ISFP - send help

[ccryder]

Hi there! I'm new to the forum and wanted to get some feedback or advice or similar stories here. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly, but here we go.

As an ISFP female in the society we live in, I can't help but think I'm not a good match for this world. I often feel that I'm the total opposite of what everyone defines as being "successful". Everyone is geared toward going to school and getting a degree (not that I'm not smart because I am quite intelligent, but getting to school on time and finishing homework has always been a struggle for me). Independence and responsibility are also a huge part of life, but I can't seem to fully grasp them at this point. Note: I am only 20, but the majority of my peers are doing a much better job at this than I am, and I can't help but feel trapped and unworthy of this world's success. I've always known myself to work at my own pace because this is much more beneficial to me; however, I'm not sure if this is a struggle with accepting myself for who I am or conforming to society. I absolutely HATE our society's concept of "success" and to be honest wish I could run far away to an island (preferably with unicorns) only surrounded by the people I love and build a kinder community where we all live off of the land. Anywhooo....what I'm trying to say here is I have a hard time seeing myself being what we call "successful" today, and I really wish I had the guidance or courage to define my own success. Am I the only one who feels this way? Do other ISFPs have the same problem? Is this more than just an ISFP issue??? HALP.

Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Forever]

Try INFJ male.

Well success is whatever you think it is to be. Sometimes we may think of society as just one voice, when often more times than not, society is very conflicting and opinionated against each other.

Success I guess as I interpret as can be achieved when believe in yourself but yet drop all expectations. Life rather works even cooler (especially you being a P type) as you do what you can to work and achieve your goals. Remember to aim high because we'll inevitably land a little lower than we anticipated because we see the top as the max and the extreme.

I hope this helps.

 

[ccryder]

Sometimes we may think of society as just one voice, when often more times than not, society is very conflicting and opinionated against each other.

This is true. Everyone does define success differently. I guess my environment and the people I'm surrounded by influence my own definition quite a bit. Thank you though, it really did help!

 

[reckful]

I'm curious about whether you come out S or N on the official MBTI, Ms. Alienated 4w5, but feel free to ignore me.

 

[ccryder]

I'm curious about whether you come out S or N on the official MBTI, Ms. Alienated 4w5, but feel free to ignore me.

You just blew my mind!! I tested very clear intuition. My whole life has been a lie hahaha. On other tests I always come out S. Do you think it's possible for it to change over a span of 2 years? I honestly think since dating my ENFP boyfriend, maybe I've become more intuitive? Maybe it has nothing to do with him, but either way haha.

 

[reckful]

You just blew my mind!! I tested very clear intuition. My whole life has been a lie hahaha. On other tests I always come out S. Do you think it's possible for it to change over a span of 2 years? I honestly think since dating my ENFP boyfriend, maybe I've become more intuitive? Maybe it has nothing to do with him, but either way haha.

I doubt your score has anything to do with your boyfriend, and everything to do with the fact that you're an N and not an S.

Did you come out INFP? I'd be curious to see what your scores were on all four dimenions, if you don't mind sharing.

 

[ccryder]

I doubt your score has anything to do with your boyfriend, and everything to do with the fact that you're an N and not an S.

Did you come out INFP? I'd be curious to see what your scores were on all four dimenions, if you don't mind sharing.

I only say that because while dating him I do feel that I've changed a bit, but I'm still unsure about whether I'm an N or S. When the questions come up it honestly goes either way. I feel like maybe I don't know myself enough to get a correct score? I've taken the humanmetrics test a couple times and always come out S, so I'm confused? But yeah sure my scores are:

Moderate Introversion: 16/21
Very Clear Intuition: 25/26
Very Clear Feeling: 24/24
Clear Perceiving: 20/22

It seems as though there would be no question which I was with that score.

 

[reckful]

I only say that because while dating him I do feel that I've changed a bit, but I'm still unsure about whether I'm an N or S. When the questions come up it honestly goes either way. I feel like maybe I don't know myself enough to get a correct score? I've taken the humanmetrics test a couple times and always come out S, so I'm confused? But yeah sure my scores are:

Moderate Introversion: 16/21
Very Clear Intuition: 25/26
Very Clear Feeling: 24/24
Clear Perceiving: 20/22

It seems as though there would be no question which I was with that score.

That test is the official "Step I" MBTI, and it's the only MBTI test with a substantial body of psychometric support behind it. And honestly, ccryder, I'm here to tell you that the odds that an ISFP would choose the N response to 25 out of the 26 S/N items on that test are very, very, very low indeed.

If you're interested, you can find a metric ass ton of additional input from me on S/N, including bullet-point summaries (from official MBTI reports) of the five "facets" of S/N in the "Step II" version of the MBTI, a link to roundups of online profiles for each of the 16 types, and assorted other S/N-related typing aids, in this recent PerC post.

 

[ccryder]

That test is the official "Step I" MBTI, and it's the only MBTI test with a substantial body of psychometric support behind it. And honestly, ccryder, I'm here to tell you that the odds that an ISFP would choose the N response to 25 out of the 26 S/N items on that test are very, very, very low indeed.

If you're interested, you can find a metric ass ton of additional input from me on S/N, including bullet-point summaries (from official MBTI reports) of the five "facets" of S/N in the "Step II" version of the MBTI, a link to roundups of online profiles for each of the 16 types, and assorted other S/N-related typing aids, in this recent PerC post.

Well I think I'll have to go ahead and change my type here haha. Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention!! I'll definitely be looking into it

 

[ccryder]

I'm stuck. Looking deeper into S/N, I'm having difficulty deciding which one pertains to me. I think about the answers too much when taking the tests and can't for the life of me decide by just reading descriptions. I'm looking back at the official MBTI test and thinking I didn't answer those questions correctly because I really don't know which one I prefer. I think I just went with all of the intuitive answers because that was the first answer I picked. Does that make sense? Now looking at both ISFP and INFP, either one could be me...they sound so similar.

