INTJ or INFJ?

[Blacksheep2017]

I've gotten INFJ in the past and felt very much like it was me in every sense except my communication style. I've always been a counselor, but not necessarily a sensitive one. I work hard to sugarcoat some truths because I know some people can't handle it outright. I have some controlling tendencies where if I see someone not living up to their fullest potential, I make it my goal to try to help them get there. It's almost like an OCD behavior.
Recently, I got INTJ-T and though I do see some similarities, my constant poor self-esteem and constant worrying about what people think of me feels like I'm not as confident as INTJs are supposed to be. I'm doing this questionnaire to hopefully narrow it in to see which one I'm more in line with. Thanks for your help!

Personal concepts
1. What is beauty? What is love? Beauty is subjective to each individual. Love is vulnerability, empathy and humbled.
2. What are your most important values? My philosophies and beliefs.
3. Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place? I was raised Christian and do believe in God. But I struggle spiritually because I'm constantly questioning and trying to decode scripture and understand what God truly wants from me.
4. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you? I feel like war is fought by innocent people for egotistical politicians arguing with others behind their grand desks, prestine suits and steak dinners. I think power is often abused and rarely used for the greater good.

Interests
5. What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why? I can have long winded conversations about politics, human behavior and self improvement. I am interested in psychology and law. I have a deep desire to understand why people are the way they are but also feel a need to correct said behaviors if they're not in line with what I believe to be right.
6. Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body? I have been interested in holistic medicine as modern medicine and pharmaceuticals can sometimes peak my inner skeptic.
7. What do you think of daily chores? I suck at them. I am easily distracted and will sometimes sit and Google my thoughts or feelings instead of actually getting things done.
8. Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome. I am naturally artistic and am drawn to literature or film that requires a deeper sense of understanding or needs decoded a little more to see the purpose or reasoning. I am also very visual and need beautiful imagery captured in a minimalistic, desaturated or uniquely framed manner.
9. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why? I cry over people with cancer. Especially children. I'm a new mother and whenever I see someone's life being robbed away, it hurts my soul. I'm also sensitive to animal welfare and war victims. I smile over stories of people doing extraordinary things. I also really love interspecies relationships. When wild animals can love humans. When a dog befriends a bear. It just feels like that's how the world should be.
10. Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging? I love nature. I feel most empowered by beautiful and isolated scenery. I am drawn to clear waters, tall trees and snow capped mountains.

Evaluation & Behaviour
11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? People have pointed out my insensitivity and it is what I am most ashamed of. I value honesty and truth but find that most people hate me for it. It makes me not like myself though it's engrained in my being.
12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? I get told that my ability to speak up when others are too afraid to stand for a cause is admirable. I do like that I am fearless when it comes to my beliefs and passion for righting injustices in the world.
13. In what areas of your life would you like help? My honesty and direct communicative style.
14. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it. I do on occasion. I feel bound down to things like marriage sometimes because of financial strains and I want my choices to stay or leave to be my own rather than feeling forced.

People & Interactions
15. What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with? I mostly like people who are determined and driven, who see adversity as a bump in the road rather than a complete roadblock. I dislike people who are complainers yet do nothing to change their situation and help themselves. I probably am drawn to more extroverted types as their energy can fuel the drain that I get from burn out due to over extending myself to others and problems.
16. How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner? I'm not a mushy lovey dovey type. I can't stand PDA and feel like I'm most attracted to someone who can take charge and give me a break from feeling like I always have to lead.
17. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why? With my daughter, my main concerns are that she have a healthy childhood that varies greatly from the one I had. I have been in therapy to undo generations of maternal narcissism that have negatively impacted my psyche. It is my main goal and sole worry to give her the mother I never had. One that is supportive, understanding and encouraging.
18. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction? My inward reaction would be frustration and judgment. My outward reaction would be more gentle but I have an obsession with being right and making people see things the way I do. So I would probably try to persuade in a nice but consistent way.
19. Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one. I am generally disappointed with humanity. I feel like people have become self-centered; apathetic towards others and nature. I believe a prevelant social problem is that western society has too many advocates for assanine movements. People don't care to see or support what I consider to be "real problems". I think things like childhood cancer funding, animal abuse legislation, or advocation against war deserve thousands marching in the streets. I find the movements for more liberal ideology to be redundant and past their prime.
20. How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them? I value people who are genuine and loyal. I enjoy people who I can feel equal to as it is draining for me to have to flex my inner counselor and feel like I'm constantly giving more to the friendship than I'm getting back. If someone is equal to me in terms of career/family success, I am usually upbeat and energetic. If someone is needy and weak, I'm usually angry, frustrated and emotionally drained.
21. How do you behave around strangers? I'm polite. Manners are important to me. I smile, hold the door open, watch my step and when the same sentiment is returned, I feel great. But if I encounter people who are rude or complacent I can quickly become dissatisfied with the social situation and want to forfeit and leave.

