[so] Out of the Closet - so/sx?

[HongDou]

Mentioning [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] here as she was also an ENFP who previously typed as sx/so who then switched to so/sx. [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] is another so/sx I'd like to hear feedback from as well.

[MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION], [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION], [MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION], [MENTION=11928]Vetani[/MENTION], and [MENTION=6877]Marmotini[/MENTION] get in here!

Starting life as a college freshmen definitely provided some needed insight about my true instincts. People have always suggested that I could possibly be so/sx before but I never really paid much attention to it, but now I'm seriously considering it. Actually, I'm changing my listed type from sx/so to so/sx for now.

Some previous things about me that always left me a little curious and doubtful was that I do relate to the bubbly, energetic, playful descriptions of so/sx. I always attributed this to being just a naturally happy person, but I feel like if I were sx/so I would be more dramatic and intense. Not to say I already am a little fiery, but the whole "people love you or hate you" aspect that comes with being sx/so I just didn't understand. I saw this flamboyant, pretty obnoxious gay guy at my school basically go out and try to get on everyone's dick (metaphorically speaking, not literally). I would see him being very bold with people: touching them a lot even though they'd just met and you could clearly tell they looked uncomfortable, trying to be everyone's best friend out of the blue, talking about how he wanted to bang his roommate (????), etc. In all honesty, it annoyed the crap out of me. Of course, I love getting to know people on a personal level as well. But it frustrated me so much how he could be so forward with people and not even care that he was making them uncomfortable. I mean, I think that if you want to make connections, you should at least try to keep them in a happy mood so they won't get annoyed by you. If you annoy them, to me, the effort and energy used to meet people was wasted. I want to make sure all that energy was put to good use and I can say that I made meaningful connections afterward.

Stepping out of my comfort zone really made me reevaluate what kind of person I am. I was under this whimsical childlike wonder that I would always be with people I was close to, but when college started I was a little freaked out. I missed my best friend, I cried to her on the phone for a good hour. Then I cried to another one of my friends over a Skype call. It sucked because all the people I knew and loved with all my heart were so far away, and all I wanted to do was share my new experiences with them. In fact, typing this now is making me tear up. I don't know if it's just me, but saying what I'm feeling or putting it out to the world just makes the emotions so much more real to me. Yeah, I feel things internally all the time, but when I vocalize it to the rest of the world that accentuates the intensity and impact of those emotions for me.

Anyway, college had me freaked out. I have a solid group of three friends. Two of them are cheerleaders so I'm excited for all the parties I can tag along to. But I always find myself worrying that they won't show up when we set up lunch dates or dinner dates. It sounds silly, but I hate the feeling of just standing there by myself or sitting at my own table. It makes me feel incredibly lonely incredibly fast. When I wait for them, I'm always looking around to see if they're there. I guess the way you could describe it is like a lost puppy haha.

I think one reason (albeit a stupid one) I typed as sx/so was because of how much this forum talks about sx-dominance and it's rarity. I love being special and unique, and some posts by sx-doms actually resonated with me but I realize now that it was probably just speaking to my secondary sx. I enjoy being talked about and getting attention and to be honest so or sp never really gets talked about as much here. I know it's probably because sx is so misunderstood and harder to come by as someone's dominant instinct, I probably just wanted to join in on the fun!

One of my main goals in life is also to brighten the world, if not my only goal. My name Chandler indirectly means "maker of light" so I want to bring light into the world of as many people as I can. This is also my method of being remembered and making my mark in the world.

Oh, and I still do have problems with coming off too strong to people and scaring them away and rushing things. I guess my methods are just more socially fit? And they just fail miserably and people realize I want to move things along and run away still.

My OCEAN results seem so/sx as well.

Anyway, I'm not sure what else to write, so I'll just paste some stuff with bold parts of descriptions I relate to. Some questions would help to! Although I'm 100% positive that I am sp-last.

soc/sx
Motivation: to create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend."
This type has very strong one to one social skills, but is usually uncomfortable in group settings. They enjoy cultivating multiple relationships, and can be intensely involved when in the presence of someone they are interested in, but have difficulty sustaining these bonds when apart. This may give the impression of being flighty and rootless, willing to adapt and mirror others in order to connect, but lacking a defined approach that would give their relationships a more solid standing. They may have political interests, but are generally more pragmatic and less partisan than the other social variant. They are often attuned to pop culture and the latest trends.
Expression: bright smiley, intense expression
Energy: outward energy expressed intensely, broadly
Behavior: bright, smiley, erratic and scattered
Mindset: "If I can get close to people with merging/intensity, I can make sure of and keep improving my position and inclusion in the group/world."
Blind spot: Likely to neglect their desire to seek intense connections and experiences for the sake of their primary concern of building their sense of personal value, accomplishment, and security of place with others, in average-healthy levels. May not have an awareness of the body's need for food or sleep, or of the need to accumulate wealth for reasons of security, or of the need to manage time or resources to establish an orderly lifestyle.

