INFJ or ESTP!??! How am I confused about this

[Grace]

Most people who type as INFJs as youths are not. It is the rarest type.

For females, 20% are xSFPs and 32% are SFJs. Unfortunately, the descriptions for these types are just bad and many confuse Introverted Sensing(Si) and Introverted Intuition (Ni), besides the huge confusion between introverted feeling (Fi) and extroverted feeling (Fe).

I am not saying you are not a INFJ, but the odds are really against you.

As I said before, I tested as a ISTP multiple times in college and had no reason to doubt it for the next 20 years, until midlife crisis hit and I needed to find myself. But I really had put up hige defenses due to childhood, and these defenses made it near impossible to see myself.

I thought I was severely introverted, focused on tangibe facts, and extremely logical. Of course, it was pretty opposiite of how I lived my life, as I was outgoing, people oriented, abstract, and looking for meaning and understanding. I worked in a field with lots of introverts and such and never noticed that they were much more introverted than me and much less social.

Childhood makes a huge impact on cognitive development and few exit fully formed with clear self understanding.

Additionally, some type theorists set forth the idea that we develop Dom first then Inferior, that a struggle occurs between the two during early adulthood, that hopefully results in the inferior being incorporated into the dominant.

Also, for many people, the tertiary is easy to see.

I don't know your type. I would recommend doing some of the questionnaires and posting the info here.

Yes, I no longer think I'm an INFJ but I have no idea what I am. Here is a questionnaire I filled out:

1-what makes you angry? I don't get angry easily. I become cranky when I'm stressed and will snap at people/can have a sharp tongue when feeling pressure. But as far as true anger...I can't even remember the last time I felt that.

2-what do you like/dislike most about people? I like when people are passionate about something and can tell me about those passions. I enjoy when people have hobbies like LARPing or backpacking or roller derby or just anything that I don't do but find interesting. I don't like when people lie, especially if they're lying because they're embarrassed or something. That bugs me. This includes people being insincere. I don't like when people are rude.

3-do you like animals? why? Yes, I think I like animals an average amount. I found a kitten this summer on the brink of death and I love her a lot but in general I don't think I'm too sentimental about animals. My vegan boyfriend will show me videos of animals being slaughtered and I just shrug my shoulders and say, "I don't want to watch this. It's gross." Then take a bite of my hamburger. Killing animals doesn't bother me but mistreating them does. That gives me pause sometimes in my eating habits. Why do I like them? They're cute? Interesting?

4-what do you like most about the favorite people in your life? I can have good conversations with them. I find them interesting and dynamic. When I'm around them I feel smart and funny.

5-what do you like/dislike most about yourself? I like that I can talk to different kinds of people about a wide range of things. I think I'm pretty good at finding something interesting to talk about with most people. I dislike how unsure I am about things. I don't have a clear enough image of myself to be able to type myself and it's frustrating. I don't feel like I'm in the right career (teaching) but I don't know what else I should be doing instead. Very indecisive. It's annoying. I can be selfish.

6-do you care about being fashionable? why/why not? Not really because there are other things I'd rather spend my time and money on (I have a book-buying addiction, for instance). Like, in an ideal world I'd have a stylist and always look good without putting effort into it, but since effort is required I just mostly do what's easy and functional.

7-do you prefer to fit in or stand out? Neither? Just be my authentic self but not draw too much attention.

8-what activities do you enjoy? Reading, watching movies, talking, writing, eating, shopping (primarily for books), traveling to new places

9-what makes you feel secure? Um... I don't know? I think I feel secure most of the time, by default. I do like to get verbal affirmation from people.

10-do you like being in a relationship? why/why not? Yes and no. I am usually in one. My last serious boyfriend was an ENTP and the guy I'm dating now is probably too although he's a little difficult to type. I do like being in a relationship because I like having someone who can teach me new things and who can experience and reflect on things with me. I don't because I like to be free and not have to check in with anyone. My boyfriend now is really good about giving me my space, though, so we work well together. Also, I want kids eventually so that's also why I want to be in a relationship.

11-what do you love and why? Could be people, things, places, etc... I love my family. My immediate and the extended on my mom's side. We have fun and they know me in a way others don't. I love Disney World because it's fun and nostalgic and makes me feel super happy when I'm there. I love Christmas because I love giving and getting gifts, I love being with my family, eating good food, and all the traditions/nostalgia that comes with it. I love books. I read mostly fiction but I still feel like I can learn something from any book. I also like books when they force me to feel strong emotions (either happy or sad).