 

[Abendrot]

It appears that you prefer Fe over Fi, but you have a fair bit of both.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Well I think that INxJ is suitable for you, so it comes down to assessing whether you use Fe-Ti or Te-Fi. These are controlling functions. Do you use Te or Fe when it comes to "controlling" others? Do you tell people what to do or how to do things? Or do you try to guide them based on feelings/morals? To me, it sounds like you may be INfJ with enneagram 1w2 and Sx variant. Enneagram 1s are very morally guided and justice oriented, and Sx variants are more outspoken and bold as a whole. Obviously, you are very morally guided and it bothers you when others lack the "proper" moral compass and are inconsiderate of others, and humanity as a whole seems to be disappointing to you. The former can appear very Fi but isn't necessarily so, and the latter is more Fe.

Please know that I am NOT an expert on typing other people, but these are just the things I am picking up on, mostly because I related to A LOT of what you have said. I also can be a little insensitive or maybe self-centered at times. Fe isn't always warm and lovey dovey, especially for those of us who had dysfunctional childhoods - it can be sort of suppressed as a defense/protective mechanism.

Typing is really complex but I find that the more you get into, the more you realize about yourself and with time things just sort of make themselves apparent. I hope you get more input from others more experienced than me, I do still struggle a bit with understanding the functions so take what I say with a grain of salt.

 

[Blacksheep2017]

Thank you so much for the response! After reading into the functions, I think I am a 50/50 blend of Te and Fe when it comes to controlling others. I am very much someone who wants to know more about people, listen and understand, then will take their emotions on as my responsibility; which then can become draining to me. Those are the types of friendships I often find myself in and quickly want to escape. I can also be Te because in "counseling" others and juggling their emotions, I feel like I try to guide them with logic and facts to what I feel is the right solution for them. I find myself frustrated when they don't take my logical reasoning as a basis for their decision making. I guess it feels like a waste of my time when people come to me with their problems, then do the opposite of what I advise. This is where I sometimes feel I have control issues. As if I know what's better for someone else than they are capable of knowing for themselves.

I am just now diving deeper into typing and understanding it so I'm learning as I go. I think your analysis is pretty spot on. Thank you for that. I just wish that I could concrete decipher who I am because I feel like it helps me better explain my personality to others. I often feel disliked and distant from others and I use this typing "code" as a way to justify to myself that I am just being who I am and to help others understand me more I suppose.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I've gotten INFJ in the past and felt very much like it was me in every sense except my communication style. I've always been a counselor, but not necessarily a sensitive one. I work hard to sugarcoat some truths because I know some people can't handle it outright. I have some controlling tendencies where if I see someone not living up to their fullest potential, I make it my goal to try to help them get there. It's almost like an OCD behavior.
Recently, I got INTJ-T and though I do see some similarities, my constant poor self-esteem and constant worrying about what people think of me feels like I'm not as confident as INTJs are supposed to be. I'm doing this questionnaire to hopefully narrow it in to see which one I'm more in line with. Thanks for your help!

My impression is INFJ clearly over INTJ based on the OP.

