So, after a couple weeks of intense research and self-discovery (and lots of help on my last thread :hi
, I've come to the conclusion that ISFJ is a VERY likely possibility for my personality type. As I said in my last thread, I had previously typed myself as an INFP, but after researching ISFJ, it seems to fit better - to an extent. I definitely have Ne/Si, and I identify with both Fe and Fi, but Fe more. Also, I really see Ti in me, but I can also see how I could have inferior Te. (Though my anxiety skews my perception of everything - if I have Fi and aux Ne, I'll never be able to tell because I'm so anxiety ridden.)
BUT...something feels off and I'm afraid it comes down to what ISFJs are typically like. I'm literally NOTHING like the "typical ISFJ". I know I shouldn't place much value in this, but even on these kinds of forums, ISFJs are always described as something that's NOT me in any sense.
I'm SO disorganized and messy, both in physical environments and thoughts. I think in a VERY non-linear pattern - whenever I speak, my thoughts are crazy, all over the place. No one can understand what I'm saying because I can't think from point A to point B. I always get distracted by something else and stray from the topic at hand. Most people say ISFJs are more...structured than that. Organized, at least to some extent. Unlike me, who lives in filth and disarray (and not just mildly disorganized - horribly so) and likes it. It just doesn't match up. I'm also the laziest, most unproductive, biggest procrastinator I know. Why am I so far off the organized stereotype of an ISFJ?? Again, I know it's just a stereotype, but it must mean something. Do I just have horribly abusive inferior Ne??
Also...I have absolutely NO DESIRE to help or care for other people. I do care about other people and I help people with their issues (but more because I'm interested in people in general - I'm fascinated by the human mind and social interactions and I love studying it and breaking it down), but I care about myself over others. I know Fe-users can be selfish also, but it's more than that. I literally don't care about being a "caretaker" or loyal friend. I actually have flimsy loyalties and I'm literally the worst caregiver of all time. I just don't care enough about making other people happy to focus my attention on them. I'm too self-absorbed, and I find it awkward and out of my nature to "care" for other people - I got my own need to attend to. Is this unusual for an ISFJ? I've heard that the bigger indicator for an ISFJ is someone who cares deeply about other people and will do anything to help and care for them - that's not me. Actually, when I help people, it's purely out of personal, selfish, and anxious reasons - I people-please because I'm scared what they'll think of me (an Fe trait), so I do things to make them happy not out of the good of my heart or because I actually care or want to, but because I'm SCARED. I'm terrified they'll hate me forever otherwise, so I force myself to do things I don't want to do.
For example, I'll cover someone's shift at work because I think of all the possibilities of what will happen if I don't. I don't necessarily want to (why the hell would I want to give up my own time for someone else??), but I'll consider doing it to appease the guilt in my chest.
I identify with Fe in that I'm very outwardly expressive. I do tend to repress my "deepest, darkest" emotions, but I'm not one to hold back from complaining about things that make me mad or to express how I feel. I love connecting with others and feeling a sense of community with them.
I'm also not one for details. I'll remember things I want to remember, and I have a vivid memory of past events that are at least somewhat sentimental to me, but I SUCK at remembering things. And I really mean this - I can't remember if some of my friends have glasses or not. I'm the person who wouldn't notice if the teacher lost a finger or something until after everyone else. I'm so forgetful (when my anxiety hasn't kicked in) and I never pay attention to anything. I'm the person who makes the same mistakes over and over again because I just don't learn from the past - I remember it and recall what I did wrong and how I can fix it, but no way in hell will I improve on that).
The only way I identify with Si is through my ability to retain LOTS of information if I'm invested enough - so I know a lot about fandoms I love and facts about history because it's my favorite subject. I'm also INCREDIBLY nostalgic and sentimental - I yearn for the past and for the way my things used to be. I constantly wish I could be more like I was the year before (because I always perceive myself as being happier and more successful the year before than currently, even though this is so inaccurate). I struggle with letting go and I HATE change. It makes me anxious, it's like a jolt to my system. It's not like I'm against new experiences - I LOVE trying new things, experiencing new cultures and foods and I love traveling to places I haven't been before. I'm open to ideas and theories I haven't considered before. I guess, it's just when it comes to my own personal life, I struggle with change. If it's a drastic change to my life (or new people, my introversion especially makes it hard for me to open up to groups of new people), then I'm terrified.
