stalking how far is too far?

[prplchknz]

this article it's obvious the author goes entirely too far. 'Am I being catfished?' An author confronts her number one online critic | Books | The Guardian

but I was thinking we probably all do it at least a little. I am constantly clicking people i don't know on facebook and learning about them or reading people's old posts on here. but it's not that I'm planning to use what I learn against them. Hell I'll go through people's cabinets but I never mention what I've found or say anything. I don't have the intention of destroying another's life I just think I'm curious. So where is the line between nosey curiousity and full on stalking?

P.s. Not actual catfishing

 

[kyuuei]

I think the line is a mixture between individual and societal and it all stems from the potential for something bad to happen. Stalking is harmless unless there's a negative motivation for it--even if that motivation is "I like this person--but I'm unaware that they don't like me."

Society has their own wavering standards. For example, when FB first came out (before I got on it) people were saying how creepy it was for someone else to check out their page and mention that they had. Now, it's pretty normal for that to happen, and almost expected considering potential fraudulent dating site people and such. So, there's societal standards... which are vague in and of themselves.

And then there's individuals. For example, I'd find it a bit creepy for someone to follow me physically around anywhere without coming up and talking to me. But another girl might find it sort of intriguing and mysterious if it's done the right way.. like a simple, plain flirting. I don't find it creepy at all that I absorb information online of others--following their posts, reading their interests, etc. etc. But someone else might find it super creepy and weird that I'm taking the time to 'research' all of that.

So, basically, if the person feels threatened, that's pretty much where the line is. Outside of that, who the stalkee is and how attractive the stalker(s) is/are make all the difference.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

I think being able to use the information you know about someone in a harmful way could be considered stalking. I've done the exact same thing on social networks where I just click through relatives of someone I've talked to once, then their friends, then their friends of friends, and then get to someone who lives practically on the other side of the world. It's weirdly interesting - sort of like finding random Wikipedia pages and scanning them over.

I'm with [MENTION=4939]kyuuei[/MENTION] when she said she would be bothered if someone followed her. If someone knew where I am on Thursday afternoons at 2 without me telling them and showed up, I'd be a little scared. Some people might be flattered because, I don't know, the person following me is just that interested with my life. People just need their space, and I don't need them in my face all the time.

Another thing to consider is what if you tried cutting off contact with that person......do you think they would become dangerous to themselves or others? It seems like some stalkers and most abusers threaten suicide if their victim leaves them.

 

[prplchknz]

haha yeah [MENTION=4939]kyuuei[/MENTION] and [MENTION=22071]lil_Red[/MENTION] if I find myself behind someone unintentially for an extending period of time I worry that they think I'm stalking them, even though we just happen to be going the same way. I'm too paranoid of being accused of stalking to actually fully stalk someone. Plus I honestly don't care enough to bother.

also my friend did that red or almost he was asking if it be ok if he went to karoke where a guy he had a one night stand with was gonna be. and I just said can you play it off like you were gonna be there anyways? and he was like yes. then he goes "He thinks I'm obsessed with him" and I was like you are. last 3 conversations were about this guy.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

haha yeah [MENTION=4939]kyuuei[/MENTION] and [MENTION=22071]lil_Red[/MENTION] if I find myself behind someone unintentially for an extending period of time I worry that they think I'm stalking them, even though we just happen to be going the same way. I'm too paranoid of being accused of stalking to actually fully stalk someone. Plus I honestly don't care enough to bother.

also my friend did that red or almost he was asking if it be ok if he went to karoke where a guy he had a one night stand with was gonna be. and I just said can you play it off like you were gonna be there anyways? and he was like yes. then he goes "He thinks I'm obsessed with him" and I was like you are. last 3 conversations were about this guy.

I hate it when people think I'm following them or being too nosy, even though I swear some people regularly would ask about a random stranger's bowel habits and think that wasn't that other person's private business at all. I'm sort of an obsessive person, so I would never let this become too big of a habit otherwise it would fuck me up big time.