sx/so
Motivation: to impact others, question assumptions, challenge convention.
This is the type that exudes the most raw charisma and sexual energy. They may identify so strongly with whatever they're involved with that they often become the symbol of its core essence, and sometimes its lead agent for change. Hardly content with the status quo, this sub-variant seeks to alter the fundamental structure of something while at once embodying it's purest or most extreme form. Possibly attracted to radical views on politics, philosophy, spirituality or creativity that reflect their penchant for testing boundaries. They enjoy pushing other's buttons, especially those resistant to their modes of expression. It's not uncommon for them to have a pet social, political or spiritual cause which they're able to support with heartfelt conviction. May exploit and seek to redefine sexuality to reflect their own colorful and uncertain understanding of it. While prone to exhibitionism, they are strongly attracted to grounding influences which can anchor them and provide stability. Failure to satisfy an especially intense desire for connection may cause this sub-variant to spite others at the risk of jeopardizing the need for an equal, stabilizing force. Can feel pulled between wanting a life of maximum intensity and reassuring episodes of peaceful convention.
Expression: intense, outer-focused
Energy: intense energy expressed outwards, assertively
Behavior: intense, assertive, sultry and aggressive
Mindset: "If I can maintain position and inclusion in the group/world, I can keep up and escalate all this merging/intensity."
Blind spot: Likely to neglect their desire to build their sense of personal value, accomplishment, and security of place with others for the sake of their primary concern of seeking intense connections and experiences, in average-healthy levels. May not have an awareness of the body's need for food or sleep, or of the need to accumulate wealth for reasons of security, or of the need to manage time or resources to establish an orderly lifestyle.

Syn-flow: sp → so → sx → sp
Stackings involved: sp/so → so/sx → sx/sp → sp/so
Direction: Compelled toward people. Acting upon and with others as a born insider i.e.- deeply human.

Contra-flow: sp → sx → so → sp
Stackings involved: sp/sx → sx/so → so/sp → sp/sx
Direction: Compelled against people. Seething belligerent outsiders; 'antisocial', provoking, reverse-flow change catalysts. In some profound sense, rejecting the human condition, their own and/or that of others.

so/sx - including, associating, affiliating, networking, incorporating, interconnecting, introducing, unifying, linking, bonding, annexing, cooperating, receiving
sx/so - excluding, eliminating, dividing, separating, contradicting, subverting, confronting, rebuffing, ridiculing, challenging, interrupting, reforming, rupturing

Sx/so God realm: the gods lead long and enjoyable lives full of pleasure and abundance, but they spend their lives pursuing meaningless distractions and never think to practice the dharma. When death comes to them, they are completely unprepared; without realizing it, they have completely exhausted their good karma (which was the cause for being reborn in the god realm) and they suffer through being reborn in the lower realms.

So/sx Human realm: humans suffer from hunger, thirst, heat, cold, separation from friends, being attacked by enemies, not getting what they want, and getting what they don't want. They also suffer from the general sufferings of birth, old age, sickness and death. Yet the human realm is considered to be the most suitable realm for practicing the dharma, because humans are not completely distracted by pleasure (like the gods or demi-gods) or by pain and suffering (like the beings in the lower realms).

Edit: Aw shit, I should have put this in the "What's my Enneagram Type?" forum. Oh well.

 

[Stansmith]

I have a hard time believing 95% of the people here can be Sx-doms.

 

[HongDou]

I have a hard time believing 95% of the people here can be Sx-doms.

Haha, I don't know. I think Elfboy and Marm are pretty sx-dom!

 

[Stansmith]

Haha, I don't know. I think Elfboy and Marm are pretty sx-dom!

I feel like So-doms come in extremes. You have the well-adjusted ones who are constantly out and about with friends looking like CBS sitcom characters, and then you have the maladjusted ones on the Internet who can vaguely relate to Sx-Dom "longing".

 

[HongDou]

I feel like So-doms come in extremes. You have the well-adjusted ones who are constantly out and about with friends looking like CBS sitcom characters, and then you have the maladjusted ones on the Internet who can vaguely relate to Sx-Dom "longing".

You think they're so-dom? I doubt it. I trust their self-typing.

 

[Avocado]

Where did you get those descriptions?

