[Type 4] Calling all 4's

[SillySapienne]

I am fourny for true love.

:sad: +

 

[brainheart]

yeah, the true love thing isn't huge for me. My deep connections I get via art- musicians, artists, writers I like. Those are my kindred spirits for the most part. But more than the people it's what they create. My sexual variant has to do with intensity of feeling triggered by the arts, natural beauty.

Not so into the God thing, either. I don't need it when there is so much to connect with on earth.

 

[Tiltyred]

Well, I didn't mean God god. I guess I just meant something other than human. Music is certainly god, and art is god, and dance is god. All those things have the supernatural, the duende.

 

[tastes_like_purple]

ME

I don't have any relationships where there isn't a major connection going on.
If I don't find that early enough then i end the communication completely.

 

[proteanmix]

Question for fours:

Can you explain to me the nature of this connection is and what you mean by intensity? This isn't because I don't know what a connection feels like, it's just that I'm wondering if the same things are being described with different language much like the blind men who touch an elephant and each declare it to be a different animal.

I'm also curious to know your thoughts on chemistry with a person (the force that draws people together) vs. compatibility with a person (how well people fit together and compliment each other).

 

[Amargith]

Feels like being high on your own chemicals. Kinda like foreplay, but depending on the person, with or without the sexual connotation to it. Feels like being one with the other person, having conversation being so easy that you only need to look at one another to get one another. Being perfectly in tune and understanding one another in that moment, right there. And realizing that the other feels the same.

As for the second question, they're two very different things. But..they can augment one another very much

 

[Tiltyred]

I'm also curious to know your thoughts on chemistry with a person (the force that draws people together) vs. compatibility with a person (how well people fit together and compliment each other).

The first question is too hard.

The second question: for me, they have nothing to do with each other, unfortunately.

 

[disregard]

Sounds more like chasing the highs that come with addiction.

No intensity is sustainable. Dopamine squirts lessen with exposure to the same experience. So sounds a lot like a constant roving neophilia. Which is fine of course but it will leave you battle scarred and increasingly isolated as you're essentially creating interactions with only apparent substance.

I don't think some 4's crave real connection. It seems more like they want to avoid close connection by believing it impossible. Then they can indulge their avoidance and secret agenda of isolation. Connection requires courage and openness.

I'm with Synarch on this one.

The "high" doesn't mean it's profound. It means it's new. You get to fill in all the blanks, rather than reality.

4s aren't special in their desire to have authentic connections.

 

[Amargith]

I'm with Synarch on this one.

The "high" doesn't mean it's profound. It means it's new. You get to fill in all the blanks, rather than reality.

4s aren't special in their desire to have authentic connections.

Just a request: I'd like to keep the thread focused on the experiences 4's have, plz.

No claims were made that 4's are unique or special or whatever. I am just looking to share and compare experiences with other 4's.

And frankly, if you're not a 4, then you really cannot expect to know how they experience things, so I'd appreciate there being no assumptions on that or what it 'means' or how it's wrong. I have no interest in repeating the disaster in the ENFP-INTJ thread. Thank you.

 

[brainheart]

Well, I didn't mean God god. I guess I just meant something other than human. Music is certainly god, and art is god, and dance is god. All those things have the supernatural, the duende.

Right, cause why would God mean God, I mean when you said it with the capital G and all...

And I guess I don't view it as supernatural, I view it as something special created by humans. I mean nature, maybe it's created by God, but that's not why I consider it special, I consider it special because it is, straight up.

I'm just putting my pov out there, not trying to play devil's advocate or anything.

 

[disregard]

Just a request: I'd like to keep the thread focused on the experiences 4's have, plz.

No claims were made that 4's are unique or special or whatever. I am just looking to share and compare experiences with other 4's.

And frankly, if you're not a 4, then you really cannot expect to know how they experience things, so I'd appreciate there being no assumptions on that or what it 'means' or how it's wrong. I have no interest in repeating the disaster in the ENFP-INTJ thread. Thank you.

If you are not willing to entertain my input just because I'm not a 4, then it's your loss.

 

[JoSunshine]

I felt like the 4 I dated wanted me to have all of the same beliefs, views and values as him and would try and try to get me to "understand". For the most part, I understood, I simply didn't agree with him. It felt like he was looking for a mirror...an exact reflection of himself, which of course can never be obtianed.

I don't think all fours are like this - but this particular 4 built his own prison.

 

[Kra]

Question for fours:

Can you explain to me the nature of this connection is and what you mean by intensity? This isn't because I don't know what a connection feels like, it's just that I'm wondering if the same things are being described with different language much like the blind men who touch an elephant and each declare it to be a different animal.

I'm also curious to know your thoughts on chemistry with a person (the force that draws people together) vs. compatibility with a person (how well people fit together and compliment each other).

Realistically, it's about knowing, rather than feeling. It's about knowing and appreciating their patterns and from where they spring. It's entirely dependent on time, and can only be achieved with time.

Like threads in a grand tapestry, some lives cross, some tangle, some hook, and some bristle freely. Relatively few threads are together for great lengths given the amount of threads out there. I suppose it's because our lives so often entwine relatively briefly, that makes these connections so rare.

 

[speculative]

Alright you peeps, lemme hear ya, i wanna know who's a 4 around here.

Also, I'd like to know how many of you find the lack of depth in connections with others to be annoying and yearn for more.

4w5 SP (DAUNTLESS! )

Vapidness is my kryptonite... I accidentally turned to The Hills the other night while searching for something to watch and they had to use the paddles on me or I would've been a goner for sure.

I find it disheartening that the kinds of connections that are usually accepted are not the deep kind. (People tend to not want to accept what they're not capable of...) Of course, as a 4, I see the masks that people are wearing and want everyone, including myself, to move beyond those. (See sig) That's probably why I focus on this...

Also, please reserve the 4 call for emergencies! When all this individualism is concentrated in one spot it is a powerful force!

 

[Laurie]

And frankly, if you're not a 4, then you really cannot expect to know how they experience things, so I'd appreciate there being no assumptions on that or what it 'means' or how it's wrong. I have no interest in repeating the disaster in the ENFP-INTJ thread. Thank you.

Oh come on, you need to be fixed of your E4 problem, donchaknow?

 

[Chloe]

I liked description I read about Fours - 4s are like a bird who breaks her wing in order to distract attetion from the nest - meaning 4s make up 100 fake/overblown emotions to avoid real ones, real pain - that's their defense mechanism.

 

[Ivy]

I think I'm a four (though I don't understand enneagram real well so I'm not sure) and I do lament the lack of depth in connection with all but a few others. I consider it my failing, though. I like people and I want to connect deeply, but another part of me finds the vulnerability necessary to make that connection possible very difficult to achieve.

 

[Nocapszy]

oh, i see.

the lack of in depth conversation is not a bother for me because i don't have a lack of in depth conversation.

great thread, ama.
also, what's the deal on the apostrophe in "4's"?
this irregularity is very confusing for me.

 

[Ivy]

connection, not conversation.

I have plenty of deep conversations with people I'm not deeply connected to. You people, for example.

 

[simulatedworld]

justher says i'm a 4.

I hope that's a joke.

I think I'm a four (though I don't understand enneagram real well so I'm not sure) and I do lament the lack of depth in connection with all but a few others. I consider it my failing, though. I like people and I want to connect deeply, but another part of me finds the vulnerability necessary to make that connection possible very difficult to achieve.

I'm not too good with the enneagram yet...you'd have to ask blackcat, but you don't strike me as a 4. You seem more like a 9.