 

[reckful]

I'm stuck. Looking deeper into S/N, I'm having difficulty deciding which one pertains to me. I think about the answers too much when taking the tests and can't for the life of me decide by just reading descriptions. I'm looking back at the official MBTI test and thinking I didn't answer those questions correctly because I really don't know which one I prefer. I think I just went with all of the intuitive answers because that was the first answer I picked. Does that make sense? Now looking at both ISFP and INFP, either one could be me...they sound so similar.

You say you "went with all of the intuitive answers" on the official MBTI "because that was the first answer I picked" — and FYI, the MBTI Manual specifically notes, "It is best not to think too long about any question; your first response is likely to be most true for you."

As a reminder, I also linked you to a PerC post with a metric ass ton of additional S/N stuff, and if you look at it, I really think you're going to find that you relate quite a lot more to the N stuff than the S stuff.

Of the four dichotomies, S/N is the one that makes the biggest difference. When it comes to interests and career choices, for example, INFPs and ISFPs are really not all that similar.

 

[ccryder]

You say you "went with all of the intuitive answers" on the official MBTI "because that was the first answer I picked" — and FYI, the MBTI Manual specifically notes, "It is best not to think too long about any question; your first response is likely to be most true for you."

As a reminder, I also linked you to a PerC post with a metric ass ton of additional S/N stuff, and if you look at it, I really think you're going to find that you relate quite a lot more to the N stuff than the S stuff.

Of the four dichotomies, S/N is the one that makes the biggest difference. When it comes to interests and career choices, for example, INFPs and ISFPs are really not all that similar.

Gahhhh you're right!! You'll have to excuse me, I'm quite the indecisive little bitch lmao. I looked through some of your stuff a bit more, and after some thought I have to agree! I know you say they really aren't that similar, but for some reason I just kept seeing things in both that sounded like me, but I do lean more toward the intuitive side. Thank you!!

 

[alansarchives]

CCRyder - Whichever MBTI you end up being, your post makes a lot of sense. People are under pressure to become rich or famous or get good jobs or have big families drilled into their heads pretty much since birth and I know I felt that most keenly when I was your age. Life is not a race though - it's what makes you happy that determines whether you've had a good life or not and if that was exploring your hobbies and spending time at home and with friends rather than being a miserable millionaire businessman, then that's ok. Even if life is the race that everyone seems to think it is, it's not how well your life goes immediately out of the blocks that counts but where you are at the finishing line that says whether you're truly 'successful'. You've got plenty of time yet to get things perfect in your life - in a few years a lot of those perfect marriages and well-paid jobs you see around you will have come to nothing anyway. Here's one (there are many) articles on people who didn't get to be famous until they hit their 40s and for some people it's much later than that! People Who Became Successful After Age 40 - Business Insider

I agree that an island with unicorns would be better still though. Save me a place! 8>)

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Hi there! I'm new to the forum and wanted to get some feedback or advice or similar stories here. To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly, but here we go.

As an ISFP female in the society we live in, I can't help but think I'm not a good match for this world. I often feel that I'm the total opposite of what everyone defines as being "successful". Everyone is geared toward going to school and getting a degree (not that I'm not smart because I am quite intelligent, but getting to school on time and finishing homework has always been a struggle for me). Independence and responsibility are also a huge part of life, but I can't seem to fully grasp them at this point. Note: I am only 20, but the majority of my peers are doing a much better job at this than I am, and I can't help but feel trapped and unworthy of this world's success. I've always known myself to work at my own pace because this is much more beneficial to me; however, I'm not sure if this is a struggle with accepting myself for who I am or conforming to society. I absolutely HATE our society's concept of "success" and to be honest wish I could run far away to an island (preferably with unicorns) only surrounded by the people I love and build a kinder community where we all live off of the land. Anywhooo....what I'm trying to say here is I have a hard time seeing myself being what we call "successful" today, and I really wish I had the guidance or courage to define my own success. Am I the only one who feels this way? Do other ISFPs have the same problem? Is this more than just an ISFP issue??? HALP.

Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

I get what you're saying. The key is: whatever you do, do it 100%.

You don't need the same ambition that the world has- but you need perseverance.

 

[Galena]

Hmm, potential type sibling. While I'm still figuring this out too and can relate, here is my experience.

I was in a similar place at your age...then, I convinced myself that the pressures around me were right, and to my surprise did a decent job at passing as someone they aligned with. Even if it wasn't a true expression of myself, I met some real word benchmarks that I'd never believed I was capable of. In fact, that disbelief was exactly what energized me - feeling like I didn't have what it took engaged my survival instincts in a mad drive. It was too self-punishing to stick as a way of life, but I took skills from the experience that won't go away with the unhealthy bits.

Today, I am not at all on the other side of the inner conflict, but have remembered what I'm really about.

The detour I took into a harsh caricature of "success" is both a hole to climb back out of, and the direct producer of just enough resources to produce a second chance. Do I recommend taking that kind of folded path? No. But I am confident that I, as the type of person I am, will keep going and living.

If I could do the process over, I'd take the principle [MENTION=5223]MDP2525[/MENTION] presents to heart. To survive takes persistence more than it takes adherence to a model. If you do something that comes out of your own personality and style of connecting to others, and put all you've got into it, your chances are good. It may not lead to where you expect but the effort will pay off somehow. I am currently watching this work for so may others in my age group and wishing I'd understood that earlier so I wouldn't have to do all of this cleanup now to get my shit in line with who I am, but it is what it is, and it will be done.

Also, trivia: I was borderline N/S on the Official Thingy back when I took it.