How Sociable is Fe?

[Red Ribbon]

I pretty much ruled out Fe types for myself because of how they are stereotupically nice and sociable, but these days I'm wondering if being reclusive could still make me an Fe type?

I'm capable of being charming and friendly when I first meet someone and depending on who you ask, different people describe me differently. I am well capable of navigating social situations but I'd much rather not spend time with people I'm not comfortable around. I sometimes automatically assume people dislike me, I am capable of seeing all sides of an argument. I also can be a good mediator or so I've been told.

On the other hand, I dislike going to parties, I'd much rather not go to a social event, but I will if I have to. I dislike most people and sometimes I feel disconnected from everyone. There are days when I just hide in my little hole and never come out. I'd much rather spend my time reading or watching a favorite TV show than talking to someone.

I'm fairly confident I'm an ExxJ type. The Fe Vs Te is the question I have here. I honestly can't see the difference between an ExTJ and an ExFJ. Both types look similar to me. Please share your insights.

Also feel free to attempt to type me, if you think I'm a particular type.

 

[MyCupOfTea]

I pretty much ruled out Fe types for myself because of how they are stereotupically nice and sociable, but these days I'm wondering if being reclusive could still make me an Fe type?

I'm capable of being charming and friendly when I first meet someone and depending on who you ask, different people describe me differently. I am well capable of navigating social situations but I'd much rather not spend time with people I'm not comfortable around. I sometimes automatically assume people dislike me, I am capable of seeing all sides of an argument. I also can be a good mediator or so I've been told.

On the other hand, I dislike going to parties, I'd much rather not go to a social event, but I will if I have to. I dislike most people and sometimes I feel disconnected from everyone. There are days when I just hide in my little hole and never come out. I'd much rather spend my time reading or watching a favorite TV show than talking to someone.

I'm fairly confident I'm an ExxJ type. The Fe Vs Te is the question I have here. I honestly can't see the difference between an ExTJ and an ExFJ. Both types look similar to me. Please share your insights.

Also feel free to attempt to type me, if you think I'm a particular type.

What makes you see yourself as Extraverted type?

 

[Agent Washington]

Te-Fi = "I'm gonna do this because I have to do it. If it's socially expected, then so be it."
Fe-Ti = "It's socially expected of me to do this, so I'm going to do it."

Te-Fi is also way harsher than Fe-Ti. Way, way waaaay harsher. Much more bottom-line.

... Also, you've literally just given us reasons that's commonly associated with typing as introvert, but no reasons for typing as an extravert. So ... what the above poster said.

 

[Yama]

What makes you see yourself as Extraverted type?

... Also, you've literally just given us reasons that's commonly associated with typing as introvert, but no reasons for typing as an extravert. So ... what the above poster said.

I/E is about cognitive introversion and extroversion rather than social introversion and extroversion. You can be cognitively extroverted but socially introverted and vice versa.

 

[Yama]

As for sociability... I'm really, really good at being sociable, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily like doing it. At least, not when it's 'forced' (like when you're working in customer service). I have the ability to be extremely charming and likable (that's what I've been told, anyway) but I definitely prefer to not have to force it. It comes to me naturally if I'm talking with people I actually like and care about, but otherwise... gotta force it. It can be exhausting.

 

[Red Ribbon]

What makes you see yourself as Extraverted type?

Te-Fi = "I'm gonna do this because I have to do it. If it's socially expected, then so be it."
Fe-Ti = "It's socially expected of me to do this, so I'm going to do it."

Te-Fi is also way harsher than Fe-Ti. Way, way waaaay harsher. Much more bottom-line.

... Also, you've literally just given us reasons that's commonly associated with typing as introvert, but no reasons for typing as an extravert. So ... what the above poster said.

I type as extrovert because social interaction doesn't drain me like it drains introverts. I have no issues with being surrounded by people or being in crowded situations. I just rather not, if that makes sense. I can also entertain large crowds of people if I feel like it. I am pretty talkative around people I know. My preference for E over I is very weak, but. It is E. I also relate to the ExxJ temperament than the IxxJ one. I suppose you could say I'm an ambivert.

I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I dislike most people, I find them to be limiting, in a sense. Like they hold me back. Going out with a bunch of people makes me impatient so I avoid it. But this doesn't mean I don't hang out with people at all. I do, every once in a while. I've also not been in a situation in my life where I can socialize much, so maybe that has to do with it as well..

Regarding the Te Fi harshness, I don't know if I come off as harsh.