12-what do you spend the most time thinking about? Probably the future. Planning ahead. Am I on the right path to get me to where I want to be eventually? What do I want most out of life?

13-How much have you changed over the years? Who were you as a child? I don't think I've changed a ton. I think I've become more outgoing. As a child I was super attached to my family (still am) but maybe aloof toward others which I don't think I am as much anymore. There is a home video of my older sister (ENFJ) and me on Easter morning. I was about four. While my sister energetically bounced around the house searching for eggs, I sat on the floor and arranged all of my candy neatly while talking to myself. Meanwhile, my sister would occasionally toss an egg my way or rush up to the video camera and talk excitedly at it. We both were happy in our own way. I feel like that's a pretty good depiction of me as a child. As a friend I was the ringleader. A little bossy and mean girlish. Once I was in high school I made a point of trying to be kinder which lost me my ringleader status. I've kept all the same friends though for 15+ years now but intentionally try to be supportive instead of controlling.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Yes, I no longer think I'm an INFJ but I have no idea what I am. Here is a questionnaire I filled out:

1-what makes you angry? I don't get angry easily. I become cranky when I'm stressed and will snap at people/can have a sharp tongue when feeling pressure. But as far as true anger...I can't even remember the last time I felt that.

2-what do you like/dislike most about people? I like when people are passionate about something and can tell me about those passions. I enjoy when people have hobbies like LARPing or backpacking or roller derby or just anything that I don't do but find interesting. I don't like when people lie, especially if they're lying because they're embarrassed or something. That bugs me. This includes people being insincere. I don't like when people are rude.

3-do you like animals? why? Yes, I think I like animals an average amount. I found a kitten this summer on the brink of death and I love her a lot but in general I don't think I'm too sentimental about animals. My vegan boyfriend will show me videos of animals being slaughtered and I just shrug my shoulders and say, "I don't want to watch this. It's gross." Then take a bite of my hamburger. Killing animals doesn't bother me but mistreating them does. That gives me pause sometimes in my eating habits. Why do I like them? They're cute? Interesting?

4-what do you like most about the favorite people in your life? I can have good conversations with them. I find them interesting and dynamic. When I'm around them I feel smart and funny.

5-what do you like/dislike most about yourself? I like that I can talk to different kinds of people about a wide range of things. I think I'm pretty good at finding something interesting to talk about with most people. I dislike how unsure I am about things. I don't have a clear enough image of myself to be able to type myself and it's frustrating. I don't feel like I'm in the right career (teaching) but I don't know what else I should be doing instead. Very indecisive. It's annoying. I can be selfish.

6-do you care about being fashionable? why/why not? Not really because there are other things I'd rather spend my time and money on (I have a book-buying addiction, for instance). Like, in an ideal world I'd have a stylist and always look good without putting effort into it, but since effort is required I just mostly do what's easy and functional.

7-do you prefer to fit in or stand out? Neither? Just be my authentic self but not draw too much attention.

8-what activities do you enjoy? Reading, watching movies, talking, writing, eating, shopping (primarily for books), traveling to new places

9-what makes you feel secure? Um... I don't know? I think I feel secure most of the time, by default. I do like to get verbal affirmation from people.

10-do you like being in a relationship? why/why not? Yes and no. I am usually in one. My last serious boyfriend was an ENTP and the guy I'm dating now is probably too although he's a little difficult to type. I do like being in a relationship because I like having someone who can teach me new things and who can experience and reflect on things with me. I don't because I like to be free and not have to check in with anyone. My boyfriend now is really good about giving me my space, though, so we work well together. Also, I want kids eventually so that's also why I want to be in a relationship.

11-what do you love and why? Could be people, things, places, etc... I love my family. My immediate and the extended on my mom's side. We have fun and they know me in a way others don't. I love Disney World because it's fun and nostalgic and makes me feel super happy when I'm there. I love Christmas because I love giving and getting gifts, I love being with my family, eating good food, and all the traditions/nostalgia that comes with it. I love books. I read mostly fiction but I still feel like I can learn something from any book. I also like books when they force me to feel strong emotions (either happy or sad).

12-what do you spend the most time thinking about? Probably the future. Planning ahead. Am I on the right path to get me to where I want to be eventually? What do I want most out of life?