I have signs of both inferior Ne and Te. Ne because my intuition comes into play A LOT when I'm nervous - I imagine all the worst-case scenarios and all the bad things that could happen. But again, I have anxiety, so I have trouble differentiating between that and my type. Also, if I try to remember a time before anxiety (which is near impossible), I saw all possibilities, good and bad. I loved taking risks and being myself - I wanted to try everything...but I was younger then and I couldn't imagine myself doing those things now.
Te is also obvious if it's low - my lack of organization, my lack of motivation and drive (mental illness or personality type??? idk). My ability to lash out at people unexpectedly when they drive me over the edge or when they are unproductive (even though I am also).
I also see Ti in myself in that I try to organize EVERYTHING into logical categories and try to make sense of the world through a logical lens. I love to hyperanalyze things and put them into categories based on my perception of the way things should be - maybe that's why I like Myers Briggs so much, it's another categorization. I can be very logical when I look at things objectively - I'm not logical with my own emotions, I can never be logical when it comes to myself. But I'm great at analyzing a situation (whether it be an issue a friend is having or whatever) and breaking it down, finding the right, logical solution to the problem.
And Fe vs. Fi - don't even get me started. I can't decipher if my perceived Fe is actually Fi distorted by anxiety and crippling low self-esteem or if it's actually Fe. Can Fi-users even develop self-esteem issues regarding fear of rejection and being judged by others?Can their anxiety disorders have to do with other people's judgments on them? Or is that purely an Fe thing? And I don't even know where my morals come from - I don't even think I have strong morals. I just believe in things, and some things I believe I more strongly than others, and I don't like when people violate that. But I'm also a pushover and a doormat and naive - I let people push me around because I'm too worried about what they would think about me if I said "no". (Again, anxiety or inferior Ne or Fe or Fi??)
It just makes me sad because if I'm an ISFJ, I'm a horrible ISFJ. I have none of the good qualities of an ISFJ, just a bunch of bad non-ISFJ ones. My mom's an ISFJ and she's so particular with details, notices everything, is organized and neat, has this need to put other people before her and I just...don't. I feel like some shit ISFJ who got lost along the way, or maybe I'm not an ISFJ at all??? All I know (or at least I think I know) is that I'm IxFx. And I'm definitely not Ni-Se, that's practically fact. But I don't know, I can't identify with any type entirely, it feels like and idk if it's because I'm too anxiety-ridden to figure myself out right now.
, I've come to the conclusion that ISFJ is a VERY likely possibility for my personality type. As I said in my last thread, I had previously typed myself as an INFP, but after researching ISFJ, it seems to fit better - to an extent. I definitely have Ne/Si, and I identify with both Fe and Fi, but Fe more. Also, I really see Ti in me, but I can also see how I could have inferior Te. (Though my anxiety skews my perception of everything - if I have Fi and aux Ne, I'll never be able to tell because I'm so anxiety ridden.)BUT...something feels off and I'm afraid it comes down to what ISFJs are typically like. I'm literally NOTHING like the "typical ISFJ". I know I shouldn't place much value in this, but even on these kinds of forums, ISFJs are always described as something that's NOT me in any sense.
I'm SO disorganized and messy, both in physical environments and thoughts. I think in a VERY non-linear pattern - whenever I speak, my thoughts are crazy, all over the place. No one can understand what I'm saying because I can't think from point A to point B. I always get distracted by something else and stray from the topic at hand. Most people say ISFJs are more...structured than that. Organized, at least to some extent. Unlike me, who lives in filth and disarray (and not just mildly disorganized - horribly so) and likes it. It just doesn't match up. I'm also the laziest, most unproductive, biggest procrastinator I know. Why am I so far off the organized stereotype of an ISFJ?? Again, I know it's just a stereotype, but it must mean something. Do I just have horribly abusive inferior Ne??
Also...I have absolutely NO DESIRE to help or care for other people. I do care about other people and I help people with their issues (but more because I'm interested in people in general - I'm fascinated by the human mind and social interactions and I love studying it and breaking it down), but I care about myself over others. I know Fe-users can be selfish also, but it's more than that. I literally don't care about being a "caretaker" or loyal friend. I actually have flimsy loyalties and I'm literally the worst caregiver of all time. I just don't care enough about making other people happy to focus my attention on them. I'm too self-absorbed, and I find it awkward and out of my nature to "care" for other people - I got my own need to attend to. Is this unusual for an ISFJ? I've heard that the bigger indicator for an ISFJ is someone who cares deeply about other people and will do anything to help and care for them - that's not me. Actually, when I help people, it's purely out of personal, selfish, and anxious reasons - I people-please because I'm scared what they'll think of me (an Fe trait), so I do things to make them happy not out of the good of my heart or because I actually care or want to, but because I'm SCARED. I'm terrified they'll hate me forever otherwise, so I force myself to do things I don't want to do.
