so ive read about the types and about the cognitive functions and types but still dont know which best fit me i feel like i connect to them all in some ways and cant really decided which i use more?
the reason i have such a hard time is bc i dont know myself really i focus inward in the sense that im alway thinking and usually keep it to myself and im perfectly content just living in one of my imaginary daydream lives instead of the real world but like i dont really analyze myself
but i dont think ive ever thought this hard about why i did things ever
when i think back at situations i focus more on what happened and what i shouldve done/said and how the situation couldve ended diff -
for ex this one time in 10th grade i was caught plagiarizing (sth ive never done before and havent since btw) and when i was caught my immediate thoughts were about how im gonna fail english, ruin my gpa and not get into college which led me to react immediately by lying and denying but then when i realized they (teacher and vp) saw through my bs i apologized (though in my letter i ddnt write explicitly what i did and never verbally said it until my vp pointed that out and made me admit it) but i never explained why - how english has always been an easy a subject for me and i know im smart and good at writing and yet for the first time i got 80s on my essays and i ddnt know what to do she was grading us on a college level (she told us that) but were were only 15 and it wasnt fair and we were reading lord of the flies and the teacher wanted us to write 2 pages analyzing the certain chapters and the problem was the teacher ddnt say anything in class every class she said the same point over and over and all i had in my notes were points i raised my hand and said out loud and that wouldve added up to maybe a paragraph i needed more information and i wasnt getting it from her so i researched the book on the internet and she ddnt like how i wrote stuff clearly for some reason so i stupidly used words that werent mine and everytime i think back i think what i shouldve said even though it doesnt matter i got into college but i still get frustrated with myself that maybe if i had explained myself... but like thinking about it i dont really regret what i did im upset that i got caught
oh and about the lord of the flies - when i read a book im invested in the story whats happening is whats happening i dont try to read into it and analyze symbolisms i just read it like i ddnt even think about what piggys glasses represented at all i took them literally as they were said in the book and thats it i can grasp themes though also when im reading i dont really digest the words which is why when i get a sheet of vocabulary words in the chapter im like i read those words wtf i have no clue what they mean or where they were mentioned and yet i was able to understand it without them but if i were reading something that i really do need to understand perfectly like say a textbook if i dont understand a word i look it up and if i dont get a sentence i read it over and probably the paragraph too until it makes sense bc that sentence might be important
i dont like drama and hatteeeee fakeness im easygoing i guess in that sense unless i really care about something but then if i see its a lost cause and the other person is just too idiotic to see whats clearly right i just shut down and im like never mind i dont care stop talking but i never even realized i did this until my mom pointed it out after doing it to my brother
in a conversation i dont read into it im always like just tell me what u mean i dont know what ur thinking but then maybe after the conversation if i felt something happened that i ddnt like like i emb myself or she made an odd comment that ddnt sit well with me then id analyze the situation to death
i guess im traditional in the sense if sth isnt broken dont mess with it like i dont experiment with food especially at a restaurant bc if i dont like it then i wasted money and im still hungry
i have a shit memory like i can memorize for a test but then id forget most of it and even for the test im staring at the paper registering the questions but right after i cant remember a single question and i always struggle with this in art bc i have the idea of what i want to draw but i can visual it in my head its like blank so i need reference pics but they never fit exactly what i want but like idk what it is i want bc i cant imagine it
i dont like to splurge but i dont really think its bc im good with money but bc ive heard my parents argue about money growing up so i became more cautious like if im at the register with my mom and i see its getting expensive id say no its ok i dont really need that shirt and this past yr i really had the chance to be independent and i only ever spent money on groceries and travel i never went shopping bc i had clothes (even if i felt like i had nth to wear id think ok when i get home ill go with my mom)
when i see sth thats all it is like idk a birthday cake i just think ooh cake yum and then look at its physical appearance i dont think about my favorite birthday and who was there and what we did and what i was wearing and the date and weather and honestly i dont remember any of that maybe if it was gross after id think i had better but not necessarily rem when
