dropping hints vs being direct

[garbage]

really?

Yes, really.

And, yes, I am sure. And, yes, I'm sure that I'm sure. And all the way down the line.

 

[Grand Admiral Crunch]

I think she's probably ISFJ, but I don't see her all the time. I actually like her a lot. And she wasn't trying to be mean, it's just sometimes things like that go over my head a lot. I don't think I was suppose to be infuriated, it's just people seem to think I'll pick up on things like that, which is weird

Sounds like an ISFJ. My brother's one, in a family of Fi users, and they're mostly thinking types. Hahaha. Sucks to be him. We'll all be going about our days like normal, and he's got some idea about how we should be doing that. None of us are aware of his idea, so we keep going about everything all wrong every day, and then he'll just have a tantrum. It's the most out of place thing among the placid mood of the household. I've figured out that he's frustrated that we're not mind readers, but no one else has.

I'd love it if you could go back in time and re-have that conversation with your sister-in-law. "I stopped saying good morning. Didn't you notice?"
"Yes, and it made me so happy when you did. Didn't you notice?"

 

[prplchknz]

Sounds like an ISFJ. My brother's one, in a family of Fi users, and they're mostly thinking types. Hahaha. Sucks to be him. We'll all be going about our days like normal, and he's got some idea about how we should be doing that. None of us are aware of his idea, so we keep going about everything all wrong every day, and then he'll just have a tantrum. It's the most out of place thing among the placid mood of the household. I've figured out that he's frustrated that we're not mind readers, but no one else has.

I'd love it if you could go back in time and re-have that conversation with your sister-in-law. "I stopped saying good morning. Didn't you notice?"
"Yes, and it made me so happy when you did. Didn't you notice?"

I dunno she doesn't throw tantrums.

 

[Grand Admiral Crunch]

I don't think they all do, but the two I know do (and I know them well enough that they'll be their natural selves around me). One is a girl. She's stopped with the tantrums, realizing it doesn't do any good. She can be sweet, overflowing with compliments, whatever she has to do get her way. She'd never tell me what was "considered polite." I'd know what I did is not because she'd laugh.

My brother still tantrums and he likes to yell in arguments because whoever yells the loudest wins, I guess. Maybe being a big guy, it has more of an effect...Really, I think any type could do this "didn't you notice I stopped saying it" business. Depending on the situation, I could see myself saying it. This particular behavior fits into the pattern I've seen with ISFJ's, so it was cool that that's what you guessed.

Anyways, those are just my experiences, and I liked hearing about your sister in law.

 

[prplchknz]

I don't think they all do, but the two I know do (and I know them well enough that they'll be their natural selves around me). One is a girl. She's stopped with the tantrums, realizing it doesn't do any good. She can be sweet, overflowing with compliments, whatever she has to do get her way. She'd never tell me what was "considered polite." I'd know what I did is not because she'd laugh.

My brother still tantrums and he likes to yell in arguments because whoever yells the loudest wins, I guess. Maybe being a big guy, it has more of an effect...Really, I think any type could do this "didn't you notice I stopped saying it" business. Depending on the situation, I could see myself saying it. This particular behavior fits into the pattern I've seen with ISFJ's, so it was cool that that's what you guessed.

Anyways, those are just my experiences, and I liked hearing about your sister in law.

yeah she's a really healthy and extremely smart ISFJ. Going to school to get her PH.D in educational psychology. Perfect for my brother, and they love each other and are best friends. (I'm extremely close to my brother, I talk to him once a week, despite him working over 40 hr weeks, and living opposite of the country from me)

 

[Grand Admiral Crunch]

Hey prplchknz, you ever considered you might be an INFJ? I've read before that INFJ's have trouble understanding social cues. Here's an article about it right here: http://theinfjcafe.blogspot.com/2012/11/infj-top-ten-list-5-socially-inept.html

 

[prplchknz]

Hey prplchknz, you ever considered you might be an INFJ? I've read before that INFJ's have trouble understanding social cues. Here's an article about it right here: http://theinfjcafe.blogspot.com/2012/11/infj-top-ten-list-5-socially-inept.html

I don't think I'm INFJ though they are cool, I just really doubt I am one

 

[Haven]

Usually when I'm direct, the opposite of what I want to happen happens.

