I usually won't talk to people if I don't know them. Unless I'm in a reckless mood and so sick of the silence. Then I'll strike up a conversation with anyone who seems nice and might like to chat.
But among my inner circle I'll talk quite a bit. I'm told I can get rather loud once I warm to my subject.
With people I don't know? Not very. I tend to chat with friendly cashiers, to the point where some of them get excited to see me... otherwise, it's rare for me to initiate conversation with people I don't know. Sometimes I'm quiet with everyone, if I'm feeling down or tired. With certain people in certain situations, I can talk for hours and hours.
That being said. I notice that people tend to remember me for some reason. I don't know why. I will say, frequent certain stores with my friends and the cashiers will remember me, but not my friends, even if they've gone there before me. I do think kindness and even very top-level politeness goes a long way, and sometimes I think that might be it.
Once, the second time my bf and I went to a very busy restaurant near where a lot of Hollywood-types and tourists might go, with a fairly large time gap in between visits, the waitress we had the first time (and coincidentally the second time), remembered us. Better than I remembered her. That surprised me.
I'm rather talkative, but I get silent when there are many people especially people I don't know well.
I don't chat much with people I don't know, especially without good reason. This includes cashiers, doctor's office staff, etc. With folks like that, I say what I need to say to accomplish my business with them, then leave. I find it irritating when they are chatty and want to prolong the interaction or pad it with smalltalk. And yes, I won't initiate conversation with strangers unless it is necessary, e.g. asking a store clerk where to find something. Even then, I am more likely just to keep walking around looking rather than approach a clerk.With people I don't know? Not very. I tend to chat with friendly cashiers, to the point where some of them get excited to see me... otherwise, it's rare for me to initiate conversation with people I don't know. Sometimes I'm quiet with everyone, if I'm feeling down or tired. With certain people in certain situations, I can talk for hours and hours.
The highlighted describes me, too. Now I do seem to have more patience with kids, at least in a teaching situation. Perhaps this is because I have volunteered with kids in STEM education for awhile. It is easy to keep their attention and get them to cooperate when you have cool things to show them and invite them to do. Still, I am worn out afterwards, however worthwhile and even enjoyable I might find it. I have learned to be better about the sort of positive feedback and appreciation you mention, though I avoid platitudes and empty, top-level sentiments. Yes, the criticism comes naturally.Thanks to typology (hurrah) that led me to (hurrah!!) paying more attention (HURRAH!!!) to things I do in order to type myself, I notice that- well, I've always known it 'depends', but not where the lines are. I have no idea why I'm so easily exhausted from human interaction, especially ones where there is a lot of emotion involved (even positive ones). Honestly, throughout my life I've only met like 2 other people whose 'socializing' stamina is like mine. So say, if I'm tutoring my peers, I can go on for hours, but if I'm teaching kindergarteners, I feel like running myself through a meat grinder after an hour. 2 hours tops. I dish out criticism (constructive or not) fairly easily, but I have a tough time with platitudes "That was great work you did, I'm proud of you!" "You look great this evening." and when I'm really, really raggedy and worn, even the basics "Please!" "It's okay, please don't worry." "Thank you, that was helpful of you." and sometimes when I go through with the platitudes it sounds very clinical, like stuff you'd hear on a PA or customer service drivel. On the rare occasion I'm available for smalltalk, usually if it's in a situation I know I don't have to talk/interact more later.
Well, I do try to greet a host, and then thank them upon leaving a gathering. In between, though, I will do my best to stay on the sidelines, and yes, exercising what skill I have with those pleasantries can leave me feeling like I need a scalding shower. Common courtesy and a basic level of respectfulness (which for me involves keeping a respectful distance) should be enough for anyone.Generally, when I'm explaining something (looks at my paragraphs on this forum) I can go on length and feel fine about it. I consider manners a necessary evil. I'd rather blab the way I do TC-style than do the following: not ignoring your host when visiting (and vice versa), not standing off in dark shadows during parties, saying hi and getting to know folks in new places, etc. I've also gained a clearer realization that preferences VS skill are entirely different and I can blab and drone pleasantries for hours but that doesn't change that it makes me feel like hanging myself and shutting out from humanity for the next 7 days after. Good at it, doesn't mean I like it, or that that's who I am. I'm going to DETONATE anyone who tries to type me E / Fe just because those are things I can do.
The highlighted describes me, too. Now I do seem to have more patience with kids, at least in a teaching situation. Perhaps this is because I have volunteered with kids in STEM education for awhile. It is easy to keep their attention and get them to cooperate when you have cool things to show them and invite them to do. Still, I am worn out afterwards, however worthwhile and even enjoyable I might find it. I have learned to be better about the sort of positive feedback and appreciation you mention, though I avoid platitudes and empty, top-level sentiments. Yes, the criticism comes naturally.
Well, I do try to greet a host, and then thank them upon leaving a gathering. In between, though, I will do my best to stay on the sidelines, and yes, exercising what skill I have with those pleasantries can leave me feeling like I need a scalding shower. Common courtesy and a basic level of respectfulness (which for me involves keeping a respectful distance) should be enough for anyone.
I have been told the highlighted a couple times, oddly by NFPs, people I would think would be most put off. I'm sure some have. But yes, when I criticise it does come from that direct and honest place, and a sincere interest in helping and improving, not tearing someone down or being mean-spirited. Of course that is no guarantee that it will be received in that spirit, or appreciated. I have therefore learned over the years to hold my tongue more often than not.Even with my favourite kids it's just always wearing me down in the end. A weary kind of tired instead of a satisfying one, though.
I think there are people like me whose criticism really just comes out of a place of being direct, honest, and thorough- a combination of all three. It's not meant to tear anyone down or make them feel bad, it's just being very carefully discerning without the additional cherries on top. I think it's like a gradually acquired taste, or at least that has seemed to be the trend with me. Even those who initially considered it biting or cold eventually find a reliability to it, a 'warmly' comforting one even, that there's much in being able to rely on and know that what comes out is the solid truth that has nothing to do with whether or not you like them or are trying to suck up, or be nice, or be polite, or whatever it is.