[MBTI General] INTP + INFJ

[Crescent Fresh]

I wonder how this combination works? To be more specific, he's a type 9w1 and I'm 4w5.

I've never felt so strongly toward someone online, but lately, after nearly 7 months of interaction, he totally melts my heart away.

Yes, the pace has been really slow, but to me it works perfectly as I normally dislike rushing things especially in romantic engagement.

Anyhow, just wondering how other posters felt about the union of INTP and INFJ in general.

 

[JocktheMotie]

From an INTP perspective, I think it all depends on how high a horse the INFJ is riding on.

 

[Salomé]

Do not understand these questions. What does "in general" have to do with romantic attachment?

Anyway, it happens, is about all I can tell you. But you already know that.

 

[Rasofy]

From an INTP perspective, I think it all depends on how high a horse the INFJ is riding on.

That is my impression as well. A significant number of INFJs seem to have a quiet (yet rigid) sense of moral superiority on controversial matters.

For the most part, I think the match is great. The potential for mutual understanding and admiration is significant.

 

[scienceresearcher]

I'm an INFJ 9w1 and my first girlfriend was an INTP 4w5. We also started off really slow.. neither of us made a move for nearly 6 months. I think we both moved like glaciers in terms of a relationship progressing.

The relationship itself was very enjoyable. We were like best friends and spent every moment together running to parks, going on random adventures and staying inside for cuddle time. We never argued.. at the time was highly enjoyable since I'm a 9 but hindsight tells me that it was unhealthy. You'd think after 5 years you'd have at least ONE yelling argument or disagreement. We understood each other's quirks and thought processes and I believe we both learned a lot from each other. We still talk every month or so and keep in touch. Deep down I still consider her to be a good friend even though we don't talk often.

I wouldn't be opposed to date another INTP if I were single again. I find them interesting. I wish you the best of luck!!

 

[WALMART]

I wonder how this combination works? To be more specific, he's a type 9w1 and I'm 4w5.

I've never felt so strongly toward someone online, but lately, after nearly 7 months of interaction, he totally melts my heart away.

Yes, the pace has been really slow, but to me it works perfectly as I normally dislike rushing things especially in romantic engagement.

Anyhow, just wondering how other posters felt about the union of INTP and INFJ in general.

All people have capacity for interpersonal relations on a meaningful level.


It would be more helpful if you listed the kinds of things he does that makes you feel good, and the things that don't =P

 

[faith]

Well, I'd say it's not to be trifled with. Fifteen years ago an INTP crushed my heart and it took about 10 years for me to start getting over it. INTP + INFJ can be a powerful drug, not to be mixed with casual flirtations or petty dramas.

It was another INTP who pieced my heart back together and handed it to me to do with as I wished. I've never met another man I could trust so thoroughly, who combined tough insight with gentle understanding. I married him.

We met online; we both felt a strong connection pretty quickly, but we took it slow. Two years long-distance relationship, then two years close-proximity relationship. We've been married a year and 5 months now. Feels like it gets better every day.

How does it work? I don't exactly know.

He puts up with me. He finds me amusing when I'm very very serious. He seems to be able to anticipate many of my thoughts before I think them. He has a peacefulness that is infectious. He vacuums the house and does the dishes without my asking, makes dinner when I'm working late. When I'm doing a DIY project around the house--tiling or painting or building a bookcase--he doesn't try to oversee the project or point out what I'm doing wrong. In a hundred little ways every day, he encouraged me to be myself & keeps loving me even when that self isn't pretty. He is true through & through; he never goes back on his word. If he forgets, he makes it right.

We laugh a lot together. Giggle and snicker and fall together on the sofa howling with delight. We share happy quiet evenings. He paces around the house and pontificates on an idea he's working through. I enjoy listening, but he doesn't get mad if I occasionally fall asleep on him.

He just read this and said I'm omitting all his flaws. He honestly doesn't have very many. I guess one thing we're not in synch on is a sense of drive and responsibility. I find it difficult to relax and do nothing productive. I keep thinking of all the work that needs doing around the house and I can't seem to relax while it's still undone. He can sit peacefully in the midst of chaos. We really work to keep this difference from becoming a stumbling-block, and I think we're pretty good at it. I use him as a reminder to slow down and enjoy the moment and keep my priorities in order. Sometimes he asks me to stop and just let things go, and I do. He uses me as a reminder that sometimes you just have to jump in and get stuff done. In the end, we tend to balance each other.

The OP is sort of vague & general. Is this the sort of response you're looking for? Of course I love talking about my honey, but listening to someone else rave about DH can be boring. Feel free to ask more questions if there's something specific you're looking for.

 

[zelo1954]

I guess one thing we're not in synch on is a sense of drive and responsibility. I find it difficult to relax and do nothing productive. I keep thinking of all the work that needs doing around the house and I can't seem to relax while it's still undone. He can sit peacefully in the midst of chaos. We really work to keep this difference from becoming a stumbling-block, and I think we're pretty good at it.

Ah yes. If an INTP doesn't particularly value a clean house the only reason he'd actually clean it up is because his love for you overrides his distaste for doing an unnecessary job. I bet you have lots of those. I also bet you he's not an extreme P otherwise he'd drive you insane.