Maybe I put more bitchiness into what I'm saying than what I intend, which immediately makes the person do the exact opposite of what I say because they want to teach me some kind of lesson, I dunno, they won't tell me directly.

 

[prplchknz]

Usually when I'm direct, the opposite of what I want to happen happens.

Maybe I put more bitchiness into what I'm saying than what I intend, which immediately makes the person do the exact opposite of what I say because they want to teach me some kind of lesson, I dunno, they won't tell me directly.

yeah if you come off bitchy to me I'd say "go fuck yourself" and then it be an explosion. But I'd probably do it anyways. I just need to let you know that you made me angry.

 

[prplchknz]

Usually when I'm direct, the opposite of what I want to happen happens.

Maybe I put more bitchiness into what I'm saying than what I intend, which immediately makes the person do the exact opposite of what I say because they want to teach me some kind of lesson, I dunno, they won't tell me directly.

yeah if you come off bitchy to me I'd say "go fuck yourself" and then it be an explosion. But I'd probably do it anyways. I just need to let you know that you made me angry.

 

[Haven]

yeah if you come off bitchy to me I'd say "go fuck yourself" and then it be an explosion. But I'd probably do it anyways. I just need to let you know that you made me angry.

If someone was direct with you (bitchiness aside), like you say you want, why would you be angry?

 

[prplchknz]

If someone was direct with you, like you say you want, why would you be angry?

it's the tone. if I feel like you're being bitchy and I feel attacked, I tend to be very reactive. Trust me the fuck yourself wouldn't have been premeditated. But after that was said I'd be fine, unless you responded back.

and it's more about saying exactly what you mean, with out being a bitch. I want directness, I don't want bitchiness (and you can be direct without coming off like a bitch, which something I manage all the time)

 

[Haven]

it's the tone. if I feel like you're being bitchy and I feel attacked, I tend to be very reactive. Trust me the fuck yourself wouldn't have been premeditated. But after that was said I'd be fine, unless you responded back.

Well that's fine and all for you, but if it was me I'd be thinking that's the last time I'm being direct with that person.

and it's more about saying exactly what you mean, with out being a bitch. I want directness, I don't want bitchiness (and you can be direct without coming off like a bitch, which something I manage all the time)

Is that before or after you go telling people to fuck off?

 

[prplchknz]

Well that's fine and all for you, but if it was me I'd be thinking that's the last time I'm being direct with that person.


Is that before or after you go telling people to fuck off?

You completely missed my point.

 

[Haven]

Ok I guess I could try again

and it's more about saying exactly what you mean, with out being a bitch. I want directness, I don't want bitchiness (and you can be direct without coming off like a bitch, which something I manage all the time)

I think this is an unreasonable expectation to have, and it is type related, Te vs Fe communication.

 

[prplchknz]

Ok I guess I could try again

I think this is an unreasonable expectation to have, and it is type related, Te vs Fe communication.

so it's unreasonable? even though I just said that it is possible?

 

[Haven]

so it's unreasonable? even though I just said that it is possible?

Hah well if you asked every Fe dom to stop being so damn emotive, maybe.

 

[prplchknz]

Hah well if you asked every Fe dom to stop being so damn emotive, maybe.

I'm pretty sure there's Fe doms that manage not to be emotive. But I dunno I've not asked every Fe dom in my life if they're emotive or not

 

[Mole]

Being direct privileges the content over the form.

Being direct is obsessed with the meaning and the content, and being deaf to the way the meaning and content are expressed.

I notice this when the naive read poetry. They repetitively and peevishly ask, what does it mean, but take no notice whatsoever of the form, the shape and the sound of the poem.

So being direct is a form of wilful deafness; being direct focuses on the literal meaning; so being direct is a form of literalism.

And interestingly literalism privileges the eye, and disregards the other senses.