I know some INTJ who have a lot of moral sensitivity, and they communicate and act on it a bit differently from you. More than wanting to push someone to reach potential or looking at the subjective aspects of improvement, there is more a tendency to want to get the job done 'right' in a more objective sense. I also do not think I know an example of an INTJ who feels much emotional vulnerability for social acceptance. INTJs can desire respect and want to be intellectually credible, but that is different from desiring acceptance in a more social manner.

 

[Blacksheep2017]

My impression is INFJ clearly over INTJ based on the OP.

I know some INTJ who have a lot of moral sensitivity, and they communicate and act on it a bit differently from you. More than wanting to push someone to reach potential or looking at the subjective aspects of improvement, there is more a tendency to want to get the job done 'right' in a more objective sense. I also do not think I know an example of an INTJ who feels much emotional vulnerability for social acceptance. INTJs can desire respect and want to be intellectually credible, but that is different from desiring acceptance in a more social manner.

Thanks so much for your response. That's how I felt too. That I care too much and am emotionally sensitive to what people think of me and I never really connected so much with the confidence level of INTJs. Though I feel confident in my logic for the things I believe to be "right", I am not confident intellectually or as a person in general.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Thank you so much for the response! After reading into the functions, I think I am a 50/50 blend of Te and Fe when it comes to controlling others. I am very much someone who wants to know more about people, listen and understand, then will take their emotions on as my responsibility; which then can become draining to me. Those are the types of friendships I often find myself in and quickly want to escape. I can also be Te because in "counseling" others and juggling their emotions, I feel like I try to guide them with logic and facts to what I feel is the right solution for them. I find myself frustrated when they don't take my logical reasoning as a basis for their decision making. I guess it feels like a waste of my time when people come to me with their problems, then do the opposite of what I advise. This is where I sometimes feel I have control issues. As if I know what's better for someone else than they are capable of knowing for themselves.

I am just now diving deeper into typing and understanding it so I'm learning as I go. I think your analysis is pretty spot on. Thank you for that. I just wish that I could concrete decipher who I am because I feel like it helps me better explain my personality to others. I often feel disliked and distant from others and I use this typing "code" as a way to justify to myself that I am just being who I am and to help others understand me more I suppose.

The bolded could be Ti, and actually sounds more like Ti than Te. Many INFJs are very logical, reasoned, a little distant, and have something that is almost like emotional objectivity when they have depth and maturity.

My understanding is that an INTJ will have a greater tendency to offer the advice, but if the person doesn't take it, then it is easier to dismiss the person. The ongoing dialog, the continued involvement has a strong Fe sense to me. INTJs typically provide the person with the best information available, perhaps it involves resources for improving their life, or information on how to make improvements, but these tend to come from more external sources, but not personally from oneself. The external resources of help from Fe are more subjective like a friend offering advice.

In the end though, this site provides you with a great opportunity to observe the way other INFJs and INTJs approach giving advice to others.

Thanks so much for your response. That's how I felt too. That I care too much and am emotionally sensitive to what people think of me and I never really connected so much with the confidence level of INTJs. Though I feel confident in my logic for the things I believe to be "right", I am not confident intellectually or as a person in general.

My impression is that you have strong, clear Ti. Perhaps stronger than the average INFJ.

 

[Blacksheep2017]

The bolded could be Ti, and actually sounds more like Ti than Te. Many INFJs are very logical, reasoned, a little distant, and have something that is almost like emotional objectivity when they have depth and maturity.

My understanding is that an INTJ will have a greater tendency to offer the advice, but if the person doesn't take it, then it is easier to dismiss the person. The ongoing dialog, the continued involvement has a strong Fe sense to me. INTJs typically provide the person with the best information available, perhaps it involves resources for improving their life, or information on how to make improvements, but these tend to come from more external sources, but not personally from oneself. The external resources of help from Fe are more subjective like a friend offering advice.

In the end though, this site provides you with a great opportunity to observe the way other INFJs and INTJs approach giving advice to others.

My impression is that you have strong, clear Ti. Perhaps stronger than the average INFJ.