 

[sulfit]

I wonder how this combination works? To be more specific, he's a type 9w1 and I'm 4w5.

In socionics the relations between Ni-Fe type (INFJ) and Ti-Ne type (INTP) are described as Benefit Relationship with INFJ in role of benefactor to INTP and INTP being beneficiary to INFJ. One problem area I've noticed is that INFJ can criticize INTP too much about their social faux pas and their introversion. INFJ should take care to listen closely to his or her INTP partner. INTP can feel like he or she is trying too hard and getting too little in return.

 

[cafe]

It's already been touched on and Faith really brings it out: INTPs can be people of principle and INFJs can respect and admire that a lot, especially if the INTP's principles align well with the INFJ's values. As long as you have the chemistry and the mutual respect/admiration going on, I think it can keep working. Of course that is probably true of any personality combination.

FWIW, my INTP tested 1w9 and I tested 9w1. We met irl, were engaged in two months and married within the year.

Our biggest sticking points (from my perspective) have been division of labor and decision making/planning. We have them fairly well figured out for how life is now. He works, usually takes out the trash, and does his own laundry (everybody in the house does their own laundry most of the time). I go to school, pay the bills, manage the house and kids (they are all teenagers so they don't take much managing anymore). I do most of the cleaning -- it isn't much because I'm a slob, too. He and I grocery shop together which has become our 'date night' because we usually eat out before we hit the store. We keep a lot of microwavable stuff on hand and everybody mostly feeds themselves.

Basically, the house is a mess, the bills are sometimes late but usually nothing gets shut off, we eat like we live in a convenience store, the children have essentially been raised by wolves, we have a lot of computers and books, there is very little conflict, a fair amount of silliness and frequent ranting about stupid and/or mean people we work and/or go to school with. Not everybody's cup of tea, but we're pretty happy or as happy as a couple of angsty INs have any hope of being.

 

[skylights]

Basically, the house is a mess, the bills are sometimes late but usually nothing gets shut off, we eat like we live in a convenience store, the children have essentially been raised by wolves, we have a lot of computers and books, there is very little conflict, a fair amount of silliness and frequent ranting about stupid and/or mean people we work and/or go to school with. Not everybody's cup of tea, but we're pretty happy or as happy as a couple of angsty INs have any hope of being.

I appreciate and empathize with your last line. Ns have a gift for dissatisfaction. It's heartwarming to hear that you two are realistically happy.
[MENTION=13357]Crescent Fresh[/MENTION] - aww. Good luck!

 

[Maxcool131]

I'm an INFJ 9w1 and my first girlfriend was an INTP 4w5. We also started off really slow.. neither of us made a move for nearly 6 months. I think we both moved like glaciers in terms of a relationship progressing.

The relationship itself was very enjoyable. We were like best friends and spent every moment together running to parks, going on random adventures and staying inside for cuddle time. We never argued.. at the time was highly enjoyable since I'm a 9 but hindsight tells me that it was unhealthy. You'd think after 5 years you'd have at least ONE yelling argument or disagreement. We understood each other's quirks and thought processes and I believe we both learned a lot from each other. We still talk every month or so and keep in touch. Deep down I still consider her to be a good friend even though we don't talk often.

I wouldn't be opposed to date another INTP if I were single again. I find them interesting. I wish you the best of luck!!

That sounds like alot of fun. Sorry to intrude but if everything was great what caused you guys to break up? Was it just lack of love or something else?

 

[Maxcool131]

It's already been touched on and Faith really brings it out: INTPs can be people of principle and INFJs can respect and admire that a lot, especially if the INTP's principles align well with the INFJ's values. As long as you have the chemistry and the mutual respect/admiration going on, I think it can keep working. Of course that is probably true of any personality combination.

FWIW, my INTP tested 1w9 and I tested 9w1. We met irl, were engaged in two months and married within the year.

Our biggest sticking points (from my perspective) have been division of labor and decision making/planning. We have them fairly well figured out for how life is now. He works, usually takes out the trash, and does his own laundry (everybody in the house does their own laundry most of the time). I go to school, pay the bills, manage the house and kids (they are all teenagers so they don't take much managing anymore). I do most of the cleaning -- it isn't much because I'm a slob, too. He and I grocery shop together which has become our 'date night' because we usually eat out before we hit the store. We keep a lot of microwavable stuff on hand and everybody mostly feeds themselves.

Basically, the house is a mess, the bills are sometimes late but usually nothing gets shut off, we eat like we live in a convenience store, the children have essentially been raised by wolves, we have a lot of computers and books, there is very little conflict, a fair amount of silliness and frequent ranting about stupid and/or mean people we work and/or go to school with. Not everybody's cup of tea, but we're pretty happy or as happy as a couple of angsty INs have any hope of being.

You really dont know how attractive that really sounds.

 

[A_priori]

From an INTP perspective, I think it all depends on how high a horse the INFJ is riding on.

Interesting as I have always felt the opposite. The INTPs that I have met I have almost found intimidating.