 

[Red Ribbon]

As for sociability... I'm really, really good at being sociable, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily like doing it. At least, not when it's 'forced' (like when you're working in customer service). I have the ability to be extremely charming and likable (that's what I've been told, anyway) but I definitely prefer to not have to force it. It comes to me naturally if I'm talking with people I actually like and care about, but otherwise... gotta force it. It can be exhausting.

Oh this is exactly how I feel. If I'm with the people I like, it's like I turn into a different person.

 

[Red Memories]

I cannot help a ton with thinking functions, but from my understanding, Fe seeks harmony at the sacrifice of expressing its true feelings about something. Fi relates everything to deep interior feelings, their "code of conduct" in a way.

 

[MyCupOfTea]

I type as extrovert because social interaction doesn't drain me like it drains introverts. I have no issues with being surrounded by people or being in crowded situations. I just rather not, if that makes sense. I can also entertain large crowds of people if I feel like it. I am pretty talkative around people I know. My preference for E over I is very weak, but. It is E. I also relate to the ExxJ temperament than the IxxJ one. I suppose you could say I'm an ambivert.

I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I dislike most people, I find them to be limiting, in a sense. Like they hold me back. Going out with a bunch of people makes me impatient so I avoid it. But this doesn't mean I don't hang out with people at all. I do, every once in a while. I've also not been in a situation in my life where I can socialize much, so maybe that has to do with it as well..

Regarding the Te Fi harshness, I don't know if I come off as harsh.

I get what you're saying. I just have never thought it that way. Because to me, even though I am capable of it, socializing with many people IS draining - AND the reason why I avoid it to a certain limit. If I can control the amount and the quality of my social interactions I'm fine. But people who keep pushing into my personal space exhaust me quickly - and I tend not to like them because of it.

 

[Red Ribbon]

I get what you're saying. I just have never thought it that way. Because to me, even though I am capable of it, socializing with many people IS draining - AND the reason why I avoid it to a certain limit. If I can control the amount and the quality of my social interactions I'm fine. But people who keep pushing into my personal space exhaust me quickly - and I tend not to like them because of it.

Ah I see. I also may not like someone who's nosy and pushing into my personal space, but I'm going to be okay with it. It can make me feel weird or awkward but not drained.

 

[Red Ribbon]

I cannot help a ton with thinking functions, but from my understanding, Fe seeks harmony at the sacrifice of expressing its true feelings about something. Fi relates everything to deep interior feelings, their "code of conduct" in a way.

I'm trying to understand the difference between a type that represses Fi and a type that ignores it. As far as I understand, neither type is very adept at expressing Fi.

 

[Red Memories]

I'm trying to understand the difference between a type that represses Fi and a type that ignores it. As far as I understand, neither type is very adept at expressing Fi.

Well, Fe associates its emotion with the exterior world. So in a sense.
Someone who is a dominant Fe user, will prefer harmony. They may indulge in groupthink, just to feel as if they're keeping harmony. They're charming, and can come off as manipulative because they may have different personalities for different people. Generally, they fight disharmony by always keeping in touch with how people are feeling and reacting. They will adjust themselves to each person based on preference.

Fi tends to have strong values they uphold, and do not compromise for a situation or a person. For instance, I am very religious, and when someone makes a religious joke, even if we are close, I don't laugh. I tell them it is not funny. While I don't like conflict, I tolerate it more if it involves one of my strongly held core beliefs or feelings. You will not conform to a group view simply because others do it. You will do what YOU feel is right, whether the group feels it is or not. You will internalize emotions to try and sort them out.

this is the understanding I have so I hope this helps a little. <3

 

[Ashtart]

I can only speak for myself (Fe being my secondary function). I'm not sociable, at all. I dislike small talk, I dislike meaningless conversation and I have nearly 0 tolerance to bullshit. When I'm with someone I like, I can be nice and ok to be around but when people meet me (mostly IRL though), they usually perceive me as mean and cocky. I understand why they feel this way, it must be because I'm rarely interested in meeting new people and I don't make much effort to do so, also, I'm quite shy myself and to me the most important thing is to keep my privacy than being nice to people I don't even know.

As for parties and the like, I hate it. I never go to parties because I think they are painfully boring. I don't even go to my parents/relatives parties and my acquaintances also know that it is a waste of time to invite me because I won't go.