Thank you! I am still learning functions and so I could definitely get behind Ti in my personality as well. I do try to fix problems with the least amount of damage. Just because I have become aware of the sensitivities of others during my social interactions.

 

[meowington]

INFJ sounds about right to me.
You seem to be very people oriented. Crystal clear Fe.

Your enneagram makes sense too :
8 maverick : core fear of being controlled.
6 loyalist : prone to low self confidence, skeptic about motives in others, need for security & support (which I'm sorry to hear you lacked in your childhood). Note that a 6 might hover over his/her child, which isn't always desirable either.

I recognize myself in a lot of the things you've said.

Welcome at TypC [MENTION=32452]Blacksheep2017[/MENTION]

 

[Agent Washington]

I see Fe-Ti, too

There seems to be a clear Fi/Fe preference over the Te/Ti preferences, but somehow the whole empathy thing makes me feel like it's so Fe. Probably from personal impressions, it's hard to explain right now.

Te/Fi likely wouldn't even admit to an 'obssession' with being right; they'll just look at the facts and go, 'here are the facts, i'm right, you're wrong.' These are vague impressions, but here they are!

 

[Coriolis]

My impression is INFJ clearly over INTJ based on the OP.

I know some INTJ who have a lot of moral sensitivity, and they communicate and act on it a bit differently from you. More than wanting to push someone to reach potential or looking at the subjective aspects of improvement, there is more a tendency to want to get the job done 'right' in a more objective sense. I also do not think I know an example of an INTJ who feels much emotional vulnerability for social acceptance. INTJs can desire respect and want to be intellectually credible, but that is different from desiring acceptance in a more social manner.

I agree, especially with the highlighted, and with INFJ for the OP's type. Being F doesn't require one to be illogical, or an emotional basket case.

 

[Blacksheep2017]

Thank you for your response. I wonder how much of my personality has developed due to the environment of my childhood. I don't necessarily like that my enneagram is 8. It is very accurate to my attitude and behavior and it's not admirable in my opinion. Sure, I'm strong willed but I'm angry, controlling and downright mean sometimes. When I take my anti-depressant it helps. But right now I'm in between medications and really hating myself. Wondering if these traits can be changed or I'm stuck this way.

 

[Coriolis]

Thank you for your response. I wonder how much of my personality has developed due to the environment of my childhood. I don't necessarily like that my enneagram is 8. It is very accurate to my attitude and behavior and it's not admirable in my opinion. Sure, I'm strong willed but I'm angry, controlling and downright mean sometimes. When I take my anti-depressant it helps. But right now I'm in between medications and really hating myself. Wondering if these traits can be changed or I'm stuck this way.

Every type, whether ennegram or MBTI, has its pluses and minuses. I have read comments to the effect that enneagram especially focuses on our weaknesses, so perhaps no one feels that positively about their type in that system. There is no point in trying to be something you are not, though, so best to face up to whatever the negatives are and decide how you want to handle them. You might find at least some have serious silver linings. Many aspects of our personality do often turn out to be double-edged swords. Line any tools, they can be used for good or for ill; overused, underused, or misused. I have also read that we do better to focus on developing our strengths than on addressing our weaknesses. Not that we should ignore them, but sometimes simple awareness is enough, so we can compensate for them rather than outright correct them.

 

[Blacksheep2017]

Every type, whether ennegram or MBTI, has its pluses and minuses. I have read comments to the effect that enneagram especially focuses on our weaknesses, so perhaps no one feels that positively about their type in that system. There is no point in trying to be something you are not, though, so best to face up to whatever the negatives are and decide how you want to handle them. You might find at least some have serious silver linings. Many aspects of our personality do often turn out to be double-edged swords. Line any tools, they can be used for good or for ill; overused, underused, or misused. I have also read that we do better to focus on developing our strengths than on addressing our weaknesses. Not that we should ignore them, but sometimes simple awareness is enough, so we can compensate for them rather than outright correct them.

Very well said. Thank you! I agree that my efforts are best spent developing my strengths.

