfully? Politicking about letters won't help you answer that question.

Maybe there's a reason that some identity resonates with you, even if it's not the one that belongs to you. That's something that's worth exploring. If you stop simply at "liking" or "disliking" something, it will only create a barrier to really getting at how it relates to you. Why does it resonate? Why do you reject it? How does it fit? How is it different?

My underlying frustration with this conversation is that type is a tool and not a destination. None of this would matter if that distinction was understood. No one is going to get upset if someone else tells them that they're using their screwdriver as a hammer.




Talking about people that you know shouldn't be such a bad thing. My rule has always been to not say something behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face.



I found a nice Fe user to help me run my life, and have zero complaints.

That said...he can be super mean sometimes, though. So just know what you're getting into :<<<

Agreed Rex. I value the tool analogy. I might use it myself sometime, if that's ok

Hello typoC. Been a while since someone called me out in this thread. I think Evee was the last and then he backtracked in a Facebook PM LOL

K, I'm officially calling you out on the 'existence of your P ness'.

No wait that came out all wrong (grin).

 

[fetus]

I've had it where I've tried to go on a shit-talk rant with an ESFJ and they keep trying to get me to see the good in the person and I'm like "Please stop, I'm just trying to vent."

My ESFJ mom (bless her soul, I love her) does this. I don't always want to see the optimistic silver lining. I just need to get it out. My mom is as optimistic and inspiring as I come off, but am probably not.

The variance between types, in action. Just clarifying that this isn't necessarily just an ESFJ thing--but I know you probably already knew that.

 

[Coriolis]

My ESFJ mom (bless her soul, I love her) does this. I don't always want to see the optimistic silver lining. I just need to get it out. My mom is as optimistic and inspiring as I come off, but am probably not.

The variance between types, in action. Just clarifying that this isn't necessarily just an ESFJ thing--but I know you probably already knew that.

IME, this attitude is like going to the doctor with what turns out to be a broken arm, and having him tell you to look on the bright side: at least there is nothing wrong with your legs.

The negative aspects of a situation are what require our attention and correction. We actually have to DO something about them.

 

[violet_crown]

Agreed Rex. I value the tool analogy. I might use it myself sometime, if that's ok

Lol. You're welcome to it

I think personal growth and seeking self-knowledge are some of the most difficult things we can do in this life. I respect the point that you and others are making that having other people badger you about your conclusions is super counterproductive. What do you think is the best way for people to support each other as they work out questions like type?

 

[Tilt]

My ESFJ mom (bless her soul, I love her) does this. I don't always want to see the optimistic silver lining. I just need to get it out. My mom is as optimistic and inspiring as I come off, but am probably not.

The variance between types, in action. Just clarifying that this isn't necessarily just an ESFJ thing--but I know you probably already knew that.

IME, this attitude is like going to the doctor with what turns out to be a broken arm, and having him tell you to look on the bright side: at least there is nothing wrong with your legs.

The negative aspects of a situation are what require our attention and correction. We actually have to DO something about them.

Also, [MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION] [MENTION=7254]Wind Up Rex[/MENTION] [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]

Yes. Gossip can be used as a productive tool: to vent, to brainstorm, to gather information, to size up a situation (is the person notorious for doing questionable activities?). It only really becomes a problem when you do it out of malicious intent (slander, tearing someone down, public humiliation) or being excessively negative. If you guys want to read into the potential evolutionary basis for gossip, there is a concept called "cheater detection" (not necessarily in romantic situations, but moreso social situations in general - liars, thiefs, mooches, etc.). http://www.cep.ucsb.edu/papers/cheatdetect_ermer_ld_jt2007.pdf

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

K, I'm officially calling you out on the 'existence of your P ness'.

No wait that came out all wrong (grin).

:randy:

 

[Cloudpatrol]

:randy:

Giggle.

Your new avatar seems to always fit whatever thought you are currently expressing in some way. It's genius really.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

Lol. You're welcome to it

I think personal growth and seeking self-knowledge are some of the most difficult things we can do in this life. I respect the point that you and others are making that having other people badger you about your conclusions is super counterproductive. What do you think is the best way for people to support each other as they work out questions like type?

Well honestly I think I have been too sensitive on the topic at times. I know that in my personal thread, I was sensitive due to processing possibly being "different" from who my late husband had known me as.

