Turtle
New member
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2014
- Messages
- 45
- Enneagram
- 6
- Instinctual Variant
- so
I decided to take a break from Typology so that I could get a holistic view of myself. I think I had a tendency to focus too much on the details once I had immersed myself in this world long enough.
MBTI-wise, I know for a fact that I am INxx. I am leaning pretty heavily towards INFx, though I sometimes test as INTJ.
Enneagram-wise, I have no idea. I think that I have a 2w3 heart-fix and a 9w1 gut-fix. I relate somewhat equally to 2, 4, 9, 6, and 5. I relate to 5w4 and 6w5 a lot more than 5w6. I think that my instinctual subtype is so/sx.
It is difficult to type me because my personality seems to change drastically by the year. As a child, I was essentially a schizoid. Intensely introverted, no interest in playing with other children (though I had a deep empathy for animals), spent all my time creating fantasy worlds in my head or fiddling around with the computer. I had no self-awareness whatsoever, and had no idea how I came off to others. My sister (ENFJ) described me as a "scary" child, and that I used to claim that I could unlock portals and talk to ghosts. I was deeply intuitive and empathic, and sometimes felt that I could "feel the energy" of bygone spirits around me. I was eccentric and obsessed with reading. I began reading at the age of 3, and within the span of a few weeks, I had read every book in my preschool classroom (including the advanced books). I was obsessed with animals and read everything I could about them. My relatives would come over and try to get me to open up and talk, but I would shut them down and remain in my head, where I cultivated a rich fantasy life. I would then gather my books and sit in a corner for hours on end. Over time, I developed an interest in the Internet and began to spend all my time there. I developed a deep anxiety and began to believe that people could read my mind, or that a ghost would come and visit me when I was sleeping. I was sensitive to rejection, but very rarely put myself in positions to be rejected. I didn't want to hear people laughing or showing strong emotion. I'm still like this with family members for some reason, and remain either affectless or humorous with my family members. I would be very uncomfortable saying "I love you" or complimenting them.
In middle school, I began to reach out and make more friends. I began showing more emotion. My best friend in middle school was a (confirmed) 5w4 INTJ, and we were both somewhat eccentric, but I was generally more well-received than her because I often came off as good-natured and loving, whereas she was harsher and more self-interested and didn't comply with social norms. We both liked to roleplay together and create fantasy worlds. We were very similar, but she was a bit jealous of me at times because I typically got more positive attention due to my increasingly sweet demeanor.
Unfortunately, I developed depression at this time, and my once studious nature diminished and I began to simply not care about school. I would hide away online and completely forget how to interact with people. I stopped eating because I was afraid I'd get food poisoning. I wanted to die and kept complaining that I could see ghosts, etc. I don't remember much about this time period, but my family worried about me a lot. I also reached out inappropriately to a lot of my friends. My INTJ friend also had depression, but she talked about it less than I did.
Then one day I snapped out of it, worked super hard in school, started dating (my first relationship was with an ENFP -- it was a little bit more passionate than I liked, though), and completely came out of my shell. Now I'm completely different. At home I still revert back to my reclusive ways (and I'm still intensely introverted and would often rather not spend time with people at all unless I'm super close to them), but at school, I can come off as very extroverted. I won the superlative last year for "Bubbliest Girl in the Dorm", which doesn't describe how I feel inside, but it describes my orientation towards others. I am very calculated about how I present myself, and I know that being bubbly makes people happy, so I do it. If I am around NT types, I am not bubbly unless I want to ignite a reaction in them. I can be very cold and calculated around them in order to garner their respect, which I typically succeed at doing. I'm generally whoever I think would be most well-received -- I don't consider myself to have a strong sense of identity, but in college I am known as a sweet, loving, intellectual, insightful girl who understands people very well. Some friends consider me quirky, but in a well-received way. It is not uncommon to find me running around talking about how much I love everybody. I can be very cuddly with people (as long as they aren't romantically interested in me -- otherwise I get scared). I also absolutely cannot seem to say "I love you" if I really mean it. I can say it off-handedly to friends or if I don't mean it, but I can't seem to be vulnerable and say it sincerely. I've only been in love once (with an ENTJ).
I'm very conscious of how I project myself. I am not focused on my friends at all but I am very society-focused and relationship-focused, as well as goal-focused. I spend large amounts of time thinking about my significant other, and can become somewhat dependent on them. I can become trapped by a somewhat obsessive-compulsive desire to figure things out about people. I am constantly analyzing people, asking them questions, creating frameworks for them in my mind. If people knew how I worked internally, I wonder what they'd think of me. They'd probably be scared -- I've scared a few people by revealing to them how my thought processes work, or by showing them the worlds I've created. I respect people who aren't scared, and am constantly seeking out people who understand me, or at least are intrigued by me. It would be a shame to be considered noncomplex, because I consider myself one of the most genuinely complex people I know.
Subjects that interest me most are poetry, scientific writing, writing in general (basically all writing -- I can mimic most writing styles), oral communication (because it builds character!), linguistics, psychology, sociology, philosophy. I like the idea of economics if I can attribute people to it. I hate history and pure math/science. I need a humanistic focus. I also like acting, because I can be very expressive if I want to garner positive attention.
