your mental illness is NOT an excuse to be an asshole

[miss fortune]

I know that this is a board that touches on psychology topics and that a lot of us here have a mental health issue or two... people with mental health issues tend to be interested in psychology and tangential topics and that makes sense. This isn't a complaint about everyone with mental health issues because that'd make me a hypocrite.

This IS a complaint about people who act like assholes and then turn around and say "well, I have ____ issue, so I can't help it!"

Such a fucking cop out and it makes everyone else with mental health issues look worse as well and guess what? We don't NEED that because people already have their prejudices thanks to pop culture portrayals Most people learn to behave in a manner where they don't go around trampling on other people just because they feel shitty or super duper awesome or anything of the sort at the time... and most of us have the balls (or ovaries) to apologize if we realize that we've been an ass.

Yes, I know that it can be hard sometimes when it feels like your own brain is your enemy, or when you become somewhat paranoid about the motives of others or see very little hope in the world... it sucks and I understand that... I deal with it myself. However, I also realize that it's not anybody else's fault that I feel that way and I take a step back and put extra effort into not taking it out on other people. Sometimes I have to reread things a few times before hitting post and sometimes I just don't post much at all and mostly lurk. I know that I'm not the only one who has to put in some extra effort from time to time and it just feels like it undermines that a bit every time someone uses mental illness as an excuse.

So please, don't use your mental illness as an excuse to treat others as a jerk because there are a lot of members on here who manage to behave in a perfectly non-asshole manner despite also having problems, and every time you do that, you're adding one more chip to the negative stereotypes pile

 

[prplchknz]

yes yes yes. I've been accused of blaming my illness on things when i hadn't when it was other people blaming it for me which is also frustrating. but eh you know sometimes i'm an asshole sometimes i get over emotional but i think if i was perfectly normal those things would still happen.

 

[SD45T-2]

[MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] You mean like this?

 

[Poki]

Mental illness is not an excuse to be an asshole period. It may be a reason though. Difference is that when you fix the reason the issue goes away. You also make attempts to fix reasons so you fix the issue. Not just blame it on something you don't continuously work on.

Excuses are what people who don't want to or plan on changing use.

Reasons are what people use who are trying to change and adapt.

 

[Forever]

Crap. I knew my narcissism wouldn't save me.

umpyouup:

Jk. But yeah [MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] so true.

(I do not have any mental illness for those who didn't see my sarcasm.)

 

[Tilt]

I know that this is a board that touches on psychology topics and that a lot of us here have a mental health issue or two... people with mental health issues tend to be interested in psychology and tangential topics and that makes sense. This isn't a complaint about everyone with mental health issues because that'd make me a hypocrite.

This IS a complaint about people who act like assholes and then turn around and say "well, I have ____ issue, so I can't help it!"

Such a fucking cop out and it makes everyone else with mental health issues look worse as well and guess what? We don't NEED that because people already have their prejudices thanks to pop culture portrayals Most people learn to behave in a manner where they don't go around trampling on other people just because they feel shitty or super duper awesome or anything of the sort at the time... and most of us have the balls (or ovaries) to apologize if we realize that we've been an ass.

Yes, I know that it can be hard sometimes when it feels like your own brain is your enemy, or when you become somewhat paranoid about the motives of others or see very little hope in the world... it sucks and I understand that... I deal with it myself. However, I also realize that it's not anybody else's fault that I feel that way and I take a step back and put extra effort into not taking it out on other people. Sometimes I have to reread things a few times before hitting post and sometimes I just don't post much at all and mostly lurk. I know that I'm not the only one who has to put in some extra effort from time to time and it just feels like it undermines that a bit every time someone uses mental illness as an excuse.

So please, don't use your mental illness as an excuse to treat others as a jerk because there are a lot of members on here who manage to behave in a perfectly non-asshole manner despite also having problems, and every time you do that, you're adding one more chip to the negative stereotypes pile

Great post! Out of curiosity, have you noticed this as a general phenomenon or have you seen a fair share stuff as a moderator?

 

[uumlau]

Great post! Out of curiosity, have you noticed this as a general phenomenon or have you seen a fair share stuff as a moderator?

We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.

 

[Tilt]

We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.

Oh noes... The INTJ is gonna eat me alive!

 

[uumlau]

Oh noes... The INTJ is gonna eat me alive!

With interpretive dance!

 

[Lexicon]

With interpretive dance!

That's the WORST death sentence of all.

 

[uumlau]

That's the WORST death sentence of all.

Mwahahahahah!

You shall die of embarrassment!

 

[ceecee]

I know that this is a board that touches on psychology topics and that a lot of us here have a mental health issue or two... people with mental health issues tend to be interested in psychology and tangential topics and that makes sense. This isn't a complaint about everyone with mental health issues because that'd make me a hypocrite.

