Breaking free of the rat race

[Avocado]

Life is doing things you don't want, to please people you don't like, in order to achieve goals you have no personal interest in.

 

[Mole]

Life is doing things you don't want to please people you don't like in order to achieve goals you have no personal interest in.

Talk to me Magic, I'm the right guy as I woke up one morning sat on the edge of my bed and looked at myself in the wardrobe mirror, and I knew I didn't want to go to work. So I didn't. So I went and lived in old workman's huts on the campus of the Australian National University for $5 a week, and sometimes they didn't collect the rent. I was careful not to enrol in any course. I had a lovely girlfriend and I joined some of the student societies on campus and even founded one myself. And I made extensive use of the University's libraries as well as their computers. Finally they made me a Life Member of the Australian National University Students' Union.

I had a wonderful time and didn't please anyone to achieve goals I didn't want.

 

[Avocado]

Talk to me Magic, I'm the right guy as I woke up one morning sat on the edge of my bed and looked at myself in the wardrobe mirror, and I knew I didn't want to go to work. So I didn't. So I went and lived in old workman's huts on the campus of the Australian National University for $5 a week, and sometimes they didn't collect the rent. I was careful not to enrol in any course. I had a lovely girlfriend and I joined some of the student societies on campus and even founded one myself. And I made extensive use of the University's libraries as well as their computers. Finally they made me a Life Member of the Australian National University Students' Union.

I had a wonderful time and didn't please anyone to achieve goals I didn't want.

I will private message you later.

 

[kyuuei]

...wait.. what?

Is this thread about things people are doing to break free of the rat race? Or about wanting to be free of it but not being able to? There's like, no context here.

 

[Avocado]

...wait.. what?

Is this thread about things people are doing to break free of the rat race? Or about wanting to be free of it but not being able to? There's like, no context here.

Wanting to be free but not being able to.

 

[kyuuei]

Wanting to be free but not being able to.

The thing is.. you race to gtfo, you don't race to win. People who race to win won't ever get out. I'm playing the rat race right now.. but I'm not playing to win. I'm making my own finish line. And that's what you've gotta do. You have to find a finish line you can carve out of the pre-existing trail that deviates off of it when you're ready.

Most people value other things over things like freedom. Every day you make choices. Some people choose to value a latte over financial freedom. Some people choose to travel instead of having job security. People make tiny, small efforts to either increase or decrease their freedom every single day. Every choice you make (including doing nothing at all) influences it. The rat race doesn't impose itself on you--it just is huge and big, and there's no way to not step on the tracks sometimes. People just get caught up and blame the race. It isn't the race. It's them.

Every single time someone choose to hang out and do nothing, and consume things people have already built over learning a new skill that can gain them a new experience... they're choosing to decrease their freedom in exchange for other things. Sometimes people just chalk it up to their issues--anxiety, depression, etc. and can't get anywhere. And sometimes that's fine, and necessary and awesome. And sometimes it isn't and people cry about where the time has gone and that they can't escape. People don't get help when they should, they don't read when they should, they don't work harder than the guy next to them because they think it won't matter, they don't vote because they think it isn't worth it. It all matters. All of it.

The more you see the strings, the more you can reach for them and begin pulling them on life. Or complain about how tied down you and everyone else are. Whichever.

 

[Poki]

I read a quote yesterday at a school I previewed for my son. It said

"The only person you should try to be better then is the person you were yesterday"

 

[SiegfriedSchtauffen]

Life is doing things you don't want, to please people you don't like, in order to achieve goals you have no personal interest in.

It is possible to change your life but the transition requires a lot of learning and it may include a period in your life that is simply shit because you may be alone with your interests/ideas.

 

[SiegfriedSchtauffen]

Some people choose to value a latte over financial freedom.

I'm sorry to say but this one is just complete bullshit, this is a typical example of a lie people usually tell themselves. If I walked up to a person and offered him to choose between a latte or financial freedom (as a gift) I think no one would choose the latte. On the other hand if they had to make efforts to reach one of them then the result would be almost the opposite. A financially free man can have a latte anytime, someone who isn't free can have a latte when his/her boss allows that.