im not spontaneous - id be with my friends out in town but its monday night which is shower night and i need to shower between 8:30-9:30 bc i go to bed at 11:30 and my hair has to be dry before i go to sleep or itll look ridiculous when id probably nag them until they let up and if they dont id go back myself probably bc no way am i having gross oily hair tuesday id feel self conscious about it the whole day and im definitely not a thrill seeker no thank u i dont wanna die
i think deep down i do want to be accepted but like also wanna be diff but yet im happy to blend in and dont like leadership positions
just bc everyone liked frozen doesnt mean i did or when everyone on the bus is singing high school musical im annoyed - a. i want them to shut up so i could listen to my own music (its so inconsiderate) b.we're 19 (grow up) and c.even if i did enjoy the movie i wouldnt belt out the lyrics unless im in a random mood also theres sometimes that i want to join in and let loose but i just cant? like my school had a little cute mock wedding thing and everyone got really into it and dressed up and were dancing and taking pictures and i wanted to enjoy myself but ended up going back to my room
also i dont really know how to deal with ppls problems - for some reason ppl seem to think they can confide in me and tell me their secrets but like i dont care? when someone in my apt was crying i stayed as far away from her room as possible and pretended not to hear it and if my roommate were to start crying (which thank gd never happ) id probably be like there there *awkward pat* and ask her if she wants me to get her best friend - the only exception to this would be probably my little sister who recently confided in my some serious shit and was crying so im comforted her but like i kinda felt like a deer in the headlights and it was late and just wanted to go to sleep and kept glancing at the clock wishing shed leave (anyone else i probs wouldve kicked out)
if i dont like a situation i change it not me - one time my school took us hiking but it was to the desert and i ddnt want to die and we literally hike 5 other mountains in the same area so instead of trying to change my outlook and be positive (i dont even think i can do that im like a pessimistic realist ) i wanted to get out and i did - i pretended to be sick but the day before which was a regular school day so they wouldnt suspect and i told the dr my stomach hurt i threw up had diarrhea and a headache and he told me i had a virus so the next day when they asked me how i was feeling i was all like ohhh its so sad i really want to go so badly but i threw up and im worried if i do the hike i might be in middle and then not be able to go on but i really wanna hike oh well i guess i just have to stay in bed lol
and im like scared to commit bc what if it turns out bad and i regret it like i pushed off accepting college bc idk which i wouldve ended up liking more
and i hate lateness like id leave a half hour early to get somewhere thats 5 min away id rather wait then be late also like when class ends i leave i dont dilly dally and take forever to pack my things up i go to the next class and wait even if theres a break i dont get ppl who take forever and like chat and walk slowly (haaatttttteeeee slow walkers) like doesnt it make more sense to get to where u have to be 1st and then relax not the other way around?
and im incapable of walking slowly even if im not in a rush i just cant - i think it might be a result of living in nyc though
and im lazy as fuckkk but if something has to be done i do it no bullshit unlessss i know i can get away with doing less bc there r no consequences like i went on a gap yr program and most classes bored me so i ddnt go bc there wasnt a test and if i feel like a teacher is wasting my time id rather go and waste my time on my own terms and even the classes i did like i ddnt feel any particular motivation to go bc it ddnt really matter whereas during real school i never in my life ditched a class also most of the classes were about making urself a better person and i ddnt care i wanted a class where i actually learned information and like even in general i could be interested in a topic but my self motivation sucks and id constantly procrastinate like i want to draw but im not in school and i dont have to produce a work every week/2 weeks so i just dont
but also we had kitchen duty in school and i ddnt wanna do as much as the next kid but it was my job so i did it and it annoyed me when a girl came late and then was on her phone i wouldve rather she ddnt come at all or when another girl was just being useless like i put the tablecloth down and instead of say bringing the food in or taking out the garbage she'd prance behind me and take her sweet time patting down the tablecloth --
i hate incompetence and unexcused stupidity so much like in class if the teacher says something idk like the renaissance began in italy but then a girl would be like i dont understand why i got this question wrong and its just like whats not to understand its a fact ur wrong dont try to argue ugh or like say ur in math u learnt foil in 8th grade and have constantly used it after yet in algebra 2 class the teacher needs to spend a month reteaching it?! and ok lets say u really forgot fine but then in the middle of the yr ur still doing it wrong?!
