[Jungian Cognitive Functions] Fe types - What are you hiding?!

[Mal12345]

If you're a dom or aux Fe type, you may have a problem that you're not even aware of: inauthenticity, which I loosely define as putting on an act for others, or being what others want you to be - or as my Fe-aux father explained it to me, putting on a front, a "personality" as he called it, which was something he highly recommended that I do.

Not only do you Fe types want to conform to others' social values, you want to be the best at it because (in 'Murica) that is also a social value. This seems to be a win/win living strategy because everybody benefits. You benefit when you conform to social values and are rewarded for it; others benefit because you often strive to put your best foot forward.

But you're lying. And inwardly, somewhere deep down, you know you're lying. Always and consistently putting your best foot forward makes you look good, really good. You may even be a pillar of your community. My ISFJ father was widely celebrated in his circles as a great guy. He would brag to me about how the judge let him off of his DUI charge because the judge said he's a great guy. And if I want the same special treatment then I need to be just like him when I grow up, invisible warts and all.

My Fe-aux father was not all that he was cracked up to be. He was living a lie, and in many ways that was also acceptable because all these other Fe types running society were also lying in pretty much the same ways, and still are. And he was never exposed because they rarely are. The judge let him off of the hook for a DUI. Society protects its own.

This isn't a thread about my father, it's about types who live a lie but find shelter behind society's rules. This is about the Fe function.

 

[Yama]

No.

 

[Yama]

Fe is not synonymous with being inauthentic. Do not tell an entire group of people that what they think, feel, and do is inauthentic or fake when you know nothing about them or what they have going on inside. If you truly believe all of what you wrote, your understanding of Fe is so cripplingly poor that I really hope you're not spreading such misunderstandings and stereotypes about Fe to others. That's the last thing this fucking function needs.

Another thing Fe is not is "conforming to social values." Get this out of your head right now. Fe is about values turned externally; Jung saw Fe types as "moral crusaders" because they want their values to be spread to others. The Fi type values things independently of whatever the norm is and does not feel the need to impose it; Fe creates the norm. It does not blindly conform to it. I'm so tired of the hivemind stereotype. Throw it out immediately.

I am not fucking inauthentic. I am not living a lie. I am not at all being untrue to myself. Fe has nothing to do with this.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

This is precisely why I'm Fe.

 

[Mal12345]

Forgive me. I have other Fe examples, not just my father. But let's lay that aside for now. Let's say you're not a two-faced drunk who beats his wife. I fully grant that there are Fe-dom and -aux types who don't relieve the repressed sides of their personalities by taking it out on others, committing murders like Fe-aux Richard Ramirez, or being immoral behind the scenes where nobody important can see it happening. Those are extreme examples. Still, there is a layer of something that you're hiding from yourself. I've known Fe types to completely submerge their childhoods, for example, although not volitionally. Whatever it is, you've pushed it out of consciousness and are using society to shield yourself from it. And it's going to come out in some way.

 

[ThaumaturgicTheorist]

So much projection in this thread...

Not to be insensitive. Really.

But I think just about everyone has sides of themselves that are somewhat repressed, either permanently or situationally; it's not an Fe thing so much as a human, social-creature thing.


And if you actually do never modify yourself socially...what's it like?

 

[Mal12345]

So much projection in this thread...

Not to be insensitive. Really.

But I think just about everyone has sides of themselves that are somewhat repressed, either permanently or situationally; it's not an Fe thing so much as a human, social-creature thing.


And if you actually do never modify yourself socially...what's it like?

I agree there is repression in everybody. But I'm referring specifically to Fe repression and its consequences.

They won't be back. They're running scared. But it's not from me.

 

[Yama]

Forgive me. I have other Fe examples, not just my father. But let's lay that aside for now. Let's say you're not a two-faced drunk who beats his wife. I fully grant that there are Fe-dom and -aux types who don't relieve the repressed sides of their personalities by taking it out on others, committing murders like Fe-aux Richard Ramirez, or being immoral behind the scenes where nobody important can see it happening. Those are extreme examples. Still, there is a layer of something that you're hiding from yourself. I've known Fe types to completely submerge their childhoods, for example, although not volitionally. Whatever it is, you've pushed it out of consciousness and are using society to shield yourself from it. And it's going to come out in some way.

