My goodness lots of
really interesting stuff to read!

I would write a book if I replied to every single thing in depth, so I am going to try to single out things that stand out the most.
Time to join the bullet-point party*. Here's how I'd phrase my decision-making process -- taking @
Wind Up Rex's process and making it more Si-flavored:
- What is the goal?
- Where am I now relative to the goal?
- What plans of attack to I have to choose from?
- Weighing a list of pros and cons of each of these plans, which is the best suited to the details of my project? e.g. if time is the most important factor, then which of these is the quickest?
- If the options don't look great: Is it worth it for me to pursue this project? If not, then what are my alternatives?
- Either repeat from step 1, or make decision and proceed.
If I were to draw this out, instead of writing it out, it would look a lot more like a flow chart. Entirely based on "if this, then that" statements, or questions with multiple answers.
I've been told that I'm an extremely linear thinker: If this, then that. From point A to point B. Pros and cons. If I'm told that things are more nuanced than that, then I tend to take an identical approach on a micro level: if this, then that, from point A to point B, pros and cons, with regard to each nuance. But in my case it always starts with the question of "What needs to be done here?" While I liked the general style of @
VagrantFarce's post, it implied that for ExTJs the most "useful" option is ALWAYS the most desired -- but generally speaking it's more about The Goal, which could be anything, useful or non. For example, parties aren't useful, and neither are most hobbies.
*I'm just saying that to be diplomatic -- y'all know I was the first one here. I'm HOSTING the bullet-point party.
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Also:
One of my major weaknesses is planning for a wide variety of worst case scenarios. What you're describing with regard to risk assessment is a bit beyond anything that comes naturally to me. The ESTJ decision-making process, while equally likely to be vague and minimally prepared, tends to rely upon contingency planning that relates to Si. We're quick to dismiss anything we deem "unlikely", which is why we make such quick decisions.
Keeping in mind that the list I gave above is just about all there is to the process, then yes, that's accurate. I don't do a lot of "unnecessary" thinking when I plan. It's all: "will X help with Y?" "will this be a problem?" "how does this measure of 'best' relate to this other measure of 'best', and which should i rely upon more?"
Um... Avoidance of vulnerability? Deciding that only particular spheres deserve to know more, or could handle knowing more?
I'm not all that obsessed with privacy, but I do care a lot about making sure that, if I'm sharing particular information with people, they won't do anything stupid or hurtful with it. Which may be what you're talking about.
Maybe you're confused by it because it's our Te way of handling people -- making decisions based not on the individuals and their feelings, but cost-benefit analysis and risk assessment.
Yeah, this definitely highlights how linear Te is. In particular when it's paired up with Si. Ni does sort of throw a "nebulousness" into the mix as WUR pointed out, but at the end of the day Te is surprisingly simple, and not the least bit convoluted. It's sort of confusing to me because I feel like so much information is being omitted in thinking, but it truly isn't needed. I guess what surprises me, is the lack of "back processing" or the inessent brain chatter that I for years expected everyone to have, but it seems like Te just doesn't have that.
I'll comment more on the privacy stuff below to other people so I don't repeat myself.
Were you invited? Because you know one part of someones' social life doesn't mean you are privy to all of it. It also may come from compartmentalization, which I think has a lot of Te floating around. Compartmentalizing is just another type of organizing.
Yes, compartmentalization is the word I was looking for, it's a thing that Te does, and when I was younger, I honestly saw it as rude