I think no one likes the rat race. Leaving it is very difficult since you have to act against a huge set of (social) expectations. Leaving the rat race requires a mindset that makes you very-very different than most of the people in the rat race. It requires huge efforts and taking a lot of risks. In my opinion most people are simply trapped between the feeling bad about being a "slave" but being unable to take the risks necessary to leave it and meanwhile they spend decades lying themselves something nice to make the situation more bearable (this is what some people call "mediocre life"). Remember: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.". I think people should take more risks and fight for themselves. Selling a lot of your time (your life) for a small amount of money is just ridiculously bad business.

I read a quote yesterday at a school I previewed for my son. It said

"The only person you should try to be better then is the person you were yesterday"

This is completely true but the number of people who act according to this is very few in my opinion. People want to please other too much, they are part of too many stupid "social games" that simply makes it impossible for them to follow your advice. The context in which you should use this advice is complex with some very strong and negative influencing factors.

 

[Avocado]

I'm sorry to say but this one is just complete bullshit, this is a typical example of a lie people usually tell themselves. If I walked up to a person and offered him to choose between a latte or financial freedom (as a gift) I think no one would choose the latte. On the other hand if they had to make efforts to reach one of them then the result would be almost the opposite. A financially free man can have a latte anytime, someone who isn't free can have a latte when his/her boss allows that.

I think no one likes the rat race. Leaving it is very difficult since you have to act against a huge set of (social) expectations. Leaving the rat race requires a mindset that makes you very-very different than most of the people in the rat race. It requires huge efforts and taking a lot of risks. In my opinion most people are simply trapped between the feeling bad about being a "slave" but being unable to take the risks necessary to leave it and meanwhile they spend decades lying themselves something nice to make the situation more bearable (this is what some people call "mediocre life"). Remember: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.". I think people should take more risks and fight for themselves. Selling a lot of your time (your life) for a small amount of money is just ridiculously bad business.


This is completely true but the number of people who act according to this is very few in my opinion. People want to please other too much, they are part of too many stupid "social games" that simply makes it impossible for them to follow your advice. The context in which you should use this advice is complex with some very strong and negative influencing factors.

You seem sane enough. I see no reason to want to people please. While I try to be warm towards people, I believe everybody should have the right to do what they want and be as offensive or provocative as they like. This college I'm going to is so PC it makes me ill, and I'd just as soon not talk to people, though I will admit I seem to have a talent for keeping people interested in what I have to say, and people call me smart (even if I usually am more aware of my lack of knowledge than my mastery of it.).

 

[SiegfriedSchtauffen]

You seem sane enough. I see no reason to want to people please. While I try to be warm towards people, I believe everybody should have the right to do what they want and be as offensive or provocative as they like. This college I'm going to is so PC it makes me ill, and I'd just as soon not talk to people, though I will admit I seem to have a talent for keeping people interested in what I have to say, and people call me smart (even if I usually am more aware of my lack of knowledge than my mastery of it.).

I agree that you can still do smalltalk with anyone (although I usually avoid these as an ISTP/delta). However when it comes to concrete things/ideas than pure reality pisses people and they treat you as an offender because you (your simple statements about reality) attack their life they built from a stack of their own and others' lies.

Consciously or subconsciously they will often hate you even if you didn't want to do any harm. This is why most people choose to politely avoid even little confrontations, this way they preserve their "nice" image in the eyes of others. Since I don't want to be part of uninteresting relationships built on silence and lies I often choose a direct approach (and confrontation if necessary). This way I end up with a much smaller but more valuable and interesting set of friends.

If we talk about the part mentioned by Poki (when it comes to pleasing others): You have to be a badass in order to compete only with yourself (who you were yesterday). You have to give no shit. Most people are not badass. They want to be integral part of social circles and they want to impress their environment in so many ways they don't even think about consciously (like expectation of parents, showing off for social circles/friends/women/etc...).