No. I am not hiding anything from myself. Do not try to tell me that I'm doing this when I've already denied it. Probably the only thing I've ever prided myself on is the fact that I'm completely honest about who I am. I don't even try to hide my own flaws, and fully admit to them. You do not seem to have a very good understanding of what Fe is.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

[MENTION=13589]Mal12345[/MENTION], I actually can't tell if you're being sardonic about typical Fe depiction or if you're bona fide complaining about an Fe tendency. But I can promise you the Fe hivemind isn't going to like this.

You best start pretending to value the same things we value.

Seriously though, if you are bona fide upset and you're venting, then I don't know- on behalf of all of us, I'm.....sorry?

 

[Forever]

We know that the universe rests on our shoulders.

Behold the power of Fe. You can't destroy the hive-mind. We multiply through social ease.

 

[Mal12345]

No. I am not hiding anything from myself. Do not try to tell me that I'm doing this when I've already denied it. Probably the only thing I've ever prided myself on is the fact that I'm completely honest about who I am. I don't even try to hide my own flaws, and fully admit to them.

That's called "beauty through imperfection."

You do not seem to have a very good understanding of what Fe is.

Iron.

 

[Mal12345]

No. I am not hiding anything from myself. Do not try to tell me that I'm doing this when I've already denied it. Probably the only thing I've ever prided myself on is the fact that I'm completely honest about who I am. I don't even try to hide my own flaws, and fully admit to them. You do not seem to have a very good understanding of what Fe is.

Also, and this is just for you: Wabi-sabi - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Yama]

My reaction to these threads vs. other people's reactions to these threads really does solidify in my mind the "serious" in my oldham's styles.

 

[Snickie]

What you're describing with the whole social conformity thing sounds to me more like some level of the so instinct, and maybe the e3-6-9 triangle (and possibly e1 to a lesser extent), but not necessarily Fe. Are you sure the right questions have been asked?

 

[fetus]

No. I am not hiding anything from myself. Do not try to tell me that I'm doing this when I've already denied it. Probably the only thing I've ever prided myself on is the fact that I'm completely honest about who I am. I don't even try to hide my own flaws, and fully admit to them. You do not seem to have a very good understanding of what Fe is.

I'm exactly the same way. I'm me. I just live.

Oh, but remember. Somebody on the internet whom we've never met knows us better than we know ourselves based on overly-generalized, subjective interpretations of theories of personality categorizing.

 

[magpie]

you want to be the best at it

Let's say you're not a two-faced drunk who beats his wife.

I've known Fe types to completely submerge their childhoods, for example, although not volitionally.

~ wants to be the very best
~ is not a two faced drunk
~ doesn't beat wife
~ doesn't have wife
~ completely submerged own childhood
~ although not volitionally
~ Fi dom
~ pretending to be a bird but is not actually, which is fake

 

[Pionart]

I'm hiding that I'm actually an ESFP

 

[Pionart]

I'm a "two face drunk" in the sense of having 2 or so sides of my personality and liking alcohol.

I've never beat anyone. I didn't submerge anything that I know of but I don't bother thinking about the past.

I mean, I sometimes do, but I may as well be making up a story in my head anyway.

 

[Pionart]

Hmm... you know, maybe I am an ISFP with a caffeine addiction so I move really fast at times LOL

 

[anticlimatic]

I have also noticed that the stronger someone's Fe is the less authentic they tend to be. Which roughly translates into honesty. My sample pool is probably not the healthiest, but then again it's pretty rare for me to encounter what I'd consider a healthy individual of any type, mentally. All the strong Fe users I know- an ESFJ, several ENFJs, and several INFJs are about as trustworthy as a TV lawyer. They rely on a combination of force and manipulation to survive in the world, and I'm finally to the point where I can see through the bullshit web they spin without even trying to. It's just who they are. Every type has its faults. Though I suspect most of the problems I have with them stem more from ego and anger issues than Fe exactly. The Fe just helps make their problems my problem.