Do you tell people?

[Frosty]

When you have a problem with them?

Or do you sort of wait it out- hope it fades away- and that you don't ever have to address it?

Or do youtry to hit it at the source.

Or do you passive aggressively 'feed' off of disliking someone and see nothing wrong with 'targeting' them in some way shape or form. (Gossip, direct attacks, underhanded remarks, ignoring them- ect ect-)

Question is. What do you do when you dislike someone? Try to remove yourself from situations involving them? What if not possible- just try to be civil?

Personally. Id like to think that if I have a problem with someone, I would just talk to them about it. Its what I would want someone to do for me- even if its harder/uncomfortable. But sometimes I DO have difficulty doing this. Ex: in situations where either I have to give ALL- or I have to give MOST of the effort/take most of the blame/feel Im being 'more fair and reasonable' than the other person. Addressing things in these situations seems just half pointless- but usually even then Ill at least TELL them and TRY to work things out.

But yeah. Its something Ive been thinking about for a while. I greatly respect people who can 'tell me like it is' without spewing unneccessary vitriol. People who don't have 'to win'. Mm Im adding too much to this and it might be getting hard to remember the question. Anyways.

How do you handle friction/dislike/whatever- from others?

 

[Yama]

Usually not... especially if they're not someone I'm close to, meaning that the problem is only temporary and after we part ways I won't ever be required to see them again. Because honestly, if I have problems with a stranger, there's no point starting a conflict over it since they aren't a part of my life. So I just ignore them, roll my eyes, and wait for them to go away.

Now if it's a family member or friend... I'm more likely to tell them. I can be kinda bitchy and snappy about it if I think something they are doing is offensive/bad. Though I have pretty high tolerance and patience so this is almost never a problem. And if it's not a big problem, well, then I just ignore it because it will go away. If it's something that is going to come up again however, I'll address it. Usually, I have no problems though.

But I'm kind of a hypocrite. I'm super sensitive to criticism so when people tell me they have a problem with me it like destroys me. But I understand that these things need to be addressed. I'd feel really bad asking people to be gentle with me though, like they have to cater to me. So I don't know. Luckily no one's really approached me saying they have a problem with me really. I just hope that if it ever happens, it doesn't ruin my whole month or something.

 

[miss fortune]

I actually tend to tell people if I dislike them... often by saying "I really don't like you, and I like almost everyone" but now I have to use different phrasing because of Justin Beiber fucker... (I don't like him either)

this rarely occurs though because I actually DO like almost everyone

 

[ceecee]

I address it when it's in my environment. If it is a situation where I need to be civil, I'm civil. But I don't allow anyone to wonder if I have a problem with them.

 

[Frosty]

I actually tend to tell people if I dislike them... often by saying "I really don't like you, and I like almost everyone" but now I have to use different phrasing because of Justin Beiber fucker... (I don't like him either)

this rarely occurs though because I actually DO like almost everyone

Same. I have a REALLY hard time disliking people. And even people I dislike- if we can I dont know- work something out- anything- I am generally more than willing. I like to think all people- have something to like- and I hate just 'this person pisses me off so Ill doorslam them forever' stuff- I dunno, generally just seems sorta unfair to me.

But there is the person who. You just cant talk to. The person who just wants/needs/asks for you to have issue with them- not matter how far and how frequently you try to extend olive branches. That generally makes me kinda sad really. But Ive been trying to just respect that as the other persons way of dealing with the same sorta situation- which is why i asked the question I suppose. Yup. Sorry sorta rambled there but first paragraph was really my response.

Usually not... especially if they're not someone I'm close to, meaning that the problem is only temporary and after we part ways I won't ever be required to see them again. Because honestly, if I have problems with a stranger, there's no point starting a conflict over it since they aren't a part of my life. So I just ignore them, roll my eyes, and wait for them to go away.

Now if it's a family member or friend... I'm more likely to tell them. I can be kinda bitchy and snappy about it if I think something they are doing is offensive/bad. Though I have pretty high tolerance and patience so this is almost never a problem. And if it's not a big problem, well, then I just ignore it because it will go away. If it's something that is going to come up again however, I'll address it. Usually, I have no problems though.