 

[HongDou]

Where did you get those descriptions?

http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/content.php/133-Instinctual-Stackings

 

[Lady_X]

hmm well i don't know what i can say without embarrassing myself but i'll just say that if i were single i wouldn't drink in public.

i don't even get what people are talking about when they talk about people wanting to be sx doms. when did any of the instincts become cooler or sexier than the others?

that first position means it's your unhealthy preoccupation...that's not a good thing. sx in the 2nd position is way cooler i'm sure. i mean if ya wanna rate them and you think sx is cool.

i just barely relate to sp actually for whatever that's worth.

however [MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION] just watched a video and he said right away i seemed sx/sp so i guess there's a sp vibe present??


but anyway ramble ramble sorry hmm...you as an so...well yeah...especially based on what you said you think your reasons for the typing in the first place. i mean...what a so ish reason anyway haha

 

[Elfboy]

hmm well i don't know what i can say without embarrassing myself but i'll just say that if i were single i wouldn't drink in public.
i don't even get what people are talking about when they talk about people wanting to be sx doms. when did any of the instincts become cooler or sexier than the others?

this

that first position means it's your unhealthy preoccupation...that's not a good thing. sx in the 2nd position is way cooler i'm sure. i mean if ya wanna rate them and you think sx is cool.

THIS! (speaking as an Sp dom wannabe )

 

[HongDou]

hmm well i don't know what i can say without embarrassing myself but i'll just say that if i were single i wouldn't drink in public.

i don't even get what people are talking about when they talk about people wanting to be sx doms. when did any of the instincts become cooler or sexier than the others?

I'm not sure either, really.

i just barely relate to sp actually for whatever that's worth.

I don't relate to it at all LOL. But I relate to both so and sx immensely so it was hard to tell for me but I think I'm generally more preoccupied with so needs rather than sx needs. Connections are important but I'm more concerned with making them last rather than the experience of connecting in the first place. Always looking out for and dreaming about "the one."

but anyway ramble ramble sorry hmm...you as an so...well yeah...especially based on what you said you think your reasons for the typing in the first place. i mean...what a so ish reason anyway haha

Yup! At least I still got sp-last right.

 

[EJCC]

I agree with nearly the entire OP, [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION]. Especially this part:

I mean, I think that if you want to make connections, you should at least try to keep them in a happy mood so they won't get annoyed by you. If you annoy them, to me, the effort and energy used to meet people was wasted. I want to make sure all that energy was put to good use and I can say that I made meaningful connections afterward.

^ The above is very strategic, and that sense of strategy seems key to the social instinct. It's exactly how I approach making connections, too.

As for the instinct prevalence conversation... I'll bet it's easy for ExFx to be mistyped as sx-first, if they're gregarious and romantic and love long, deep conversations with close friends and SOs. But I'm not going to question the forum's types. (It actually makes sense to me that most of the forum would be sx/sp or sp/sx; the forum format accommodates the so-last "push/pull" tendency very nicely. They can take days to reply to a post, and no one gets annoyed with them for it.)

 

[HongDou]

As for the instinct prevalence conversation... I'll bet it's easy for ExFx to be mistyped as sx-first, if they're gregarious and romantic and love long, deep conversations with close friends and SOs. But I'm not going to question the forum's types. (It actually makes sense to me that most of the forum would be sx/sp or sp/sx; the forum format accommodates the so-last "push/pull" tendency very nicely. They can take days to reply to a post, and no one gets annoyed with them for it.)

That's definitely true in my case. You rarely come across ExFx types (especially ENFPs and ESFPs) typed as sx-last too.

 

[EJCC]

That's definitely true in my case. You rarely come across ExFx types (especially ENFPs and ESFPs) typed as sx-last too.

I don't think I know any. Maybe I do, but don't realize I do?

 

[Halla74]

What if you were "BALANCED" sx vs. so?

As in "50% Sx, and 50% So" ?

Then what?

Are you Sx/So? Or So/Sx?

And in all honesty - why isn't it possible to have components of each and embrace them for what they are in terms if your own personality and individuality?

There are some questions in personality theory that should be left aside if they contribute to more sorrow than joy.

For instance, my wife is an INFJ and I am an ESTP.

So, according to socionics our relationship is one of "conflicting relations."

But, in MBTI - an INFP is supposed to be an ESTP's "dual" - or "natural soul mate."

Well what if my wife is "INFx?" What if she is perfectly balanced on P/J?
That's a clusterfuck for socionics and MBTI, isn't it?
What then?

My answer?

I really don't give a shit, because I love her.

So, I encourage you to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, and love thyself - regardless if you are Sx/So - or So/Sx.
Seriously.
Who gives a shit, really?
Just live, love and learn - who cares if you fit into one mold or another in any given theory.



-Halla74

 

[Lady_X]

Halla!! You know it's not nice to toss an enfps puzzle out the window like that!

 

[HongDou]

Halla!! You know it's not nice to toss an enfps puzzle out the window like that!

It's fine, whatever [MENTION=6109]Halla74[/MENTION] says always makes me smile.

I definitely agree with your advice, it doesn't matter if you fit into a certain mold or not as long as you love yourself. sx/so or so/sx, I am happy with who I am today and I wouldn't change anything about my life for the world.