 

[meowington]

Thank you for your response. I wonder how much of my personality has developed due to the environment of my childhood. I don't necessarily like that my enneagram is 8. It is very accurate to my attitude and behavior and it's not admirable in my opinion. Sure, I'm strong willed but I'm angry, controlling and downright mean sometimes. When I take my anti-depressant it helps. But right now I'm in between medications and really hating myself. Wondering if these traits can be changed or I'm stuck this way.

I don't think there's a need to change your traits / persona. You may be controlling & mean at times because of stress or other circumstantial things in your life, but if these things get better it may just as easily bring out the best of your traits quickly. I think a lot of negativity in our lives comes from the context we find ourselves in rather than personality.
I' have tendencies to be overly critical and negative as an E6. But at my best I'm very thoughtful, loyal and friendly.

I also think you should not over-estimate childhood environment. I think personality, core fears and all that are determined by genetics and the first 4 years of our lives. But everything past that often seems overvalued.
All the best.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I'll preface this by saying, hands down, the best way to find your type is to read a bunch of threads and figure out whose posts you identify with more. There's a chance that typically either INFJ's posts or INTJ's posts will seem more like something you'd say yourself.

That being said, I found it difficult to have an opinion reading most of the answers because ime INTJs just aren't that interested in people, yet your tone is very INTJ-like. The presentation of your op (ie format) is more INTJ than INFJ. These answers in particular sound more INTJ to me:

Evaluation & Behaviour
11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? People have pointed out my insensitivity and it is what I am most ashamed of. I value honesty and truth but find that most people hate me for it. It makes me not like myself though it's engrained in my being.
12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? I get told that my ability to speak up when others are too afraid to stand for a cause is admirable. I do like that I am fearless when it comes to my beliefs and passion for righting injustices in the world.
13. In what areas of your life would you like help? My honesty and direct communicative style.

If people constantly pointed out your oversensitivity(although this one needs clarification),inability to speak up where you see injustice (unless you're already relatively familiar with an environment/people in it, then speaking up isn't as difficult- or if it's just a theoretical discussion, and the injustice isn't something you're directly watching in real time around you), or indirect communication style- then yeah, INFJ. But these things sound
more INTJ.

Exactly what kinds of things are people pointing out when they point out your insensitivity? I think the biggest complaint in this forum about INFJs being insensitive has to do with INFJs cutting off contact/getting squirrelly/kinda writing off someone's opinion without fully considering how it makes the other person feel. But actually saying insensitive things- not out of anger, but to express one's own honest opinion- afaik, no one has complained about that and it's typically not a problem an INFJ runs into. INFJs value honesty and truth, to be sure, but we see it as something very relative and generally only speak up after something is a recurring problem. And even then, many of us aren't very good at speaking up because we get too perfectionistic about making sure what we say is fair first- trying to preemptively figure out if we're taking account of what is true for the other person(s)- and we'll often end up saying something indirect to kinda test the water/get a feel for whether or not what we want to say is fair. <-We have been heavily criticized by other types in the forum for this, because they want more direct communication. (It's actually led to some ugly forum conflict- because for an INFJ, it's kinda like asking us to squeeze water from a stone. We can work on being more direct with someone as we grow to trust them, but it's absolutely not our default.)

Finally, and perhaps the biggest indication to me, is that there are certain mbti/enneagram matches that seem so very unlikely to me that it's easier for me to believe a person is mistaken about one or the other when I see it. INFJ e8 is one of them. It's like seeing an ENTJ e2, or INTJ e7. It's just, the issue of the enneagram type is so fundamentally not a problem the corresponding mbti type would have, that it's really difficult to believe. I don't like to say never, but it's just really really difficult to buy INFJ e8. (There are plenty of INTJ e8s though.)

That's just my 2 cents.

 

[meowington]

These answers in particular sound more INTJ to me

Yes, true. Those answers in particular also had me confused a bit.

And you're also right that INFJ e8 is a bit odd.

 

[Blacksheep2017]

Perhaps diving a bit deeper into those particular answers will help clarify a little more. Because I truly am stumped as to which personality is more descriptive for me.

