[ISFJ] ISFJs what's your attitude to romance, dating and relationships?

[SwimmerGal97]

I was reading a post from a while back by someone asking what to write in a love letter to an ISFJ. It got me thinking about how I would respond to receiving a love letter or other romantic gesture and my whole dating style in general.

Personally I find gestures like gifts and long letters (or god forbid, poetry!) very uncomfortable. I'd rather the person did something simple like invite me on a long walk or cook a meal and tell me how they felt without all the flourish or game playing. I'm not interested in playing games, or 'flirtationships' or people who think they can mess me around and I'll come back begging. I'm also not attracted to someone unless I know them and feel comfortable with them. A hot guy could come and chat me up in a club and I'd appreciate his good looks but wouldn't be interested in anything other than maybe a chat.

I find it interesting and slightly annoying how in descriptions ISFJs are portrayed as...kinda weak. And like their lives revolve around doing things for others.

What about other ISFJs? Are you romantics or tough to win over?

 

[Agent Washington]

....casually lurks this thread for more info

 

[tinker683]

ISFJ male here

For me, I like it when she's direct about her interest. I'm not great AT ALL at picking up hints, so anything she can do up to and including, "Hey, I'm really into you and want to see this go somewhere" is helpful for me. As a guy I've been taught that I have to be pursuer so by directly letting me show she's interested in me, she's making it MUCH easier for me.

As far as gestures go, I've never been particularly picky, just so long as I understand the intent. My wife tried to get my attention subtly and made a lot of really sweet gestures that, since they didn't have any context at the time, I missed completely. It wasn't until a friend of ours told me that she was crazy about me that I decided to ask her out (I wasn't initially interested in her and just took her actions as being very sweet and typical of a Type 2, which she is). Once I knew she was into me, a lot of the gestures and her behavior toward made considerably more sense to me.

So for me, just be clear and open about it. No stupid games, no 'hints', no none of that nonsense. I realize that's a lot to ask of the other person as it makes you incredibly vulnerable...but there it is for me. I don't know if other ISFJ males are the same or not.

 

[SwimmerGal97]

ISFJ male here

For me, I like it when she's direct about her interest. I'm not great AT ALL at picking up hints, so anything she can do up to and including, "Hey, I'm really into you and want to see this go somewhere" is helpful for me. As a guy I've been taught that I have to be pursuer so by directly letting me show she's interested in me, she's making it MUCH easier for me.

As far as gestures go, I've never been particularly picky, just so long as I understand the intent. My wife tried to get my attention subtly and made a lot of really sweet gestures that, since they didn't have any context at the time, I missed completely. It wasn't until a friend of ours told me that she was crazy about me that I decided to ask her out (I wasn't initially interested in her and just took her actions as being very sweet and typical of a Type 2, which she is). Once I knew she was into me, a lot of the gestures and her behavior toward made considerably more sense to me.

So for me, just be clear and open about it. No stupid games, no 'hints', no none of that nonsense. I realize that's a lot to ask of the other person as it makes you incredibly vulnerable...but there it is for me. I don't know if other ISFJ males are the same or not.

I'm just like you with the hints! I might pick up that they're trying to get at something but I'm not psychic and usually have to ask them to spell it out :L

And like you say with being honest and open making people vulnerable, I thinks that's why we value it. Gifts and fancy words kind of feel like something to hide behind or a way of trying to prove something instead of just...saying it. You can buy anyone gifts, but you're only that vulnerable when you really care about someone

 

[Unionruler]

Hm sorting by love language I guess I can do most things:

Quality Time: Speaks for itself
Touch: Hugs and cuddles
Words: Cards every...6 months?
Gifts: Not expensive stuff unless asked, more like souvenirs from my reasonably frequent travels
Acts of Service: Traditional stuff like holding things, holding the door, accompanying someone home on public transport even if means a detour

If weak means revolving around doing stuff for others, then yes I am weak. And idealistic/impractical. Plus it actually costs me because I have been taken for granted and abandoned by people. But it's still meaningful and consistent with my values.