 

[Coriolis]

If we talk about the part mentioned by Poki (when it comes to pleasing others): You have to be a badass in order to compete only with yourself (who you were yesterday). You have to give no shit. Most people are not badass. They want to be integral part of social circles and they want to impress their environment in so many ways they don't even think about consciously (like expectation of parents, showing off for social circles/friends/women/etc...).

I have no interest in any of this. I am in fact working to make a way out of my own rat race right now. My main concern is that my exit ramp doesn't lead directly into just another but different rat race. The things I want the freedom to do actually require significant investment from others, so the only way to preserve that freedom is to choose those others and the attendant circumstances with care. Otherwise, extricating myself would be relatively easy.

 

[Destiny]

Life is doing things you don't want, to please people you don't like, in order to achieve goals you have no personal interest in.

Oh trust me, I know how you feel, because I am in the same situation as you. Anyway, what I am thinking is I think we should rebel against people we don't like instead of trying to please them. The thing about pleasing people we don't like is that they can NEVER be pleased. No matter what we do, they will continue to demand for more and more.

For example, I'm an asexual and my mom wants me to get married and have kids. She also wants me to work in office jobs for the rest of my life when I'm actually a creative right-brained person, can you believe it? She doesn't care about my happiness, she only cares about trying to live her unfulfilled dreams through me.

If you have a dream in life, just go for your dreams. Nevermind if there is nobody around you to support your dreams. You will be your best friend and give yourself all the encouragement that you ever need. Just don't go down the wrong path of pleasing others and neglecting your own needs.

Visualise yourself in your 70s. Do you want to look back at life knowing that you have lived an emotionally fulfilled life pursuing all your dreams and goals in life, or do you want to look back at your life knowing that the people around you are happy but you yourself are feeling unhappy because you didn't managed to pursue your dreams in life? Wouldn't it be foolish if we give up on our dreams just to make people around us happy? They didn't even care about our feelings, so why should we care about their feelings?

 

[Olm the Water King]

I know I'll never be able to achieve everything I want to, but I'm pretty sure I've found a way I can break free of the rat race. It's gonna take a couple of years though.

 

[Mole]

Most of us want what the 'rat race' brings, like a home and family, social status, an education, good health care, annual holidays, and a sense of belong and contributing to society.

To sacrifice all this for radical freedom is rare.

And most of us wouldn't know what to do with radical freedom if we had it, except for those driven to write new literature, or compose new music, or make scientific discoveries, or create new ideas, or found new companies, or to commit to the spiritual life, or found religious Orders. No, most of us want the security of treading well worn paths, we want the security of mouthing cliches that have already been in too many mouths, we want the security of striving for the milestones set by our society, and when we die, we want society to say we had a well lived life and left a generous estate. Let's face it, we want the security of being good girls and boys. We figure that if we do as we are told, we will be looked after.

This is very difficult for Americans to face because they have a mythology of radical individualism where the maverick is celebrated and the faithful worker is called a loser. Or worse, you regard yourself as a rat in the rat race.

 

[Mole]

The Crack in Reality

There comes a time in society when a crack opens in reality and some of us slip through to the other side.

Then the crack closes up for another few generations and reality presents a seamless front to keep us in our rightful place.

Some of us are sucked through the crack as others rush to get through, but we become strangers in a strange land, and try to get back before the crack closes forever.

Some of us are surprised to see reality buckle and crack and we see this big dark crack in bright reality. We are naturally afraid of the dark and not knowing what is on the other side, but we are curious and quietly slip through to have a look around, to reconnoitre, to test the waters, we recognise we are in the unknown land, and like our great discoverers of the past, like Captain Cook, we need to practise the disciples of navigation, map reading and making, perhaps of commanding a crew, of commanding our own thoughts and emotions, with our mind open like an encyclopaedia.

We become more familiar with what is on the other side of the dark crack in reality, we start to breath it in, we start to be free.

But most of all we are grateful we managed to be part of that generation that came face to face with that rare occurrence: a dark crack in reality right in front of us. And how grateful and pleased we are that we had the courage to step through, and only wish we could bring you with us.