Evaluation & Behaviour
11. What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? People have pointed out my insensitivity and it is what I am most ashamed of. I value honesty and truth but find that most people hate me for it. It makes me not like myself though it's engrained in my being.
12. What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? I get told that my ability to speak up when others are too afraid to stand for a cause is admirable. I do like that I am fearless when it comes to my beliefs and passion for righting injustices in the world.
13. In what areas of your life would you like help? My honesty and direct communicative style.

11 - People have pointed out my insensitivity in that I honestly believe they just do not want to hear the truth. I'll give a couple examples of times where this has been brought up. I worked as a graphic designer for a small company and there was a female manager who I'll call Betty. She was a high energy, loud and often offensive person. She would frequently make vulgar remarks. One time she repeatedly called a male co-worker on our speaker system and was asking him about how men urinate. Yeah, I know...Anyway - almost all of the staff would comment on Betty behind her back. They'd all talk about how horrible she was to work with, yet when I told people to tell the owner, they would shrug it off. Well, one day Betty decided to target me and she tried to humiliate me in front of people. I didn't want to be confrontational, I'd much rather lay low, but I had become fed up to the point that I just straight up told her "You don't intimidate me." My art director had reported the incident to the owner. The owner LOVED Betty for some reason. I think she knew something secretive about him. But he asked me why I had such a problem with her and I was honest in the nicest way I knew how. I just said "I think Betty upsets a lot of people here when she publicly confronts people and points out their mistakes as a way to humiliate them." The owner responded and said "Well, I don't think she means to do that, I think she has good intentions, she's a very good hearted person. It bothers me that you're not treating her kindly because I like to think that we show a lot of grace here in this office." And the response that got me fired was - "I have no problem working with Betty. I like to keep things professional. I say 'Good Morning' when I see her, I tell her to have a 'Good Weekend', but I'm not going to be her best friend and act like that's a priority to me." He gasped as if I had said she was the devil. My art director just sat there, didn't defend me even though she had said HORRIBLE things about Betty in the past, like "I hope her dog dies". Well, after the owner told me to finish out the week, I knew all hope was gone so I looked at my art director and said "I'm really disappointed to see you in here not defending me in this situation when you have defended it privately to me before." - That escalated things more and the owner said I needed to just leave. I had recorded the entire conversation on my phone because I wanted evidence for explaining to my husband why I was being let go (I had a feeling, I even packed my desk before the meeting) and he agreed that I maintained the professionalism in the entire conversation. But I was made to be the horrible one.

Also, I often get called insensitive by my narcissistic mother. The last time she did it, was when I felt she was going to ruin my birth experience and though I DID NOT want to confront her, I found the courage to ask her if she'd please give my husband and I a few days with our daughter to get settled before she visited. She said that I needed to get over my uncomfortable feelings and allow people to visit and essentially intrude as much as they wanted. Because she said that other people love my daughter too and she wasn't just mine. Well...instead of revisiting that conversation, I didn't tell her I went into labor. And notified her about 5 hours after my daughter was born. She wanted to make the 4 hour drive over immediately and I told her that she could come that Friday (6 days later) - I guess she didn't want to risk not seeing her at all, so she complied. But she's often made me feel like creating boundaries makes me an insensitive person. Which to her, is the case, because with maternal narcissism, I should always consider her feelings above my own.

12. I have stood up for people getting bullied when others just sit around and watch it happening. After I create issues for myself by trying to 'save others' the silent group will come to me and say things like "you did the right thing" - even though they are just a bunch of cowards. Which really upsets me that I feel like I always have to be the one to stand up and say what others are too scared to. Recently, I cut off my mother-in-law because she fakes illnesses for attention. All 4 of her children complain about it and it brings me a lot of stress to basically have a problem persist this way. I encouraged them to be honest with her and they were afraid of the backlash. My husband eventually called her and told her that he felt she needed a professional to help her. Well, of course, I got blamed for it anyway because everyone knows I'm the honest communicator so I told her that all I advocated for was honest communication. Because as a mother myself, I would want to have the best relationship with my children and if something I did stood in the way of that, I would want to know it. And I told her that her kids care about her, that's why it's a problem. She seemed to agree and then go tell my SIL that I was judging her. So I ended up just cutting her out.