 

[FemMecha]

I want to give this some thought before answering, since I'm a likely INFJ married to an INTP, but I also have to say how happy I am to see [MENTION=97]faith[/MENTION] and [MENTION=4]cafe[/MENTION] posting again. (I'm toonia from days of yore) WELCOME BACK! :hi:

 

[FemMecha]

I'm an INFJ 4w5 married to an INTP 5.

We have an easy-going, low conflict relationship. We had read each others' posts online for a few years before we were both available to think in terms of a romantic relationship. When we were available, we talked on the phone for a couple of months and then I visited a few times, and moved in six months after we started our long-distance relationship. It was the simplest dating scenario. It is incredibly rare that I get close to someone partly because I think and socialize much differently from the norm, and he does also. We share many commonalities in experiences and so are in a unique position to understand each other. The differences in type of intelligence and interests make conversations interesting to both. We both need peace, quiet, and plenty of space to think.

We live on a mountain in the quiet and under a clear night of stars. Our walls are covered in bookshelves, and our home is not setup for visitors. We now have a virtual library with 1,000s of books. We both help out with the daily needs of life, and we both value simplicity and efficiency. I've organized much of our belongings in "concrete space", filling closets with plastic drawers labeled with various computer parts. He has organized our virtual libraries of books and movies, finances, etc. in "cyber-space". We both work very hard at improving our lives and are accomplishing a lot in our professions. We are both very abstract and can lose touch with the concrete world. We are also both very private, so I feel a bit reticent to describe everything.

We also share a sense of humor and a drive to analyze the world. We watch sci-fi and funny shows, drink beer and hard lemonade, fix yummy meals to eat sitting on the bed watching movies. It is a deeply happy life.

 

[RaptorWizard]

In my experience INTPs are pretty simple people when it comes to emotions and value judgments as well as their laziness whereas with INFJs they seem to be the most dedicated crusaders here! This makes the 2 opposite!

 

[cafe]

In my experience INTPs are pretty simple people when it comes to emotions and value judgments as well as their laziness whereas with INFJs they seem to be the most dedicated crusaders here! This makes the 2 opposite!

So when I'm heading out the door with a sign to go to a protest, he tells me to have fun storming the castle and he pretends to listen when I come home and tell him how it went.

 

[faith]

So good to hear from cafe & fia/toonia again Seems like it's been years!

Our biggest sticking points (from my perspective) have been division of labor and decision making/planning. We have them fairly well figured out for how life is now. He works, usually takes out the trash, and does his own laundry... He and I grocery shop together which has become our 'date night' because we usually eat out before we hit the store. We keep a lot of microwavable stuff on hand and everybody mostly feeds themselves.

Basically, the house is a mess, the bills are sometimes late but usually nothing gets shut off, we eat like we live in a convenience store, the children have essentially been raised by wolves, we have a lot of computers and books, there is very little conflict, a fair amount of silliness and frequent ranting about stupid and/or mean people we work and/or go to school with. Not everybody's cup of tea, but we're pretty happy or as happy as a couple of angsty INs have any hope of being.

It's interesting to hear how y'all have worked out the points of potential conflict. I would love to hear more about it--how you managed to hit on this compromise--although that may be a topic for a PM or a different post. After just a little more than a year, we're still trying to figure it out. Or, more accurately, I'm trying to figure it out and he's going along obligingly.

We live on a mountain in the quiet and under a clear night of stars. Our walls are covered in bookshelves, and our home is not setup for visitors.

This sounds a lot like our setting.

... I've organized much of our belongings in "concrete space", filling closets with plastic drawers labeled with various computer parts. He has organized our virtual libraries of books and movies, finances, etc. in "cyber-space".

Another interesting solution to the division of labor. Makes a lot of sense

We are both very abstract and can lose touch with the concrete world. We are also both very private, so I feel a bit reticent to describe everything.

I can totally relate to this.

I love reading posts from these women who seem so confident and secure as INFJ wives. I believe I'm still in the process of accepting and enjoying the fact that the home we make will not look like the home my ISFJ mom & ENFJ dad created. Although I love our marriage and life we enjoy, I frequently get a creeping fear of failure because it seems to look so-- atypical, so unusual, so not-ordinary. It doesn't bother me when I take the time to think it over; guess it just takes time for that understanding to shake down & form a solid identity.

 

[scienceresearcher]

That sounds like alot of fun. Sorry to intrude but if everything was great what caused you guys to break up? Was it just lack of love or something else?

It's definitely wasn't the lack of love on either party, but it was both of our first serious relationship and I think we mutually understood that we needed to part both ways in order to grow more as individuals. The both of us needed someone else in our lives that would push us let us be who we needed to become. We never sat down and explicitly terminated our relationship, we sort of just both vanished into our own worlds and separated. Although neither party was upset at each other, looking back we probably should've had the decency and respect to speak to one another about it but that is what happens when you get two really passive individuals. Luckily enough, we both felt the same way and neither of us took anything personally.

When we talk every month or so, it's almost like we never stopped talking. It's an odd friendship, but in itself is really awesome. It feels like we just pick up right where we left off (in terms of conversation, not in a romantic relationship).