and also i remember seeing a thread on personality cafe about a murderer who was dying and hes sorry for his past ways and u have a miracle pill that could save him would u and i was like fuck no but not bc he was a murder but bc he was a stranger (maybe id call an ambulance though) and honestly if it was even a family member id be reluctant to give it to them bc what if i needed it for myself someday but i would in the end (if it was my dogs though id shove it in their mouths without a second thought...)
and when i have a crush on someone i absolutely dont not under any circumstances approach them if they talk to me then id answer and either give the most curt answer or completely ramble on some weird topic and sound like an idiot and if i pass by them i most definitely do not look at them but like in class id position myself in a way that i can steal secret glances at them and probably fantasize about our perfect life together in my head
and i also have slow reflexes ex while learning to drive my instructor had to tell me things like 5 times before i did it and i suck at baseball (cant really time the bat) and always walk into walks (but i swear they come out of nowhere) but i do like sports but like dodgeball or playing catch with a football and i used to really enjoy gym until my insecurities stopped me from trying - my face gets really red (if my body goes a fraction above normal temp its red) and it stays red for like an hour after and then dumb shits point it out which makes me blush (i blush all the time and i hate it so much sometimes i dont even know why im doing it) so my face is extra red and yeah so i kinda just stopped trying as hard and then i got older used gym as study period
ok i just wrote a literal essay shit
im sorry im gonna stop now
(ps what does it say about me that i thought about doing this like 20 times and tried to order what i was gonna say and think of key things i wanted to hit before i actually wrote it down and when i did most of that went out the window only to probably be remembered tonight when i lay in bed and think of what i shouldve written)
the reason i have such a hard time is bc i dont know myself really i focus inward in the sense that im alway thinking and usually keep it to myself and im perfectly content just living in one of my imaginary daydream lives instead of the real world but like i dont really analyze myself
but i dont think ive ever thought this hard about why i did things ever
when i think back at situations i focus more on what happened and what i shouldve done/said and how the situation couldve ended diff -
for ex this one time in 10th grade i was caught plagiarizing (sth ive never done before and havent since btw) and when i was caught my immediate thoughts were about how im gonna fail english, ruin my gpa and not get into college which led me to react immediately by lying and denying but then when i realized they (teacher and vp) saw through my bs i apologized (though in my letter i ddnt write explicitly what i did and never verbally said it until my vp pointed that out and made me admit it) but i never explained why - how english has always been an easy a subject for me and i know im smart and good at writing and yet for the first time i got 80s on my essays and i ddnt know what to do she was grading us on a college level (she told us that) but were were only 15 and it wasnt fair and we were reading lord of the flies and the teacher wanted us to write 2 pages analyzing the certain chapters and the problem was the teacher ddnt say anything in class every class she said the same point over and over and all i had in my notes were points i raised my hand and said out loud and that wouldve added up to maybe a paragraph i needed more information and i wasnt getting it from her so i researched the book on the internet and she ddnt like how i wrote stuff clearly for some reason so i stupidly used words that werent mine and everytime i think back i think what i shouldve said even though it doesnt matter i got into college but i still get frustrated with myself that maybe if i had explained myself... but like thinking about it i dont really regret what i did im upset that i got caught
oh and about the lord of the flies - when i read a book im invested in the story whats happening is whats happening i dont try to read into it and analyze symbolisms i just read it like i ddnt even think about what piggys glasses represented at all i took them literally as they were said in the book and thats it i can grasp themes though also when im reading i dont really digest the words which is why when i get a sheet of vocabulary words in the chapter im like i read those words wtf i have no clue what they mean or where they were mentioned and yet i was able to understand it without them but if i were reading something that i really do need to understand perfectly like say a textbook if i dont understand a word i look it up and if i dont get a sentence i read it over and probably the paragraph too until it makes sense bc that sentence might be important
i dont like drama and hatteeeee fakeness im easygoing i guess in that sense unless i really care about something but then if i see its a lost cause and the other person is just too idiotic to see whats clearly right i just shut down and im like never mind i dont care stop talking but i never even realized i did this until my mom pointed it out after doing it to my brother