 

[SiegfriedSchtauffen]

Oh trust me, I know how you feel, because I am in the same situation as you. Anyway, what I am thinking is I think we should rebel against people we don't like instead of trying to please them. The thing about pleasing people we don't like is that they can NEVER be pleased. No matter what we do, they will continue to demand for more and more.

One middle way is being "badass" without any confrontation. If you are relatively silent (you don't tell your "offending" opinions about reality) and you don't give a shit (you are somewhat detached) then people will actually like you and think you are cool. However this can still be a complete waste of your time and effort if you are tiring yourself with this for the wrong party.

Not giving a shit is much better than rebelling against someone (although not giving a shit is easier said than done for some). Acknowledge and then totally ignore his/her bullshit. If you can not avoid giving a shit (as a fault of the other person/pushy fuck) then you can confront, this is still better than rebelling.

For example, I'm an asexual and my mom wants me to get married and have kids. She also wants me to work in office jobs for the rest of my life when I'm actually a creative right-brained person, can you believe it? She doesn't care about my happiness, she only cares about trying to live her unfulfilled dreams through me.

People have too small goals and they reach next to nothing as a result. Your mother has too tiny goals and she tries to give you a little bit bigger than hers was. I'm pretty sure she wants good for you but she probably doesn't know how to live a *good* life, she is just guessing that her idea *might* enable you to live a better life. In one thing she is right for sure: she should have pushed much more earlier in her life (but much harder than she thinks so). Many people find this out at midlife and near to the end game but that time it is usually too late and they still wouldn't have the knowledge to do it (lack of knowledge as a result of laziness and risk avoidance).

There are several problems with a not large enough goal:

• It is not a dream.
• You aren't interested in it enough to make efforts for long enough to reach it, you will give up with it several weeks/months later without actually doing anything to reach it (because you aren't really interested in it to make efforts).

If your goal is large enough (it is a dream) then you will feel the motivation to reach it even years later if you haven't yet reached it. What do you think, how long time would be necessary for me to wake up and say: "I don't anymore want to be free.". Even if I reached only half of my dream: let's say I spent only 20 years instead of 40 with work/slavery in my life - that would be a great achievement thanks to striving for a huge goal.

You have to find out what makes YOU happy and you have to go for it even if it seems to be difficult or impossible to achieve. It is often only lack of knowledge that makes things seem to be impossible to reach.

I know I'll never be able to achieve everything I want to, but I'm pretty sure I've found a way I can break free of the rat race. It's gonna take a couple of years though.

There is no such thing as "achieving everything". In fact, if you achieve all of your current goals then you must find some other goals to shake up your life instead of dying of boredom or sinking into a life full of alcohol, drugs and bitches (although I would like to try this at least for a shorter period of my life... ). Even if you don't achieve anything (but you will, since smart failures imply learning a lot) it is much fulfilling to spend even a decade by fighting for yourself than embracing a never-ending bad situation.

My main concern is that my exit ramp doesn't lead directly into just another but different rat race.

Read the "E-Myth". Its main topic is that people who are fed up with their job and start businesses are often only good technicians without having experience with entrepreneurship (strategy) and management so theiy end up in a worse situation then their job was: theiy become the slave of their own (shitty) "business". With some preparation and self-education this can be avoided.

Trials and errors. Many people make the mistake of giving it a single shot and then give up. If you fail you can start over, it is still better than giving up and going back to slavery. You can never reduce the chance of failures to 0% but failing many times and learning from it will definitely help you to push your error rates (far) below 50% and that is enough. Learning how to run a business is much like playing poker, not like playing the lottery. After some time you find the ways and you will be good (take a look at serial entrepreneurs, they are the proof that my statement is right).

Another problem: many people think about very serious things and people in suits when they hear the word "business". This is complete bullshit and it unnecessarily demotivates many from trying to get money from other sources than selling their time. Most business owners at the top of the hierarchy wear no suits at all and you may not even meet them in their company/office building. Some people like suits even in everyday life but at work it is often the outfit of slaves who work a bit higher on the ladder. A business can be as simple as buying something and selling it for somewhat more money but this is just a simple example, it can be anything that gives good investment/return ratio. There are endless number of ways to make money. One has to choose some of them based on expectations/skills and evaluate them (trial/error). One has to invest effort/time/money to do this.

