[Fi] INFP/ENFP: Do you feel "safe" to openly & freely share your thoughts about Fi here?

[Thalassa]

I'm not mad about it or anything, but it is discouraging to be 100% serious and get the "you can't be serious!" in response.

Well I'm sorry, but I don't relate to that. I'm used to debating with people, or talking to people in light, sarcastic tones.

This is really awesome example of why I don't relate to this entire thread, actually, and I'm sure to you guys it's a really awesome example of why you're complaining in general.

 

[sleepy]

Well I'm sorry, but I don't relate to that. I'm used to debating with people, or talking to people in light, sarcastic tones.

This is really awesome example of why I don't relate to this entire thread, actually, and I'm sure to you guys it's a really awesome example of why you're complaining in general.

Well. I'm late. But let me think about Fe for a bit.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Let's cease derail here please ... can we move the barefoot debate to walls or create another thread? Thanks!

 

[sculpting]

So I have this problem with people who have toe rings...

*dunks as PB throws shoe at me*

marm and stalemates discussion is kinda neat as you can see Fi and Te getting mixed up as they go back and forth debating an Fi value. Perhaps the endgoal-Is stalemate's Fi value reasonable to extrovert and apply to others besides himself? This is where Te really has to step in to balance the Fi or multiple Fi values sort of get passed back and forth.

returning to the origination of the barefoot debate-

That might be the case. I usually only show the parts of me that agree with the other person unless I am kind of close to them, or I want to try to change their mind on something. Don't know if all Fe people are like that, but if they are, it would explain why they either see you as being difficult or trying to persuade if you express an opposing point of view or express a very strong like or dislike.

I can't say if it is Fe or what it is, but a lot of people seem to think I am trying to sway them or convince them of things when I state my beliefs. They don't really like this so I keep things to myself a lot.

I coudlnt shake a sense of deju vu about this issue yesterday...until cuddled up with INTJ this morning, we began discussing the merits of showers vs baths and it came to me. This pattern of misunderstanding was present throughout my marriage to the ISTP. Oddly the shower/bath is a topic I used to debate with my ex-ISTP. I would offend the ISTP by saying I liked showers better than baths.

ISTP: "Well some people like taking baths better, so who are you to decide what they should do?"
Me: Has some part of his brain been knocked loose? "Um, I dont care what other people do...I like taking baths."
ISTP: "Well you should really take a bath as it would make your back feel better."
Me: Felling controlled "No, really I like showers, thanks"
ISTP: "well fine, but dont complain to me, when your back still hurts, you should quit whining"

The only time we ever argued it was due to the above pattern of confusion. I would state an Fi opinion which he would infer to be an Fe judgment upon other people, then he would respond defensively.

Or he would give an Fe-nudge, out of love, to try and take care of me-like the above shower instance-and I would feel that he was trying to control me and would respond defensively.

To be honest even these arguments were very rare, although I do once recall getting into a screaming match at pizza hut over urban sprawl in which case he called me an elitist pig....hehehe, it was so hysterically surreal as I couldnt even begin to understand where the train had derailed in the convo...same pattern though

 

[ilovereeses]

ISTP: "Well some people like taking baths better, so who are you to decide what they should do?"
Me: Has some part of his brain been knocked loose? "Um, I dont care what other people do...I like taking baths."
ISTP: "Well you should really take a bath as it would make your back feel better."
Me: Felling controlled "No, really I like showers, thanks"
ISTP: "well fine, but dont complain to me, when your back still hurts, you should quit whining"

Those types of conversations happen with my brother (istp) and I, too. I don't understand how they don't understand that we're only expressing our opinions and random ideals (that sometime we even know aren't realistic), not trying to enforce our opinions onto them.

Although, now that I think about it, because we speak our opinions so passionately, Fe users may think that we'll react just as strongly when we find out that they don't agree. So, instead of simply stating their own opinion (like we'd want them too), they try to pick out the flaws in what we've said. This is less damaging to them, because instead of just throwing out their values for anyone to judge, they're able to analyze ours, compare it to theirs, and then prove why their opinion is better than ours, crushing us with hard facts.

 

[Tallulah]

Some people just like to be in your business more than others, too. And some people like having a light debate about stuff in general, and aren't investing as much in the discussion as you think they are.

 

[sculpting]

Those types of conversations happen with my brother (istp) and I, too. I don't understand how they don't understand that we're only expressing our opinions and random ideals (that sometime we even know aren't realistic), not trying to enforce our opinions onto them.

Although, now that I think about it, because we speak our opinions so passionately, Fe users may think that we'll react just as strongly when we find out that they don't agree. So, instead of simply stating their own opinion (like we'd want them too), they try to pick out the flaws in what we've said. This is less damaging to them, because instead of just throwing out their values for anyone to judge, they're able to analyze ours, compare it to theirs, and then prove why their opinion is better than ours, crushing us with hard facts.

The part in bold traces back to Ti being less willing to externalize ideas for critical evaluation the way Te would. It suggests that even if we are talking about values-the Fe values are partially Ti rooted.

Perhaps the take home is that it is a very bad idea to try and understand Fe without understanding Ti or Fi without Te......as the two go hand in hand.

 

[Udog]

So do you feel "safe" on the forum, to really share your Fi thoughts? Do you feel what you do share is respected?

"Yes" to the first question, and "generally" to the second. I think my blogs have proven that I find this to be a good place to express Fi, and when I do hold back, it's less about Fi and more about personal privacy things that goes beyond just Fi.