What is an 'Asocial' SO dominant like?'

[Satachi]

So I've been questioning my type for a while especially whether it's possible that I'm actually so-dominant or sp/so. I identify with everything below that is described of sp/sx. Not sure whether IVs are meant to be nature or nurture, but there are tons of events that I can identify as triggers for my personality today.

This type has a quiet, earthy but mysterious quality. They are intense within their minds, but may seem withdrawn to others. They may enter new relationships for the novelty, but they are slow to commit for they wish to avoid getting hurt. For the few interpersonal bonds they form, their loyalty is unbreakable, as their alliances make them feel secure. They attach to others at an organic level, as opposed to the sp/so's formality. They are often unaware of the social dynamics and goals of a group, but they can read an individual with accuracy. When they sense their well-being is in jeopardy, they either completely withdraw or confront the danger head-on. Many have an appetite for wild adventures, which they view as learning experiences. They see their home as a refuge, and they take pride in decorating their surroundings.

My earliest childhood was one marked by hyperactivity (described by a teacher - potential for ADHD), scratching others, falling asleep in class. Two memories stand out in particular:

1) The teacher making me listen to "The Twits" on Cassette while other children focused on writing. I was different at age 7-8.
2) Transferring schools (suggestion) and believing for the next 15-17 years that I was kicked out for my disruptive behaviour.
- The consequence is that I became a teacher's pet in my new school. 180 degree shift, people pleaser. Today, I am a elementary school teacher. (granted, a struggling one with the organisation aspect)

Yet, nothing has really changed in terms of me being a social outcast. I have a strong desire for approval from others, and conflict tends to make me very uncomfortable even though I seem to engage it often.

Asocial/Antisocial behaviours
1) Getting into an altercation with a cousin-in-law on holiday because she was making her friends guilty for changing their minds "Don't come if you don't want to."
2) Walking alone during parties/trips. I don't feel like I fit in exactly. Family have been accommodating though so I feel at ease to flicker between groups.
3) Getting into an altercation with two strangers because I thought they were making fun of a friend's voice.
4) Getting into altercations on this forum, feeling that I should stand my own ground, despite internal shakiness.
5) I have become very obstinate when interacting with family's values. Mostly due to laziness, but partly also because I simply can't live up to the unspoken desires of being a hard working and successful asian child. [You can't disappoint others when they no longer expect anything from you]

I don't really participate much in groups conversationally. However, I know that I have taken on roles where I have some influence e.g. signing up for psych society representative at college / becoming a moderator on forums/discord communities. Other stuff that would indicate SO are things like noticing how my ex-friends interact with each other. I have this weird relationship of wanting to sort of lead, but not really possessing the charisma and sociable nature to do so. Being a right-hand or influencing from the background is more along my nature.

TL;DR - Somewhere down the line, I became obsessed with this idea of not succumbing to peer pressure. That I'm not very good at doing stuff what society wants. It's easier to do my own thing than to try and integrate and be disappointed when I fail. Overall, it seems like a very broken relationship to SO. It's hard to tell whether this is Dom SO/SO last.

On a different note, I'd like to share a video that I remember being drawn to as a teenager. It probably represented my feelings very well at the time as a self-identified loner.

Thanks for listening, I will probably delete some of this stuff later on as it seems a little revealing.

 

[Earl Grey]

I cannot speak for sx but generally, for soc, so/sp types are portrayed to be colder and even more selective with what they connect with- because soc is so important to them. The Three Instincts - Enneagram Universe

I'd say your realization about 'groups' and being able to flicker between them seems rather soc, I find that soc blinds do not even know what they're doing and come and go without realizing their influence on groups if any (be it positive or negative). Walking or going places alone can be a mark of introversion but not necessarily soc- for example, if a soc individual feels that a clique, group, event etc is not to their liking, they may ignore it or leave.

Bottom line, it is how much of soc things you pay attention to- how you react to them may be rejecting, accommodating, etc, may differ- but it would be a basis of your decisions. Try look up multiple sources to be sure, especially descriptions in regards to your core enneatype.

 

[Satachi]

I cannot speak for sx but generally, for soc, so/sp types are portrayed to be colder and even more selective with what they connect with- because soc is so important to them. The Three Instincts - Enneagram Universe

I'd say your realization about 'groups' and being able to flicker between them seems rather soc, I find that soc blinds do not even know what they're doing and come and go without realizing their influence on groups if any (be it positive or negative). Walking or going places alone can be a mark of introversion but not necessarily soc- for example, if a soc individual feels that a clique, group, event etc is not to their liking, they may ignore it or leave.

Bottom line, it is how much of soc things you pay attention to- how you react to them may be rejecting, accommodating, etc, may differ- but it would be a basis of your decisions. Try look up multiple sources to be sure, especially descriptions in regards to your core enneatype.

