forum self v real life

[miss fortune]

I had a thread years ago asking what it was about the relative anonymity of an internet forum that makes people feel free to act like total assholes and say things that they would never say in real life.

predictably, someone pointed out that people can't physically hurt them if they are an asshole on the internet

Given a few years more thought of how people appear online versus how they are in real life (and having met a couple of forum members a few times, most of whom rarely if ever post here anymore), I kind of think that it's not that simple. Some people are assholes online because nobody can beat them up over the internet (yet... I'm still waiting for that glorious day!), but other people behave differently in other manners. Some people may be kinder if they realize nobody is watching, and some may let loose and show a sense of humor and other people may be more open when they don't have to look people that they are telling in the eye every day.

How does the relative anonymity of an internet forum affect how people present themselves on here v in their every day lives?

 

[prplchknz]

watch my videos i guess i feel i'm different offline than on but not sure how different really tbh.

 

[Dreamer]

I feel I am definitely my true self on this forum, and I have all you weirdos to thank for that

I've gotten so good at hiding my Ne since from a young age I was teased about my off-the-wall thoughts, so in real life, what I show people is vastly different than how I'd rather prefer to act. It's only around my close friends that I feel comfortable enough to open up. And seeing as how most people here have such a quirky sense of humor, I felt comfortable enough to open up much sooner than I typically would. Though, these days I'm much less concerned with what others think of me, so I allow my inner weirdo to shine more often.

I'm not about to divulge on any secrets of mine, but my true self, attitude, excitable nature, goofy self, is on full display here

 

[á´…eparted]

It runs the gambit IMO. Some people are no different between their online and irl presentations. Other times it is night and day.

It's anecdotal, but I have noticed that yonger individuals tend to have much less difference compared to older individuals. I chalk it up to growing up with the internet.

 

[Betty Blue]

I don't think I give off a completely different vibe. I remember someone arguing with the point that no-one was anything like their online personality and I felt really slighted... I guess because I try to be my genuine self, I try to be as honest and authentic as I allow myself to be offline and I suppose I assume a lot of others are also being themselves. It may be a little naive I just find it hard to understand the need for pretending so much. I generally take people to be who they proffer themselves to be. And i do tend to read between cryptic lines too so gibberish can mean something else entirely. Of course I do not give away many private details easily... but i wouldn't irl either, i'd be selective as I am on here it's just a different communication platform... so I have my blog in the private blog section and etc. I won't delve into things that are too negative or talk about the 'dreaded' past much ...whereas i may do that irl... but if i do it will mostly be when I am alone anyway...or with very close relatives. I have met a few people from here and mostly they think I am pretty similar to how I come across ...I think?

 

[Cygnus]

I'm not sure how I come off IRL. But I can assume that I'm widely unliked, since I have too few friends in the first place to get any input on my appearance.
The last time I asked someone, they thought I looked like a serial killer. But I started behaving differently after 10th grade, becoming more introverted than the attention-ravenous asshole I'd been in the past.
The only consistent part of my IRL appearance is that I look retarded.



Afraid I can't be taken seriously here, either. But it's not as if I have anything in particular to say, other than my desire to be accepted.

 

[Cellmold]

I think it isn't really this clear divide between online/offline, I think anonymity exaggerates existing traits or traits that the person secretly holds/believes they hold/aspire to hold because of the perception that there will be a lack of direct consequence, [MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] physical violence is a good example, and this is an expression of the persona they want to progress to.

And I think it is less about some inward self that is more real than what is being shown outwardly and more about a constant communication between the conscious and unconscious. It's probably why the idea of costumes and masks are often used as tools in someone's persona-transformation in a comic book story or some use of symbolism, they believe that their identity will change because of the disguise without realising that they are changing themselves because they believe that the disguise will change them....outer and inner circling each other.

 

[Hawthorne]

Compartmentalizing is easier. If you need to escape and disappear for a little while, a door is always there. Interaction happens on your own terms at your own pace which can help you feel more prepared and confident about what you have to say. More force, more control, where relevant or desired.

Also the fact that everything we say and do here is chronicled. You don't have the same advantage of thinking "no one noticed that" or "no one remembers that" unless you deliberately go back and delete because it can always be found again.