in a conversation i dont read into it im always like just tell me what u mean i dont know what ur thinking but then maybe after the conversation if i felt something happened that i ddnt like like i emb myself or she made an odd comment that ddnt sit well with me then id analyze the situation to death
i guess im traditional in the sense if sth isnt broken dont mess with it like i dont experiment with food especially at a restaurant bc if i dont like it then i wasted money and im still hungry
i have a shit memory like i can memorize for a test but then id forget most of it and even for the test im staring at the paper registering the questions but right after i cant remember a single question and i always struggle with this in art bc i have the idea of what i want to draw but i can visual it in my head its like blank so i need reference pics but they never fit exactly what i want but like idk what it is i want bc i cant imagine it
i dont like to splurge but i dont really think its bc im good with money but bc ive heard my parents argue about money growing up so i became more cautious like if im at the register with my mom and i see its getting expensive id say no its ok i dont really need that shirt and this past yr i really had the chance to be independent and i only ever spent money on groceries and travel i never went shopping bc i had clothes (even if i felt like i had nth to wear id think ok when i get home ill go with my mom)
when i see sth thats all it is like idk a birthday cake i just think ooh cake yum and then look at its physical appearance i dont think about my favorite birthday and who was there and what we did and what i was wearing and the date and weather and honestly i dont remember any of that maybe if it was gross after id think i had better but not necessarily rem when
im not spontaneous - id be with my friends out in town but its monday night which is shower night and i need to shower between 8:30-9:30 bc i go to bed at 11:30 and my hair has to be dry before i go to sleep or itll look ridiculous when id probably nag them until they let up and if they dont id go back myself probably bc no way am i having gross oily hair tuesday id feel self conscious about it the whole day and im definitely not a thrill seeker no thank u i dont wanna die
i think deep down i do want to be accepted but like also wanna be diff but yet im happy to blend in and dont like leadership positions
just bc everyone liked frozen doesnt mean i did or when everyone on the bus is singing high school musical im annoyed - a. i want them to shut up so i could listen to my own music (its so inconsiderate) b.we're 19 (grow up) and c.even if i did enjoy the movie i wouldnt belt out the lyrics unless im in a random mood also theres sometimes that i want to join in and let loose but i just cant? like my school had a little cute mock wedding thing and everyone got really into it and dressed up and were dancing and taking pictures and i wanted to enjoy myself but ended up going back to my room
also i dont really know how to deal with ppls problems - for some reason ppl seem to think they can confide in me and tell me their secrets but like i dont care? when someone in my apt was crying i stayed as far away from her room as possible and pretended not to hear it and if my roommate were to start crying (which thank gd never happ) id probably be like there there *awkward pat* and ask her if she wants me to get her best friend - the only exception to this would be probably my little sister who recently confided in my some serious shit and was crying so im comforted her but like i kinda felt like a deer in the headlights and it was late and just wanted to go to sleep and kept glancing at the clock wishing shed leave (anyone else i probs wouldve kicked out)
if i dont like a situation i change it not me - one time my school took us hiking but it was to the desert and i ddnt want to die and we literally hike 5 other mountains in the same area so instead of trying to change my outlook and be positive (i dont even think i can do that im like a pessimistic realist ) i wanted to get out and i did - i pretended to be sick but the day before which was a regular school day so they wouldnt suspect and i told the dr my stomach hurt i threw up had diarrhea and a headache and he told me i had a virus so the next day when they asked me how i was feeling i was all like ohhh its so sad i really want to go so badly but i threw up and im worried if i do the hike i might be in middle and then not be able to go on but i really wanna hike oh well i guess i just have to stay in bed lol
and im like scared to commit bc what if it turns out bad and i regret it like i pushed off accepting college bc idk which i wouldve ended up liking more
and i hate lateness like id leave a half hour early to get somewhere thats 5 min away id rather wait then be late also like when class ends i leave i dont dilly dally and take forever to pack my things up i go to the next class and wait even if theres a break i dont get ppl who take forever and like chat and walk slowly (haaatttttteeeee slow walkers) like doesnt it make more sense to get to where u have to be 1st and then relax not the other way around?