I'm still going with so/sx for now. Sorry I can't join you on the sx/so party bus, Halla. But you know I'll always be here for a fun-filled message!

This just in: my mistyping may also stem from being darkside so/sx (according to [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION]) which pulls from sx/sp to increase levels of sx.

 

[Lady_X]

It's fine, whatever [MENTION=6109]Halla74[/MENTION] says always makes me smile.

I definitely agree with your advice, it doesn't matter if you fit into a certain mold or not as long as you love yourself. sx/so or so/sx, I am happy with who I am today and I wouldn't change anything about my life for the world.

I'm still going with so/sx for now. Sorry I can't join you on the sx/so party bus, Halla. But you know I'll always be here for a fun-filled message!

This just in: my mistyping may also stem from being darkside so/sx (according to [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION]) which pulls from sx/sp to increase levels of sx.

yeah halla's good like that. you can't be mad at em.

 

[Halla74]

Halla!! You know it's not nice to toss an enfps puzzle out the window like that!

Ooops! Sorry!

It's fine, whatever [MENTION=6109]Halla74[/MENTION] says always makes me smile.

That's an extremely nice thing to say. Thank you very much.

I definitely agree with your advice, it doesn't matter if you fit into a certain mold or not as long as you love yourself. sx/so or so/sx, I am happy with who I am today and I wouldn't change anything about my life for the world.

That's the spirit!!!

I'm still going with so/sx for now. Sorry I can't join you on the sx/so party bus, Halla. But you know I'll always be here for a fun-filled message!

Last time I checked you still have a ticket to the "Ring 7 Party Bus" - and last time I checked that's the bus that the word PARTY was invented on. Oh yeah!!! :moonwalk:

yeah halla's good like that. you can't be mad at em.

That goes right back-atcha'!

I do believe that you, [mention]Lady_X[/mention] are amongst the first peeps I ever met, chatted with and befriended here - and you have always been a constant source of joy and wisdom.

Thank you for you!!

Love and respect to my peeps,



-Halla74

 

[Lady_X]

Ooops! Sorry!



That's an extremely nice thing to say. Thank you very much.



That's the spirit!!!



Last time I checked you still have a ticket to the "Ring 7 Party Bus" - and last time I checked that's the bus that the word PARTY was invented on. Oh yeah!!! :moonwalk:





That goes right back-atcha'!

I do believe that you, [mention]Lady_X[/mention] are amongst the first peeps I ever met, chatted with and befriended here - and you have always been a constant source of joy and wisdom.

Thank you for you!!

Love and respect to my peeps,



-Halla74

Aww such sweetness halla thankya! You're a good guy and I always enjoy chatting with ya too!

 

[The Great One]

hmm well i don't know what i can say without embarrassing myself but i'll just say that if i were single i wouldn't drink in public.

i don't even get what people are talking about when they talk about people wanting to be sx doms. when did any of the instincts become cooler or sexier than the others?

that first position means it's your unhealthy preoccupation...that's not a good thing. sx in the 2nd position is way cooler i'm sure. i mean if ya wanna rate them and you think sx is cool.

i just barely relate to sp actually for whatever that's worth.

however [MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION] just watched a video and he said right away i seemed sx/sp so i guess there's a sp vibe present??


but anyway ramble ramble sorry hmm...you as an so...well yeah...especially based on what you said you think your reasons for the typing in the first place. i mean...what a so ish reason anyway haha

I see you as sx/sp seducer (sx/sp with weak self-pres). They can look sx/so on the outside.

sx/sp seducer (weak sp) - sx in full command produces an active recruiter of potential mates; but being sx/sp this remains in the yin mode of seducing. charismatic and overtly sexualized, arguably the most purely sx of all stacks and ranges. draws from so/sx shadow to liven up sx into an erotic playfulness and to keep sx far ahead of their relatively nominal sp. an emotional yearning to their mating ritual; an inherently unstable range that can lead to a pattern of serial heartbreak. often confused for sx/so.

sx/sp mystifier (midrange) - the range where the mystique of the sx/sp stack is at its strongest. unconsciously attracts with intense eye contact and other sx feelers, but holds back enough to give them a kind of untouchable or hard to get close to quality. depending on their true intentions this can either frustrate their sx or reward their functional sp cooling system. like midrangers of all stacks, there's a seemingly casual approach to meeting their variant needs as the secondary instinct is kept both in play and at bay, and others may wonder what they really want.

sx/sp wanderer (strong sp) - the most clasically 'blocked' of the sx's, often exchanging intimacy in favor of the more immediate pleasures of the body. paradoxically the most wandering and restless of the sx/sp's. pulls from sp/so to ensure the sx flood is contained by the sp levee, which can provide a sense of stability at the expense of seeming put off by others. sex can mean a hollow satisfying of the instinct while more vulnerable feelings are suspended. quietly charged but muted, and can seem self pres first.