Could you fall in love with an INTJ?

[strawberries]

i don't throw rocks. i have something more scary! [chases intjs around offering hugs and frivolity]

 

[InvisibleJim]

i don't throw rocks. i have something more scary! [chases intjs around offering hugs and frivolity]

 

[INTP]

i dont think so

 

[entropie]

They tend to fall in love with me

 

[Nicodemus]

No one ever fell in love with Steve Urkel.

 

[maydelle]

Wow. You just described every relationship I've ever been in. And yet I keep coming back for more. So to answer your question - yes, I have and yes, I would. But I kind of don't give a shit about myself like that.

Why? I know of people who try to make the other person start liking/loving them but what's your reason/opinion.

 

[Vasilisa]

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?

please elaborate. what are 'signs of love?' to you? i like my relationships to include affection, sex, talking, going on fun dates - inter alia.

Had a proper good *genuine* laugh just then. Who doesn't talk in a relationship haha. Have you realised for the how ever many years you've been alive that people tend to show their affections in a different way.

Clearly she did realize that and that was why she asked you what are signs of love to you.

'Signs of love' for me would be: doing something I don't like for them, being careful with my words when I'm with them, wanting to impress them, thinking about them constantly and acting like a complete fool around them.

that aint love.

I think this reaction might be due in part to three of the five signs you listed taking place in your internal theater only. The only signs you listed, discernible to the outsider are doing something you dislike and acting a fool. Those could be easily misinterpreted. As an outside observer, I could read your list and imagine them applying to a boss or supervisor who you feel really nervous about working for, maybe even a parent.

But it is your heart. Expressing yourself the way that is representative and true to you is your prerogative.​

Here are two threads about the different languages. I found them for you, though it doesn't mean its love...

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?
BASED ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ( YOU) ON HUMAN TOLERANCE NOT ME.

No signs in the way your original post with subsequent posts seem to imply, meaning not signified in the typical way via physical touch or time together or verbal communication? Absolutely no signs would be true indifference, wouldn't it? Personally, I would be dissatisfied being in a relationship with those dynamics. I have a desire for sharing feelings and thoughts and experiences (general intimacy, I suppose) expressed in above listed methods. But perhaps I could fall for somebody like that.

Maydelle, surely there are those that speak your language. I hope you find the love that you want.

 

[entropie]

No one ever fell in love with Steve Urkel.

Urkel was supposed to resemble the INTJ

 

[Nicodemus]

Urkel was supposed to resemble the INTJ

I know...

 

[entropie]

I hate it when that happens

*hug*



To give my personal opinion on the op: I dont know how you not can fall in love with INTJs. If they are not complete nuts, what they are almost always never, even a blind man with only 3 fingers ( you dont want to know what the fingers have to do with this ) can see, what they are thinking. Still, when you think you know them, they start to surprise you and that makes a relationship so rewarding.

I have met 2 INTJ girls in all my life and that's awesomely much in my opinion. I was a friend to both for many years, the first one went to Barcelona but we still mail each other and the other one went to Munich. I could've hit on them both, but I never noticed until it was to late. With the latter one, I had a thing she one day took me by the hair and finally dragged me into her lair, but we were friends for too long already.

So the INTJs and ENTPs way of not taking initiative is definitly a problem, but no hinderance at all really.

I've had the most rewarding friendships with both of them and I think I gave them something too, dont ask me what tho, I never know that. I can safely say I was taught chess by an INTJ girl, so if anytime we should play and I will suck at it, you know teaching ENTPs chess is fail

 

[Vasilisa]

No one ever fell in love with Steve Urkel.

Urkel was supposed to resemble the INTJ

I know...

I hate it when that happens

*hug*

Its ponderous, but you might need a new archetype for your pity.
Myra did. And in the end he got Laura, the only one he wanted.

 

[hilo]

Being an INTJ myself I've noticed that in any type of relationship I've ever had
I have not been able (or willing) to give back as much intensity as I've received.

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?
BASED ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ( YOU) ON HUMAN TOLERANCE NOT ME.

Falling in love ("limerance" etc) and staying there are different things. I was in love with an INTJ, and yes, emotional distance over time was one factor in our breakup. I actually had no idea how much he still cared until the very end. Not showing any signs of affection seems extreme even for an INTJ. The key is not to let yourself as an INTJ get into the mechanized roles of reflexive action ("I love you" at the end of every phone call is nice, but I'd rather save it for when it's felt).

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

The title asks if you can fall in love with an INTJ yet the post asks if you can fall in love with someone who shows no signs of love or affection whatsoever. Is there supposed to be some correlation between the two?