and im incapable of walking slowly even if im not in a rush i just cant - i think it might be a result of living in nyc though
and im lazy as fuckkk but if something has to be done i do it no bullshit unlessss i know i can get away with doing less bc there r no consequences like i went on a gap yr program and most classes bored me so i ddnt go bc there wasnt a test and if i feel like a teacher is wasting my time id rather go and waste my time on my own terms and even the classes i did like i ddnt feel any particular motivation to go bc it ddnt really matter whereas during real school i never in my life ditched a class also most of the classes were about making urself a better person and i ddnt care i wanted a class where i actually learned information and like even in general i could be interested in a topic but my self motivation sucks and id constantly procrastinate like i want to draw but im not in school and i dont have to produce a work every week/2 weeks so i just dont
but also we had kitchen duty in school and i ddnt wanna do as much as the next kid but it was my job so i did it and it annoyed me when a girl came late and then was on her phone i wouldve rather she ddnt come at all or when another girl was just being useless like i put the tablecloth down and instead of say bringing the food in or taking out the garbage she'd prance behind me and take her sweet time patting down the tablecloth --
i hate incompetence and unexcused stupidity so much like in class if the teacher says something idk like the renaissance began in italy but then a girl would be like i dont understand why i got this question wrong and its just like whats not to understand its a fact ur wrong dont try to argue ugh or like say ur in math u learnt foil in 8th grade and have constantly used it after yet in algebra 2 class the teacher needs to spend a month reteaching it?! and ok lets say u really forgot fine but then in the middle of the yr ur still doing it wrong?!
and also i remember seeing a thread on personality cafe about a murderer who was dying and hes sorry for his past ways and u have a miracle pill that could save him would u and i was like fuck no but not bc he was a murder but bc he was a stranger (maybe id call an ambulance though) and honestly if it was even a family member id be reluctant to give it to them bc what if i needed it for myself someday but i would in the end (if it was my dogs though id shove it in their mouths without a second thought...)
and when i have a crush on someone i absolutely dont not under any circumstances approach them if they talk to me then id answer and either give the most curt answer or completely ramble on some weird topic and sound like an idiot and if i pass by them i most definitely do not look at them but like in class id position myself in a way that i can steal secret glances at them and probably fantasize about our perfect life together in my head
and i also have slow reflexes ex while learning to drive my instructor had to tell me things like 5 times before i did it and i suck at baseball (cant really time the bat) and always walk into walks (but i swear they come out of nowhere) but i do like sports but like dodgeball or playing catch with a football and i used to really enjoy gym until my insecurities stopped me from trying - my face gets really red (if my body goes a fraction above normal temp its red) and it stays red for like an hour after and then dumb shits point it out which makes me blush (i blush all the time and i hate it so much sometimes i dont even know why im doing it) so my face is extra red and yeah so i kinda just stopped trying as hard and then i got older used gym as study period
ok i just wrote a literal essay shit
im sorry im gonna stop now (ps what does it say about me that i thought about doing this like 20 times and tried to order what i was gonna say and think of key things i wanted to hit before i actually wrote it down and when i did most of that went out the window only to probably be remembered tonight when i lay in bed and think of what i shouldve written)
and more a feeling type (Fi) than a thinking one... Although if you got these (confusing for me)results, maybe reading ISxx descriptions and comparing them to you would help.