But I'm kind of a hypocrite. I'm super sensitive to criticism so when people tell me they have a problem with me it like destroys me. But I understand that these things need to be addressed. I'd feel really bad asking people to be gentle with me though, like they have to cater to me. So I don't know. Luckily no one's really approached me saying they have a problem with me really. I just hope that if it ever happens, it doesn't ruin my whole month or something.

Yeah my first inclination can be to sort of just sweep stuff like that under the rug. But lately(withing the last... Few years probably) Ive been really really trying to be open about my opinions about people. Because really imo- its worse to find out WEEKS after something happened that you upset someone somehow/someone had a problem with you. I don't know. I just don't like that I suppose. I mean nothing can be done at that point- the person who had the problem wasnt trying to 'solve it' they were just hoping to somehow drag out the problem to bite the other person later in the ass with it. Or at least thats my perspective of that. Which is why- I ALWAYS try to let people know if I have a legitimate problem with them. Because then it is on 'fair' playing grounds for all- and perhaps even something can be done- and at least if not... Things are 'known'. Less power play-y feelig to me, dunno.

I address it when it's in my environment. If it is a situation where I need to be civil, I'm civil. But I don't allow anyone to wonder if I have a problem with them.

I really like this. Maybe this is unfair, but I see approaches like this as just the most honest.

 

[Yama]

Yeah my first inclination can be to sort of just sweep stuff like that under the rug. But lately(withing the last... Few years probably) Ive been really really trying to be open about my opinions about people. Because really imo- its worse to find out WEEKS after something happened that you upset someone somehow/someone had a problem with you. I don't know. I just don't like that I suppose. I mean nothing can be done at that point- the person who had the problem wasnt trying to 'solve it' they were just hoping to somehow drag out the problem to bite the other person later in the ass with it. Or at least thats my perspective of that. Which is why- I ALWAYS try to let people know if I have a legitimate problem with them. Because then it is on 'fair' playing grounds for all- and perhaps even something can be done- and at least if not... Things are 'known'. Less power play-y feelig to me, dunno.

Yeah finding out way after the fact is just terrible. And well like yesterday, when my dad started overreacting and screaming at me over something really stupid that any normal person would have expressed calmly--I told him exactly what I thought. I said he was overreacting and needed to calm down and bitched at him for how he reacted inappropriately. And then today, after I woke up, he said sorry and also thanked me for doing that because it helps him cool down and reflect. So there are definitely benefits to telling people when you have a problem with them. I think for me it's a matter of how close/comfortable I am with the person.

 

[Lia_kat]

It depends. I abhor confrontation so if I have a problem with someone, there's a lot of thinking involved before I decide to tell them. Is it really that important? Is it something that really needs to be addressed immediately or is it better if I wait? Will it resolve on its own? Am I going to see this person again? Are they worth my time and emotional investment? Is it something that really bothers me? How will it affect them? etc, etc.
If yes is the answer to most of those then I will gladly let them know and see if we can come to an understanding. Otherwise, I just let it go for a while and remove myself (if possible) from the situation.

 

[/DG/]

I seem to be kind of in the minority here in that I DON'T tell people when I have an issue with them. I really don't see the need. Instead, I just try to avoid said person whenever possible. If I have to interact with them, I do it as minimally as possible.

I don't think I've ever really told someone that I don't like them or that I have an issue with them, come to think of it. I have told other people my frustrations, but never the person directly.

 

[cascadeco]

Well, if something is bothering me about a particular relationship I'm in, I'll need to address it with the person -- because if they're in my life and are a friend/intimate, it means they're important, the relationship is one I value, and it's therefore important to talk about anything that becomes a problem.

If it's someone I need to interact with daily, ie at work, and we're not really friends / it's just a working relationship, they aren't doing anything that's impacting my job / the work environment, it's simply that I don't care for them all that much, I'll just try to be professional and respectful. Because, that's just my own issue/thing - I just happen to not care for them, that's on me, there's no point in saying anything if they're not doing anything objectively wrong, they're just being themselves, it just happens to not jive with what I happen to like/connect with. If they're doing something that impacts me directly, if they're disrupting my own ability to do my job, or making it harder for everyone else, then depending on what's appropriate for the situation at hand, I'll bring it up with them directly or if that doesn't work, go to the boss.

