[...]And how can I be interesting if I don't have a strong sense of identity? And if I'm uninteresting, how does it make sense that I could be an interesting person to get to know?
It’s actually very easy to be the most fascinating and interesting person in the world. There are three simple steps.
1. Input this rule: The deepest and most important psychological drive in humans is the desire to be mirrored or reflected in the eyes of the people around them. This is why trolls troll; it’s also why millionaires strive to become rich and build empires.
People want to be mirrored/reflected by other people. If you can do that for them, you will be fascinating and interesting to them.
2. How do you reflect people? There are 2 steps: Empathize; and then ask for further details. Examples: a) “Glad to hear it! Tell me more!†b) “I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened?†c) “Wow, that’s interesting. So how is that working out?â€
Two important notes: 1) When empathizing, your face should reflect the emotion you’re expressing (smile for happiness, look sad for sadness). Practice in front of a mirror. 2) When asking for details, there are lots of ways to draw out the most sullen conversation partner. Repeat the last word they said back to them as a question. Or listen to their intonation when they talk and ask about the things that they emphasize or repeat. See self-help books on shyness and improving conversational skills if you want more such tips.
3. Practice makes perfect. Join social groups, book discussion groups, hiking clubs, etc. and practice, practice, practice. It will feel fake at first. But it’s a primary survival skill, so practice it and get good at it.
Furthermore, over time you’ll meet some people with some genuinely interesting stories, and you’ll genuinely empathize with what they have to say. Keep it up for long enough, and you’ll actually start to find other people interesting. Hard to imagine now, but it will in fact happen.