Ask God

[FemMecha]

Dear God,
Why do you like beetles so much?

 

[RaptorWizard]

Yo God mah homee, how many millions to billions of years is your space civilization ahead of our Earth civilization, and how can we ever hope to become more than by way of analogy mere insects before the face of the almighty Extraterrestrial Gods?

 

[Mole]

Dear God, if being alternatively conceals and reveals itself, how can you be?

 

[UniqueMixture]

Dear god, why didn't you make girls with 6 boobs like a cow? That would've been cool

 

[Anew Leaf]

Dear God,

When will I discover my purpose in life? Since you created all, is it possible for you to text me the answer?

~ a cell inside a galaxy of cells clutching a cell's phone

 

[miss fortune]

dear god... when have we had enough of a beating for our past mistakes? is there redemption? is there any way to forgive oneself?

~sincerely, whatever

 

[Anew Leaf]

Dear God,

If I am going to be murdered tonight by my date, will you create a new star for me to hug?

~ a jaunty mix of limbs entwined in the branches of trees

 

[RaptorWizard]

Dear God, how can I overthrow you and usurp your crowning mantle of Ultimate Power?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

After seeing how you dodge questions, I have to ask: Are you a politician cause you sure talk like one.

Dear Chimerical,

I don't dodge questions. People just don't like my answers sometimes.

So, if you're often asked like questions, why don't you have an answer?

See above.

Dear God,

Why are you such a tosser? I mean this is the idiomatic sense, of course; I do not believe that you in fact rub one out on a regular basis, for any penis which you possessed would not be material. Unless you were possessing one in the alternative sense of that term, but that would only amount to vicarious satisfaction. Anyway, what I mean is "Why are you such an odious being?".

Lots of love,

Helios.

Dear Helios,

I can't explain why I am a tosser if I don't believe that I am one. Lots of people like me. I'm sorry you don't. I like you!

I'm getting a bit of a kick that every post in this thread effectively counts as prayer. Lots of devout people here.

Dear Qlip,

That is rather amusing. Most people are only motivated to give feedback when they're disappointed rather than satisfied, so I'm pretty happy with my ratio here. Y'all are my homies.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Really? If we're huddling under the religious umbrella at all in this thread, it probably falls under that whole false idol bit.

Dear Iwakar,

Eloi, eloi, lama sabatchthani?

At this point I just want all the anti-religious haters to meet with bolts of lightening. Really and truly. I have lost my patience.

Dear Lark,

If I doled out lightning bolts purely on merit, you might be disappointed at my selections.

Hey God,

Why are blueberries blue?

Awaiting your reply with bated breath,
Me.

Dear thealchemist,

Blueberries were one of the last foods I invented, and I suddenly realized that I hadn't created any blue foods. So bang, blueberries! (Even I could not have foreseen abominations like blue raspberry. Seriously...I made raspberries such a beautiful shade of red. Why you gotta be like that, humans?)

 

[Mole]

Dead or Dad?

Dear God,

Are you dead or are you dad?

Respectfully Yours,
Victor.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Dear[MENTION=325]EffEmDoubleyou[/MENTION],

How can we reconcile our global growth based economic paradigm with limited resources?

Feel free to take your time with this one.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,
Is it okay to date my girlfriend's sister? I mean, assuming they have switched MTBI personalities and the sister is actually my girlfriend in a different body. The sister is hotter than my girlfriend, btw.

Dear gmanyo,

As long as you break up with your girlfriend first, I could care less. But I gotta tell you, you're never going to be able to relax again. You're always going to wonder if she's behind you with some piano wire. ALWAYS. Also, I've seen you asking this question all over the forum. It's not nice to troll the Lord.

Dear God, I have a couple of probably pretty old questions.

Dear StrawMan,

I have a policy against answering questions I've previously answered. But I'm in a generous mood and this thread is long enough to deserve a recap. So let's dive in, shall we?

Why don't You want to prove yourself beyond doubt?