All that doesn't mean, though, that I'm not caring and sensitive. I am, I just have a slightly different way to demonstrate it.
Maybe this all sounded really childish but English is not my native language and this was the best way I found to illustrate my behavior.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

Fe can be pretty sociable. For me, I love getting together one-on-one with friends and hearing about their lives and just talking. But it can also be exhausting because I'm constantly doing or saying something, picking up on their "feedback," and then adjusting my behavior accordingly.

This is even worse in large groups because there are so many more people to focus on, and it just gets overwhelming.

Luckily, if someone proves to me I can trust them, I do this less and can spend more time with them before getting tired.

 

[Agent Washington]

I type as extrovert because social interaction doesn't drain me like it drains introverts. I have no issues with being surrounded by people or being in crowded situations. I just rather not, if that makes sense. I can also entertain large crowds of people if I feel like it. I am pretty talkative around people I know. My preference for E over I is very weak, but. It is E. I also relate to the ExxJ temperament than the IxxJ one. I suppose you could say I'm an ambivert.

I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I dislike most people, I find them to be limiting, in a sense. Like they hold me back. Going out with a bunch of people makes me impatient so I avoid it. But this doesn't mean I don't hang out with people at all. I do, every once in a while. I've also not been in a situation in my life where I can socialize much, so maybe that has to do with it as well..

Regarding the Te Fi harshness, I don't know if I come off as harsh.

Hmmmmmm

... Sounds a bit more like Fe to me, I would say. I've got enough Te in my life to kinda know that that doesn't really sound like Te.

But like Te can b socialised too, though it usually functions in practical ways as opposed to giving a shit about what others think kinda way. If it's a function that seeks on its own to connect with others, that's Fe, I think.

 

[Norrsken]

I type as extrovert because social interaction doesn't drain me like it drains introverts.

If this is true, then yeah, you are very well an extrovert as extroverts are people who do not have enough brain activity and so need external data in order to gain energy vs feeling drained when they left alone. Introverts, in contrast, have almost too much neuronal activity inside their heads, and even if they are good at socializing and are otherwise not shy at all, they will still find that living in the external environment (ie. socializing) to start sapping their energy after a while, and need space to return their balance.

It is hard to say whether you are a Te dominant or a Fe dominant, as you seem to possess a few traits from both Fi and Fe, and something tells me you are on the younger side. Forgive me if I'm making outlandish conclusions, of course, but it's something I'm picking up when I read your posts. Although, I do find your writing about other people in general to be mostly Fi oriented, and you don't seem to want to go along just for the sake of getting along if it means you have to stifle yourself, so perhaps ENTJ is your correct type after all. Just my two cents.

 

[Red Ribbon]

If this is true, then yeah, you are very well an extrovert as extroverts are people who do not have enough brain activity and so need external data in order to gain energy vs feeling drained when they left alone. Introverts, in contrast, have almost too much neuronal activity inside their heads, and even if they are good at socializing and are otherwise not shy at all, they will still find that living in the external environment (ie. socializing) to start sapping their energy after a while, and need space to return their balance.

It is hard to say whether you are a Te dominant or a Fe dominant, as you seem to possess a few traits from both Fi and Fe, and something tells me you are on the younger side. Forgive me if I'm making outlandish conclusions, of course, but it's something I'm picking up when I read your posts. Although, I do find your writing about other people in general to be mostly Fi oriented, and you don't seem to want to go along just for the sake of getting along if it means you have to stifle yourself, so perhaps ENTJ is your correct type after all. Just my two cents.

Thanks for your input I am quite young. I'm 21 years old.

 

[adventureawaits]

I type as extrovert because social interaction doesn't drain me like it drains introverts. I have no issues with being surrounded by people or being in crowded situations. I just rather not, if that makes sense. I can also entertain large crowds of people if I feel like it. I am pretty talkative around people I know. My preference for E over I is very weak, but. It is E. I also relate to the ExxJ temperament than the IxxJ one. I suppose you could say I'm an ambivert.

I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I dislike most people, I find them to be limiting, in a sense. Like they hold me back. Going out with a bunch of people makes me impatient so I avoid it. But this doesn't mean I don't hang out with people at all. I do, every once in a while. I've also not been in a situation in my life where I can socialize much, so maybe that has to do with it as well..

Regarding the Te Fi harshness, I don't know if I come off as harsh.

For what it's worth, I lived with an ENTJ for many years who was exactly like how you described yourself.