For example, I'll cover someone's shift at work because I think of all the possibilities of what will happen if I don't. I don't necessarily want to (why the hell would I want to give up my own time for someone else??), but I'll consider doing it to appease the guilt in my chest.
I identify with Fe in that I'm very outwardly expressive. I do tend to repress my "deepest, darkest" emotions, but I'm not one to hold back from complaining about things that make me mad or to express how I feel. I love connecting with others and feeling a sense of community with them.
I'm also not one for details. I'll remember things I want to remember, and I have a vivid memory of past events that are at least somewhat sentimental to me, but I SUCK at remembering things. And I really mean this - I can't remember if some of my friends have glasses or not. I'm the person who wouldn't notice if the teacher lost a finger or something until after everyone else. I'm so forgetful (when my anxiety hasn't kicked in) and I never pay attention to anything. I'm the person who makes the same mistakes over and over again because I just don't learn from the past - I remember it and recall what I did wrong and how I can fix it, but no way in hell will I improve on that).
The only way I identify with Si is through my ability to retain LOTS of information if I'm invested enough - so I know a lot about fandoms I love and facts about history because it's my favorite subject. I'm also INCREDIBLY nostalgic and sentimental - I yearn for the past and for the way my things used to be. I constantly wish I could be more like I was the year before (because I always perceive myself as being happier and more successful the year before than currently, even though this is so inaccurate). I struggle with letting go and I HATE change. It makes me anxious, it's like a jolt to my system. It's not like I'm against new experiences - I LOVE trying new things, experiencing new cultures and foods and I love traveling to places I haven't been before. I'm open to ideas and theories I haven't considered before. I guess, it's just when it comes to my own personal life, I struggle with change. If it's a drastic change to my life (or new people, my introversion especially makes it hard for me to open up to groups of new people), then I'm terrified.
I have signs of both inferior Ne and Te. Ne because my intuition comes into play A LOT when I'm nervous - I imagine all the worst-case scenarios and all the bad things that could happen. But again, I have anxiety, so I have trouble differentiating between that and my type. Also, if I try to remember a time before anxiety (which is near impossible), I saw all possibilities, good and bad. I loved taking risks and being myself - I wanted to try everything...but I was younger then and I couldn't imagine myself doing those things now.
Te is also obvious if it's low - my lack of organization, my lack of motivation and drive (mental illness or personality type??? idk). My ability to lash out at people unexpectedly when they drive me over the edge or when they are unproductive (even though I am also).
I also see Ti in myself in that I try to organize EVERYTHING into logical categories and try to make sense of the world through a logical lens. I love to hyperanalyze things and put them into categories based on my perception of the way things should be - maybe that's why I like Myers Briggs so much, it's another categorization. I can be very logical when I look at things objectively - I'm not logical with my own emotions, I can never be logical when it comes to myself. But I'm great at analyzing a situation (whether it be an issue a friend is having or whatever) and breaking it down, finding the right, logical solution to the problem.
And Fe vs. Fi - don't even get me started. I can't decipher if my perceived Fe is actually Fi distorted by anxiety and crippling low self-esteem or if it's actually Fe. Can Fi-users even develop self-esteem issues regarding fear of rejection and being judged by others?Can their anxiety disorders have to do with other people's judgments on them? Or is that purely an Fe thing? And I don't even know where my morals come from - I don't even think I have strong morals. I just believe in things, and some things I believe I more strongly than others, and I don't like when people violate that. But I'm also a pushover and a doormat and naive - I let people push me around because I'm too worried about what they would think about me if I said "no". (Again, anxiety or inferior Ne or Fe or Fi??)
It just makes me sad because if I'm an ISFJ, I'm a horrible ISFJ. I have none of the good qualities of an ISFJ, just a bunch of bad non-ISFJ ones. My mom's an ISFJ and she's so particular with details, notices everything, is organized and neat, has this need to put other people before her and I just...don't. I feel like some shit ISFJ who got lost along the way, or maybe I'm not an ISFJ at all??? All I know (or at least I think I know) is that I'm IxFx. And I'm definitely not Ni-Se, that's practically fact. But I don't know, I can't identify with any type entirely, it feels like and idk if it's because I'm too anxiety-ridden to figure myself out right now.
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