 

[ceecee]

I have told other people my frustrations, but never the person directly.

Why? You clearly want the problem heard, go tell the person you have a problem with. Not some poor person who doesn't want to hear that shit anyway.

 

[Yama]

Why?

cuz its scary and i am a weakling

 

[/DG/]

Why? You clearly want the problem heard, go tell the person you have a problem with. Not some poor person who doesn't want to hear that shit anyway.

Well...I'll admit do tend to tell people if I have problems with whatever way they are doing something. I just do NOT say if I specifically have a problem with them personally. I don't always speak my mind, but I do if I think the issue is fixable.

But the big issue with this is that people don't want to hear it/don't want to change. Even if I tell them that I don't like the way they are doing X, it doesn't seem to solve anything anyway. Telling someone about what I think has never seemed to fix anything ever.

 

[GIjade]

I have problems with some people. And I try to be civil and address those problems with them. But they always deny they have any involvement in what I'm presenting to them. This makes it very difficult to talk to them, eh? I would be willing to listen to their side of things, but as I said, they pretend they don't know what I'm talking about. This sets my response to your question apart from everyone elses because everyone else is able to actually talk to the people they have a problem with.

 

[Cloudpatrol]

When you have a problem with them?

Or do you sort of wait it out- hope it fades away- and that you don't ever have to address it?

Or do youtry to hit it at the source.

Or do you passive aggressively 'feed' off of disliking someone and see nothing wrong with 'targeting' them in some way shape or form. (Gossip, direct attacks, underhanded remarks, ignoring them- ect ect-)

Question is. What do you do when you dislike someone? Try to remove yourself from situations involving them? What if not possible- just try to be civil?

Personally. Id like to think that if I have a problem with someone, I would just talk to them about it. Its what I would want someone to do for me- even if its harder/uncomfortable. But sometimes I DO have difficulty doing this. Ex: in situations where either I have to give ALL- or I have to give MOST of the effort/take most of the blame/feel Im being 'more fair and reasonable' than the other person. Addressing things in these situations seems just half pointless- but usually even then Ill at least TELL them and TRY to work things out.

But yeah. Its something Ive been thinking about for a while. I greatly respect people who can 'tell me like it is' without spewing unneccessary vitriol. People who don't have 'to win'. Mm Im adding too much to this and it might be getting hard to remember the question. Anyways.

How do you handle friction/dislike/whatever- from others?

Unless someone is utterly beyond reason, I prefer to deal with things forthrightly and head-on.

If there is a lot of personal emotion involved on either side, I will likely feel a bit sick until things are addressed and therefore prefer to communicate openly ASAP. I will take 'lively' discourse any day - over things just shutting down!

There is a company who trains MBTI practitioners that provides some resources I have found helpful in knowing HOW to talk to someone with a brain/heart different from my own

https://www.psychometrics.com/mbtiblog/type-talk/the-dos-and-donts-of-conflict-function-pairs/

https://www.psychometrics.com/mbtiblog/type-talk/cant-we-all-just-get-along-exploring-type-and-conflict/

https://www.psychometrics.com/mbtiblog/communication/type-related-sources-of-conflict/

 

[GIjade]

Thanks [MENTION=27162]Cloudpatrol[/MENTION].
This is an excerpt from one of the psychometrics sites you mentioned above:

Here are some of what I call “Universal Conflict Tips” that team members can use:
1) Realize your way of seeing and reacting to conflict is not the same as the other individual, and all reactions are valid.
2) Try to shift your focus from “What can others do for me” to “What can I do for others”. This will make you proactive, and effective conflict resolution is more likely.
3) Remember that ‘conflict selflessness’ will make everyone more effective: regardless of our type preferences, we should always seek to understand and accommodate whenever possible – especially on teams. The ideal outcome: a cooperative, more trusting and cohesive team… even in the midst of inevitable disagreement.

I think this sounds great - let's do this.

 

[Totenkindly]

For me, it depends on what the level of relationship is.