This IS a complaint about people who act like assholes and then turn around and say "well, I have ____ issue, so I can't help it!"

Such a fucking cop out and it makes everyone else with mental health issues look worse as well and guess what? We don't NEED that because people already have their prejudices thanks to pop culture portrayals Most people learn to behave in a manner where they don't go around trampling on other people just because they feel shitty or super duper awesome or anything of the sort at the time... and most of us have the balls (or ovaries) to apologize if we realize that we've been an ass.

Yes, I know that it can be hard sometimes when it feels like your own brain is your enemy, or when you become somewhat paranoid about the motives of others or see very little hope in the world... it sucks and I understand that... I deal with it myself. However, I also realize that it's not anybody else's fault that I feel that way and I take a step back and put extra effort into not taking it out on other people. Sometimes I have to reread things a few times before hitting post and sometimes I just don't post much at all and mostly lurk. I know that I'm not the only one who has to put in some extra effort from time to time and it just feels like it undermines that a bit every time someone uses mental illness as an excuse.

So please, don't use your mental illness as an excuse to treat others as a jerk because there are a lot of members on here who manage to behave in a perfectly non-asshole manner despite also having problems, and every time you do that, you're adding one more chip to the negative stereotypes pile

After dealing with an ex-husband and an entire family of in-laws with some kind of treated and untreated mental illness, I'm right there with you. What is worse, what is far more harmful than the drama, the total carnage they leave in their wake and the dysfunction they cause everyone and everything around them are the people who excuse their behavior. The ones who say - you don't understand, you don't care or you (as in the healthy person who is becoming progressively unhealthy breathing the same air) are the ASSHOLE here. Yes. I am the asshole and my real crime was saying out loud - YOU ARE ALL UNHEALTHY AND YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP! I said something. I didn't excuse their behavior or the actions. I didn't give them a free pass that the rest of the universe seemed to. I scooped up my children and I left, hundreds of miles away, undefinable by them.

That was a rant, yes but I totally understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. And none of it helps the mentally ill people who do get help, take their meds and work towards as normal and happy a life as they possibly can. It only makes it harder for them.

 

[jixmixfix]

Usually people with mental illness aren't assholes though, they are the ones who get stepped over by other people.

 

[magpie]

What is an excuse to be an asshole? Not trying to be a wise ass, this is a legitimate question. Does anyone ever have an excuse to be an asshole? If so, what excuses would you find acceptable?

Why isn't mental illness a legitimate excuse for being an asshole if it is a real and legitimate illness with biological factors? One that can potentialy turn you into an asshole. Where we are in terms of mentally ill people and personal responsibility versus not being able to take any personal responsibility or make any decisions for themselves is really unclear. (We meaning society at large, not the OP personally.)

 

[miss fortune]

What is an excuse to be an asshole? Not trying to be a wise ass, this is a legitimate question. Does anyone ever have an excuse to be an asshole? If so, what excuses would you find acceptable?

Why isn't mental illness a legitimate excuse for being an asshole if it is a real and legitimate illness with biological factors? One that can potentialy turn you into an asshole. Where we are in terms of mentally ill people and personal responsibility versus not being able to take any personal responsibility or make any decisions for themselves is really unclear. (We meaning society at large, not the OP personally.)

if someone IS an asshole, responding to them in such a manner is perfectly acceptable in my book

however, there is NO excuse to make other people miserable if something isn't their fault in my opinion. Whenever I've caught myself getting snippy or doing something idiotic I try to pull back and I apologize... and not in the "I'm sorry, but I'm ___ and I just can't help myself!" because that just makes things worse for anyone else with problems because then it'll be in someone's mind that people with mental illnesses are programmed to make others' lives more unpleasant and that's not fair. I try, I really do... I get treatment and I watch myself like the NSA and I put in serious effort not to fuck up my life by alienating those around me and making their lives shit. And then someone comes along and behaves like an ass and blames it on their mental problems and I'm like "well... no use in pointing out to everyone what I'm dealing with because then I'm getting clumped in the same category as they are" and then those who DO know will occasionally ask "do you really think like that? are you really going to leave me or cheat on me or _____?" and it's just kind of like the effort I do put in doesn't matter.

of course, I do believe in taking responsibility for my own life and that my choices are on my shoulders and on nobody else's... that's bitten me in the ass before with relationships because I haven't always opened up about everything and with jobs for the same reason, but I don't feel that something that I can get treatment for and keep well enough under control should be a problem for society at large

and hearing someone with something that's less debilitating according to medicine and the government and such use that as an excuse for bad behavior? it kind of disgusts me in a way... which sounds bad, but that's how I feel

 