I like online interactions especially for those reasons. More time to gather thoughts, crosscheck facts, and verify understandings before throwing it out there.

On the asshole front, I agree that anonymity and lowered consequences lends itself to less tact. Also the casualness. But I think it makes up for the non-verbal cues you miss from face-to-face interactions. Balances itself out in a way.

The only personal difference for me is that I'm more interactive. Offline, I keep my silliness and musings locked up in my head unless I feel I'm in a crowd that can appreciate it. Makes for a more serious first impression, maybe? I'm definitely way nicer on here than offline. Otherwise, I'm about the same.

 

[Virtual ghost]

In real life I am probably more serious and forceful, plus I am less likely to talk about private stuff.
Also I live on the other side of the world from most of you and therefore when I type on English I camouflage myself by defult.

 

[Yama]

I'm much more open on the forum than I am irl. More talkative on here, more willing to share anecdotes, less afraid of peoples' opinions of me (probably because I don't have to see their reactions face to face). I'd consider myself a friendly person both on the forum and irl, but I have a nasty case of resting bitchface so most people irl tend to leave me be hah. I'm also a little more playful irl, but also less likely to say what I'm really feeling because I don't want it to be taken the wrong way or offend anyone. I very rarely participate in any sort of debate (or anything considered conflict for that matter) but even those small instances represent how much more likely I am to participate in such a conversation topic on here than I am irl.

How I am on the forum is still very much me, but it's a more refined me. It's me when I'm given unpressured and unlimited time to think before I make a reply. For that reason I think I can come off a bit more serious on here. I don't know how clear I sound when I try to talk on here, but it's probably more clear than when I try to explain myself in person.

 

[fetus]

It's only until recently that I've realized how different I must come across. I'm still being me, but a large part of what makes me who I am can only be known by being with me in person, or just lies in my motivations for behavior, or my inner thoughts that I don't share here.

My Ne, for example...it tends to get a bit overlooked here, but that's because it's really expressed around my closest friends.

I don't know. I am who I say I am, but I guess I seem different over the Internet.
Eh, I'm no longer making sense. Internet sucks sometimes.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

I come off a lot more filtered and introverted in the forum then I actually am in real life.

On the forum I am socially suave,. IRL I am socially klutzy and more...

 

[EcK]

I'm pretty much the same guy
Though Fe has a higher impact in 'real life' as most of the people I see everyday and like to debate with (and I consider intelligent) are people who's feelings I've learned to try to spare sometimes. Though my taste for a good verbal sparing has remained unchanged.

Well actually, I don't look like a teddy bear in real life. So there's that.

 

[Captain_Invincible]

If I post on here at night, I'm gonna be Dr.Jerkyll. If I post here in the morning or afternoon, I'm gonna be Mr.Hyde. Depends on how tired I am, and I'm pretty much the same in real life. For the most part, I don't hide who I am online or offline. I say what I want, I do what I want, I dress how I want. I'm pretty much awesome, though regardless as most of you are also.

 

[Bush]

It's easier to collect, organize, and linearize thoughts when you're not having to do it in real time

 

[Coriolis]

I feel I am definitely my true self on this forum, and I have all you weirdos to thank for that

I'm not about to divulge on any secrets of mine, but my true self, attitude, excitable nature, goofy self, is on full display here

This is my perspective as well. I am definitely my true self here, and people are likely to see much more of that self simply because of the diversity of topics we discuss. I guard my privacy and anonymity zealously, but will share my thoughts freely on most topics. In some respects, I have greater opportunity for self-expression since that is the whole purpose - that and pursuing my personal interests in various topics and questions.

On the asshole front, I agree that anonymity and lowered consequences lends itself to less tact. Also the casualness. But I think it makes up for the non-verbal cues you miss from face-to-face interactions. Balances itself out in a way.

The only personal difference for me is that I'm more interactive. Offline, I keep my silliness and musings locked up in my head unless I feel I'm in a crowd that can appreciate it. Makes for a more serious first impression, maybe? I'm definitely way nicer on here than offline. Otherwise, I'm about the same.