If it's someone I don't see or talk to much, what's the point in being confrontational? Or if it's someone I don't need to interact with, why hang around them if I don't like being there? (Then again, nowadays sometimes if the relationship is entirely irrelevant, then I'll be more overt about my dislike simply because why bother to pretend? it takes more energy to avoid conflict than engage. I think I'm more blunt on forums, for example, than I was in the past.)

If it's someone I need to deal with more regularly, and I think it will improve matters, I'll tell them in a constructive way. I'm also open to them telling me why they don't like me and what we might be able to do to change things.

Here's the thing, though: Feelings about someone are irrelevant in some contexts. For example, if I have to work with someone, who cares whether I "like" them or not? This is a job, not playtime. I just suck it up and do it and lay my feelings aside and do my best job working with them. And if I find myself incapable of doing that, then I address it with so that we can reduce tension and resolve anything that needs resolved that will help us be more effective. But typically work isn't about airing grievances, it's about doing your job that you get paid to do, and there will of course be people you don't like in life (sometimes simply because you have different working styles and priorities), so whatever. Do your job. And if it becomes an issue, deal with it in a productive way that doesn't make things personal, and move forward. I don't have to share with someone that I don't like them in order to work through it, necessarily.

I do allow my feelings to change if someone changes, though. There are people I didn't like before in life who I am friends with now, because we both changed over the years.

 

[Dyslexxie]

I don't have the energy to pretend I like someone I don't or to mask my feelings about a situation I find unpleasant. I'm so emotive that I'm pretty sure I'll give everything away even if I tried not to. Thankfully I don't care enough to want to be everyone's friend, so I'm often 'that bitch' that shared her opinion and removed herself from a situation with shitty people. Life's too short to waste time on pleasantries for people that you don't care for.

 

[geedoenfj]

When you have a problem with them?

Or do you sort of wait it out- hope it fades away- and that you don't ever have to address it?

Or do youtry to hit it at the source.

Or do you passive aggressively 'feed' off of disliking someone and see nothing wrong with 'targeting' them in some way shape or form. (Gossip, direct attacks, underhanded remarks, ignoring them- ect ect-)

Question is. What do you do when you dislike someone? Try to remove yourself from situations involving them? What if not possible- just try to be civil?

I don't usually tell them when I have a problem with them because I have a difficulty in approaching others and address my problem with them, I sort of wait until it fades away, or used to think it fades away but it actually piles up inside of me over time and then comes out of nowhere like a volcano, like a monster who was hiding all that time, it happened to me multiple times with different people and different occasions, but recently I decided to try building more Fi and just tell them immediately to stop it..
I don't remember passive aggressively target them or anything, I do criticize people's behavior a lot, point out a sarcasm or irony in it, but always try to make it general not talking about that person specifically, but if I ever made a passive aggressive statement then I guess nobody is perfect, and I'm sorry about it..
Whenever I feel really upset, I would just talk about it to a friend or to my sister, but I try to never talk about it to someone who would passive aggressively attacks the person that I have an issue with, because that would go against my morals..
If I dislike someone, I would try to remove myself from being around them and be civil, but some people would not give up bullying and harassments, and I haven't dealt with it in a way that I was supposed to do in the past

 

[geedoenfj]

I don't have the energy to pretend I like someone I don't or to mask my feelings about a situation I find unpleasant. I'm so emotive that I'm pretty sure I'll give everything away even if I tried not to. Thankfully I don't care enough to want to be everyone's friend, so I'm often 'that bitch' that shared her opinion and removed herself from a situation with shitty people. Life's too short to waste time on pleasantries for people that you don't care for.

I NEED some of that Dyslexxie I wish sometime I can care less

 

[Dyslexxie]

I NEED some of that Dyslexxie I wish sometime I can care less

I get emotionally invested with everything so I've had to draw the line somewhere because it got too tiring to care about people's lives and problems when I don't even particularly like the people involved. Now I just overwhelm myself with the lives and troubles of people I love lol.
Being an empath certainly has more disadvantages than advantages so boundaries become necessary, otherwise I would spend all waking hours crying for everyone else lol.