[ENFJ] ENFJs and INFJs

[Ulaes]

I don't know, but I love both types!

you weren't invited. do you still love them now?

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Yes, exactly. I adore ENFJs as friends, coworkers, etc., etc., but my hunch is that an ENFJ-INFJ relationship wouldn't work out very well, at least not for me. I'm generally the fiery, emotional, mildly unstable one in the relationship and I don't think I could handle dating another me!

I've also seen that INFP+INFJ is sposed to be a good pairing but I feel the same way about that one. Too much emotionality = a potential big mess, in my opinion. My preferred INFJ pairing is either ESTP or ESFP -- their extroversion can draw the INFJ out of their shell and their SPness helps the INFJ slow down and enjoy life.

meh, i think the whole e/i pairing thing leaves a lot to be desired. i know that's what the literature says, but i don't want an 'e' to draw me out. i like down time and to me, enfjs expend a LOT of energy dealing with people. fine for being friends--or great--, but i'd end up doing/being by myself a lot in that relationship, which isn't my preferred way of being with my s.o.......i like introverts because we can just hang out and there isn't always that motivation or drive to be around others or do group activities or lots of activity involvement (haha, my perception of e types).

so, i think you have to know your own comfort level with being extraverted, or having another 'draw you out'. and would the enfj like doing a lot on their own because you were just tired of being around people and doing things. i think a matured enfj would be okay with it, but a younger one might be looking for that constant companion for everything they wanna do.

 

[Domino]

I'm comfortable with moderate Introverts and moderate Extroverts. Anything to far to one side can be problematic. The ENTP I dated was very "present" but chill and could go for hours without talking. The INTP wasn't terribly introverted either.

I like them fine, but don't want a deep Introvert to feel besieged by me, and I in turn, don't need a big ol' pile of E flying at me, so I prefer the middle road. I walk the middle line myself E/I split, so I can lean a little to either side. I can be reticent like an I, needing a boost to get out and do, but also have my own external energies and primary Fe to deal with.

Nothing more aggravating than a high octane E shoving at you, except maybe an I who rolls into a ball every time you look at them.

A social IxTP, or a naturally outgoing but throttled-back ENTP, ftw.

All of this is centered on dating, b/c I can be friends with any one.

 

[Synth]

Gods above. I dated an ENFJ who was in a sorority and one hell of a social butterfly. She couldnt *stand* staying indoors for more than an hour. A truly extreme extrovert who also majored in business. So a lot of manipulation went around. She was insecure and tried very hard to mask it with authority. So Im going to say no way. Im with Domino on this. I damn near blew my brains out trying to find a way to cut her out of my life without sound like an ass. *shivers*

On a less traumatizing note, she spent an humongous amount of time using her energy to besiege and assault my personal time. While I wouldnt mind it in moderated doses, I honestly had zero time to recoup my energy alone to further withstand her energy draining. Too much time spent trying to draw me out of my shell and not enough time spent understanding me as an individual. Kept going on about losing me to another girl and how she wouldnt let that happen. Had no respect for my need to extend a helping hand whether it be male for female. It was just too much. Too domineering, too controlling, too manipulative, and too insecure.

Im not the least bit interested in dating another ENFJ based on this example. Friends maybe, but not dating another one.

 

[Oaky]

Knew something was wrong when this such thread indicated I had posted within it. Darn resurrections.

 

[Nijntje]

Knew something was wrong when this such thread indicated I had posted within it. Darn resurrections.

Every time you get vexed about resurrections, it makes me want to go on a resurrecting spree. ALL WITH YOU HAVING POSTED IN THEM.

RESURRECT ALL THE THREADS!!!

 

[Lily flower]

My husband is ENFJ and I am INFJ. We have a wonderful soul mate/ best friends relationship. It works on a friend level, and it works on a sex/passion level. We don't do romantic stuff like staring in each other's eyes, because we always start laughing. It works really well as far as shared values and shared communication. The only negative I would say is that we tend to share the same weaknesses - we are both messy, we both are only so-so with money management, and we both tend to be people pleasers and emotionally oversensitive. But honestly, we have a better marriage than absolutely everyone I know. I can't think of anyone who even comes close.

Best wishes!

 

[Aquarelle]

My BFF is ENFJ. We have our disagreements and things that annoy each other, but we've been besties since 1989 and I <3 her dearly! Others have mentioned soul mates, and I would definitely say my bestie is my non-romantic soulmate. We like to refer to ourselves as "Hetero life mates" a la Jay and Silent Bob.

