What happens when someone with no emotional awareness suddenly gains it?

[uumlau]

An Experimental Autism Treatment Cost Me My Marriage - NYTimes.com

Before the T.M.S., I had fantasized that the emotional cues I was missing in my autism would bring me closer to people. The reality was very different. The signals I now picked up about what my fellow humans were feeling overwhelmed me. They seemed scared, alarmed, worried and even greedy. The beauty I envisioned was nowhere to be found.

Thoughts?

Personally, I think this shows the T/F divide rather starkly, how they're really just different approaches, not better or worse. An implication of this might be that "T" types are simply less emotionally aware; not to the point of being autistic, necessarily, but I think the "unflappable" trait that a lot of feeling types like in thinking types may very well be a lack of emotional awareness (but not a lack of feelings or emotion, per se).

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I'm not autistic, but I feel like I've had more emotional awareness and sensitivity recently, and I don't really like it.

I think Thinking types do have a tendency to be less aware of emotions and how they actually feel about stuff. I'm usually a poor judge of how I actually feel about something, and I can often be unaware of how upset I actually am about something.

 

[ceecee]

An Experimental Autism Treatment Cost Me My Marriage - NYTimes.com



Thoughts?

Personally, I think this shows the T/F divide rather starkly, how they're really just different approaches, not better or worse. An implication of this might be that "T" types are simply less emotionally aware; not to the point of being autistic, necessarily, but I think the "unflappable" trait that a lot of feeling types like in thinking types may very well be a lack of emotional awareness (but not a lack of feelings or emotion, per se).

The experience in the article is terrifying. I know I lack some emotional awareness but I've always seen it as a positive thing, never as a handicap or disability. Reading this article just reinforced those beliefs.

 

[Tilt]

but I think the "unflappable" trait that a lot of feeling types like in thinking types may very well be a lack of emotional awareness (but not a lack of feelings or emotion, per se).

ahh, interesting. I personally perceived it as Ts possibly being able to compartmentalize emotions better in a detached, intellectual way (put them on the back burner). I, on the other hand, analyze the feelings/emotions of myself and others almost nonstop (not necessarily in a self-indulgent manner, but more as data to help me in my decision-making process).

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

ahh, interesting. I personally perceived it as Ts possibly being able to compartmentalize emotions better in a detached, intellectual way (put them on the back burner). I, on the other hand, analyze the feelings/emotions of myself and others almost nonstop (not necessarily in a self-indulgent manner, but more as data to help me in my decision-making process).

Do you feel like you're always aware of what other people are feeling?

 

[uumlau]

The experience in the article is terrifying. I know I lack some emotional awareness but I've always seen it as a positive thing, never as a handicap or disability. Reading this article just reinforced those beliefs.

I think that for an autistic person, it had to be like being really freezing cold, and then getting into a hot bath: the bath isn't boiling hot and is actually quite warm and comfy, but if you have been used to being freezing, it's going to feel like it's boiling hot and very unpleasant.

In my case, I've been trying to become more emotionally aware, but I do so from the safety net of being emotionally unaware: I can detach at any time. But I try to connect emotionally these days, because it helps communication and because it does enhance emotional connections and makes them much more fulfilling. And I'm just talking friendships, not romantic/sexual relationships and the like.

This guy wasn't given a chance to dip his toe in and wait until he got used to it. He was PUSHED IN. (Or he pushed himself in ...)

 

[Tilt]

Do you feel like you're always aware of what other people are feeling?

Yes, the energy/vibe behind the emotions but that doesn't mean I am anywhere near omniscient about the WHY. I actually used to drive people nuts because I would inadvertently invade their "emotional/mental" space.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

This guy wasn't given a chance to dip his toe in and wait until he got used to it. He was PUSHED IN. (Or he pushed himself in ...)

That magnetic therapy method they mentioned was interesting. It reminded me of ECT which is sometimes used to treat bipolar patients. I wonder if it works in a similar fashion.

Yes, the energy/vibe behind the emotions but that doesn't mean I am anywhere near omniscient about the WHY. I actually used to drive people nuts because I would inadvertently invade their "emotional/mental" space.