Thanks. Based off the website, I would identify a lot with the SO concerns.
The stuff about SP reminds me a lot of my family

"You need to be financially well off in order to support your future family."

but overall I neglect physical health matters (sleep, diet, exercise). The aspects of SP I have identified by other e6 users on this forum (e.g. Silkroad) are things like emotional stability, stable identity, desire to have my own time. All of those combined result in self-absorption, which is something that I identify with.

Memory: Wanting to not share a packet of chips with others and feeling morally conflicted. -> Inherently selfish.

The stuff about SX are too sexual in nature though. I don't really identify with those types of descriptions. I will say I admire a lot of SX-dom in terms of their courage and how they aren't shackled by others, but at the same time I don't really like destructive behaviour and have withdrawn from people in the past. It was just difficult to watch them engage in negative behaviour over and over again. But I recognise this is somewhat hypocritical considering the situation I am in myself. Anyway all of this would suggest I'm either SO/SP or SO/SX.

This is probably an enneagram 6 thing, but I do feel a strong compulsion to break free from my cycle. It would be lovely to have someone extend their hand and rescue me the plague that is self-doubt and insecurities since I've struggled to do so myself. Not sure whether that would constitute more as SX or SP.

Off-topic:

 

[Earl Grey]

Thanks. Based off the website, I would identify a lot with the SO concerns.
The stuff about SP reminds me a lot of my family but overall I neglect physical health matters (sleep, diet, exercise). The aspects of SP I have identified by other e6 users on this forum (e.g. Silkroad) are things like emotional stability, stable identity, desire to have my own time. All of those combined result in self-absorption, which is something that I identify with.

What you mentioned seem to overlap with introversion & F in general. Might want to look into why those things are important to you. For example, having a stable identity so that you can relate to others better would sound more soc than just sp. Identity in general is built differently according to different enneatypes and their IVs, so might want to look into those too.

Memory: Wanting to not share a packet of chips with others and feeling morally conflicted. -> Inherently selfish.

On enneagram, this also depends on how you process boundaries regarding sp. I'll use gut types as an easy example.
8s assert, "These are mine, don't take them!", 9s mediate/deny themselves "I guess they can have it, I don't matter", 1s police things "Sharing is the right thing to do, thus I share". To my understanding, despite being sp, 9s have a motivation of maintaining harmony and peace. On paper, it seems self-erasing by giving up/denying their own needs, but it is actually self-preserving in their own way. So look into the underlying motivations/reasons as to why you do certain things.

If it's any help, I identify strongly with soc, yet, when people 'trespass' on me in that matter I can be very intolerant / disagreeable, at the cost of social harmony.

This is probably an enneagram 6 thing, but I do feel a strong compulsion to break free from my cycle. It would be lovely to have someone extend their hand and rescue me the plague that is self-doubt and insecurities since I've struggled to do so myself. Not sure whether that would constitute more as SX or SP.

If anything, this reminds me of E4. Try look into why you feel/think this way, and if it ties to E4 concerns/image building. What I have heard from other E6s in real life constitute something more of a wariness and tired anxiety that they cannot find something stable they can trust, rather than a dire need to be rescued.

 

[highlander]

I have never heard of counterphobic so. Are you sure that is a thing?

 

[Earl Grey]

Hold on. I just realized it as well. Did you mean countertype? In which the types that have soc as countertype are 7, 8, 9.

I assumed she meant that she was a CP 6, with soc IV (no idea where I gathered CP 6 from but I did. I might be confusing you with someone else).

 

[Satachi]

I have never heard of counterphobic so. Are you sure that is a thing?

It's not a thing. I made it up when I couldn't find a way to describe it.

It'd be more accurate to say asocial SO that seems to constantly get into arguments. I'll change it now.

Hold on. I just realized it as well. Did you mean countertype? In which the types that have soc as countertype are 7, 8, 9.

I assumed she meant that she was a CP 6, with soc IV (no idea where I gathered CP 6 from but I did. I might be confusing you with someone else).

Yeah, it's not really right to use counterphobic in this sense. Only reason I used it in this context was more because I was specifically getting into arguments more than just being simply asocial.

There seems to be different ideas on the whole phobic/counterphobic aspect of a 6. Some claiming that you're one type, others claiming it's more a spectrum that you can swing on occasionally. I'm more of a phobic 6, with the occasional outbursts. But I do identify with 4/6/9 as a tritype, perhaps 7 as well.

469

If you are 469, you are intuitive, inquisitive and accepting. You want to be original, certain and peaceful. You are a very sensitive and can experience intense feelings of self-doubt and uncertainty. As a result you need multiple sources of confirmation. You want to be individualistic but can fear being separate from others.

Your life mission is to raise the questions pertaining to the mysteries of life and share your findings with others. A true seeker, you are happiest when you feel you can answer the question of who you are.

You can be so focused on your feelings, insecurities and doubts that you can feel paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong decision and of being misled or duped.

Guess that bolded part is true. I mean, I also like the idea of helping others discover their type as well.