The things I want the freedom to do actually require significant investment from others, so the only way to preserve that freedom is to choose those others and the attendant circumstances with care. Otherwise, extricating myself would be relatively easy.

Becoming successful requires only your efforts but help may come in handy (or hold you back - this is a typical reason why so few people make it through). "Extracting yourself" is difficult even if you are alone and you are a natural born lonely wolf.

Then the crack closes up for another few generations and reality presents a seamless front to keep us in our rightful place.

There have always been such cracks in history. The only thing that changes is the number of cracks and the difficulty finding them. On the other hand it is not a "rightful" place. From life you get what you negotiate for yourself not what you deserve. Some people are lucky and born into a rich family but luck is always part of a game and it changes only your starting point (that is a significant factor). It isn't your fault if you have born as poor man but it is your fault if you die as one.

Most of us want what the 'rat race' brings, like a home and family, social status, an education, good health care, annual holidays, and a sense of belong and contributing to society.

To sacrifice all this for radical freedom is rare.

And most of us wouldn't know what to do with radical freedom if we had it, except for those driven to write new literature, or compose new music, or make scientific discoveries, or create new ideas, or found new companies, or to commit to the spiritual life, or found religious Orders.

I also wanted it and being a laid back lazy ass ISTP I was very envy of others when it came to their mediocre life that was much better than mine. My life became very-very shitty quite early and I received huge shocks that forced me to behave crazy and try things I would never try in a "normal" mediocre life. After researching and trying alternative ways I've realized that it is much easier to reach better than mediocre life than most would think but you have to be able to push against expectations.

No, most of us want the security of treading well worn paths, we want the security of mouthing cliches that have already been in too many mouths, we want the security of striving for the milestones set by our society, and when we die, we want society to say we had a well lived life and left a generous estate. Let's face it, we want the security of being good girls and boys. We figure that if we do as we are told, we will be looked after.

Lies + inauthenticity + false assumptions. You indeed get nice things from a mediocre life but you have to pay way too much for it. Alternative paths have a lot of treasures and I'm pretty sure that most people wouldn't switch back to mediocre after being able to taste something else.

This is very difficult for Americans to face because they have a mythology of radical individualism where the maverick is celebrated and the faithful worker is called a loser. Or worse, you regard yourself as a rat in the rat race.

Good. At least they celebrate for the right reasons and this part of the media is not lying.

 

[Olm the Water King]

In fact, if you achieve all of your current goals then you must find some other goals to shake up your life instead of dying of boredom or sinking into a life full of alcohol, drugs and bitches.

It wouldn't even be possible for me to ever be bored if I achieved everything I want.

Either way, it's not possible for me to achieve everything I want, which is exactly why I said that I won't be able to. So I'm not sure where the misunderstanding lies.

 

[SiegfriedSchtauffen]

The misunderstanding lies in how we define "everything you want". It can be one or two big things or too many things. It is better to have only one or a few huge goals. Some people (unlike me) also need some smaller short term goals too on the way towards the larger ones.

 

[Mole]

There have always been such cracks in history. The only thing that changes is the number of cracks and the difficulty finding them.

One such crack in history was WW I which resulted in the end of several monarchies and empires, and the creation of new colonial States.

Another such crack was WW II resulting in the end of the authoritarian society and the birth of the consumer society.

The third crack to which I refer was 1968, the summer of love, resulting in liberation. The liberation of all kinds of people and personal liberation resulting in the therapeutic society.

Many of us didn't even survive the first crack of WW I, and the death toll and horror the second crack of WW II was equally large. But the third crack of 1968 was relatively benign. And as I write we are still in the therapeutic society, trying to understand ourselves and each other.

And although we seek therapeutic liberation, we still struggle with authoritarian values and consumer values.

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

- The Great Gatsby.