Why are people afraid to ask for things?

[prplchknz]

No one is saying you shouldn't ask for things, or that you owe anyone if you do. People are answering the question in title of your thread, which is "Why are people afraid to ask for things?" It's not the same.

oh then nevermind

 

[prplchknz]

lol, I think give and take is healthy and ultimately the purpose of relationships. I'm not really the whimsical type, so unless I was courting someone or wanted to make them feel helpful I wouldn't ask them for something like a makeshift trophy, but if you have a crafty/creative friend doing so seems like it would bring you closer together.

I guess what I'm getting at is that, beyond friendship, connection, and occasionally collaboration, there isn't much someone else could get me that I couldn't get myself.

considering we live together, I hope I know her. I also asked when I was extremely hyper. Probably wouldn't have asked when I wasn't

 

[Ghost]

For me, it's a lot of the stuff mentioned: insecurity, fear of rejection, feeling obligated. I also feel like I should be able to handle things myself. I'll get my own burrito!

Asking for stuff feels vulnerable. I pictured myself as a herd animal. If I ask for help or a favor, it's the equivalent of me limping behind the herd. Now I'm an easier target. It's irrational and weird now that I think about it...

If you ask for things and people give them to you, I don't see a problem. It's been working, right? It doesn't feel natural for me, so it doesn't occur to me to give it a try. Same for apologizing.

 

[prplchknz]

For me, it's a lot of the stuff mentioned: insecurity, fear of rejection, feeling obligated. I also feel like I should be able to handle things myself. I'll get my own burrito!

Asking for stuff feels vulnerable. I pictured myself as a herd animal. If I ask for help or a favor, it's the equivalent of me limping behind the herd. Now I'm an easier target. It's irrational and weird now that I think about it...

If you ask for things and people give them to you, I don't see a problem. It's been working, right? It doesn't feel natural for me, so it doesn't occur to me to give it a try. Same for apologizing.

yeah but, people also give me stuff even when I don't ask.

 

[Ghost]

It's a trap!

 

[prplchknz]

It's a trap!

it is?

 

[Ghost]

it is?

I doubt it.

When someone gives me things I didn't ask for, I think it's because I'm lucky. Or I think, "I'm an awesome person. Of course you're giving me things." I might get confused and wonder if it's my birthday or a national holiday, though.

 

[prplchknz]

When someone gives me things I didn't ask for, I think it's because I'm lucky. Or I think, "I'm an awesome person. Of course you're giving me things." I might get confused and wonder if it's my birthday or a national holiday, though.

I don't I just assume they don't want whatever they're giving me

 

[WALMART]

i don't fear people saying no as much as i fear them saying yes and actually being put out or annoyed by it. wish people would just say what they mean so i didn't have to worry about that kinda stuff.

Don't ask for the source, but statistically, people view you more favorably having done you favors.

You could speculate on it a bit, perhaps it is an ego thing, fulfillment of being needed?

I know I go out of my way to help people out, it truly is a drug-type high, knowing I facilitated some sort of ease for another.

 

[Ginkgo]

Maybe because they maintain a value for self-sufficiency which stems from a feeling of not being good enough.

Or because they value having a laissez faire attitude and believe that simple requests are a means to control.

Maybe, if they hold a sense of fairness, then they would be reluctant to ask because they would then feel obliged to reciprocate. They would feel they couldn't afford it.

 

[Mole]

Pride..

and fear of rejection.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

and fear of rejection.

Mhmm.

 

[JustAMind]

fear of failure/rejection seems to be most often cause, only speaking from my own experience with people I am no doctor

 

[Ponyboy]

*skipped 5 pages so I have no idea what I missed* Most people are more than happy to help others yet afraid to ask for help themselves. It seems to be seen as some sort of "weakness". I have no issue asking for help. I learned a long time ago that if you are willing to help others than you deserve to be helped. I'm not talking about living life on the dole but more in the sense that everybody needs a hand once in a while. The best example I can think of right now is at work, I have absolutely no qualms about asking for help. The way I figure is if I don't know something then it will be a learning experience. I have also asked for help with things I could do easily on my own. That's just a sneaky way to make people feel included, wanted, & necessary....which is pretty much what life is all about. Life is better with teammates!

 

[five sounds]

Don't ask for the source, but statistically, people view you more favorably having done you favors.

You could speculate on it a bit, perhaps it is an ego thing, fulfillment of being needed?

I know I go out of my way to help people out, it truly is a drug-type high, knowing I facilitated some sort of ease for another.

good point, and i try to remind myself of that too when i'm feeling that way.

i do have a tendency to 'wanna do it myself', but once i realize i need help, i'm actually pretty good at overcoming whatever kind of fear is in the way of that and just asking. it's not a huge problem in my life, but when fears do creep up, i'm usually dealing with the fear of burdening others over fear of rejection. (e2?)

 

[Honor]

Don't ask for the source, but statistically, people view you more favorably having done you favors.

You could speculate on it a bit, perhaps it is an ego thing, fulfillment of being needed?

I know I go out of my way to help people out, it truly is a drug-type high, knowing I facilitated some sort of ease for another.

aww. you kinda melted my heart a little bit there jon.

 

[gromit]

i don't fear people saying no as much as i fear them saying yes and actually being put out or annoyed by it. wish people would just say what they mean so i didn't have to worry about that kinda stuff.

I can't speak for everyone, but I have not asked for many things I want. It's because I hate feeling like I am in anyone's debt. I like being in the black socially.

Yes I can relate to that.

I try to create as much good will as I can if I ever ask for something from others. Expressing my sincere enjoyment and/or gratitude, and trying to do something nice for the other person at some point soon in the future. For example, getting a ride from someone: shorter trips, I try to bring a lil treat or get them a beer or something like that, longer ones, I give gas money as well, and try to be a good, helpful, passenger as much as possible.

but i'm always willing to commit favors, if I like you. and if i asked for a bite of your burrito it means i like you, because i'm taking the time to spend time with you and talk to you

Yeah I feel the same... when you like someone, you just inherently WANT to do nice things for them

 

[garbage]

Feeling like an unnecessary burden. Being an unnecessary burden. Unfairly shoving a responsibility of yours onto someone else. Wanting to grow and learn for yourself in some area that you think you need help in. Fear of rejection. Ego. Fear that you will then owe the person who helps.

Take your pick.

 

[prplchknz]

Feeling like an unnecessary burden. Being an unnecessary burden. Unfairly shoving a responsibility of yours onto someone else. Wanting to grow and learn for yourself in some area that you think you need help in. Fear of rejection. Ego. Fear that you will then owe the person who helps.

Take your pick.

so wait, I'm a bad person, because I ask?

 

[prplchknz]

Feeling like an unnecessary burden. Being an unnecessary burden. Unfairly shoving a responsibility of yours onto someone else. Wanting to grow and learn for yourself in some area that you think you need help in. Fear of rejection. Ego. Fear that you will then owe the person who helps.

Take your pick.

so wait, I'm a bad person, because I ask?