We both have Fi in our stack, but Fi's my aux and his inferior. We both shared less of a desire to assign our feelings to a social norm or for the betterment of the group - though I was more likely to take into account if my actions would hurt someone's feelings and he didn't as much bc the action was what was best for him. I agreed with him there, but I was a little more sensitive about it. We both took more of an "this is how I feel and I'm not as concerned if that doesn't agree with the group" sort of approach when experiencing our feelings. We were both really passionate about the things we valued and a bit stubborn/non-negotiable on those things. Actually, more than a bit stubborn.

I actually found the difference in sociability sometimes came down to my Ne instead of Fi. I LOVE experiences, events, anything FUN. So, when people are getting together, it's less that I want to hang out with those particular people specifically, but more that I want to do whatever fun thing they are doing. So, who cares if it's people I don't particularly like. I'm not doing it to please the group. I'm actually, probably selfishly, hanging out because the activity interests me. This seemed to be a big difference with me & the ENTJ. He more focused on not really liking or knowing the people there. Not because it made him uncomfortable, but because it didn't interest him.

 

[Red Ribbon]

For what it's worth, I lived with an ENTJ for many years who was exactly like how you described yourself.

We both have Fi in our stack, but Fi's my aux and his inferior. We both shared less of a desire to assign our feelings to a social norm or for the betterment of the group - though I was more likely to take into account if my actions would hurt someone's feelings and he didn't as much bc the action was what was best for him. I agreed with him there, but I was a little more sensitive about it. We both took more of an "this is how I feel and I'm not as concerned if that doesn't agree with the group" sort of approach when experiencing our feelings. We were both really passionate about the things we valued and a bit stubborn/non-negotiable on those things. Actually, more than a bit stubborn.

I actually found the difference in sociability sometimes came down to my Ne instead of Fi. I LOVE experiences, events, anything FUN. So, when people are getting together, it's less that I want to hang out with those particular people specifically, but more that I want to do whatever fun thing they are doing. So, who cares if it's people I don't particularly like. I'm not doing it to please the group. I'm actually, probably selfishly, hanging out because the activity interests me. This seemed to be a big difference with me & the ENTJ. He more focused on not really liking or knowing the people there. Not because it made him uncomfortable, but because it didn't interest him.

Ah I see. Thanks for the input.

Would you consider ENTJ to be an emotional type? I personally find that I am calm if my emotions aren't involved. But if I am emotionally involved in anything, it's turbulent and causes a great deal of stress and anxiety. I made a thread about it actually, though I realize my problems may stem from an extreme 6 like paranoia than anything else. Because of this reason, I end up presenting a different version of myself to my loved ones - anxious emotional and a totally different one to others - patient and even tempered. I guess my emotional nature causes this in me. How about you though? How does Fi show in you? I can't really tell how good my Fi is though I have moments where I can't ignore it and it has to be expressed.

 

[Cellmold]

I can only give an example of my inadequacies. Where others are quiet I'll be loud, where loud...I'm quiet.

Jung put it as the too little is raised up and the too much is dampened down. I think it's also underestimated just how much energy (and with it the natural sacrifice of more systemic, logical considerations) goes into that kind of sociable nature. The need to be needed & useful, is dangerous & easily exploited. But in social terms it's also a feeling of imaginary responsibility towards a social context, in other words if no one is filling in the void of interaction then the responsibility must fall on me (general me not 'Me' me).
I've been coming back round to certain ideas of reality in a phenomenologically-based sense, due to the limitations of rationality. And one of the aspects I hated most with MBTI in particular is the function of Fe.

But I've warmed to it as a concept and learned to see what it appears to be defined for, as a somewhat useful qualifier. In this case it's purpose in the world as a way to appeal to the emotional side of keeping social structures going. As opposed to Fi which can be intensely passionate about the injustice and exceptions of the world (and open our eyes to them) but is often more troubled by the roadblock of dissonance caused by conflict in interpersonal areas regardless of larger importance; Fe is more likely to simply produce someone shrugging it off and not considering every conflict a personal affront, although this probably depends on factors of conscientiousness, agreeableness, neuroticism & what accompanying functions are involved.

Of course this could be bollocks and I expect examples to the contrary (i.e: Fe as the social tyrant being overly concerned with the smallest of 'acceptable' gestures & Fi as the "laid back till you tread on my dreams, yo!" type).

Point is: Fe is as sociable as is deemed to be required.

PS: As a minor point of interest: Fe usually isn't energised by social interaction as a generalisation, it is energised and attuned to a roughly positive interaction where people are getting along in some form or another. Contrast this with more volatile people who simply enjoy the social excitement of anything with people for it's own sake, particularly drama.