Approaching death

[gretch]

This is sort of a sensitive subject, obviously. And I'm not usually so...horrible, haha. But this week has been a pretty difficult one for me, and I've found myself pensively considering the approach I take to this.

A sister's best childhood friend and closer acquaintance of mine (she's my photographer for my kids etc) was feeling off and went to the doctor 2.5 weeks ago, had a biopsy 2 weeks ago, found out she had stage 4 cancer. They think started in her bile-ducts, or gallbladder (which she had had removed last year routinely) and it traveled all over her stomach, and is especially in her liver right now, for those curious. I would be. Then she learn about a day ago that her cancer would not be survivable, and that chemo only might extend her life.

This abruptness has sort of shocked me. She's in her young 30's and has two very small kids, one (18 mo) that will only really remember her with pictures.

So my question to all of you is how do you approach death?


As for me, apparently not all that well. She went in a few week from this life of being happy and dreaming, to having a death sentence.

In other cases, I've always wondered what it would be like for people who are facing that void knowingly like Joan of Arc, or Anne Boleyn, holocaust or war deaths. I have no idea what I'm saying other than I know that everyone will die, birth-----death, it happens to us all, but I'm terrified of it and has just so much impact on me when I hear anything about it. I can't think too much about someone just being gone. There may be a great heaven on the other side, or nothing. but neither point comforts me.

Anyway. I'm just sad.

 

[Aesthete]

Well, it will be a sad time until then and when it happens. It will continue for a while after the person's death, longer if the person's really close. Afterwards, life will just return to it's natural course of things. There will be flashbacks from time to time, and you'll feel sad. The important thing is to be strong and...that's simply it: be strong.

 

[The Great One]

This is sort of a sensitive subject, obviously. And I'm not usually so...horrible, haha. But this week has been a pretty difficult one for me, and I've found myself pensively considering the approach I take to this.

A sister's best childhood friend and closer acquaintance of mine (she's my photographer for my kids etc) was feeling off and went to the doctor 2.5 weeks ago, had a biopsy 2 weeks ago, found out she had stage 4 cancer. They think started in her bile-ducts, or gallbladder (which she had had removed last year routinely) and it traveled all over her stomach, and is especially in her liver right now, for those curious. I would be. Then she learn about a day ago that her cancer would not be survivable, and that chemo only might extend her life.

This abruptness has sort of shocked me. She's in her young 30's and has two very small kids, one (18 mo) that will only really remember her with pictures.

So my question to all of you is how do you approach death?


As for me, apparently not all that well. She went in a few week from this life of being happy and dreaming, to having a death sentence.

In other cases, I've always wondered what it would be like for people who are facing that void knowingly like Joan of Arc, or Anne Boleyn, holocaust or war deaths. I have no idea what I'm saying other than I know that everyone will die, birth-----death, it happens to us all, but I'm terrified of it and has just so much impact on me when I hear anything about it. I can't think too much about someone just being gone. There may be a great heaven on the other side, or nothing. but neither point comforts me.

Anyway. I'm just sad.

I say fuck the doctors! I would tell your friend to do the chemo and fight this cancer as hard as humanly possible! I've met at least two people that were in horrible accidents and were told they would never walk again. Both of those men are not only walking, but they go jogging everyday and exercise constantly. I've also met a person who doctors gave only a few months to live because of their cancer. That person made a miraculous recovery, that had doctors puzzled. I would tell your friend to fight this cancer as hard as they can!

 

[Totenkindly]

I say fuck the doctors! I would tell your friend to do the chemo and fight this cancer as hard as humanly possible! I've met at least two people that were in horrible accidents and were told they would never walk again. Both of those men are not only walking, but they go jogging everyday and exercise constantly. I've also met a person who doctors gave only a few months to live because of their cancer. That person made a miraculous recovery, that had doctors puzzled. I would tell your friend to fight this cancer as hard as they can!

You never know. On occasion, someone who fights really hard can win a reprieve. Realistically, it doesn't really happen much, but look at it this way: This is the only life she gets, and if she gives up, she's dead for certain, and meanwhile if she doesn't give up, she might be able to live longer and/or survive somehow, even if she accepts the odds are terrible.

But it's really her choice. I can't always say fighting is the best, if it's an act of denial of reality; some people find peace by accepting their fate and learn from it, and that's more important for them.

In any case, I'm sorry for your friend, and sorry for the people in her life (including you) who might soon be grieving the loss of her. How one faces death, though, to me, is very important... maybe one of the most important things she'll ever do.

 

[The Great One]

You never know. On occasion, someone who fights really hard can win a reprieve. Realistically, it doesn't really happen much, but look at it this way: This is the only life she gets, and if she gives up, she's dead for certain, and meanwhile if she doesn't give up, she might be able to live longer and/or survive somehow, even if she accepts the odds are terrible.

But it's really her choice. I can't always say fighting is the best, if it's an act of denial of reality; some people find peace by accepting their fate and learn from it, and that's more important for them.

In any case, I'm sorry for your friend, and sorry for the people in her life (including you) who might soon be grieving the loss of her. How one faces death, though, to me, is very important... maybe one of the most important things she'll ever do.

Yeah, I would personally fight. Of course the other option is to create the bucket list and do all of the things that she has ever wanted to do before she dies.

 

[Coriolis]

Well, it will be a sad time until then and when it happens. It will continue for a while after the person's death, longer if the person's really close. Afterwards, life will just return to it's natural course of things. There will be flashbacks from time to time, and you'll feel sad. The important thing is to be strong and...that's simply it: be strong.

It has amazed me just how true the highlighted is. Of course, it never is really the same. There is this void where the other person used to be. The edges will grow softer with time, and it will come to be surrounded with more pleasant realities. But how quickly life resumes its normal course, almost as if the other person never had been. It was this way when my mother died. Now my father is in declining health and considering his own eventual death, and I am at a loss as to how to address his concerns.

In my broader circle of acquaintances, there were three deaths this week: one a grandfather, one a father, one barely 20.