I have SO appreciated suggestions. Sometimes I get reps or PM's saying things like "You do everything here for attention because you are Fe". Statements like that aren't as appreciated because they assume something about me instead of granting me the dignity of asking if that is my motive. But, if someone says "I perceive you as this because A or B & C"? LOVE it. I know so much less than many members here and can only benefit from their perspectives. Also, questioning ourselves and testing the strength of our beliefs can be so helpful regardless of the eventual outcome.

Thank you for asking me about that. I enjoyed thinking on it and also appreciate your graciousness and human interest

 

[Dreamer]

Well honestly I think I have been too sensitive on the topic at times. I know that in my personal thread, I was sensitive due to processing possibly being "different" from who my late husband had known me as.

I have SO appreciated suggestions. Sometimes I get reps or PM's saying things like "You do everything here for attention because you are Fe". Statements like that aren't as appreciated because they assume something about me instead of granting me the dignity of asking if that is my motive. But, if someone says "I perceive you as this because A or B & C"? LOVE it. I know so much less than many members here and can only benefit from their perspectives. Also, questioning ourselves and testing the strength of our beliefs can be so helpful regardless of the eventual outcome.

Thank you for asking me about that. I enjoyed thinking on it and also appreciate your graciousness and human interest

I'm just going to "love" this post, and echo what Clouds is saying. In my experience, I was getting much the same from people when I first posted my Type Me thread and was first exposed to the ESFJ opinions of me. It was brutal and left me feeling like I knew nothing of typology nor myself. The fact is, unlike some members that come on seeking to discover themselves, I come on here solely for the interest of personality type and getting to meet like-minded individuals, but on the whole, I'd say I've done plenty of introspection and know myself much more than people may give me credit for. Having said that, I wholly believe that everyone is continuously growing and evolving as they mature so even though I do already know much about my insecurities, goals, even how to best work with my crazy brain at times (it's a science lol) I know without doubt, I still come to some new conclusions while on this forum and that's what has me coming back for more.

Thankfully, the dialogue that has been occurring up above of my potential typing has been very communicative and open, and I have felt no pressure to change to this type or that, and I think THAT is what is most beneficial for people on this site. Giving people the options, a menu of sorts, and then letting THEM make the final decision. There will always be people attracted to certain types because of biases, and I don't think that will ever improve, but people make their decisions on whatever reasons they have, and it really is a personal experience on the whole. As a community, I'd say it's best to keep things open and objective of the various types and functions, but must limit how much we push a particular typing on someone. We don't know their story nor their reasons for joining. For all we know, they could be in a very vulnerable emotional state, and all the "type bullying" will only be a further detriment to their being.

 

[FemMecha]

It always surprises me when I hear how many people have their type questioned. I think part of it is that each person does interpret typology differently because their internal archetypes of each personality is often based on experience, rather than theory alone. "You can't be an ENFP because my ENFP friend is very different from you". There is a second reason I suspect people's type gets questioned. Internet culture is very contrarian, so if you ask about your type and present your opinion, someone HAS to disagree.

I almost never question other people's types. I assume they have orders of magnitude more information than I have. The only time I start to question others' type is when I see them really going at it with someone else. My inclination is to think that the majority of online criticisms, at least more than 50%, are self-projections. You can learn the most about people online by how they berate others.

 

[Bush]

It always surprises me when I hear how many people have their type questioned. I think part of it is that each person does interpret typology differently because their internal archetypes of each personality is often based on experience, rather than theory alone. "You can't be an ENFP because my ENFP friend is very different from you". There is a second reason I suspect people's type gets questioned. Internet culture is very contrarian, so if you ask about your type and present your opinion, someone HAS to disagree.

I almost never question other people's types. I assume they have orders of magnitude more information than I have. The only time I start to question others' type is when I see them really going at it with someone else. My inclination is to think that the majority of online criticisms, at least more than 50%, are self-projections. You can learn the most about people online by how they berate others.

I appreciate when mine gets questioned, really; I just realize that I have to put questions in context. If someone uses flimsy reasoning like "well my one ENFP friend likes to dip his fries in ketchup and you don't, so you can't be an ENFP" then I know to brush it off.

I sometimes have suspicions about others', though I almost never tell them unless it's in the context of a "type me" thing. I also know that my perspective is limited.

For the sake of not being so much an Internet contrarian -- I should say that it's annoying if/when someone pesters you about you being "typed wrong." "User.. has.. wrong type listed.. *twitch* must be fixed.."


(This post is also an invitation for anyone who's interested in bringing Dubya down wrt type.)

 

[violet_crown]

post is also an invitation for anyone who's interested in bringing Dubya down wrt type.)

Either ENFJ or an ENTP who's very comfortable with his tertiary.