 

[uncommonentity]

ENFJ+INFJ=Pals
Though you can't assume that this relationship would be similar to an INTJ+ENTJ because two Fs are incredibly different to two Ts.
To me it'd depend on the genders of the two types also. I say they'd make for good friends but a relationship? I wouldn't advise it.
ENFJs being more outgoing and social as they are and INFJs being more judgemental and introverted.

I feel an INFJ wouldn't enjoy the company an ENFJ keeps for some reason.

ENFJs are all hardcore rawr! and INFJs are all like turtle turtle grr.

 

[Lily flower]

Some people suggested SP's for INFJ's here, but I don't think that would be good at all. It would turn into a parent (INFJ)/child (SP) relationship, the SP would feel smothered and the SP would have zero interest for the INFJ's endless brain ramblings.

I can't believe so many people are negative about INFJ/ENFJ. I had no idea relationships could exist on this level until I met my husband. I dated several different types and they were all good, but the INFJ/ENFJ was automatic total soulmate. I can't imagine settling for less after that. Some people worried about the two both being emotional, but that also means that both have a lot of love, which is hard to find in guys sometimes.

 

[Oaky]

Every time you get vexed about resurrections, it makes me want to go on a resurrecting spree. ALL WITH YOU HAVING POSTED IN THEM.

RESURRECT ALL THE THREADS!!!

Oh you know the buttons Nin. The past is a fantastic thing to bring about... when I'm not there for it to be brought to. Darn person posting things under my name.

 

[redacted]

My first gf was ENFJ. It was pretty awesome in some ways, but she was way too assertive for me at the time. I was only 16 though so it's not the best example.

She did make me more comfortable with my assessments about people, though, so that was sweet.

 

[Skyward]

I seem to magically make friends with male ENFJs. We hit it off quickly, and then the chemistry keeps us close as friends. It seems the trick is for the ENFJ to be the laid-back goofy type that's moderately healthy. I love them.

On a side note, what I find in female ENFJs is that they tend to befriend the group of girls that I stay away from (for various reasons), thus they get lumped into those 'too uninterested to think about them on a serious level' groups. There was one I got to know and enjoy being around, but her friends had personalities that annoyed me to no end so it was hard to talk to her as she was around them nearly all the time.

 

[JoSunshine]

I dated one INFJ for 3 months and went on one date with another...holy cow...they never shut the f*** up! They started quiet, but once they got going...look out! I thought that's what Enfjs were supposed to do. However I would like to note, I DO NOT attribute this to them being infj's. I attribute it to them being idiots...just so to be clear Time to go get ready for my date with an ENTx...this should end with a cataclysmic boom...listen for it.

 

[Lily flower]

I dated one INFJ for 3 months and went on one date with another...holy cow...they never shut the f*** up! They started quiet, but once they got going...look out! I thought that's what Enfjs were supposed to do. However I would like to note, I DO NOT attribute this to them being infj's. I attribute it to them being idiots...just so to be clear Time to go get ready for my date with an ENTx...this should end with a cataclysmic boom...listen for it.

Yeah, our problem as INFJ's is that we keep all this stuff stored up inside us, so when someone comes along who actually seems interested...look out!

 

[Synth]

Yeah, our problem as INFJ's is that we keep all this stuff stored up inside us, so when someone comes along who actually seems interested...look out!

100% agreed. I spend more time listening to others and helping them, that I put myself and my mental/emotional needs on the back burner. It rapidly becomes a force of habit and routine despite my sincere efforts in the beginning. I get to that point where I realize I have way too much stuffed up, but at the same time Im doing so well currently that Id rather not screw that up.

Im not sure about others who share the INFJ type, but I have personally strong feelings about things that I bite my tongue on, simply because Id rather not upset them. Its difficult for me to get my point across without hurting someone at times.

When someone shows interest in an INFJ, or just me in particular, feel free to correct me, I feel like the "repercussion" of my views and strong emotions on things is lifted and Im able to speak freely. Its like a weight is lifted off my back long enough to get my bottled up frustrations and built up emotional baggage out into the open.

 

[JoSunshine]

Yeah, our problem as INFJ's is that we keep all this stuff stored up inside us, so when someone comes along who actually seems interested...look out!

And I was interested...I just needed them to take a breath every once in a while...lol.

 

[xXMariahXx]

My favorite friend of 6 years is INFJ (the only problem being that I'm sexual variant first and she's social variant first, occasionally causing some misunderstandings/hurt feelings).

As far as romantic - I want to marry an INFJ!! I want one so bad lol. The only problem I keep considering is that I'm a very driven/ambitious person about humanitarianism.. and view marriage kind of like a partnership. And I have a hard time imagining an INFJ would go on a very active ride like that? :,(