 

[prplchknz]

I hate it when people think I'm following them or being too nosy, even though I swear some people regularly would ask about a random stranger's bowel habits and think that wasn't that other person's private business at all. I'm sort of an obsessive person, so I would never let this become too big of a habit otherwise it would fuck me up big time.

I've had a 20 minute conversation about someone constipation before. just you know because why not? but she brought it up.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

I've had a 20 minute conversation about someone constipation before. just you know because why not? but she brought it up.

lol, but it was sort of on her because she brought it up in the first place

 

[prplchknz]

lol, but it was sort of on her because she brought it up in the first place

yeah well i don't mind. I'm just saying if you need to talk about your pooping habits I'm available.

in a non-creepy way.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

yeah well i don't mind. I'm just saying if you need to talk about your pooping habits I'm available.

I'll keep that in mind

 

[prplchknz]

I'll keep that in mind

ok good. i guess maybe we should get back to stalking.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

ok good. i guess maybe we should get back to stalking.

 

[prplchknz]

I think the line is a mixture between individual and societal and it all stems from the potential for something bad to happen. Stalking is harmless unless there's a negative motivation for it--even if that motivation is "I like this person--but I'm unaware that they don't like me."

if you're unaware they don't like you wouldn't you assume they liked you or at least neutral towards you?

 

[prplchknz]

peek-a-boo. seriously i can still see you the wall is see through

 

[Hitoshi-San]

peek-a-boo. seriously i can still see you the wall is see through

Damn! Ah well, I'm still learnin'

 

[prplchknz]

Damn! Ah well, I'm still learnin'

 

[Chthonic]

Put it this way, I dont want a person I've just met to be able to recite my home address and tell me three things I did earlier that week. Thats where I'd draw the line. :backout:

 

[prplchknz]

Put it this way, I dont want a person I've just met to be able to recite my home address and tell me three things I did earlier that week. Thats where I'd draw the line. :backout:

2343 n winthrop dr
mayehew, nm 3435224

you got on the forum
you tied you shoe
and you peed

 

[Rasofy]

Essentially, there's a fine line between curiosity and obsession

 

[Snoopy22]

There is a difference from someone persistently pursuing another person in an obsessive way and the touchy feeling ideal many people have that someone may be stalking them. Life is a series of meetings between people, some many times over for no consistent reason other then fate. Otherwise the biggest stalkers in this county would be the government. Curiosity is part of human nature, the alternative would be everyone living lives of trying to ignore and forget everything and everyone they come into contact with while doing nothing.
Society places a range on acceptable or unacceptable ways to act; the above author was apparently seeing how far she could enter into the unacceptable area, she also placed herself at risk.

 

[baccheion]

Whatever the other person isn't comfortable with. More importantly, everyone knows when they are going too far. They either accept it and stop (and change things around so they don't end up in that situation again), or they sink into denial trying to rationalize their actions as though there's nothing wrong with what they are doing. Either way, if you don't know if you've gone too far, then assume you have.

I click on Facebook profiles all the time. Clicking on Facebook profile with some ulterior/rotten motive in mind is going too far. The act may be harmless by itself, but obviously the person is then up to no good. If you're looking through someone's information to find some dirt about them, or to get more information on them, then you've gone too far. If you're Googling them, then you've gone too far. Following someone around is going too far. There are those that are just curious about the person and don't really mean anything (oh please), but it's still sketchy. Staring is going too far. I do what could be considered staring (from a distance) when I'm trying to get a read on someone, or when I'm trying to figure something out and am taking the person in, and while I'm not really up to no good, it still seems questionable. Doing things to end up around the person, or to have the person always be around you is going too far.

If your having to ask the other person if you're violating their space or creeping them out, then you've probably gone too far.

Whoever keeps following me around as though there's nothing wrong with what you're doing: you're way out there, you're going too far, you've gone too far, and you know it. Fuck off!