Hello all,

I'm new here but not new to typing in general. (I had an account on PerC under a different username although haven't been to that site in a good long while).

I have never managed to really grok instincts/instinct stackings and I want to try again.

First of all, I'm confused because there seem to be a lot of opinions out there about what instincts mean. For example, Beatrice Chestnuts subtypes often are the exact opposite of what general non-type specific stack descriptions say...

I was hoping to recruit help to shed light on my own stacking.

So, a few things about me, that seem relevant to the question at hand.

SO:

When I was a pre-teen I was pretty concerned with fitting in. I drew a diagram of my class's social dynamics to explain to my mother my various concerns. In high school, having settled comfortable into my group of friends, "fitting in" stopped being something I was worried about. I have since moved overseas, where I have less of a social support network. Where I currently live I have no friends. This does bother me-- one of the [articular things that bothers me is not having anyone to rely on for help with minor things (needing a ride somewhere, borrowing something).

We are exploring where to move to long term and I am paying attention to whether the people there are my "taste". Just talking to people in the various neighborhoods we are exploring and seeing if I feel comfortable and enjoy talking with them. I also ask how open people would be to attending social things I arrange, because where we live right now the answer was no one, and it made it hard to make friends.

Especially as I am settled pretty comfortably in life I kind of want to be able to contribute, as well. I don't identify as a very socially mkinded person but life does get empty if you're not contributing somewhere.

That said, I can be pretty oblivious, pretty blunt, and a bit ambivalent about status.

SP:

I worry a lot about SP concerns. Money, mortgage, where to live, general safety, comfort. In many ways I match SP first.
Unfortunately in many ways I match SP last. I'm atrocious at taking care of myself. I forget to eat. I forget to sleep. I'm not down to earth, I'm a space cadet.
I constantly feel like I'm forgetting essential things related to money competence (I have a terror of debt and therefore have none, but I have no idea what I' doing vis a vis investments, taxes, etc, and thinking about it starts to make me nauseous because of my fear of screwing up)

SX:

I'm happily married. I would describe our relationship as "comfortable, cozy, safe" which is exactly how I want it to be. I am not drawn to the idea of a "passionate" (read: risky, scary, dangerous) relationship.

I found dating to be stressful because there were a lot of feelings and feelings were dangerous. Even married, I find the depth and intensity of my feelings for my husband frightening and I try to hide them from myself because otherwise they would overwhelm and panic me. I'm intellectually aware, I just try to separate myself from the emotional experience because it's too much. Similarly towards my daughter it's a constant "too much" feeling, I love her too much and it's overwhelming.

All that said, I am someone drawn to intense experiences, I do go directly for the "juice" of an encounter (give me your deepest darkest secrets, etc), and other people do describe me as intense. I worry about my relationships a lot, I'm scared of messing them up so I do constantly take temperature of how things are going.