3w4 for enneagram. So/Sx for variant.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I've had it where I've tried to go on a shit-talk rant with an ESFJ and they keep trying to get me to see the good in the person and I'm like "Please stop, I'm just trying to vent."

I have really done both....

I have a rather strict policy for myself regarding harmful gossip (the harmless kind I may avoid only out of disinterest), because I am very sensitive to people being ostracized or turned into black sheep. (Not to say I never get pulled into it...)

I can see those dynamics swirling about, but unlike some people, I feel powerless to affect it besides digging my heels in or rather openly and bluntly calling it out (in which case I anticipate denial from others and having myself appear paranoid, aka, "overly sensitive").

So I may find myself defending someone I see as possibly being slandered, or making people aware that they may be damaging someone else by painting a very unfair portrait of them (because I often think gossipers are not aware when they do this). In some cases it appears nothing short of bullying to me.

BUT, because I hold a LOT in due to striving for a consistency (to not be a hypocrite), I can reach a point where I really BLOW up about someone I have had conflict with. Usually this venting is done with only the closest of my confidantes (or even anonymously online as I did once in my epic, private blog post here). I will paint the person I have had problems with as absolutely EVIL. They have become an arch nemesis in my mind.

Any attempt to help me see their good will anger me, often because I had spent MONTHS or YEARS doing that in my mind. I had forgiven and given the benefit of the doubt, accommodated them, etc, and now I am DONE. Most of the time what triggers this is a feeling that the person has not returned my generosity. They have been malicious or incredibly inconsiderate towards me (and/or others) because they did not bother to see me as a whole person. When I vent, I am almost looking for permission to stop excusing them, permission to judge them as a person (ie write them off), so I can be freed of any consideration towards them. It is really just cleansing my system of them. Even if I deal with them later, I don't feel so emotionally engaged by them anymore (I cease to CARE).

I generally am not seeking to influence others in their judgement of someone else though. I too easily see how that gets out of hand and it disturbs me. As noted, I dislike witch-hunts and ostracizing people and anything where the hysteria of a group corners someone or even ruins their life. I try not to get paranoid about what others could say about me either, because then this social game of people attacking others to preemptively "defend" themselves begins, and I just loathe that stuff (IME, it is so often e6 types who start this stuff ). I prefer to be naive, if that is the only alternative.

 

[Jaguar]

Sometimes I get reps or PM's saying things like "You do everything here for attention because you are Fe".

Tell them you will send a hitman to their house if they don't leave you alone.

 

[Starry]

Sometimes I get reps or PM's saying things like "You do everything here for attention because you are Fe".

I'm just reading along and am under the assumption someone else has already commented in this regard but if the above statement is what the individual actually intended to say then not only do they not understand you...they don't understand typology.

 

[Starry]

I appreciate when mine gets questioned, really; I just realize that I have to put questions in context. If someone uses flimsy reasoning like "well my one ENFP friend likes to dip his fries in ketchup and you don't, so you can't be an ENFP" then I know to brush it off.

I sometimes have suspicions about others', though I almost never tell them unless it's in the context of a "type me" thing. I also know that my perspective is limited.

For the sake of not being so much an Internet contrarian -- I should say that it's annoying if/when someone pesters you about you being "typed wrong." "User.. has.. wrong type listed.. *twitch* must be fixed.."


(This post is also an invitation for anyone who's interested in bringing Dubya down wrt type.)

Do you think we are at the point where some rules governing this kind of thing need to be implemented?

Like with this situation...the first time I gave my opinion to E_D was in his type me thread because I was under the impression that was what he wanted. I did not provide an explanation even when it was requested of me privately...I just reaffirmed that yes, that was my opinion of his type.

Since that time my difference in opinion has been mentioned in a bizarre way in the random thoughts thread...and I have been ridiculed and attacked (called an empty vessel) for not having provided an explanation. So when I saw that same ridicule in this thread along with Chanaynay's post I thought I would go ahead and start to provide an explanation.

So now I'm going to be really bent out of shape if "empty vessel" gets turned into "I'm forcing type onto people" haha.

I could give a shit how individual people type themselves and have only put forth my opinion when it seems the individual is searching <-and have received primarily positive feedback when I have done so...even when the individual doesn't share my opinion. I don't think I will anymore though.

 

[Hawthorne]

I could give a shit how individual people type themselves and have only put forth my opinion when it seems the individual is searching <-and have received primarily positive feedback when I have done so...even when the individual doesn't share my opinion. I don't think I will anymore though.