Ooof, this was long. Thanks for reading.
MBTI-wise, I know for a fact that I am INxx. I am leaning pretty heavily towards INFx, though I sometimes test as INTJ.
Enneagram-wise, I have no idea. I think that I have a 2w3 heart-fix and a 9w1 gut-fix. I relate somewhat equally to 2, 4, 9, 6, and 5. I relate to 5w4 and 6w5 a lot more than 5w6. I think that my instinctual subtype is so/sx.
It is difficult to type me because my personality seems to change drastically by the year. As a child, I was essentially a schizoid. Intensely introverted, no interest in playing with other children (though I had a deep empathy for animals), spent all my time creating fantasy worlds in my head or fiddling around with the computer. I had no self-awareness whatsoever, and had no idea how I came off to others. My sister (ENFJ) described me as a "scary" child, and that I used to claim that I could unlock portals and talk to ghosts. I was deeply intuitive and empathic, and sometimes felt that I could "feel the energy" of bygone spirits around me. I was eccentric and obsessed with reading. I began reading at the age of 3, and within the span of a few weeks, I had read every book in my preschool classroom (including the advanced books). I was obsessed with animals and read everything I could about them. My relatives would come over and try to get me to open up and talk, but I would shut them down and remain in my head, where I cultivated a rich fantasy life. I would then gather my books and sit in a corner for hours on end. Over time, I developed an interest in the Internet and began to spend all my time there. I developed a deep anxiety and began to believe that people could read my mind, or that a ghost would come and visit me when I was sleeping. I was sensitive to rejection, but very rarely put myself in positions to be rejected. I didn't want to hear people laughing or showing strong emotion. I'm still like this with family members for some reason, and remain either affectless or humorous with my family members. I would be very uncomfortable saying "I love you" or complimenting them.
In middle school, I began to reach out and make more friends. I began showing more emotion. My best friend in middle school was a (confirmed) 5w4 INTJ, and we were both somewhat eccentric, but I was generally more well-received than her because I often came off as good-natured and loving, whereas she was harsher and more self-interested and didn't comply with social norms. We both liked to roleplay together and create fantasy worlds. We were very similar, but she was a bit jealous of me at times because I typically got more positive attention due to my increasingly sweet demeanor.
Unfortunately, I developed depression at this time, and my once studious nature diminished and I began to simply not care about school. I would hide away online and completely forget how to interact with people. I stopped eating because I was afraid I'd get food poisoning. I wanted to die and kept complaining that I could see ghosts, etc. I don't remember much about this time period, but my family worried about me a lot. I also reached out inappropriately to a lot of my friends. My INTJ friend also had depression, but she talked about it less than I did.
Then one day I snapped out of it, worked super hard in school, started dating (my first relationship was with an ENFP -- it was a little bit more passionate than I liked, though), and completely came out of my shell. Now I'm completely different. At home I still revert back to my reclusive ways (and I'm still intensely introverted and would often rather not spend time with people at all unless I'm super close to them), but at school, I can come off as very extroverted. I won the superlative last year for "Bubbliest Girl in the Dorm", which doesn't describe how I feel inside, but it describes my orientation towards others. I am very calculated about how I present myself, and I know that being bubbly makes people happy, so I do it. If I am around NT types, I am not bubbly unless I want to ignite a reaction in them. I can be very cold and calculated around them in order to garner their respect, which I typically succeed at doing. I'm generally whoever I think would be most well-received -- I don't consider myself to have a strong sense of identity, but in college I am known as a sweet, loving, intellectual, insightful girl who understands people very well. Some friends consider me quirky, but in a well-received way. It is not uncommon to find me running around talking about how much I love everybody. I can be very cuddly with people (as long as they aren't romantically interested in me -- otherwise I get scared). I also absolutely cannot seem to say "I love you" if I really mean it. I can say it off-handedly to friends or if I don't mean it, but I can't seem to be vulnerable and say it sincerely. I've only been in love once (with an ENTJ).
I'm very conscious of how I project myself. I am not focused on my friends at all but I am very society-focused and relationship-focused, as well as goal-focused. I spend large amounts of time thinking about my significant other, and can become somewhat dependent on them. I can become trapped by a somewhat obsessive-compulsive desire to figure things out about people. I am constantly analyzing people, asking them questions, creating frameworks for them in my mind. If people knew how I worked internally, I wonder what they'd think of me. They'd probably be scared -- I've scared a few people by revealing to them how my thought processes work, or by showing them the worlds I've created. I respect people who aren't scared, and am constantly seeking out people who understand me, or at least are intrigued by me. It would be a shame to be considered noncomplex, because I consider myself one of the most genuinely complex people I know.
Subjects that interest me most are poetry, scientific writing, writing in general (basically all writing -- I can mimic most writing styles), oral communication (because it builds character!), linguistics, psychology, sociology, philosophy. I like the idea of economics if I can attribute people to it. I hate history and pure math/science. I need a humanistic focus. I also like acting, because I can be very expressive if I want to garner positive attention.
Ooof, this was long. Thanks for reading.