13-How much have you changed over the years? Who were you as a child? I don't think I've changed a ton. I think I've become more outgoing. As a child I was super attached to my family (still am) but maybe aloof toward others which I don't think I am as much anymore. There is a home video of my older sister (ENFJ) and me on Easter morning. I was about four. While my sister energetically bounced around the house searching for eggs, I sat on the floor and arranged all of my candy neatly while talking to myself. Meanwhile, my sister would occasionally toss an egg my way or rush up to the video camera and talk excitedly at it. We both were happy in our own way. I feel like that's a pretty good depiction of me as a child. As a friend I was the ringleader. A little bossy and mean girlish. Once I was in high school I made a point of trying to be kinder which lost me my ringleader status. I've kept all the same friends though for 15+ years now but intentionally try to be supportive instead of controlling.

IxTP. E6 or E5.

 

[Mayflower]

12-what do you spend the most time thinking about? Probably the future. Planning ahead. Am I on the right path to get me to where I want to be eventually? What do I want most out of life?

Has this always been the focus of your thinking or a recent development?

 

[Grace]

Has this always been the focus of your thinking or a recent development?

Well, definitely the last ten years since I graduated high school. Before that I was maybe focused more on myself. Who am I? What traits do I want to cultivate within myself? What are my thoughts on religion, etc. I also used to daydream a lot more than I do now. Thinking of ideas for books I wanted to write and making up characters in my head, things like that. I still do that from time to time but not as much.

 

[Mayflower]

Well, definitely the last ten years since I graduated high school. Before that I was maybe focused more on myself. Who am I? What traits do I want to cultivate within myself? What are my thoughts on religion, etc. I also used to daydream a lot more than I do now. Thinking of ideas for books I wanted to write and making up characters in my head, things like that. I still do that from time to time but not as much.

You sound just like me. Acknowledging the age this started taking place, I would say this is the growing focus of tertiary ni. Is Isfp off the table?

 

[Grace]

You sound just like me. Acknowledging the age this started taking place, I would say this is the growing focus of tertiary ni. Is Isfp off the table?

Haha, sadly nothing is off the table.

 

[Mayflower]

Haha, sadly nothing is off the table.

I've been there. Have you taken this test? It's not perfect but it's pretty good in finding where in the ballpark you're in. I out for today. Good luck.
Discordia Test

 

[Grace]

I've been there. Have you taken this test? It's not perfect but it's pretty good in finding where in the ballpark you're in. I out for today. Good luck.
Discordia Test

That was a neat test, thanks. I got INFP.

 

[Generalist]

Thanks, that all makes sense. My family are all heavy J's but I don't know how that affects me. Either I am a J too but don't feel like one because it's less strong in me than them, or I'm not but just think I am because I was raised around them. I'm still confused by it but I get what you mean. My mom is an ISTJ and my best friend sees me as an ISTJ but I think it's because the choices I make in life are often based on what I think my mom would be pleased by. So I often do ISTJ-like things (responsible, practical, etc.) but it's moreso because I don't want to disappoint my mom than because I'm intrinsically motivated.

Yeah, exactly, it can be hard to sort through everything. It might be possible your judging function is thinking and just because you aren't interested in something like taking apart an engine doesn't mean you can't be one. You could be interested in complicated systems they just aren't mechanical necessarily. Another method I read about figuring out which of the functions is your dominant function, which one feels most like home. I think it helps to not let the descriptions cause you to constrict your thinking. I think we become so eager to find out who we are and what we should be doing, that maybe we give a little too much weight to the descriptions. You could always try hanging out in the different forums see what people have to say about themselves. I would just keep in mind that the real challenge could not be finding your type but accepting it. who knows, maybe you really know what your type is now, but you just don't want to admit it. You could try reading a book called gifts differing. It was recommended to me by another member here, but I haven't read it yet so I can't really endorse it, just a suggestion. Make of it what you will.

 

[Mayflower]

The more I look over your posts, the more likely infp seems to fit. IIRC, you said during your earlier years you focused trying to identify yourself (your inner thoughts, traits you want to cultivate, etc). Everyone does it to some degree, but your descriptions sound fi-ish. I see this coupled with Ne. Ne is an exploratory function like Se. However, Ne is more driven to seek interesting ideas rather than the world itself. Seeing you as infp is also strengthened when I glance over what you like. You seem to like people for the interesting discussions rather than the activity. But that's just me. You know yourself the best. Here's a resource with decent descriptions of the functions. Cognitive Processes