So now comes the battle to reconcile my image of the people around me with the reality of what they think, and how to engage/relate to people with very different views of the world.
I've always been very introverted and not prone to real-world socializing. When I lived in PA, I kind of just kept my mouth shut while in church because I knew it was pointless to get into things except with a few people I knew well. And I didn't really have neighbors I spent much time with. (Reviewing my life, that has typically been the case -- I lived in neighborhoods but didn't really hang out with neighbors -- my few relationships were always cultivated with the few people I felt I could connect with, usually through a church setting or when my kids got older, other parents of kids my kids knew. OR people I worked with, the few I could relate to.)
I ended up moving a lot after my life transition, I think I moved eight times in 6-7 years. So I didn't really have a lot of grounded relationships IRL. My virtual relationships tended to be more intimate and ongoing. This point of saying all this is that it's hard to know how to have a meaningful relationship when I find out things about my neighbors and end up feeling conflicted over them.
Case in point, one of my next door neighbors. When I moved into this neighborhood (for reference, I closed on my house the same day as Trump's inauguration), my neighbor told me after that we "had a pretty good neighborhood and we were all able to get along with each other despite our differences -- when Trump was elected, there had been a number of parties around the neighborhood" -- and while I didn't say anything (because that's how I am... I mull over and decide what the best response is after time passes), inside I remember wondering immediately if I had picked the right neighborhood to move into.
But my neighbor hasn't been a bad neighbor to me. They have gone out of their way to volunteer to help if I ever needed it. we've had the occasional conversation. we both have adopted children from other countries (mine from China, theirs from South America). We both have special needs kids, of different sorts. They love their kids. They are not bad neighbors. I like them on a daily level. In fact, I genuinely like the people on my street, even though I'm not stupid and already had an idea of which 2-3 supported Trump.
So it wasn't surprising when one of them got kind of defensive as the week wore on. She wouldn't say anything specific, but she started making slight passive-aggressive jabs at the celebrators and then got really defensive by Thursday/Friday, complaining that she was getting shit from some of her friends for being a Republican, and she was announcing she was unapologetic for her political leaning. (She never mentioned Trump.) I just kind of shrugged. [My state is a clear blue state, with a 66/33 victory for Biden.]
But the other, the person I described above, finally after being grumpy and/or quiet on FB, finally went into a spiel about how the whole country was going to suck now. Only 3-4 of her friends responded, one of them to castigate her and another to tell her to "give things a chance" just as she expected Democrats to do in 2016 when Trump won. But she and the others basically griped about how 401Ks were going to suck now (side note: she is blue collar, demographically) but also how all of her tax dollars were going to be spent on low-income black people who were lazy, just got their nails done all the time, etc.
I didn't say anything on FB, and I know she has a lot more people on her list who refused to go near that dumpster fire; but I'm kinda like, how do I relate to this person now? Like I said, I never had an issue with them. They have helped me out when I've needed it. If I was being threatened by someone or there was a problem, I know they would physically defend me. We have points of commonality. But now I'm just like... wtf. It's not like I don't have a 401K, and I am way short for what I need to retire (we're the same age)... and I don't even have a spouse to depend on. But the economy is more than a 401K and cannot endure if it keeps running as it has been; my kids are already being shortchanged, and hers would be as well, unless drastic changes are made.
And as far as what amounted to a racist scree (there was other stuff too). Next time I see her, I'm not sure how I'm going to respond. But also I'm really sure I'm not the only one trying to figure this out. Biden might have won, but this stuff will persist and continue to eat like a cancer until we figure it out.
and Biden kills babies. She is obviously religious too, having married into that group -- but contacted my kids because she "has no one to celebrate with on that side." 