. Not anymore of course, but it felt like secrets were being made for the sake-of and I didn't get it. I mean, being invasive is a bit no-no and anyone who crosses a line should be told off. It's just always struck me as odd that someone might be disinclined to speak about good experiences they had with friends not connected to you, or just fail to disclose it all together. I'm comparing myself to this of course so I know that's not the best thing to do.
The past several days have shown me that I really was missing *A LOT* of holes with how I thought Te internally operated in others. Things I had no clue could ever be done or function. I blame my failure to see this on Asperger's, and the only way I can start piecing it together is to see how others explain it for them, and then try to watch it in practice. This could explain and fill the holes for "type" of people that remain sort of an enigma to me.
Hm. This is making me wonder a bit more about Hard's question -- because you're interpreting it differently than I did, and I'm not satisfied with my answer anymore.
@
Hard are you thinking of particular situations when you ask that? I think part of why I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it, is that I see myself as fairly open*. I don't get mad when my friends from one sphere meet my friends from another sphere, for example.
*Some restrictions may apply
Here's an example: Say you went on a date with a person you just met, and it went fairly well. No one else knows this person except for maybe one or two people. I could understand withholding if it went poorly, or if you were still feeling it out to see if it were going anywhere. Nevertheless, some individuals won't tell their friends, or if asked will give very little detail about it, and not share how they felt or reacted to things. Basically details are left out. I'm wondering now if part of it is because those details simply don't exist. It just seems odd to me that it wouldn't be shared.
Will touch on @
EJCC's response momentarily. Lot of interesting stuff there.
My interior world is very...nebulous unless I consciously try to access it through a practice like meditation. I feel very "blank" most of the time unless I direct my mind towards something.
I understand my approach to thinking as such is a very odd compared to what many experience. If I'm working on a problem that I'm having trouble figuring out, I kind of just set it up in my mind and forget about it. Then a few hours or days later a solution will sort of percolate back up. I think that might be an Ni thing.
When it comes to using Te to organize things, I'm a bit more engaged. Te is very automated in the sense that like...you have a very defined set of steps that you go through, so it's reasonably easy to come to a decision quickly because you're just "criteria matching" at a certain level.
I think your question really is more about subjective opinion or emotional content. This actually came up in Vent yesterday night. Subjective evaluations of any sort are challenging for me. The easiest thing for me to determine is when I enjoy something. It can take a little digging to figure out why, but there are certain things that really make me happy and I'm pretty attuned to those things. It's almost a pass/fail thing.
Do I like this thing? Yes. Then I will invest time and thought into it.
Do I like this thing? No. Then I will not invest time and thought into it. At all. Whatsoever. To the point where I realized not so long ago that if I have no opinion on something or someone OR can't remember that that thing or person exists most of the time, then I probably don't like them for whatever reason. Don't necessarily know why. They're just not something I can give a definite "Yes" to. It makes it very hard to hold onto most bad feelings for some reason unless they are grounded in something pretty intense and personal.
I think that this attitude can be misinterpreted as cold or cruel, but it's not intended to be that way. It's definitely some selfish Fi shit, but it's not personal.
I can definitely see the Ni influence here, because there is some level of nondescript quality to it, and this sort thoughtless-awareness that is present. Nevertheless this is sort of what I was getting at. It's so strange to me that someone could be so, well, blank (as you put it). My mind is *constantly* processing something. If I am in a social setting I am processing all KINDS of information that people give off. I absolutely have to or I can't socially navigate. This is the primary reason why I have such a hard time wrapping my brain around this (I'm starting to get there; it will take time), because it seems like something so essential and I can't picture how someone would get along without it.
This whole thing is very linear, and as Te would be, very efficient. I mean, I do the same thing where if I have a problem I can't solve, I eventually dump it to the back of my mind and let back processing do it's thing, but I see that as more Ni than anything. It is about subjective content, yeah. It's EASY (like really fucking easy) for me to figure out if I like something or not, regardless if it is subjective or objective. Having this set up as you do, with it being sort of binary pass/fail, it feels like it might miss things. Let me try and ground this a little bit: career/education paths. Does this process make figuring out those sorts of direction difficult? It seems almost unusual, because I would imagine that Te would regard career/education paths as something very important and top priority to solve. It seems like it would spend a lot of effort figuring out what is liked, disliked, the right decision, and wrong decision. That said, because of it's inate simplicity and efficiency with solving likes and dislikes, does that mean that for even objectively important things like that are really difficult to solve? That question goes for any Te user who might want to answer btw.
Oh yeah. Privacy is a HUGE thing for me, and I compartmentalize my life almost automatically. I think for Te-doms it's a protective reaction to inferior Fi. The more someone knows about me, the more access they have to that very vulnerable part of me, which equates to control on some level and is therefore intolerable.
It's also a weird Fi gesture of accommodation. Like I always try to "meet people where they're at". I have a lot of interest and things I enjoy, but I don't expect anyone to enjoy all those same things. I will share the things with them that I know we have in common, and can build relationships elsewhere to have those other needs met.
As sort of an aside, TJs I've known are more empathetic to those around us than we tend to let on. It's not our default mindset to talk about our observations or what we sense from those around us, and sometimes we don't always have the ability to communicate what we're seeing or "picking up" empathetically. At least for me, Fi is almost like...a not quite real thing. So even though I feel on an intuitive level that something might be true about a person, absent someone confirming for me explicitly "Hey, it makes me happy when you do this." or "You know, it makes me feel really shitty when you do that." those subjective impressions are as ephemeral to me as deja vu.
Either way, when it comes to my own interests, I don't really need people to enjoy the things that make me happy, and sometimes don't necessarily want to as I can get into some weird rabbit holes. I also effectively compartmentalize enough that if I do have some Chinese Wall around some part of my life when it comes to someone, I'll completely forget that part of my life exists until I'm around someone else who has "permissions" for that part.
It really is such an innate thing to me that it's funny to explain. Doesn't everyone do that on some level? People don't really tell each other everything do they?
THIS is exactly what I was talking about with the privacy thing and Te. I'm actually wondering if this is more of an 8 thing then, as opposed to Te, but I think it still applies here. An ENTJ 8 I knew in college was exactly the same way, and good god it confused the living crap out of me. To this day I still don't really "get" this nature. Though, this does make it make more sense. It almost seems like Te is more apt to take the "less is more" and not impose experiences on someone. Instead of the "trial and error" approach of "hmm, they
might find this interesting, let's talk about that". I've noticed Te users though get offended if pressed for more details on something, even casually, and it catches me off guard because I won't see it coming. This is all sort of cold because it seems like it simply doesn't need or care about how people might react to the experiences you have. Nothing wrong with it at all though. It's also like there is this weird level of lacking self awarness, but in a very specific area.
I could be the anomoly here, but I really do share basically everything with everyone. 95% of the time I have to actively
restrain myself from telling someone something. That said, if it is information that has been confided in me in confidance or trust, that never comes up, but if it's information about myself I spit it out. I almost had my acceptance letter to grad school revoked because I spilled my guts too much when I visited as a prospective student (now everyone laughs at the story), people thought I was nuts and a safety hazard. If I ever struggle to spit something out, it's very unusual and I will thing to myself "AHH! Why am I afraid of saying this? why is there resistance?!" and freak out over the idea that I have to fight to spit something out, because it's so rare. I get that not everyone is as candid as me, but the way in which Te goes about this lack of candidcy, is just... particularly hard for me to grasp, but I'm starting to get it.
I'd write more but I have work to do atm. Either way, this is all delightfully wonderful insight into Te

thanks to you all and I look forward to seeing this thread progress!
Well at least the average testosterone level has gone up. I have a lot of women to look after.
I'm quite certain most women here don't want you to "look after them".