And the answer to the second question is this. I should hope not, as it would be stupid and unhealthy. It's about the same as falling live with a brick or a psychopath. There is no point in loving someone unless they love you back and to do so you must have very low standards or be under an idealistic delusion.

To the first question, probably.

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

The title asks if you can fall in love with an INTJ yet the post asks if you can fall in love with someone who shows no signs of love or affection whatsoever. Is there supposed to be some correlation between the two?

And the answer to the second question is this. I should hope not, as it would be stupid and unhealthy. It's about the same as falling live with a brick or a psychopath. There is no point in loving someone unless they love you back and to do so you must have very low standards or be under an idealistic delusion.

To the first question, probably.

 

[Nicodemus]

Its ponderous, but you might need a new archetype for your pity.
Myra did. And in the end he got Laura, the only one he wanted.

I choose not to acknowledge that.

 

[mochajava]

What about Myra? She LOVED Steve! And I thought he was kind of awesome too

I'm with an INTJ, and I think that his ways of showing love are more logical and less emotional. For example, he'll make sure I have food for the day or that I've organized my trip completely. I'll say "I love you" or "you're the best thing that ever happened to me," (and I mean it). I think many of the commenters have hit the nail on the head when they say that there are different ways of expressing love, and the 5 love languages are a very helpful way to think about it. Whether the five love languages are type-specific, I don't know.

Maybe where this thread began is that the INTJs ways of expressing love are less conventional, that is, less valentine's day and romantic comedies. But as other people have said, this doesn't mean the strength of their love is any less. I really think it is how love is shown. My INTJ doesn't always show empathy or engage with the emotional side of something -- he might get you the thing you need before you need it or tell you exactly what he thinks you should do (and is usually right), but that might be challenging when empathy/perspective/affirmation is what I need. And maybe this difference in needs is type-related, but the love languages is a helpful tool for looking at it.

Whew - this was long. Hope it helps!

 

[ceecee]

Being an INTJ myself I've noticed that in any type of relationship I've ever had
I have not been able (or willing) to give back as much intensity as I've received.

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?
BASED ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ( YOU) ON HUMAN TOLERANCE NOT ME.

Well, no healthy person would say yes, yes of course I would and I love it.

In my opinion love needs to be earned not something that you can just give away based on how fun that person is, their looks or stupid stuff like that.

Looks are not stupid stuff.

It takes a relatively long time (for me) to trust someone enough to let my hair down and want to do all of the 'fun bubbly' ExxP boring and irrelevant nonsense with them. *glares at Strawberries and Halla for throwing rocks at a 17 post member*

Yes. Long time.

Wow. You just described every relationship I've ever been in. And yet I keep coming back for more. So to answer your question - yes, I have and yes, I would. But I kind of don't give a shit about myself like that.

Great. You're a masochist. Since you recognize your behavior I hope you are able to end this cycle when it comes to choosing a partner. If not, don't bitch that you can't find a fulfilling relationship.



What I hate, and I mean vehemently hate is this idea that because one is an INTJ they are totally unable to learn when it comes to relationships, social behavior and deep feelings. Especially the deep feelings. We show our love with action, yes that's our natural way. That doesn't fucking mean we can't say I love you. It doesn't mean we are oblivious to traditional acknowledgments of love such as flowers, dates, being spoiled and pampered, giving or receiving (we have a harder time with receiving). So, we can learn, we are fully capable of doing it and maybe there will come a point when INTJ's could be as awesome as ENFJ's when it comes to smothering their loved one with looooove.

Ok maybe that's a stretch but you know what I'm getting at.

 

[WorldSocionics]

It is the frigidness of INTJs that makes them attractive. The types that constantly need displays of affection to feel good about themselves simply wouldn't be attractive to many INTJs in the first place. Also, any positive affect shown by an INTJ will be well earned. My only critique is that the unwillingness of an INTJ to show attraction may make starting a relationship difficult.

You're an INTJ student in London, yes?

 

[JoSunshine]

I was with an INTJ for 9 years. We got together when we were young (and his longest relationship prior to me was only a few months). The lack of affection was definitely an issue...the funny thing is it was more of an issue for him. It bothered him that he didn't want to be affectionate with me (he wasn't affectionate with anyone that I ever saw). So he proceeded to try and "fix" me to make him want to be affectionate, "Maybe if you worked out more, maybe if you wear make-up all the time, maybe if you say this, maybe if you do that, then I will want to be affectionate." It wasn't until after we divorced that he realized it was him not me (because he didn't want to be affectionate with anyone after the butterfly stage passed). I could have told him that!

I hope he is having better luck in his current relationship now that he is older and wiser

 

[BlackCat]

If someone doesn't show affection then I'm out... so by what you've described no.