So, Fe only helps you with the "what" of what someone else is feeling, but does nothing for the "why."

I still feel that I put people at a distance. I tend to find myself overwhelmed by a rapid increase in emotional distance, and will often retreat if I feel that the "emotional gap" is closing too quickly.

 

[Virtual ghost]

This is the main reason why I pulled the brake in my "emotional development". Awareness can be great but feeling the actual thing can be a problem since its clearly clouds judgement ... and I really really don't like that.

Also being too empathic with people feels like I am failing them since life rised me to always be "the tought one with clear mind and the last defence before things go to hell".

 

[SD45T-2]

That's pretty wild. I knew about TMS for depression but had no idea it was used for autism.

 

[Tilt]

So, Fe only helps you with the "what" of what someone else is feeling, but does nothing for the "why."

I still feel that I put people at a distance. I tend to find myself overwhelmed by a rapid increase in emotional distance, and will often retreat if I feel that the "emotional gap" is closing too quickly.

Yes. Fe is good at pinpointing the "what". It's Ni which is excellent at figuring out "why" but it's only as good as the data I gather through Fe-Se. Since it's introverted and subjective, sometimes Ni extrapolation can be way off the mark.

Fe gets overwhelmed, but instead of creating a distance, it tends to express and react: hence, the bad rap for EXFJs.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I didn't have the same experience as the person in the article, but it was similar.

I have always read everyone around me with perfect ease. Tone, posture, microexpressions, predicting where their sentence was going, reading their emotions, and so forth. So not like him.

But, due to childhood, I closed myself off from consciusly recognizing and accepting my own emotions and accepting that the emotions of others impacted me. No situation, no problem, no issue could touch me. I handled impossible emotional situations with relative ease. I dealt with horrible toxic people without getting bothered.

Then last year happened.

And I awakened to the emotional world I had denied and hidden in my unconscious mind.

And it sucked having it all awaken in a few months time. Especially given what shit I woke up to living in.

I would not have survived in the situation for as long as I had fully accepting of the emotional world. So I really relate to that part of the author.

He never knew everyone was mocking him. I knew every slight and criticism and ignored the pain.

This part hit home:

Normally people change in a marriage, over time. What happens when one person changes overnight?

I know it was very hard on my wife. I unconsciously had always been a friendly and patient and happy guy, able to put up with all her issues and the children's issues. Now, I was emotional and needy and unhappy with the status quo and bothered by the behavior of her and the children. I strongly rejected her controlling behavior and passive requests after years of compliance.

And given how closed off she was..... my asserting myself must have been very challenging to her.

We should have ended up divorced.

Success.

I guess....

 

[Lark]

An Experimental Autism Treatment Cost Me My Marriage - NYTimes.com



Thoughts?

Personally, I think this shows the T/F divide rather starkly, how they're really just different approaches, not better or worse. An implication of this might be that "T" types are simply less emotionally aware; not to the point of being autistic, necessarily, but I think the "unflappable" trait that a lot of feeling types like in thinking types may very well be a lack of emotional awareness (but not a lack of feelings or emotion, per se).

I find that interesting because I have been characterised as having that unflappable quality for years, although I'll be honest its waned some what lately and I attribute that to layering up of stress, anxiety and even traumatic stress which has all taxed my resilience, however, the people who I've seen who are the most flappable, I mean pretty major cases of the same, are not what I'd characterise as particularly feeling types, unless appearing to experience equilibrium most of the time and then being subject to periodic outbursts qualifies, which I'd associate with someone who is dysfunction feeling type or a thinking type who experiences feelings as flooding resulting in emoting.

Kind of like a "ARGH! Emotions! Co-regulate, help me with the emotional labour now!"

 

[anticlimatic]

So it is possible to flip a switch from Te Fi into Fe Ti....
There's hope for the human race yet.

Yeah Mr White! Yeah SCIENCE!

...

Don't fear the reaper XXTJs and XXFPs. Take this as a cue to stop being emotional assholes now so the transition later isn't so jarring.

 

[Cellmold]

I can't think of any moment in my life where becoming aware of my emotions has benefited me.

