Why are people afraid to ask for things?

[prplchknz]

It's really not that hard, and I usually get what I ask for. And if not I don't have a total meltdown. so why don't people just ask?

I've never gotten a trophy, so I asked my room mate to make me one, and she said yes. And she's been brain storming. I'm excited. So if you want something just ask. You might get it. If not then you probably didn't really need/deserve it.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

Pride..

 

[prplchknz]

Pride..

it's just going to hurt them in the long run, and they'll still not have a box that floats along with them and collects homeless people to sale to 3rd world countries as slaves, thus becoming rich.

 

[Coriolis]

Fear of rejection (i.e. being denied). Also, lack of confidence. I have sometimes been surprised at what I can get simply by asking.

When I last lived in an apartment, I asked my landlord if I could plant a small garden in an area of sparse grass beyond our parking area. She said sure, but couldn't guarantee the lawn service wouldn't mow over it. I surrounded it with ~10" high cedar edging for visibility, and it was very successful. I heard one neighbor asking another, about me rather irately: "why does SHE get to have a garden?" The obvious answer: I asked.

 

[prplchknz]

When I last lived in an apartment, I asked my landlord if I could plant a garden in the grass beyond our small parking area. She said sure, but couldn't guarantee the lawn service wouldn't mow over it. I surrounded it with ~10" high cedar edging so the mowers would see it easily, and had a very successful garden. I heard one neighbor asking another, about me: "why does SHE get to have a garden"? The obvious answer: I asked.

this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not talking unreasonable things like, "can I have your house?" unless you want to give me your house, but I wouldn't ask, but if you're giving me your house, I would take it

 

[á´…eparted]

Fear of rejection (i.e. being denied). Also, lack of confidence.

These are the main issues. Fear of rejection is actually a really strong demotivator in most people, even if they don't see it as so in themselves. It's more that the feeling that comes from it hurts a lot to some, and they will do anything to avoid it.

 

[Evo]

I don't ask for help because I don't trust that others will do it the way I want.

Other than that, I ask all the time. Even if I know the answer's going to be no.

The only other reason I could see why others don't, is cause it can be a little depressing if you are continually rejected.

That, and I like the feeling of independence.

And then there's sometimes when I think that I've thought out all the options, and I've determined it pointless to ask anyone for anything.

 

[lunareclipze]

For me, I have a lot of trouble asking people for things, and it's because I'm afraid of them saying no (quite irrational, I can't explain why I'm so afraid of hearing the word no) or out of fear that I'll just annoy them if I ask.

 

[prplchknz]

For me, I have a lot of trouble asking people for things, and it's because I'm afraid of them saying no (quite irrational, I can't explain why I'm so afraid of hearing the word no) or out of fear that I'll just annoy them if I ask.

soooo what if they say no? they're not threatening to murder you or anything like that

 

[lunareclipze]

soooo what if they say no? they're not threatening to murder you or anything like that

I know Like I said, I'm well aware it's irrational to fear hearing the word no, but I just do.

 

[prplchknz]

I know Like I said, I'm well aware it's irrational to fear hearing the word no, but I just do.

so this scares you?

 

[The Ü™]

Awkward repercussions, I suppose.

 

[Tellenbach]

The last time I asked for something was a salted, dried prune in the 4th grade. I regret having done it but at the time, it looked delicious. I just don't like being in the position of owing someone.

 

[prplchknz]

Awkward repercussions, I suppose.

like what?

 

[prplchknz]

The last time I asked for something was a salted, dried prune in the 4th grade. I regret having done it but at the time, it looked delicious. I just don't like being in the position of owing someone.

such an sj response: I didn't like what I asked for, therefore anything i ask for must be bad. Also asking doesn't mean you owe anyone anything, you're asking permission to take. owing someone is when you borrow or get a gift. because you did not ask politely to take something. so basically asking for something is polite stealing

 

[Opal]

I think it has a lot to do with early conditioning. Some people feel undeserving of help, some distrustful of others, some fear dependence or the appearance of dependence. In some it's so ingrained in their character that they'll be denied or ignored they won't even bother asking--sort of like the circus elephant analogy (keeping the same chain on an elephant as it matures, where once it's strong enough to wander away it's resigned itself to slavery... the chain representing some sort of neglect). I'm sure there are other more circumstantial reasons, though.

 

[Tellenbach]

such an sj response: I didn't like what I asked for, therefore anything i ask for must be bad.

I enjoyed the prune, but it was a moment of weakness on my part. I should have bought some myself instead of mooching off my classmate.

Also asking doesn't mean you owe anyone anything, you're asking permission to take.

To me, it's owing.

 

[prplchknz]

I enjoyed the prune, but it was a moment of weakness on my part. I should have bought some myself instead of mooching off my classmate.



To me, it's owing.

why? is this true for other people? i have i gotten it wrong all these years? should I make a poll?

 

[Tellenbach]

why? is this true for other people? i have i gotten it wrong all these years? should I make a poll?

Not sure. I've always thought that if someone does you a favor, that you owe them.

 

[prplchknz]

Not sure. I've always thought that if someone does you a favor, that you owe them.

no i'm not talking about favors, i'm talking about burittos and wanting a bite