[magpie]

if someone IS an asshole, responding to them in such a manner is perfectly acceptable in my book

however, there is NO excuse to make other people miserable if something isn't their fault in my opinion. Whenever I've caught myself getting snippy or doing something idiotic I try to pull back and I apologize... and not in the "I'm sorry, but I'm ___ and I just can't help myself!" because that just makes things worse for anyone else with problems because then it'll be in someone's mind that people with mental illnesses are programmed to make others' lives more unpleasant and that's not fair. I try, I really do... I get treatment and I watch myself like the NSA and I put in serious effort not to fuck up my life by alienating those around me and making their lives shit. And then someone comes along and behaves like an ass and blames it on their mental problems and I'm like "well... no use in pointing out to everyone what I'm dealing with because then I'm getting clumped in the same category as they are" and then those who DO know will occasionally ask "do you really think like that? are you really going to leave me or cheat on me or _____?" and it's just kind of like the effort I do put in doesn't matter.

of course, I do believe in taking responsibility for my own life and that my choices are on my shoulders and on nobody else's... that's bitten me in the ass before with relationships because I haven't always opened up about everything and with jobs for the same reason, but I don't feel that something that I can get treatment for and keep well enough under control should be a problem for society at large

and hearing someone with something that's less debilitating according to medicine and the government and such use that as an excuse for bad behavior? it kind of disgusts me in a way... which sounds bad, but that's how I feel

It doesn't sound bad. I understand what you're saying because I can approach this from your point of view. When I try to approach it from every perspective it causes me to behave badly in your thread, which I'll refrain from doing from this point on.

I think people do tend to attribute lots of negative characteristics and archetypes towards mental illness but I think that mostly has to do with negative media portrayals and sometimes maybe negative attitudes from professionals and caregivers. When people who aren't mentally ill behave badly and are shitty I almost feel like there isn't all this philosophising about it, or else a mental illness is given to them in retrospect so it can be explained. This is becoming tangential but I sort of wish that mentally ill people had the freedom to behave badly and make mistakes and not have to watch themselves because they're representing the rest of their people, and that we could recognize the variety in each individual person.

So essentially I'm saying exactly the same thing you just did but I guess I'm more in a place of resignation personally. If a mentally ill person wants to blame it all on their mental illness then more power to them. It's already blamed on their mental illness anyway.

I am likely still behaving badly in your thread now that I've reread this.

 

[miss fortune]

It doesn't sound bad. I understand what you're saying because I can approach this from your point of view. When I try to approach it from every perspective it causes me to behave badly in your thread, which I'll refrain from doing from this point on.

I think people do tend to attribute lots of negative characteristics and archetypes towards mental illness but I think that mostly has to do with negative media portrayals and sometimes maybe negative attitudes from professionals and caregivers. When people who aren't mentally ill behave badly and are shitty I almost feel like there isn't all this philosophising about it, or else a mental illness is given to them in retrospect so it can be explained. This is becoming tangential but I sort of wish that mentally ill people had the freedom to behave badly and make mistakes and not have to watch themselves because they're representing the rest of their people, and that we could recognize the variety in each individual person.

So essentially I'm saying exactly the same thing you just did but I guess I'm more in a place of resignation personally. If a mentally ill person wants to blame it all on their mental illness then more power to them. It's already blamed on their mental illness anyway.

I am likely still behaving badly in your thread now that I've reread this.

expressing a different opinion =/= behaving badly

movies and books and television give unflattering portrayals as well, depending on what you're dealing with... some things are apparently more worthy of sympathy and understanding than others (ok... maybe I'm feeling slightly bitter about that... sorry). and how about to people who don't know what you're going through? and then you use it as an excuse? people who know you usually can pick up on patterns of your behavior and get some understanding, but those who really don't are the ones who will really form the judgments if you decide to use things as an excuse... it's not like everyone wears badges stating what's wrong with them

and the way that you've phrased that makes it sound like some minority viewpoints that I've read

and it's not blamed on it if someone doesn't know them well enough to know that they have one... that's the real problem

 

[prplchknz]

expressing a different opinion =/= behaving badly

movies and books and television give unflattering portrayals as well, depending on what you're dealing with... some things are apparently more worthy of sympathy and understanding than others (ok... maybe I'm feeling slightly bitter about that... sorry). and how about to people who don't know what you're going through? and then you use it as an excuse? people who know you usually can pick up on patterns of your behavior and get some understanding, but those who really don't are the ones who will really form the judgments if you decide to use things as an excuse... it's not like everyone wears badges stating what's wrong with them

and the way that you've phrased that makes it sound like some minority viewpoints that I've read

and it's not blamed on it if someone doesn't know them well enough to know that they have one... that's the real problem

I do i wear a badge that says human

 

[miss fortune]

I do i wear a badge that says human

my mom would probably argue the point if I tried to do that... and coworkers too

most insultingly because my mom gave birth to me

 

[Chrysanthe]

And then one day DSM recognizes "Asshole" as a legitimate mental illness.