But then I never get a moment's peace from the unceasing intensity of my emotional volatility; they're always present and intrusive. I just want to be stable and calm.

 

[Coriolis]

In my case, I've been trying to become more emotionally aware, but I do so from the safety net of being emotionally unaware: I can detach at any time. But I try to connect emotionally these days, because it helps communication and because it does enhance emotional connections and makes them much more fulfilling. And I'm just talking friendships, not romantic/sexual relationships and the like.

This guy wasn't given a chance to dip his toe in and wait until he got used to it. He was PUSHED IN. (Or he pushed himself in ...)

But you have written on other threads that your own emotional epiphany was precipitated by a series of personal crises. That doesn't sound gentle or gradual either.

As for the article, I have long suspected the following is the case:

I’ve learned that the grass is not always greener when it comes to emotional vision.

Also being too empathic with people feels like I am failing them since life rised me to always be "the tought one with clear mind and the last defence before things go to hell".

This has been my experience as well. When I have tried to engage on a more emotional level with people, I feel I am almost cheating them by denying them my best self.

 

[Masokissed]

So it is possible to flip a switch from Te Fi into Fe Ti....
There's hope for the human race yet.

Yeah Mr White! Yeah SCIENCE!

...

Don't fear the reaper XXTJs and XXFPs. Take this as a cue to stop being emotional assholes now so the transition later isn't so jarring.

lol shut the fuck up

 

[Hitoshi-San]

I've become more emotionally aware this year and it's not really good, but not really bad either. I like it when I'm around other people because then I feel like I know how to act more appropriately for the situation and communicate more effectively, but man, feelings are fucking freaky when you're left alone with them sometimes. There will be times where you'll know you're feeling a certain thing, but can't figure out why or what to do about it. Negative emotion anywhere is hell no matter what.

I wasn't exactly oblivious to emotion beforehand, but I was way more detached from my emotions than I am now. Now I sort of get more absorbed with them.

 

[21%]

Fascinating article.

What's more fascinating is a lot of T's reaction to the concept of emotional awareness. For me, other people's emotions are just more information. It helps me understand them better and therefore helps me connect with them better. It's not the emotions themselves that facilitate the connection, it's the understanding. Of course there's that 'glimpsing their humanity' through perceiving their emotions kind of artistic moment, but it's not what I mainly do. This is probably due to my Fe-Ti lens. I suspect Fi-Te will be different.

 

[Tennessee Jed]

Emotional awareness is just data.

You can choose to shut out that data and steer a straight course through life on an even keel. But you'll never really understand or connect with other people. You can't even connect with your own emotions, so happiness will elude you. You'll just have stability and predictability, but not much more. On the plus side, you can probably be more productive, since you can tune out a lot of the irritations of daily life and people.

Alternatively, you can input that data. Your course will then become a lot more erratic with a lot more collisions and crises. You may feel overwhelmed by data at time and exhaust yourself trying to balance competing agendas and needs (yours and theirs). But ultimately your connections with others will be stronger, and you'll be "handling" both yourself and others better. Happiness will become a possibility.

With the extra data provided by emotional awareness, you'll be more reactive to your environment. The extra data may be overwhelming at times, but with practice you get used to processing it. You work out systems (probably Fi) for prioritizing and dealing with that extra data and incorporating it into your life.

That's basically what the article said. By the end of the article, the author said that he had gotten a handle on the new data, and now his family, relationships, and business were stronger than before. It's just that there was a learning curve when it came to figuring out that extra data and how to handle it.

****************

[ETA:] Even F-types can get bogged down in too much data. They sometimes make a deliberate decision to filter out emotional input and just plow through life as an unemotional zombie for a while. The "disillusioned, cold, cynical INFP" is practically a literary trope ("No more Mr. Nice Guy!"). And neurotic, overloaded, martyr Fe types can have a nervous breakdown and choose to take a vacation or hit the spa and focus on self instead of the world or a while.

But sooner or later F-types tend to tune back in to that emotional input. They miss that data. The next time around, they just work harder at figuring out the rules for processing the data more effectively.