I probably miss many of those cues IRL as well, so not much different there I suppose. Yes, in person I keep much to myself unless I am reasonably certain those around me will appreciate it. Here, I know at least someone will, if only because a topic has already been posted and discussion is in progress. In RL, most people I know have little interest in the sorts of discussions I enjoy here.

It's easier to collect, organize, and linearize thoughts when you're not having to do it in real time

Yes. There is much to be said for asynchronous communication. One reason I also prefer email to phone, or even texting (if I could do that).

 

[highlander]

How does the relative anonymity of an internet forum affect how people present themselves on here v in their every day lives?

The differences for me probably relates to a couple of things that have nothing to do with anonymity. First, because this is a written communication vehicle, it allows me to temper some of my emotional reactions because I have time to think about what I'm going to say. I am often more reactive and intense IRL than I show here. When I'm in a chat type of dialogue, I tend to be more forceful and impatient which is more what I'm like in person when I get to know people. The second influencing factor is that I became a moderator shortly after joining the forum. That has absolutely tempered how I interact. I'm less direct, less argumentative and less confrontational. I guess IRL, I'm more direct, impatient, intense and more likely to be serious one minute and laughing the next. ]

As to the anonymity thing, I tend to think of people on the other side of the keyboard as real people and it's no different than any other kind of social interaction. I'm not going to treat someone any differently because of what they can or can't do in retaliation for my bad behavior. That strikes me as just wrong and immature.

I think I am misunderstood more in this medium than in normal real life interactions. Some of it is probably because there is no body language nor ability to read facial expressions. I lose the ability to interpret how someone is reacting to what I'm saying or for them to see how I'm responding to them. I'm pretty good at relating to people one on one in face to face situations or over the phone as well - better than online I think.

 

[miss fortune]

In a way, a good part of my communication is missing from the forum, so I'm really not sure as to how much of ME really does honestly come through... I'm heavily a non-verbal communicator in my day to day life and I'm a rather expressive speaker when I get to talking (I'm one of those people who talks enough with their hands that they are a menace to the dinner table)... one of the reasons that I use as many smileys as I do on here is to try and convey a bit of that meaning in my posts, though there are a lot of motions and expressions that are not available to post.

and I do feel a bit more free to express some vulnerabilities than I do in my life outside of here because I don't have to see the faces of the people that I'm talking to... I'm probably slightly less loopy than I am off here as well, since I have a bit of time between having a thought and hitting the post button

otherwise, I do think that I come across as myself. I'm honest both here and off here and I have the tendency to shoot first and then ask questions in both arenas as well... and the thoughts that I express and my wording for expressing them are the same... any bits that are missing are mostly just lost in translation when put into print

 

[gromit]

I think I'm more reserved and less playful on the forum than real life.

 

[Hapyniss]

The differences for me probably relates to a couple of things that have nothing to do with anonymity. First, because this is a written communication vehicle, it allows me to temper some of my emotional reactions because I have time to think about what I'm going to say. I am often more reactive and intense IRL than I show here. When I'm in a chat type of dialogue, I tend to be more forceful and impatient which is more what I'm like in person when I get to know people. The second influencing factor is that I became a moderator shortly after joining the forum. That has absolutely tempered how I interact. I'm less direct, less argumentative, less confrontational and less directive. I guess IRL, I'm more direct, impatient, intense and more likely to be serious one minute and laughing the next. ]

As to the anonymity thing, I tend to think of people on the other side of the keyboard as real people and it's no different than any other kind of social interaction. I'm not going to treat someone any differently because of what they can or can't do in retaliation for my bad behavior. That strikes me as just wrong and immature.

I relate to this! It is exceptionally helpful to have time to formulate and express my full thoughts. Sometimes in conversation my initial point gets lost in the clutter that is the flood of thought and triggered emotion. I like re-reading what I've already typed to gain focus and continue with the original point. I get lost a lot less in a forum. In addition, I also share more here than in person given most of you are complete strangers. NEVER would I be this openly blunt about things I feel or are experiencing for fear of the fall-out or potential exploitation that sharing personal information lends. In addition, this forum forces me to consider the words I'm using to communicate which is rendering a more concise verbalization. If anything, I'm better for being able to express myself here.

Thanks for the post!