Doubt lets people reveal their true feelings. Do you think Kim Jong-Il's wife loved him? How would you know?

And why do You let the good ones die, even if they've had no chance to convert? Why are You not a logical and just dude?

If they're good ones, they have nothing to worry about. I'm unconcerned with denomination. Some people die early, some late, some right on time. That's life.

And also, why were You practically a sadist at Abraham's time, and become more lenient, almost a hippy, at the time of new testament?

Poetic license.

G'day God, if quantum fluctuations make the universe eternal, you are out of a job. What will you do with your spare time?

Dear Victor,

I've always been eternal, regardless of the latest fad in physics. That said, your question is still valid since I've been around well...forever. I think I would like to take up blues guitar.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

When you say "it's going to be a little while," roughly how long is that?

Dear Nerd Girl,

Who can say? When you're on my timeline, the dinosaurs have been dead for "a little while". Then again, your wait in line at the DMV could be "a little while". I think what I'm trying to say here is...don't worry about it. If it comes, it comes.

Dear God,
Why do you like beetles so much?

Dear fla,

On the record, I love all my creatures and beetles are no exception. They find favor in my eyes.

Off the record, ewww gross!

Yo God mah homee, how many millions to billions of years is your space civilization ahead of our Earth civilization, and how can we ever hope to become more than by way of analogy mere insects before the face of the almighty Extraterrestrial Gods?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God, if being alternatively conceals and reveals itself, how can you be?

Dear Victor,

Your presumption is your own.

Dear god, why didn't you make girls with 6 boobs like a cow? That would've been cool

Dear UniqueMixture,

For the same reason that you do not give a child ice cream sundaes for dinner every night. Still, I feel you. That would be pretty cool.

Dear God,

When will I discover my purpose in life? Since you created all, is it possible for you to text me the answer?

~ a cell inside a galaxy of cells clutching a cell's phone

Dear Saturned,

I speak through many vessels. I hope this Far Side cartoon comforts you.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

dear god... when have we had enough of a beating for our past mistakes? is there redemption? is there any way to forgive oneself?

~sincerely, whatever

Dear whatever,

Have you ever read that poem that's always on the wall in doctor's offices? Something about walking on the beach and seeing one set of footprints or something? Well, whatever, take comfort. It was not I that was beating you for your sins. It was you all along. I think that's what that poem means, but I don't really like poetry so I'm not concerned either way.

In truth, take heart. If you are sincerely regretful, then I have forgiven you. And I'm pretty well known far and wide for my judgment skillz. So why not forgive yourself?

Dear God,

If I am going to be murdered tonight by my date, will you create a new star for me to hug?

~ a jaunty mix of limbs entwined in the branches of trees

Dear Saturned,

C'mon now. You make a deathbed (allegedly) request, and that's the best you can do? Don't worry, I'll find something nice for you. We don't have to figure it out right this minute. (Probably.) On a totally unrelated note, if I were you I would think twice before ordering the scampi tonight. SRSLY.

Dear God, how can I overthrow you and usurp your crowning mantle of Ultimate Power?

Dear RaptorWizard,

I admire your spunk. But another guy (no offense, but much more skilled than you) tried that a very long time ago. As I recall, it did not work out too well for him.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

Are you dead or are you dad?

Respectfully Yours,
Victor.

Dear Victor,

I'm typing this, so I'm pretty sure I'm not dead unless this is a whole Sixth Sense thing. I'm more of a dad figure than I am your actual dad. So no, you can't borrow my car to go to the dance.

Dear[MENTION=325]EffEmDoubleyou[/MENTION],

How can we reconcile our global growth based economic paradigm with limited resources?

Feel free to take your time with this one.

Dear DiscoBiscuit,

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.

 

[Chimerical]

Why do you kill people for benign reasons?

 

[Betty Blue]

Dear God,
what is your favourite game?

 

[Tiltyred]

Dear God,

Why the champagne taste and the beer budget? Is that funny to you?