13. I wish I didn't feel convicted to "right the wrongs" that I perceive. I wish that I didn't feel a natural draw to lead when no one else stands up. I don't think I want to lead. I don't like attention. I don't think I want to be honest. I just think when I look around, if no one else is doing it, then I have to do it because it's the right thing to do. Does that make sense?

I think my 8 comes into play due to my childhood. My mom has made me a very cynical person. I harbor a lot of resentments in my life and I hold them in. It manifests by coming out in anger and rage if the perfect storm comes. Usually, when I've held things in for too long, stress will cause me to boil over and just start saying things without a filter at all. This happens rarely, but is still the case. My husband is an ISTJ and he HATES doing things for people. Where I on the other hand do things for people because it's the right thing to do. I feel anyway. When he criticizes me for giving too much of myself to helping others, it makes me very stressed. In a lot of ways, I feel like he has influenced my anger a bit. He has pushed away all of our friends because he didn't want to spend time with them and I followed suit for many years. I'm a point in my life now, where I try to not let him influence me anymore. I do a lot of things on my own now without him. And that has made things better, because I just confronted him and said "This is what I'm going to do and you're not going to say anything about it."

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Okay, that^ sounds waaa-a-a-ay more INFJishy. (Though now I have to admit, I'm doubting the e8, lol? Only because it's just so hard for me to wrap my head around that combination. But if that's what feels right to you, you should definitely stick to it. )

The story about your mom and being called insensitive- that's kinda more about manipulation than feedback. (And for the lulz: I actually didn't tell my mother I was pregnant at all, she found out about my son 3 days after he was born. For basically the same reason. Mothers without boundaries. Mothers. Pfft.)

And yeah, those answers make a lot more sense (re: INFJ). I can actually relate to a lot of it. I get fed up when I'm the only person who will say something- even though in private discussion others affirm it, they won't voice it. I feel like ultimately, it's not helpful to just let someone keep doing something *and* if it were me, I'd actually rather get the feedback. (That isn't even to say I'd definitely take it as Gospel and change, but I'd still at least want to know.)

The earlier point I was trying to make is that INFJs can be slow on figuring out exactly what's 'off' or what's niggling at them. We can 'sense' injustice, we actually are more sensitive to it than most other types, but figuring out what's off and putting it into words- that distillation process is usually an excruciating bitch. That's why I said we're usually not direct, because I was under the impression you meant in an immediate sense: like, "I notice something unjust, and I point it out right away RIGHT AWAY." <- And that's a superpower I'd personally like to have, but it's an INFJ's Achilles's heel. We typically skirt around the issue until something slides into place and our feelings 'make sense'. (If that made any sense.)

 

[Blacksheep2017]

That totally makes sense. I feel like I'm pretty good at figuring things out right away, but SAYING or CONFRONTING it right away is different. I usually simmer on things until I can no longer simmer. Someone pointed out a strong Ti and I think that could be. I consider myself a pretty analytic thinker in a lot of ways but definitely am guided in my emotions about things. I becoming emotionally invested in problems which is why I can quickly become drained. Too much draining = rising anger and frustration = e8. Or at least that's how I'm calculating that result. Personalities are so complex. It's really become a big interest of mine lately and I'm trying to constantly untangle my web and figure out who I am and why I am the way I am and how I can improve. (very INTJ of me, I know). I always told people that I felt INFJ fit me very well except the communication style. I probably would think INTJ were more fitting if it wasn't for my obsessive need to help people with their problems and being so concerned about what people think of me and really concerned with companionship. I feel like the lone wolf is what I've become due to circumstances in my life. Not by my own doing. I don't like being "alone". I like to have a small group of friends. Right now, my best friend of 13 years (INFJ) is the only person I've clung to. And she always calls me her soul mate. So maybe we're lucky in finding one another. Thanks for your reply!